Author 1976 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 Serious question: Why does it matter if you aren't sure whether she wants to be friends, or wants to be a f*ckbuddy? You are ok with both. because I want to know what angle to approach her! you dont try to kiss your friend, you don't try to f*ck your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 no, you haven't insulted me, and I appreciate it. Okay, she's confused, I won't pressure her, I'll give her her space and let her sort things out. Chump, I won't run away from her, if she needs someone to talk to, I won't turn her away. I'm glad that what I said has sunk in abit. Maybe in afew days, come back and re-read your thread. Just take a step back and see the whole picture here. It's okay to be her friend, listen to her and be there for her, but do it AS A FRIEND, with no expectations. That could be hard for you seeing as there are feelings and you're attracted to her. Which (s***, I sound like alphamale now) is why sometimes it's best not to be friends with someone of the opposite sex - Unless it's completely innocent and platonic - NO FEELINGS for eachother. I think in your situation it will be difficult. Wanting to have sex is one thing, but having feelings are another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1976 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 This need to rescue her is called the "Knight in Shining Armor" complex. Google it. Very dysfunctional. This chick is screwed up and is in a screwed up marriage, and you are about to get sucked into her screwed up life. Run, don't walk. You can do better (I'm guessing, unless you look like a toad). LOL no, I'm not bad looking, not brad pitt or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 timsangel, I want her to like me, I dont' want a relationship with her, I do want sexual attraction. I think there is some things you need to learn about women. You want her to like you and want to sleep with you, but not a relationship? It isn't possible for a women do this. If what you say about her husband abusing her is true, then she is reaching out to you. The reason she pulls away is because she knows its wrong to cheat and she is feeling guilty but yet she feels so safe and protected in your arms. But 19, this is so dangerous!! If you dont' want a relationship with her then you shouldn't offer her those warms strong arms because she is very vulnerable right now and she will fall in love w/out even knowing whats going on Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1976 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 I'm glad that what I said has sunk in abit. Maybe in afew days, come back and re-read your thread. Just take a step back and see the whole picture here. It's okay to be her friend, listen to her and be there for her, but do it AS A FRIEND, with no expectations. That could be hard for you seeing as there are feelings and you're attracted to her. Which (s***, I sound like alphamale now) is why sometimes it's best not to be friends with someone of the opposite sex - Unless it's completely innocent and platonic - NO FEELINGS for eachother. I think in your situation it will be difficult. Wanting to have sex is one thing, but having feelings are another. I agree, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I want her to like me, I dont' want a relationship with her, I do want sexual attraction. That isn't possible because of her frame of mind. Where she is at now. I think too, you're giving her mixed signals as well. And the fact she doesn't want to discuss it either when it comes up in conversation is just more proof that it's best you two do not have sex together. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I agree, thanks. You're welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1976 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 I think there is some things you need to learn about women. You want her to like you and want to sleep with you' date=' but not a relationship? It isn't possible for a women do this. If what you say about her husband abusing her is true, then she is reaching out to you. The reason she pulls away is because she knows its wrong to cheat and she is feeling guilty but yet she feels so safe and protected in your arms. But 19, this is so dangerous!! If you dont' want a relationship with her then you shouldn't offer her those warms strong arms because she is very vulnerable right now and she will fall in love w/out even knowing whats going on[/quote'] Well it was her who wanted to be FWB's, and no relationship, at first. She thought I wanted a relationship, she said she didn't want the feelings that go along with a relationship, and she backed away. I told her I wanted to be FWB, no relationship, she initially agreed, but then recanted a few days later feeling guilty. Then she askes me to hang out talk and stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind Illusion Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 She does like you but she has a husband who abuses her. She is confused. I mean, what if he found out about her cheating and beat the living s*** out of her! Have you thought of that? What if he finds out and gets a gun and comes after you? What if...These are all things you MUST consider! She isn't capable of making that choice because in her mind, that abuse she's suffered has MESSED UP her mind and she isn't thinking clearly. Or..she might be capable of making a choice in that she is so fed up of this husband's abusive behavior and in some passive-agressive way, looks to someone that is finally kind and understanding of her. The thing is, everyone, you really don't know someone's whole story and how they come to make the choices that they have in life. That's why I really don't like to dispense with the morality and judgment rendering in life, both offline and online. It is not my place to tell someone what they should or shouldn't do based on my own set of standards that work for me in life. I suppose other people feel differently. Fine, fair enough, although sometimes it does get a little difficult to have a discussion based on the question or issue at hand wiuthout this air of objectivity. Incidentally, no way is this directly at you WWIU...I just used your quote because I wanted to throw out another possibility to be considered. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 (s***, I sound like alphamale now). He would be proud Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Well it was her who wanted to be FWB's, and no relationship, at first. She thought I wanted a relationship, she said she didn't want the feelings that go along with a relationship, and she backed away. I told her I wanted to be FWB, no relationship, she initially agreed, but then recanted a few days later feeling guilty. Then she askes me to hang out talk and stuff. SHe is obviously confused. I suggest giving her space. Remember, she isn't thinking clearly and you being near her will only cloud her head even more. I know this from experience. And btw, i know you say that if she jsut wants to be friends that is ok with you, but come on, we arn't in high school anymore so lets not play naive. If the 2 of you are attracted to each other sexually, it will inevidably happen. Then you have to face the consiquences afterwards. I have yet to see any good come out of a relationship (be it sexually or emotionally) involving a MM or MW. