What do I do next?

[Jessie61]

So what do you do? Bash us in this section and befriend us down there?

 

 

Sorry if I've offended, Movinon, really. The truth is that I have seen advice given to affair partners there regarding how to handle affairs and how to deal with the OM's wife, etc. I'm just being honest.

 

Don't take it too personally. After all, I have an (former) "OM" in my very own house. My very own bed, in fact.

 

Chump,

 

I have to admit that your first post also got me to raise my eyebrows and drop my jaw... But perhaps I misunderstood your comment about "turning to OW/OM for cheating advice"...

 

Yes, we do support and advice each other when someone is already up to their eyeballs in the A and doesn't know what to do. I think that in the vast majority of cases the advice is "the good old NC", or in some other way dealing with the aftermath of an A (usually when the MM/MW stays in the M - but on the extremely rare occasion when MM/MW has left the M).

 

But I have yet to see any advice encouraging anyone at the start (or the early stages) of an A to "proceed and enjoy it" and to give practical tips as to how to do it!! In fact, the advice is always (as far as I have noticed!) "run as fast as you possibly can!"

 

I, for one, would agree with that piece of advice wholeheartedly.

[1976]

Thanks for the advice you all, but I'm still going to see where it goes. Call it lack of morals, character whatever, but you guys are on the same board I am, so your not perfect either.

[Curmudgeon]

Some of us are on the board because we've been on the receiving end of what people without integrity like you dole out. We're the former betrayed spouses whose wives or husbands took up with a cake-eater like you.

 

In my case, I was happy to let him have her. They deserved one another. Now he's dead and she's destitute. I think they call that karma!

[Trimmer]

Thanks for the advice you all, but I'm still going to see where it goes. Call it lack of morals, character whatever, but you guys are on the same board I am, so your not perfect either.

 

I don't think I heard anyone claiming to be perfect. Posters did what you asked for: gave useful advice based on their experience; it probably wasn't you expected, but frankly, I think it was more useful than the kind of advice you were looking for. Whether you use it is up to you.

 

It seems that almost no one comes out of an affair saying "Boy, that was a good idea! I'm glad I made that decision...."

[movinon05]

It seems that almost no one comes out of an affair saying "Boy, that was a good idea! I'm glad I made that decision...."

 

 

LOL!! Oh God that made me chuckle! I'm shaking my head! Good one!

[Sami_D]

This isn't a support board for cheaters / a board for giving out advice on how to screw around. You might check out that board called "The OM /OW."

 

My advice?

 

Whatever you do, it will change your life forever.

 

A stiff prick has no conscience.

 

Hey guess what.

 

OM/OW isn't a board for giving out advice on screwing around.

[Sami_D]

So what do you do? Bash us in this section and befriend us down there?

 

 

Sorry if I've offended, Movinon, really. The truth is that I have seen advice given to affair partners there regarding how to handle affairs and how to deal with the OM's wife, etc. I'm just being honest.

 

Don't take it too personally. After all, I have an (former) "OM" in my very own house. My very own bed, in fact.

 

Handling affairs, from the POV of being an OW who wants to do the right thing, leave the situation. IS SO DIFFERENT from telling anyone HOW to get into an affair or deal with an affair to continue it.

 

Yeah, I saw a few of your posts on someone's thread on OW this week. I knew you had a very poor view of the OM/OW forum and posters in it when I saw it... and now I'm sure.

 

OM/OW ISN'T a place for helping people continue an affair. I challenge you to find ONE post in there (from someone who isn't a newbie, like this person, begging for help to have an affair). You will not find ONE solitary post in support of affairs.

 

So don't go,

 

1) dragging that forum into disrepute.

2) posting there under the impression that that's what people who come to the OW forum for help want. (i.e. don't post in anger against a view that no one there holds, even new posters who are wondering what to do when they found themselves in an A situation)

[Presario]

Chump64,

 

I enjoy reading your posts, because you went through a lot and have interesting info to share. And your bang-her-anyware posts above I enjoyed for a different reason: they are just funny.

 

1976, what's your problem? You want to bang her, so just do it. Then bite the bullet.

[1976]

I have no problem banging her, thats not what my question was. My question was why was I getting mixed signals.

[whichwayisup]

Why are you getting mixed signals from her?

 

Here's some reasons.

1)She's married.

2)She is obviously not sure if she wants to cheat on her husband. She doesn't want to hurt him and destroy his love and trust for her.

3)She's probably feeling guilty of even CONSIDERING cheating on her husband.

