What do I do next?

[jonesgirly]

Mods needed.

 

Although I am curious, why Karis would be lurking on the infidelity board if life were so spicy. And also why Karis would even have time to be on LS at all, if life were so peachy. I know I'm not here when things are great at home!

 

Sometimes you 'get' what you wished for.

[jonesgirly]

oh, and p.s.

after reading up on your postings you come across as a very hurt and bitter little girl. You jump into posts - making sweeping generalizations and assumptions. Why do you do that? Instead of coming on here and criticizing me (and others) as often as you do, why don't you invest that time in some healthy therapy?

 

I call my story a success story.

You just don't like it because you got dumped. Sorry about your luck.

 

oh and p.s. Karis, you sound very defensive of your own 'story'. Chump64 feels very strongly about certain things, and that is her "right." Doesn't mean everyone always agrees, but she does offer her opinion when posters ask for such. She very much has a ratbastard husband, not unlike your "prize."

[1976]

I never said I dont' realize the consequences, I am fully aware of what can go wrong. I just had to decide if it was worth the risk or not.

[brightskies]

Some of us are on the board because we've been on the receiving end of what people without integrity like you dole out. We're the former betrayed spouses whose wives or husbands took up with a cake-eater like you. In my case, I was happy to let him have her. They deserved one another. Now he's dead and she's destitute. I think they call that karma!

 

Wow, C, talk about poetic justice. Awesome for you.

 

To 1976:

 

Some people are on this infidelity board because they want to learn what NOT to do in a relationship -- e.g., avoid the path you seem determined to take. If you have any human conscience at all, chase after someone else who is single, and after you're totally divorced. If you really care about your friendship with this woman, then let her work things out or break up with her husband BEFORE you do anything. In fact, you two should probably take a break from any contact with each other.

 

Even if things are going awry in her marriage, it's not your place to decide if her husband is good for her or not. That's her situation, not yours. Marriage is a commitment and problems aren't an excuse to cheat. Commitment requires work. So, let your "friend" either get to work on her commitment or get out of her marriage, but don't encourage her to fu*ck up with you. Chri*st, don't people ever THINK anymore?! C'mon, you aren't 12 yrs. old; ostensibly you ought to have better sense and self-control. Don't be an ass*hole! Leave her alone.

[Karis]

Mods needed.

 

Although I am curious, why Karis would be lurking on the infidelity board if life were so spicy. And also why Karis would even have time to be on LS at all, if life were so peachy. I know I'm not here when things are great at home!

 

Sometimes you 'get' what you wished for.

 

I'm not actually lurking anywhere. Someone alerted me to the fact that Chump can't let go of the bone so I decided to respond to it.

[Karis]

oh and p.s. Karis, you sound very defensive of your own 'story'. Chump64 feels very strongly about certain things, and that is her "right." Doesn't mean everyone always agrees, but she does offer her opinion when posters ask for such. She very much has a ratbastard husband, not unlike your "prize."

 

 

Yes, I am defensive now after the comments I've been reading. As I have stated before - everyone has a right to their opinions. I think it's how those opinions are presented that make the difference. Make sense?

I think I have been pretty accepting of such comments up until now.

[Blind Illusion]

Mods needed.

 

Although I am curious, why Karis would be lurking on the infidelity board if life were so spicy. And also why Karis would even have time to be on LS at all, if life were so peachy. I know I'm not here when things are great at home!

 

.

 

Is there such a thing as a life so spicy 24/7 that there is no time for any other activities like reading, Internet surfing, etc.?

 

I know my life isn't always the greatest but damn..I really must be missing out!!

 

-------------------

Personally, I think this all unfair to Karis, anyhow. She is human, just like the rest of us with good moments in life and bad ones. Now, if one makes a mere post or two on Love Shack, that is equivalent to a not so stellar life. Imagine that!!!

[jonesgirly]

Briefly, in an attempt to NOT hijack 1976's original thread.....

 

This comment -

My story obviously really burns your ass as you just can't stop talking about it. Where do you find the time? I wish I could fill you in on every new detail - but I am busy, busy, busy...out living my success story life with the married man I conquered, scored and stole.

oh, and p.s.

after reading up on your postings you come across as a very hurt and bitter little girl. You jump into posts - making sweeping generalizations and assumptions. Why do you do that? Instead of coming on here and criticizing me (and others) as often as you do, why don't you invest that time in some healthy therapy?

 

I call my story a success story.

