What are you doing to go on?

[movinon05]

LOL!

 

Nope, I would be working at disaster scenes, determining causes of death, or using forensic science to identify bodies...

 

or I could be a rape nurse....

 

or I could work with the police department in gathering evidence at a crime scene....

 

Or, if I wanted, I could work with the medical examiner in assisting in autopsies....which, I guess, would involve the morgue!

 

Wow! You've got a stronger stomach than me. I'm not good with dead people. That sounds terrible doesn't it.

[Walking away]

Not many people ARE good with dead people!

 

As a nurse, I prefer people to be alive (lol), but in forensics, you can let the body tell the story of the death. Or, in the case of rape, the perpetrator leaves little microbes around for we, forensic nurses, to find.

 

So, in my perfect little world, I would work part time as a nurse and part time as a forensic nurse.

[movinon05]

Not many people ARE good with dead people!

 

As a nurse, I prefer people to be alive (lol), but in forensics, you can let the body tell the story of the death. Or, in the case of rape, the perpetrator leaves little microbes around for we, forensic nurses, to find.

 

So, in my perfect little world, I would work part time as a nurse and part time as a forensic nurse.

 

Yeah, I watch that HBO guy! You're a better person than me in that regard. I give nurses a lot of credit.

[Walking away]

Thanks. I appreciate that.

 

I am a cardiac cath lab nurse (the ones that put in the stents, pacemakers, defibrillators, and do ablations). I am in charge of the lab on the days that I work. It is a highly stressful job as people have heart attacks all hours of the day and night. And, I am jokingly called the "black cloud" of the lab, for when I am on call, our team inevitably gets called in to the hospital at 3:00 in the morning for an emergent case!

 

But, what we do for the patients is dramatic and it really does make you feel good to be directly involved in saving lives.

 

I do love what I do.

[movinon05]

[quote name=

 

But, what we do for the patients is dramatic and it really does make you feel good to be directly involved in saving lives.

 

I do love what I do.[/quote]

 

I have no doubt. What you do makes a difference. I'm sure its very rewarding even though you have the down side to it.

 

And anyway... its important to love what you do, right? You're lucky in that regard. Not everyone can say that.

 

I'm a legal secretary. I do enjoy what I do. I find the law interesting and it pays the bills too. I work for a great firm.

[Walking away]

That's a cool job, too.

 

Lawyers can be difficult like doctors, yes?

[movinon05]

That's a cool job, too.

 

Lawyers can be difficult like doctors, yes?

 

Some, but I've been very lucky over 25 yrs of it. I'm good at what I do, and I work hard and I'm dedicated, so I haven't had a problem

[OzGirl]

I think it's true about 30 days to form new habits...

 

I bought a house soon after "revelation" to MM's W, and consequential separation between him and I. I moved in a couple of months ago, and did a 4 day blitz on renovations, moved my stuff in, and have been happily pottering about since.

 

Gardening - I love the physical hard work of ripping out the old one and putting in a completely new one - there's something theraputic about gardening in more ways than one for me. The physical exercise, the creativity, the peace, propogating and seeing new life come from old, and the whole "getting back to nature" element.

 

Plus, it's 'new turf'. MM has never been here and never will come here. There's no old memories here, and I've bought a cat (first time I've lived somewhere I can have a pet in over 5 years). So, I pat it, it purrs, and life seems pretty happy. I have something new to "love" and nurture.

 

AND, dare I say it, I've just enjoyed male company as best I can. Even just at BBQ's at a friends' house or whatever... I seem them differently now. Some for better, some for worse, but I still let myself be reminded that I do have a personality and can hold my own in a social environment - there's hope out there for me yet!

 

Then, there's LS. I find it really a measure of my own progress by what I feel compelled to write on here. And, it really is a compulsion, and not merely mindless banter to fill in my time. I post with genuine care for other people and hope they will get through their individual hurdles more unscathed than I feel I was at times. I doubt I was hurt the worst, but I shudder to think how much more pain one can endure. It's been the kindness of others HERE that has helped me "out" of this mess, and I really do feel sometimes that I must be doing better to have, what seems now, a really clear understanding on the dynamics, motivations, and consequences of MM and OW, and to some degree, the BS's.