4)She's maybe thinking "what if I get caught"

 

I think those are very valid reasons NOT to cheat.

[1976]

I dont' disagree. And if she doesn't want to cheat, I'm fine with that as well, I don't mind being her friend.

[Rosalind]

And if she doesn't want to cheat, I'm fine with that as well, I don't mind being her friend.

 

well, you indicated in your previous posts that you wanted MORE

[1976]

I do WANT more, but if thats not what SHE wants, I am fine with that too.

[Rosalind]

yeah, right

[1976]

your an ice queen, lady!

[whichwayisup]

I dont' disagree. And if she doesn't want to cheat, I'm fine with that as well, I don't mind being her friend.

 

Okay, with that being said, take it a step further. If you want her just as a friend, then don't cross any lines with her. You don't take advantage of the situation if she confides in you about her marriage or problems. Don't make any moves on her. Even if she wants something to happen, be strong and say no. Out of respect for HER.

 

If things in the future don't work with her husband, let her end it with him and THEN you two can let whatever happen, happen. Until then, stay on the straight and narrow.

[1976]

I didn't say I just wanted to be friends with her.

I want to be involved sexually with her.

But if she doesn't want that, I am fine with that as well.

[Ladyjane14]

If you want her just as a friend, then don't cross any lines with her. You don't take advantage of the situation if she confides in you about her marriage or problems. Don't make any moves on her. Even if she wants something to happen, be strong and say no. Out of respect for HER.

 

This is great advice WWIU, but I doubt this guy is really interested in being a true "friend".

[Ladyjane14]

I didn't say I just wanted to be friends with her.

I want to be involved sexually with her.

But if she doesn't want that, I am fine with that as well.

 

That didn't take long.

He may be morally bankrupt, but at least he's not afraid to say so. :laugh:

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

1976,

 

Just out of curiosity, why her?? You met through the internet, you could have easily found another F*** buddy who is not married.

[Chump64]

I apologize for OW / OM I have offended. I have posted in that forum before to ask for perspective, advice, etc., and was told basically "there must be something wrong with you if your husband f*cked around on you for a decade." So don't try to paint a picture of that forum as all support and no cheap shots. I know this person wasn't a 'regular' and was not a decent person. I know there are decent people in that forum, and I do apologize for being rude. But by the same token, admit it -- there is a thread in that forum right now, in which an OW is boasting about her "success story" (that's even the title's thread) because her married boyfriend is leaving his wife and there is even some question of whether he will fight for custody of his kids. And I'm not sure you two were among them, Sami and Movinon, but there were some posters who basically patted her back for conquering a married man. Even if it meant him being sued and not being able to afford a lawyer to fight for custody / see his kids.

 

It's stomach-turning to see that billed as a "success story."

[Tim'sAngel]

So ok, like I mentioned, I'm new to this board (because thankfully I don't have a cheating problem) But please 1976, explain to a "newbie" why married men want to stay married if they are not getting fulfilled sexually by there wives? Or is it just the thrill your seeking?

[Chump64]

I went back to look. Jessie and Sami, you both offered accolades to Karis (the woman who "succeeded" in scoring the married man), and Movinon, you were pretty adamantly defending her when others raised an eyebrow about the "success" story.

 

I'm not suggesting you were wrong. But I think it's fair to say that you truly do offer support and encouragement to people who have strayed / are straying -- and not just to the ones who are looking for help to get out of the situation. And that's fine, but don't make it sound like you spend all your time and energy trying to dissuade infidelity.

[1976]

Someone said I met her through the internet, I did not. I know her from work. We communicate mostly through emails, I can't exactly call her house.

 

Again, I am legally seperated, but technically married.

Someone asked me why I dont' wait till I am completely divorced, I have 8 months left, and if the oppurtunity is in my face now, what, do I say, "can you wait 8 months?" give me a break.

 

Ladyjane, never did I say I wanted to be just friends. From my first post on I stated I wanted to be intimate with her, but was getting mixed signals. I don't care what direction she wants to go, I just want to know what direction that is so I am not going down the wrong path.

some of you people crack me up.

[1976]

and timsangel, its not always sex that drives a man away, sorry to break it to you women. First off, just like you, we dont' want out other to be out of shape. A woman who spends to much money, or is lazy around the house. I keep myself in shape, help clean the house, etc, and I expect my wife to do her fair share of work. Sometimes, even a guy loses "closeness" with his wife. One can fall out of love, just like a woman. So contrary to women's popular belief, men don't always cheat on their wives because the sex is bad.