You just don't like it because you got dumped. Sorry about your luck.

seems very unwarranted considering the location of the posting (infidelity). Also, it seemed very personal - kinda like a sucker punch (not that I don't think Chump could take it ). She's posting here, on the infidelity board, of her feelings about the 'success story', not on the OM/OW board. She even spoke of using that board to gain insight into the guts of it all. There is no need to bash BS's for their open wounds here.

 

 

I think it's how those opinions are presented that make the difference. Make sense?

Which made me wonder why you wouldn't have been a little more sensitive and less 'boastful' of your "conquering, scored and stole" activities. You may not have wanted to appear so cold and unfeeling towards a person who has experienced the life-altering betrayal by her husband.

 

And I have been in a very similar situation to yours, Karis. My exH arrived with two young children, and his own STBXW that was just as upset and angry as your BF's. Its a challenging life-situation, involving two entire families, groups of friends, and loads of baggage. Never did I ever consider that I had 'conquered, scored, or stole' anything. It was truly heart-wrenching to see the pain in him when his 'visitation' with his children ended. And talk about expensive! The financial ramifications are tremendous, which, at times, became an area that my exH would experience a serious loss of self-esteem.

 

Done.

 

 

Blind Illusion -

Is there such a thing as a life so spicy 24/7 that there is no time for any other activities like reading, Internet surfing, etc.?

 

I know my life isn't always the greatest but damn..I really must be missing out!!

yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. But the sites I surf online on much different when my life is not full of relationship turmoil.

[Chump64]

Karis, yes I'm hurt and bitter, but I'm not a little girl.

 

Just to clarify, my husband dumped his girlfriend, not his wife. (In a stairwell at work, in a 10-minute conversation.) But the story's not over. We're just getting started on figuring out if this will work. His wife (that's me) may dump him yet.

 

Jonesgurly, lmao at "She very much has a ratbastard husband, not unlike your "prize." True dat.

[reservoirdog1]

Well 1976... back to your original question, I certainly wouldn't go ahead with it.

 

In my book, you won't be cheating if you go ahead -- you're separated, so you're off the hook in that regard.

 

She, however, is married. Chances are, one way or another, her husband will find out. These things have a way of getting out, whether because she gets drunk and blabs to somebody who starts the rumour mill going, or because she gets the guilts and confesses, or because she's not nearly as good at hiding the evidence as she thinks she'll be.

 

Which leaves you with her husband. And among his many emotional reactions could be a desire to cut off your cock and stuff it down your throat.

 

So, if you like them odds... bang her senseless. Just don't say you weren't warned.

[Karis]

Which made me wonder why you wouldn't have been a little more sensitive and less 'boastful' of your "conquering, scored and stole" activities. You may not have wanted to appear so cold and unfeeling towards a person who has experienced the life-altering betrayal by her husband.

 

And I have been in a very similar situation to yours, Karis. My exH arrived with two young children, and his own STBXW that was just as upset and angry as your BF's. Its a challenging life-situation, involving two entire families, groups of friends, and loads of baggage. Never did I ever consider that I had 'conquered, scored, or stole' anything. It was truly heart-wrenching to see the pain in him when his 'visitation' with his children ended. And talk about expensive! The financial ramifications are tremendous, which, at times, became an area that my exH would experience a serious loss of self-esteem.

 

Done.

 

*sigh*

Again, someone reads part of a posting...

 

 

If you read back you will discover I never once considered I had stolen, scored or conquered anything. I was being ridiculously sarcastic in response to chump repeatedly saying I had stolen a man, conquered a married man and scored someones man. THAT is where that comes from.

 

There are soo many details that one couldn't begin to explain everything and anyway, why would I want to? There will always be someone, somewhere who was betrayed that will find a "hole" in my story and pounce. As stated in previous posts, things between the W and myself have been cleared up. She has her wants and that includes having full custody. I would do the same damn thing and so would you, so who's kidding who? Isn't that to be expected? I met her kids this weekend and it went really well. As long as she is good with me and I am good with her that is a success to the both of US. Knowuti'msayin?

[Sup]

hey chump, thats all useful advice, from somebody who sounds like they are speaking from experiance.

 

I've dated before, yes. It's been 10+ years. I come on here, asking for some useful advice, because I am getting mixed signals, and wanted to know what these signals mean, coming from someone in the same situation. Now either you can simply answer my questions, or stay out of my post, because your not making me feel guilty , just making me laugh at your posts, I find them humorous.

 

Preditors usually do, you're destroying two families. I see YOU don't care! :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:

[Sup]

Hey, I never cheated on my wife when I was married for 10 years. give me some credit. If she wants to cheat on her husband, thats her choice. If it is not with me, then its with some other guy. I live by the believe, "if you have the chance to do something that will make you happy, take it, because you never know if or when you will get the chance again"

 

as for him kicking my ass, thats a chance I am willing to take.