 

I'm *trying* to lose weight, but it's just so damned hard some times. I am trying to work out why I sabotage myself every time I've tried to do this. I'm trying to work on my emotional side of this - what is it that stops me? Is it fear? Fear of what? Anyway, I'm getting there, I think. Only started a week ago, so time will tell. I kinda feel okay though in that I have recently *survived* something quite horrible (MM *fiasco*), so if I can do that, then surely I can lose a few kgs.

 

Life seems to be moving along (which is a good thing in itself - after my world came to a standstill, I wondered if it would move again), and I'm still figuring out the big mystery - where is it taking me? Either way, I'm just trying to stay healthy and behave my way intelligently through each day, and hopefully the unexpected and fantastic things that seemed to used to happen ALL the time will start magically appearing when I least expect it again...

[OzGirl]

Okay, my brain just farted. I was in LS looking at this thread, and my eyes saw one page, so I posted thinking I was 6 or 7 posts down, then, when I went to re-read it, I realised how much I'd not seen...

 

OK, back to earth..... it's SO cool to see what everyone's been doing.

 

I keep thinking maybe I'm thankful that my life got shaken up - it's been a catalyst for me to DO different things - some old and revisited (playing piano... I learnt classical piano as a child, and have recently started trying to give ol' Beethoven a whirl, and he would cringe at my decision to not actually read his music, and play it *my* way), some new.

 

Cooking - have started trying to teach myself vietnamese, cambodian, "indo-china" style cooking.

 

I don't wear makeup most days.

 

I burn my candles all the time, instead of when I have visitors.

 

I've stopped eating red meat, and am eating more fish.

 

I have bought commercial grade cleaning products to reduce the time I spend on housework.

 

I don't ring people who can't be bothered ringing me. Friendships aren't supposed to be one-sided.

 

I killed a red-back spider with my bare foot the other day, and told it to "f@ck off mutha f@cka" as I did it. Okay, so maybe I'm going more insane these days, too by cursing at spiders before I kill them....

 

And, I spend less time on my PC - the gateway to the world of answers. I'm trying to figure them out without an academic-style answer, or just accept somethings aren't worth the time getting an answer to, or better yet - can be just left unanswered all together.

 

A lot's changed. You're all so inspiring. I hope this thread goes on for years to come.....

[OzGirl]

Oh, and I just want to add - I hope I will get advance notice if any of you are ever planning a trip to this magnificent country in which I reside... as the locals say, this is God's country... I am thankful for this. I at least have, and always will, love where I live.

[Walking away]

Same here. If any of you ever make the trek to sunny Arizona, let me know... It was 95 degrees here today. Gotta love the desert!

[OzGirl]

Arizona.... I read that and my brain said "Texas..??? Monument Valley??? Some Johnny Depp movie???". he he he... now I COULD have just googled Arizona to find out where it is (I never elected to do Geography at school and, clearly, I suck ass at it!), but no, thought public humiliation would be a better option... he he he.

 

I visited the USA a few years back - typical tourist - LA, Disneyland, Hollywood, and a day trip to Mexico. The rest - I rely on TV.... Grand Canyon's in Arizona, isn't it? Wow... TV just wouldn't do it justice, I bet.

[Sami_D]

Hello all... just popping in to report I'm still in NC. Had a horrible couple of days but I'm absolutely sure I'm going to stick to it. Because if he doesn't tell her, then I'm be disgusted with him and never want to speak to him again.

 

As for the moving on bit... not sure what I'm doing today. I have several things I really need to do but I'm feeling that Slow Motion thing. Might have to take up the GP's advice and get on anti-depressants again.

 

I wasn't going to come to LS for a bit, but I'm SO GLAD I opened up this thread... had quite a few belly laughs

 

And... isn't it interesting how many of us are musical, creative or artistic? I too am a published author, my main area of work is illustration, and I bought myself a piano after 20 years of not having one just a couple of years ago... and have barely played it, what with all the mess my life has been in.

 

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for this fabulous thread!!! yeah!

[movinon05]

OZGIRL!!!!!!!!!

 

Fabulous, Fabulous, Fabulous!!! I'm jealous now!! A new home, fresh start! GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I bought my home 4 yrs ago, but I don't want to be in this town. I can't wait to get out of here when my son graduates. I want that fresh start too!! And I'd do what you're doing with your garden too if I just know what I was supposed to do!!!! lol!!!!!! I don't mind getting out and weeding doing yardwork though, so that helps.

