Does it sound like my boyfriend is ghosting me?

[damni]

He may be going through something in his personal life, he may be stressed and wanting space. I know it is hard but wait until tomorrow and have a chat then.

 

If the date doesnt go ahead then I would worry.

[Lexxi]

You handle by giving him space and not freaking out for no good reason. Give him the space he seems to be needing and he will probably "come back". If you chase he will only get more distant. Perhaps read a bit on the concept of men pulling away and rubber bands, as John Gray and others explain it:

 

https://www.marsvenus.com/blog/john-gray/did-his-rubber-band-break

 

Today is Monday and your date is tomorrow. That's just an excuse you're using to contact him again and try to pull him back cause you're uncomfortable with his sudden distance. Give him the space he needs. If there's something really going on you will find out sooner than later.

 

I just feel like something isn’t right. He has never ignored my texts. Ever. And he did last night, and apparently again this morning.

 

Sort of an odd thought, but I did have an embarrassing moment this weekend when we went hiking. I was walking down a steep hill and fell. I hit the ground hard. Could I guy get completely turned off by that?

[edgygirl]

Has it occurred to you that not everything is about you? I say this in a compassionate way, because you are, like many women (including me in the past), trying to find something to blame on yourself for his distance. Of course your falling wouldn't make a man pull away.

 

Please read more on the link I provided. Apparently lots of men (not sure if all?) need some distance at times specially when they get really close to us - as you said, you just became exclusive so it makes even more sense. It will happen many times, and you have to learn to control your anxiety when it happens, self-soothe and let him be. He will come back. As someone said it might also be a personal issue.

 

When he comes back you can always chat/gauge if something is going on but please don't nag him as it might be just the classical need for a little space. For now, there is not much you can/should do. Relax!!!

Edited January 14, 2019 by edgygirl

[Lexxi]

Ghost you, really? You had a great weekend, he said he'd see you on Tuesday. If I'm correct today is Tuesday. Why can't you just relax and let things unfold as you two said?

 

It’s Monday over here, but I just think it’s odd because he has never done this. It’s like he’s intentionally ignoring my texts and seems distant. I just left his house yesterday and everything seemed normal.

[Lexxi]

Has it occurred to you that not everything is about you? I say this in a compassionate way, because you are, like many women (including me in the past), trying to find something to blame on yourself for his distance. Of course your falling wouldn't make a man pull away.

 

Please read more on the link I provided. Apparently lots of men (not sure if all?) need some distance at times specially when they get really close to us - as you said, you just became exclusive so it makes even more sense. It will happen many times, and you have to learn to control your anxiety when it happens, self-soothe and let him be. He will come back. As someone said it might also be a personal issue.

 

When he comes back you can always chat/gauge if something is going on but please don't nag him as it might be just the classical need for a little space. For now, there is not much you can/should do. Relax!!!

 

Thanks so much for the link. Very good read. I did see though, that it mentions this rubber banding effect doesn’t happen in new relationships, and ours is still fairly new. Just to clarify, we’ve been exclusive from the get go, talked in the beginning about how we are only seeing each other. But in the recent weeks, we decided this was official- bf/gf. Because prior to that, we both assumed we were just seeing each other.

[PRW]

I did have an embarrassing moment this weekend when we went hiking. I was walking down a steep hill and fell. I hit the ground hard. Could I guy get completely turned off by that?

No, not usually. Not without extenuating circumstances. Now if a guy is more masculine and has rough & tough hobbies, he might possibly think you are not robust for him to go out and have fun with (afraid you'd get hurt). But it would have to be an ongoing pattern in your behavor,...not a single instance like this.

[stillafool]

It’s Monday over here, but I just think it’s odd because he has never done this. It’s like he’s intentionally ignoring my texts and seems distant. I just left his house yesterday and everything seemed normal.

 

Ha, ha, it's Monday over here too. I'm just mixed up. If you just left him yesterday can't you just leave him alone until tomorrow?

[bathtub-row]

To me, his behavior is extremely odd based on his past behavior and I can see why you’re concerned. Have you called him instead of texting? I think I’d need to hear his voice to make sure that was actually him responding to the texts.

[Lexxi]

Ha, ha, it's Monday over here too. I'm just mixed up. If you just left him yesterday can't you just leave him alone until tomorrow?

 

Yes, I plan to leave him alone for the rest of the day. I can’t take back that I texted him a few hours ago asking if everything is ok. He still hasn’t responded. I’m having so much anxiety over this now, don’t know what’s on his mind. I hate this feeling and hope it’s teally nothing...