 

What if that's not what he would want to do? What if he wanted to KILL you!? Don't you care about your own life?

[Sup]

I will be honest and say I dont' care about his feelings, etc. Here he has this beautiful woman at his side, who after 15 years of marriage ignores her, smacks her around, and I am supposed to give a sh*t about him? Please. I have seen the bruises.

 

call me immoral, whatever. I honestly don't care about him in the least bit. maybe if he finds out she is interested in someone else, he will treat her better and she will stay with him and things will work out. maybe she will leave him, As long as she is happy in the end, I don't care.

 

If HE really does this to her, then you ARE in DANGER! Once he knows, YOUR life IS over. And HE won't CARE! Just a word of causion, I suggest you take it.

[Sup]

i've been talking to her for 3 months, she's been abused for years. so her emotional affair is not whats getting her hit around.

 

YET!

[Sup]

... and so you are convinced that the discovery that she is having a physical affair will not make the "getting her hit around" any worse?

 

I want you to take this to heart, so I'll try not to sound judgemental and insulting, but do you think there could be anything more likely to ignite a husband already prone to violence into a full scale explosion than the discovery that someone has been screwing his wife?

 

Like I said before YOU ARE IN DANGER! 19. Get out now before it's too late!

[Sup]

No, thats good advice, I won't ignore good advice. I just gotta figure out how to convince her to get the help she needs.

 

At least now you're trying to help her. If she is being abused, that is.

[Sup]

Again, name calling. Its hard to take anyones advice when all they do is insult you. I see a pattern with 90% of you. No wonder your on here,name calling, insults,know it all attitudes. you called me a "clown", you don't even know me!

 

That's ok, we don't wanna.

[Sup]

Poster 1: I'm trying to decide what color curtains to put up in my living room.

 

Poster 1: Oh, incidentally, I didn't mention it before, but my old curtains are currently on fire.

 

Poster 2: You fool, get the heck out of your house!!!

 

Poster 1: It's really hard to take your advice when you insult me.

 

Poster 3: Don't you have a fire extinguisher in the house you idiot?

 

Poster 1: See, all of you on this board just hurl insults and ignore my original question of what color curtains to put up. I bet none of the rest of you live in completely fire safe houses either!

 

Poster 4: You know we're all being really judgemental here. A guy posts that he's having trouble choosing what color curtains to put up, and we jump all over him about safety and emergencies. That's really too bad.

 

Poster 1: Finally, someone understands me!

 

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[1976]

That's ok, we don't wanna.

The feeling is mutual.

[1976]

And SUP, why are you calling me a predator? I never did this woman, I have never cheated on my then wife, this is the first married woman I have ever kissed, and hopefully my last. I haven't, and will not target "easy, vulnerable" women, just for the sake of banging them, so take your "predator" tag and shut it...

[Chump64]

1976, you said yourself you don't care what happens as long as you get to bang her. Are you truly changing your mind or posting bogus stuff to turn the heat off?

[Chump64]

Karis, I defy you to find someone who gone thru infidelity and did NOT see it as a life-altering experience!

 

You have missed my point all along. Which was: Think about a man who is so easily willing to give up custody of kids, especially kids ages 2 and 4. At first you said he would probably lose them and doesn't regret it. Then you said he might have the money to fight for custody. Now you are saying his wife wants full custody. I am saying, I would worry about the character of any man who so easily gives up custody.

 

But then, I married my husband partly b/c I knew he'd be a superb father (and he is). I know he would never abandon his kids and even if we divorce, I know he will want 50 percent custody, and I won't deny him that. In my state, infidelity is not grounds for custody decisions against the cheater. In your last post, you say something like "you know you would want full custody too" to Jonesgurly. Why do you assume that? (Or do you know her personally?) I would never do that to my kids unless he was unfit, even given what he has done.

 

I saw some of your other posts here at LS. You have known this man less than a year. Three months after you started "dating," he was ready to marry you. Now it appears that he has no regrets about possibly losing custody of his kids. I just see red flags on your behalf. But I'll stop worrying about you, especially since I have my own monumental pile of dung to sort out.

 

By the way, I am not following you around online and following your story. But I will tell you that your 'success story' has been decried on at least one other infidelity website online (and not by me -- I don't even post there), but no one from there wants to confront you directly because no one wants to stir up board wars.

 

I really hope it all works out for you, and most of all for his kids.

[jonesgirly]

excuse the sidebar please, 1976..

