dgiirl Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 My next chapter of my life is about to begin and I'm scared as hell. After 1.5 years of separation, and 6 of those long months having the house up for sale, it's finally sold. I have 3 weeks to find a new place and move back to my home city. I've never looked for an apartment on my own before, I've never had my own apartment before, and I'm leaving the life I lived for the last 10 years behind. I dont know how to feel. Half of me is extremely excited. I have so many opportunities in front of me. But it's also the final chapter of my old life. I sold my beautiful home, and I'm losing the dreams I wanted for it. When I bought the home, I wanted it to be filled with joy and laughter and I wanted a family for it. Unfortunately, I couldnt give it that but hopefully the new owners can. They have two kids, one just a few months old. She was absolutely beautiful and I pray that one day I can be as happy as they seem to be. Everything seems so surreal. I went from having a man that I vowed to love and cherish forever, that I promised to grow gray and old together, to never having in my life ever again. Is there going to be a final goodbye? I can barely remember our lives together. Everything's so distant. I loved him. I still love him. And everything's just so messed up. I have to be strong. I cannot be weak because as bad as it sounds, they will use it against me. Link to post Share on other sites
DesperateDad Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Hang in there, dgiirl. I know you can do it! It's time for you to just drop the past and move on. Start dating again and have fun with your life. He's not worth wasting the time and energy thinking about him. I'm having similar thoughts now, too. Even though I'm still somewhat open to reconciliation, I don't think it's going to happen in my marriage, either. It's scary and exciting to think of starting a new life and doing something different. Let this be liberating for you. Leave the sadness behind and embrace your new life with your whole heart and mind! Link to post Share on other sites
uksurfer Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Good luck, the D! Sounds like just what you need, if you ask me. Damned exciting times. Focus on the stuff ahead, not what you're leaving behind, ok. Oh, and make sure you send me your phone number for your new place, right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 16, 2006 Author Share Posted June 16, 2006 Thanks guys! I know he's totally not worth it, and it has less to do with him, than my own fears of the unknown. When I moved here, I was fearless. I had all these dreams and hopes for the future, and they never played out. And I wasnt prepared for what was to come. I just jumped in without any hesitation and some how survived. I'm a lot more scared this round, and it's back to a city that I grew up in. Mind you, a lot of things have changed in 10 years and I feel like a tourist back home. I've grown attached to where I currently live, but it was never home, yet home isnt home anymore either. But I am strong enough to handle this now. I wasnt a year ago. So the timing is perfect As for dating, I think I need a break for a while. In the last two weeks I had my best friend visit and we had some frank discussions about life where it brought up some past memories, contractors come into my home and renovate my house which brought two offers on the house and finally it being sold, and my coworker and a close guy friend show interest in me which i was very flattered with but had to "break it off" because I am not really interested, and now worrying about how/when/where to move too, and next month I'm expecting the divorce papers. Boy am I pooped Link to post Share on other sites
DesperateDad Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 Oh, you're probably right about the dating right now. That would be too much with the move and all, wouldn't it? When you get settled in, though, don't be afraid to live. That's been one of my biggest regrets: that I've spent most of my adult life being afraid to take chances, afraid to really LIVE. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted June 16, 2006 Share Posted June 16, 2006 D-- You've expressed all the ambiguous feelings you're having very well. You DO know what you feel; you just don't seem to be sure about what to do about all those feelings. Is that right? Honestly, it sounds like you're doing very well all things considered. It's a crazy time, and I pray for your peace. Home isn't someplace out there, though. It's inside, as much as it can be on this earth. Once you know that, you can make home anywhere. I remember moving--the excitement and sadness, the loss the anticipation--but when I looked at my house one last time before going away and having everyone else pack it up, looking at the inviting warmth I saw through the lace curtains blowing in the breeze of twilight and feeling the clutch of grief in my gut, I also realized that I had made that house a home and that I could do it again in a new place. And I have. I moved 700 miles away to a totally new place and have a great home now. You can do this. Just surf the waves of feelings and keep on going. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself so that you have the energy to survive all the rigors of moving and resettling and be patient. The good will come. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 I'm not much on giving you any advice only my best wishes to you . Hopefully over time as we are all moving forward we feel freedom and joy again, and that our past finally becomes that our past. To Desperate Dad and UK Surfer, happy Fathers day, I know today will be tough for us but I'm going to try to look at today as just another nail in the coffin, actually no, another day of coping. D, if you ever have to get out of town for a break and you're the Windsor area you know who you can call. Will be thinking about you in the next three weeks. Keep up informed on how things are going.. Promise? Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 Changes can be very scary, I've seen it with myself, but I hope that I will rediscover this feeling of excitement whenever I ventured for a new adventure and I wish you the same. Good luck with your new life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 18, 2006 Author Share Posted June 18, 2006 DD, I did the same. Made my ex the center of my life and stopped doing my own things. I'm so lucky that I have amazing friends because even tho I did not keep in touch with them like i should have over the years, they are still there for me. One refered to me as the missing link finally coming home Becoming, that was beautiful (you made me cry). And you made me also realize that since my exh left, I've actually made this place a home. It was never a home when he was here. I was too scared to add my own personal touches because it wasnt his style. He had an opinion on EVERYthing. His way was always best. But since he's left, it really has become a lot warmer and calmer and homeish to me. CC, my best friend has lived in Windsor for the last 10 years! And rude me has never gone down to visit her. And now she's moving back to Toronto. Maybe now I'll go to Windsor lol Loony, UK, everyone, thanks for the wishes! In fact, I'm leaving today for a week to the big city to look for apartments. I'm sooo nervous, and I'm questioning why am I leaving. This change is very scary. I'm scared I will not like it back home. But I have a much bigger support group back there than I do here. I saw my exh yesterday, and he's simply devoid of emotion. He's asking for the most stupidest things and yet hasnt offered to help pack or anything. He comes over for 2 hrs to do some work around the house, and I feel like I'm suppose to think he's super exh. I always do appreciate the work he's done, but please, I packed up all of his crap, and all of my crap. I keep the house spotless, I'm finding a place for all the stuff neither one of us wants. And because he comes over and mows the lawn every two weeks, he's superman. He's selfish and he's emotionless. He simply doesnt care and he never did. For years, all I wanted was his attention, for him to share how he feels, and yet he doesnt. And I question whether this is my problem or his problem. I fear that I create this type of environment where people cannot confide in me and cannot express themselves around me. I guess time will tell. Anyways, I should be excited! I'm driving up to see my parents for father's day. I'm visiting friends and looking for appartments eek! Happy Father's day you guys! Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 One thng I guess I can give you a bit of advice on, if you haven;t any Rivotril, or Valium with you, GET SOME when you see the prices of apartments in the GTA area you;re going to need some. Keep in touch OK? Drive safely and TTYL, you;re in my/our thoughts here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 lol CC, rent is REALLY expensive here. But I already knew that. I'm so use to Mtl prices which are almost half what they are in To. Anyways, I checked out an apartment, I really like it, then I find out my friend's friend's parents live in the building and the walls are supposedly really thin I'm so depressed. Mind you, the friend who told me that has a beautiful apartment and might be a little spoiled. So do I risk getting it? I hate making the wrong decision, I become indecisive. What's the worse that can happen? I move again in a year and if i ever have sex again this year, my neighbours get to enjoy it lol Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 My next chapter of my life is about to begin and I'm scared as hell. After 1.5 years of separation, and 6 of those long months having the house up for sale, it's finally sold. I have 3 weeks to find a new place and move back to my home city. I've never looked for an apartment on my own before, I've never had my own apartment before, and I'm leaving the life I lived for the last 10 years behind. I dont know how to feel. Half of me is extremely excited. I have so many opportunities in front of me. But it's also the final chapter of my old life. I sold my beautiful home, and I'm losing the dreams I wanted for it. When I bought the home, I wanted it to be filled with joy and laughter and I wanted a family for it. Unfortunately, I couldnt give it that but hopefully the new owners can. They have two kids, one just a few months old. She was absolutely beautiful and I pray that one day I can be as happy as they seem to be. Everything seems so surreal. I went from having a man that I vowed to love and cherish forever, that I promised to grow gray and old together, to never having in my life ever again. Is there going to be a final goodbye? I can barely remember our lives together. Everything's so distant. I loved him. I still love him. And everything's just so messed up. I have to be strong. I cannot be weak because as bad as it sounds, they will use it against me.Dgirl, please print this out and re-read it in a few years. I guarantee you that you will be laughing at yourself. I felt like this - grieved over my s***ty marriage and husband, dealt with the new problems as if they were permanent, and thought a big and important chapter of my life was closed forever... OMG! I ended up happier than I could possibly imagine, with a new man, in a new country. My ex-husband is a chronic loser, it's breaking my heart to even think about his life now. I wrote so many sad pages in my diary when he left me. Now it seems to me like I woke up from a bad dream. I thank him for leaving me and letting me be happy with someone really good. Think of this as a new beginning and be excited about it. Set new goals and dreams. They will come true. Five or ten years from now, you'll remember your ex as a part of your past you're happy you left behind. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Oh course you'll have sex again and you'll just have to be a little quiet, remember when you were a teen in your parents basement.....while dad was asleep on the couch? Have you thought of maybe out in the burbs? What about work BTW you found a job already? Everything sounds so exciting for you, going back to TO, new place to live, sound sgood to me. Hey and you made a friend to boot, 200 miles away but a friend just the same. TTYL Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 22, 2006 Author Share Posted June 22, 2006 Work? I teleconference at the moment I've been doing that for the last 6 months when the company I worked for got sold and they closed the office. They kept me on from my house. So it's perfect for my move. Once I get settled, I'll decide what I want to do. But I'm so happy I dont have to worry about that for the moment. So today was busy. I had to go to the bank because I forgot my cheque book and went back and forth all over just to make the application for the apartment. I'm about 90% sure they'll accept me. I had all my papers in order and she seemed pretty confident. I should know by tomorrow I think. Now I gotta get insurance and find a renting company and figure out how big of a truck and pack the remaining stuff and blah blah blah. I'm sooooooo tired. Calgon take me away! Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Just jump on 401 south to the end turn left at the lights and go another 5 miles when you see a golf course and the house with a big hot tub say hi and I'll let you relax in it..... Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 sorry another thing, if I can help in some small way you can contact me at lefmike at, the one that bell uses starts with a S and ends with a O Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 Oh CC, dont tempt me!! Yah, i got approved for the apartment. My first apartment!! Yippeeeee It doesnt have the best view, but it's not a dive either. And my best friend is moving into the same appartment building. Kick ass! Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Yeah! Thanks for good news. You're gonna do great because you are great. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Silly I woudn't have offered and given you my sepcial secret code if I was teasing you. I would love to hear from you...Hey we're all in the same boat here... Anyway glad to hear about you being accepted, sounds great. When are you getting back to La Belle Province? Anyway the offer is there. Drive safely back..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 I wish I could stick to one emotion. I got back home on Saturday. Then I started to cry (but i'm also pmsing too, and know my depression is cyclical with that). All this emotion over how I still love the house, asking myself why i'm leaving, saying I still love my exh. Then Monday, asshat calls me to say he's coming over to finish up the few jobs on the house and get the last remaining stuff. He comes over to mow the lawn, does the front and back yard except for a small strip in the front yard. There's crab grass and weeds that grow there. He always forgets. This time I noticed before he left and he says he doesnt want to do it, "it's icky", and technically it's the city's property, but the city makes it our responsibility to mow it. There's three weeks b4 the closing. This is the last time he's coming over to mow the lawn. And he wont mow the weeds that are in the front of the house because it's icky??? Am I wrong here or what? You are selling a house and you think it's ok to leave the house with weeds in the front yard? It's little things like this that make me thankful he left. He also made some lame ass joke about throwing my stuff in the garbage. I'm the one who packed up ALL of his stuff nicely even when my friends told me I should just toss it out onto the front yard. I'm the one who took care of the house during the open houses. I'm the one who's packing up all of our stuff now and cleaning the house for the new owners. He came over to varnish and stain one door and mow the lawn, which takes him 1-2 hrs every 2-3rd week. Then, i have this other friend of mine who has fallen really really hard for me and wrote me an email the other day. I've always wanted to be told everything this guy wrote in this email. And I feel nothing. I think I'm going crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I think I'm going crazy. You don't sound "crazy" to me, hon. What it sounds like... is that the contact with STBX is getting under you skin. Maybe next time he comes over, you might go somewhere else until he leaves and not put yourself through all that. This thing has been dragging out for an awful long time. It's just making you weary at this point. I'd be willing to bet that once you've moved on to something better in your life, that tired, numb feeling will dissipate. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Sure sounds to me D that you're moving on quite well and we'll miss you here in the broken hearts club cuzz soon I predict you will move on from here too. You now sound so grounded and so together, I only wish I was where you are, not knowing you, I would say that the next guy you decide to take a real chance with will be the next luckiest guy in the world................ Remember my e-mail addie hun, I expect sometime you might want to chat and I'll be here for you for that purpose, and don't get me wrong, IZZZ not hittin on ya just being a friend...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 I certainly hope so LJ. The thing I noticed is, the longer I'm away from him, the worse I feel. I start to feel more depressed and sad and scared and lonely. When he's around, I'm reminded of what an ass he is. And I feel better. I snap out of it. And now, I have someone willing to give me what i say i want, and I just dont feel anything towards him. Life is cruel. I dont think I'll have much to do with the ex after 3 weeks. It hurts to know that not only did he leave, but now that i'm moving 500 km away, he still doesnt care. And I'm pathetic because I'm still in love with him, or the idea of who I wanted him to be. I just keep telling myself that I dont need to stop loving him, because I cant control that. I just need to keep moving forward, which i'm doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dgiirl Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 lol thanks cc... you made me cry and laugh Except for the members, this club sucks lol I cant wait to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 And now, I have someone willing to give me what i say i want, and I just dont feel anything towards him. You're just not ready yet, kiddo. You've been through alot, and you need TIME to heal. Don't count yourself out. Link to post Share on other sites
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