 

And I'm sending out a big thank you to you!! You're the birth mother of this thread and Walking Away put it into motion. I love learning about everyone and sharing good news and ideas.

[movinon05]

Same here. If any of you ever make the trek to sunny Arizona, let me know... It was 95 degrees here today. Gotta love the desert!

 

 

Well you're all welcome here but not many people say, "Oh yeah, I gotta get to New Joisey!" lol!

[zarathustra]

Let' see.

I'm quite pathetic. I come on this thread, read and smoke.

But I do have stuff I want to do. But I keep checking my emails! Sometimes I force myself to go out and socialize. My friends are taking good care of me.

I am reading books and writing music but i'd like to get back into my piano playing. I'd like to write more.

I've had writer's block since this affair. argh!

I meditate.

But one thing I've noticed is that I am a hell of a lot less productive than I used to be. i'm so slow too. It takes me forever to keep my appartment neat, cook supper, do my chores and run errands. I feel all scattered.

Any tips? I feel like I'm in slow motion.

 

With regards to the writer's block, my college offers a course regarding how to move from that for visual arts, so they may have something at a local college that would have courses on how get over the block for writing too?

[zarathustra]

Oh, and I just want to add - I hope I will get advance notice if any of you are ever planning a trip to this magnificent country in which I reside... as the locals say, this is God's country... I am thankful for this. I at least have, and always will, love where I live.

 

I'll eventually take you up on it!! Your house sounds AWESOME, but that's no surprise as YOU ARE AWESOME!! Please let me know if you visit Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

 

By the way, I nearly pee'd my pants when I saw the spider killing bit. Seriously now, I saw a white spider while I was filling up some containers to germinate my tomatoes and let out a blood curdling scream and nearly fainted. No one noticed that I was in that state (no neighbours) and so I don't feel as embarassed.

 

Oh, I went shopping yesterday. From this whole ordeal, I lost 20lbs (I don't eat at all when I'm sad or stressed) and finally splurged on some comfy clothes - sweats, yoga pants, etc.

 

Well you're all welcome here but not many people say, "Oh yeah, I gotta get to New Joisey!" lol!

I'll be heading to Hyde Park, NY in a couple of weeks for a couple of days. Too bad its still a few hours drive away from NJ. I'm going to the CIA for a classical Italian Cooking class with my H. After that, we'll be going to Cape Cod.

[Blind Illusion]

I think it's true about 30 days to form new habits...

 

I

 

Plus, it's 'new turf'. MM has never been here and never will come here. There's no old memories here, .

 

.

I was thinking that whole premise yesterday. I think I do need to start something totally new. As much as I vow not to, so many activities, even good ones, remind me of somehow of him. Another thing that is problematic for me is that things seem to have gone from bad to worse in my marriage. It's when my husband is being the biggest jerk he ever was, that I miss the MM the most. For some reason, we have always spoken about our marital problems as if we were close girlfirends.

 

I didn't start my diet yesterday as planned but today is a new day and I am not going to beat myself up and just continue now. I have to learn how to be my own cheerleader somehow.

 

Another positive thing I wanted to mention on this thread is that in 3 weeks, I am taking a civil service test to get back into the Court System where I once worked. Things with the state don't happen overnight but at least it's a step in the right direction. I'll have more of my own money to do things I want . (avoiding hearing husband with the violins crying about how he works like a dog and I am doing this and that, as if its my fault he has alienated every friend he basically had). I'll meet new people too. And like OzGirl said, it's new turf, where memories of the MM don't reside.

[movinon05]

I'll eventually take you up on it!! Your house sounds AWESOME, but that's no surprise as YOU ARE AWESOME!! Please let me know if you visit Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

 

By the way, I nearly pee'd my pants when I saw the spider killing bit. Seriously now, I saw a white spider while I was filling up some containers to germinate my tomatoes and let out a blood curdling scream and nearly fainted. No one noticed that I was in that state (no neighbours) and so I don't feel as embarassed.

 

Oh, I went shopping yesterday. From this whole ordeal, I lost 20lbs (I don't eat at all when I'm sad or stressed) and finally splurged on some comfy clothes - sweats, yoga pants, etc.