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Oh definately. I just took one angle here and stuck with it to make a point. I'm guessing on this and using intuition. I haven't a clue what she thinks or feels - I just plopped myself in her mind and thought logically. Maybe she has feelings for him for real and is scared, maybe she's ready to leave her H and this is the push to do it but she is scared, or maybe she's fine with it all and has no emotional issues at all - She just isn't sure if she wants to cheat. I have no idea. But, I think from what he's said about her bruises and how he treats his wife, it's safe to say that she DOES have some emotional damage and her mind isn't going to make healthy choices right now due to her life at home. I hope she is or will see a therapist to help her cope. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Instead of focusing on on her signals and trying to win her over, why not encourage her to end her abusive marriage? If she isn't happy and is being hurt, then there is no need for her to cheat and sneak around. She deserves to be happy and free, not tied down to a man who doesn't respect her as a women. And since ther eare no kids involved, what does she have to lose? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1976 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 SHe is obviously confused. I suggest giving her space. Remember, she isn't thinking clearly and you being near her will only cloud her head even more. I know this from experience. And btw, i know you say that if she jsut wants to be friends that is ok with you, but come on, we arn't in high school anymore so lets not play naive. If the 2 of you are attracted to each other sexually, it will inevidably happen. Then you have to face the consiquences afterwards. I have yet to see any good come out of a relationship (be it sexually or emotionally) involving a MM or MW. Nah, I've got 3 women friends, I hang out with at times, nothing sexual, never has never will be, so not all opposite sex friendships are like that. btw, what is MM, and MW? (sorry, new here!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1976 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 Instead of focusing on on her signals and trying to win her over' date=' why not encourage her to end her abusive marriage? If she isn't happy and is being hurt, then there is no need for her to cheat and sneak around. She deserves to be happy and free, not tied down to a man who doesn't respect her as a women. And since ther eare no kids involved, what does she have to lose?[/quote'] good points. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Yes, I do care for her feelings, maybe thats why I am on here asking questions... ...as long as I do her, I don't care. So, which one is it? Incidentally, if you really do care for her beyond getting a piece of tail, and if she really is being smacked around by her H (and you've seen the bruises...), have you considered the distinct possibility that the discovery that she's having an affair may result in her being physically harmed by him? Is that still not your problem? Even if you don't care about him, are you still going to answer with: ...as long as I do her, I don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1976 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 alright, seriously, gotta go to bed now, LOL later Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 MM =married man MW = married women Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1976 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 care about her, her feelings, dont' care about him, his feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Incidentally, if you really do care for her beyond getting a piece of tail, and if she really is being smacked around by her H (and you've seen the bruises...), have you considered the distinct possibility that the discovery that she's having an affair may result in her being physically harmed by him? Is that still not your problem? Even if you don't care about him, are you still going to answer with: GOod point Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1976 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 i've been talking to her for 3 months, she's been abused for years. so her emotional affair is not whats getting her hit around. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 she's been abused for years. so her emotional affair is not whats getting her hit around. ... and so you are convinced that the discovery that she is having a physical affair will not make the "getting her hit around" any worse? I want you to take this to heart, so I'll try not to sound judgemental and insulting, but do you think there could be anything more likely to ignite a husband already prone to violence into a full scale explosion than the discovery that someone has been screwing his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 i've been talking to her for 3 months, she's been abused for years. so her emotional affair is not whats getting her hit around. Maybe not, but it could be in the future Link to post Share on other sites
Tim'sAngel Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I for the life of me can't understand why women allow their spouses to abuse them. ::shakes head:: But o well, thats a whole 'nother thread Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Michael, You sound like you have already fallen in love with her, whether you are admitting this or not. After reading all your posts and others here, it is obvious that you do love her and want to be with her. If you think that you 'just want to get into her pants' then you are fooling yourself. You are in for some serious heartbreak because she is married, and it doesn't look like she will leave him. I am in a similar situation as you. Like you, I talk myself into believing that all I want from my MM is sex. If you are spending this much time thinking about her and trying to 'figure her out' then you are definitely thinking about her way too much! This is a woman that you care about deeply. I don't have any advice on how to get her out of your head. However, you may find this thought soothing: if she is meant to be with you, she will do what it takes to be with you... the right way. The ball is really in her court. Link to post Share on other sites
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