 

Chump - you're right...I did NOT try to gain full, sole custody of our daughter when her father and I divorced. Admittedly, there were no infidelity issues on either side (more sanity-saving reasons, for me at least), so the 'emotional' aspect of custody never really came into play. I DID, indeed, offer her father 50/50, with very liberal visitation (whenever he wanted). She spent almost EVERY weekend with him (which, by the way, I got REALLY used to!), until she started school and got a little older. Even then though, I made sure he was aware of all school activities and included him in on everything I could think of. This was done ALL in the best interest of our daughter, with consideration also to her father, which is not something the court system always does. In addition, I requested just $50/per week in CS, and never changed it the entire 16 years we were divorced and she became an adult. I've seen first-hand what the 'system' does to divorced dads, and I never felt that HE should support MY life.

 

Karis - your story sounds eerily similar to my exH's. I, too, fell for a guy who actively (and I mean ACTIVELY) pursued me, with a STBXW and two young children. And HOLY BEJESUS did she try to make his life hell (using the kids and CS $). After discovering (10 years after we married) that he was really a ratbastard, all those years of supporting him both financially and emotionally (because of the seperation issues with his kids), just pissed me off. It is NOT easy, and it gets MORE difficult - especially as the kids get older (and mouthier), and have more time to listen to their mother who invariably bad-mouths their 'rotten' father. Maybe at the ages your BF's kids are (2,4) will be easier than when my 'stepkids' were presented (4,6). Here's a funny twist to THIS guys story though - earlier this year the mother of his kids won $310,000 in the fantasy five lotto! Oh my god was he pissed (he's got a gambling problem along with all his other addictions I've since learned of - coke, women, potang, etc.). I hear all he can do is walk around muttering.."after all that money I paid in CS, I bet she won't even give me any back." HA! I'll bet if HE had won the money he wouldn't be paying ME back for all those years that I carried the majority of the financial burden!

 

Regarding the sarcasm, Karis.....its FINE when its funny, but not when its directed towards the population in the infidelity board. I'm sure there are many angry BS's who think that the OW is thinking exactly that! YOU may or may not, but just the fact that you were able to sarcastically post a comment like that seems a little too 'cutting.' I understand what you're saying, but I've always hated it when people say "I was only kidding" after they just stuck the knife in.

 

I don't think there is a "hole" in your story that ANYONE is looking to pounce on. The tone of your reply here just seemed a tad hostile, and believe me, I'm not thin-skinned. It can be difficult sometimes to empathize with others in an anonymous atmosphere, but I always expect myself to try and see the 'other side.'

 

I wish you well in your endeavor with your BF and his family. You may have misspoke when you said that you met "her kids" this weekend, when in fact, they are also your BF's kids. The successful 'blending' of families should be everyones' goal, and I'm glad that yours seems to be headed in the right direction. Continue to encourage a healthy relationship between your BF and his kids - it will only ADD to your appeal.

[jonesgirly]

Okay, 1976.....

 

I'm not sure exactly what you're lookin for here, but you've certainly stirred up some activity.

 

I know that you're seperated, you've got a female friend that seems to be luring you in a bit (asking you out), and you're wondering if there's a chance with her?

 

I also know that your friend appears to have abusive husband, which may (probabaly) result in his confronting YOU at some point, should you become 'involved' with this married friend.

 

It seems that physically abusive men (husbands/BF's/whatever) regard their spouses/GF's/whatever, as possessions in a way. Should he find out that someone (you) is trying to steal away HIS possession (wife), well, it could turn out ugly for BOTH you and your friend. Thats my word of warning for you, proceed with caution.

 

You can be a good friend, and still want to 'bang' her. I don't see you as 'technically' married because of your legal seperation, which is only a waiting period prior to divorcing. Assuming this is a mutual thought process with both you and your STBXW, then have your damn 'wanna bang her' feelings!

 

But heed the warning that you're playing with fire should you become more 'involved' with your friend.

 

OR...you could continue to be a good 'friend' to her, wanna bang her still, and not get physically or overly-emotionally involved. She may be relying on you for some sort of an need not being met at home, but you are not married so what ta hell? She's obviously not trying to work on her marriage, so why should you? Just be aware that you could become the target of a jealous husbands rage, should he discover anything even remotely threatening to his marriage with her. You could also fall head-over-heels in love with her, and she may decide to work on her marriage. All in all, not real good timing. And I'm not encouraging you to participate in ANY sort of affair with her, just trying for some clarity here. I believe that a married person (your friend) makes a decision every day, regarding their loyalty and faithfullness to their partner.

 

Most of us here wish that our spouses had NOT made the choice to involve another person if there was something lacking in the marriage.