 

 

I'll be heading to Hyde Park, NY in a couple of weeks for a couple of days. Too bad its still a few hours drive away from NJ. I'm going to the CIA for a classical Italian Cooking class with my H. After that, we'll be going to Cape Cod.

 

Holy crap Zara!!! How the heck did I miss that you were married? Geez, I gotta go look up your story from before I started here!

 

And btw, I'm in South Jersey right outside of Philadelphia. But we have a house in Cape Breton! I LOVE NOVA SCOTIA! My favorite place in all the world!

[zarathustra]

Holy crap Zara!!! How the heck did I miss that you were married? Geez, I gotta go look up your story from before I started here!

Hubby and I got back together after a 5 month separation. xMM and I were together for a bit during my separation from H. I'll have to admit, xMM had something to do with my leaving. That being said, I did leave my M because there were a lot of things wrong with it. I was lonely, my H shut me out of his life, didn't step up to take care of me when I needed him to , where as, xMM acted like he did, that he cared, etc. Yeah, I was vulnerable. Instead of encouraging me to work on my marriage (like I asked of him to do for his), he encouraged me to leave. I wanted to separate and move home with my parents to see how things would play out but he wanted me to leave and then he said that he too would leave his marraige so we could live together. I told him to move slow because he has kids and to be really sure of what he wants in life. If things don't work out between us, I told him, he would have caused a lot of heartache for nothing. He said that there's nothing in the world to stop him from living life with me. He cannot imagine his kids being happy if he wasn't happy at home. So I left and the moment that I did, he left his wife, only to leave me shortly thereafter... He's a thoughtless jerk. All the while, my H was trying to get me to go home, told me things would change, that he wanted to love me the way I told him I wanted to be loved. He recognized that he failed me in many respects. Anyway, 3 months after xMM and I split up, I went home. Its not easy to work on the M, but neither is life or should I say anything in my life.

 

And btw, I'm in South Jersey right outside of Philadelphia. But we have a house in Cape Breton! I LOVE NOVA SCOTIA! My favorite place in all the world!

I'm ashamed to say, that as a Canadian, I've never been to Nova Scotia. though I should make a trek one day soon.

 

Cape Breton sounds beautiful. I'll have to google it as Geography is not a strong suit of mine.

[RealityCheck]

Zara.....

 

I'm your neighbor.....Manitoba!!

 

Jeepers! One big happy family!!

 

*laughing*

[2sunny]

Same here. If any of you ever make the trek to sunny Arizona, let me know... It was 95 degrees here today. Gotta love the desert!

 

 

Hey -

 

I was born at St. Joseph's hospital in Phoenix. Lived there until I was ten years old.

 

I still have a lot of relatives that live there. I love to visit that area.

[officespace]

well....i am 7 weeks into NC. we have talked via email just about finished off business stuff.

 

let's see....i'm back to spending time with girlfriends. not quite ready to date, but i am very close. i am trying to work out but i have been going out and partying more than i used to. trying to curtail that.

 

just spending more time with family. joined a tennis league at work. switched banks, got new furniture, decorating my apartment, got a new cell phone, threw a party for my friends....

 

just all the stuff i put off while focusing on him and his divorce, apartment, helping him thru his rough times. it drained me of energy, money and time. i'm trying to focus on me again, which is alot more boring than a new love. :-) but it's the healthy thing to do.

[movinon05]

well....i am 7 weeks into NC. we have talked via email just about finished off business stuff.

 

let's see....i'm back to spending time with girlfriends. not quite ready to date, but i am very close. i am trying to work out but i have been going out and partying more than i used to. trying to curtail that.

 

just spending more time with family. joined a tennis league at work. switched banks, got new furniture, decorating my apartment, got a new cell phone, threw a party for my friends....

 

just all the stuff i put off while focusing on him and his divorce, apartment, helping him thru his rough times. it drained me of energy, money and time. i'm trying to focus on me again, which is alot more boring than a new love. :-) but it's the healthy thing to do.

 

What you are doing is great! You're living! You reminded me of how draining the R was. It was obsessive. And now you're doing things for yourself, surrounding yourself with an atmosphere in your apartment that makes you feel good, spending time socially and hopefully laughing and having good times. Its called baby steps. But well worth the journey toward new beginnings.

[OzGirl]

Please let me know if you visit Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

 

Will do - I know a lot of Aussies who've been there and have said that Canadians share a common sense of humour with ours!

 

By the way, I nearly pee'd my pants when I saw the spider killing bit.

 

I nearly peed mine, too, when I saw it. A bite can be fatal (it's our 2nd most deadliest spider). In retrospect, I will not be doing it barefooted again. I've heard if you vacuum spiders up, they crawl out at night and stalk you with a pair of binoculars, planning their attack....

 

Oh, I went shopping yesterday. From this whole ordeal, I lost 20lbs (I don't eat at all when I'm sad or stressed) and finally splurged on some comfy clothes - sweats, yoga pants, etc.

 

I just did a kilo->pound conversion for all you northern hemispherical imperial peeps, and I lost about 13 pounds in 2 wks when W found out. I think it was the alcohol I consquently started drowning my sorrows in that helped slap it back on my ass. I'm now about 2 pounds from that 13 pound loss - so am back down again, but that's through some level of effort to do so. I feel better though.

 

I was thinking that whole premise yesterday. I think I do need to start something totally new. As much as I vow not to, so many activities, even good ones, remind me of somehow of him. Another thing that is problematic for me is that things seem to have gone from bad to worse in my marriage. It's when my husband is being the biggest jerk he ever was, that I miss the MM the most. For some reason, we have always spoken about our marital problems as if we were close girlfirends.

 

When I was with MM, he PROMISED to move out by Xmas 2005, so by November, I knew it wasn't going to happen. Our plan was to move out and buy something together. So, I went looking for houses by myself, I think to prove I didn't "need" him to do what I wanted to do anyway.

 

The only difference is the size of the house I bought is smaller. But, I must admit, I saw where he lived, and I didn't like the decor. It was very old-fashioned and antiquated, which is fine, but I have, in my new place, painted it earthy colours, deep maroon feature walls, lots of hand-crafted mis-matched furniture, rustic bits and pieces, buddhas here and there, candles, and other indo-china thingies.

 

He would like it if he saw what I've done, but in concept, would probably have never given me 100% creative freedom. I love it and it's mine, and I've thoroughly enjoyed, from day dot, the process of doing this. It was good to 'rid' myself of old habits associated with 'missing' him.

 

I actually only moved a few miles from where I last lived, so my child is not affected regarding school, and local familiarity, but it's quiet and tranquil and yes, this will sound like we all have a Steve Irwin style life, but I have Koalas living in the trees around me, and you can spot kangaroos 10 minutes up the road if you're driving along at dawn.

 

As for missing the MM when things are tough with your H, I can say that I do still think of MM and I miss the 'noise' when he was around. We laughed constantly, and I have never shared humour like he and I did with someone. I miss him when something funny happens, and I just have a little giggle to myself. I'm admitting this so that no one's under the impression it's all onward and upward and simple.

 

Everything I've tried to do has been like I'm directing an actor in a movie sometimes - telling her what to do, what to say, where to go, that sort of thing. The director is me, and the actor is me. It's like I've let instinct tell me what I will be glad I did in retrospect, even if it seems hard or pointless sometimes.

 

As it turns out, that instinct is 100% reliable as far as 'knowing' I will look back and be glad I did what I'm doing. It drags me along by the scruff of my neck sometimes, because I do still shed tears for missing the man who really and truly and deeply and with all-of-me was my best 'best friend' ever. I miss him a LOT. But, now, I don't sit around waiting for it to change. I just accept he's gone, life goes on, and when I open the door for it to happen, the world will walk something new into my life that will heal that patch on my heart that feels dead right now. It's not all my heart - but a little piece of it.

 

Anyway, back at this ranch right now, I have cookbooks to read... am cooking my mother dinner tomorrow night, so will let her be the lab-rat to test something I've never cooked before. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's making a right royal mess in the kitchen!

 

PS: Has anyone here ever been a blogger? I wanted to start a diary or journal of some sort, and wondered if anyone has done this online themselves, and how throwing all out to cyberspace has made a difference to what they write - are they brutally candid and honest, or is it tempered for being on total public display.

 

PPS: Sorry for my long posts. It's the sagittarian in me, I've been told. We say what we think as we're thinking it and there's no apparant filtering system in place in our brains to think BEFORE we say things..!