[stillafool]

He's fine. He just wants some space.

[bathtub-row]

Well, since you texted him again, I think you should leave it alone at this point. But, as I stated earlier, I agree with you that something’s off here.

[Lexxi]

To me, his behavior is extremely odd based on his past behavior and I can see why you’re concerned. Have you called him instead of texting? I think I’d need to hear his voice to make sure that was actually him responding to the texts.

 

I don’t like to call him when he’s at work, but he’s usually pretty good at responding even when he’s in the office. Doesn’t ignore me when he’s with the kids either, and he did that last night. I was trying to make myself think it was somehow overlooked last night- my good night text- which he reasons to every single time, or he sends it first. But now I’m starting to think it was intentional because he ignored another text this morning asking him if everything was ok. It’s just so odd because we left on good terms yesterday. He held me tight, kisses me, said “bye baby, I’ll see you Tuesday.” Can’t imagine what it could be.

[Lexxi]

He's fine. He just wants some space.

 

But nothing bad or out of the ordinary happened. When I left his house, we were totally fine.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, isn't this more or less the same issue from your previous thread a couple weeks ago? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/672995-pulling-slow-fade

 

I don't mean that you're describing exactly the same events, but the underlying fear is the same - that he's pulling away and will leave you and you're starting to panic. And these aren't the only two threads you've posted on this specific issue with him.

 

I think you need to let yourself relax and not assume that every change in behaviour means he's going to leave you. Sure, it might be out of the ordinary for him not to text back more promptly - but so what? Do you always behave in the same way, every day, no matter the circumstances?

 

Give him (and yourself) a bit of a break here. Don't assume the worst immediately. Don't apply your fear to every perceptible change in his behaviour. Don't jump to the conclusion that his demeanor is always related to you. Your level of anxiety with this man is quite high, so I am curious, have you experienced this sort of anxiety in relationships before?

[rightondude]

I dunno, unlike the others on here, I think you're unfortunately right and something may have happened to cool his jets. The bad thing is, I doubt there's much you can do to "fix" it; he's gonna have to decide one way or the other.

 

Any chance his friend didn't like you? If he asked his opinion and he wasn't super impressed ... I hate to say it but some guys want to hear their woman is perfect and a 10 from their pals.

 

I hope I'm wrong but hey better to know sooner than later. Usually around this time is make or break for most relationships. BTW I am a WorstCaseScenario-ist so i may be completely off. I'd just chill if I were you, hounding him will only make it worse. Trust me.

[Lexxi]

I don't mean that you're describing exactly the same events, but the underlying fear is the same - that he's pulling away and will leave you and you're starting to panic. And these aren't the only two threads you've posted on this specific issue with him.{snip}

 

I’ve never had this level of anxiety in a relationship before. Maybe because I truly like him and care for him. And it does scare me that he’s acting one way, especially now we’re “official”, and now has ignored me for the first time.

Edited January 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

And do you not believe he would tell you if he decided he wanted to end this relationship, rather than just ghosting you?

Edited January 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[Lexxi]

See this is what is bothering me. I’m feeling like he’s rethinking things and perhaps not ghosting, but pulling the slow fade as stated in my previous thread. I don’t know if he’s decided he no longer wants the relationship and is maybe just pulling back, hoping I would take the hint. Instead of just disappearing into thin air.

Edited January 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[stillafool]

Why can't you at least wait until Tuesday to talk to him and find out if this is true. Why does he have to respond when you want him to?

[Lexxi]

This isn’t about him not responding when I want him to. It’s more so a shift that’s I’m seeing.

Edited January 14, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[ExpatInItaly]

See this is what is bothering me. I’m feeling like he’s rethinking things and perhaps not ghosting, but pulling the slow fade as stated in my previous thread. I don’t know if he’s decided he no longer wants the relationship and is maybe just pulling back, hoping I would take the hint. Instead of just disappearing into thin air.

 

Exactly, though. You don't know. That might not be what's happening here.

 

Is it a possibility? Sure. It always is. But it's one of many possible explanations for his seemingly colder tone. You might simply be seeing how he reacts to life stress or a bad day or a hemorrhoid.

 

Consider this: In your last thread (and a couple before) you were uncomfortable and worried he was fading. You two have since become exclusive and you say you've had a great couple weeks together. Turns out your worries were not all that accurate last time. Couldn't it be the same this time?

 

I think you're overreacting here, in relation to this one missed message. If is starts happening more frequently, or if he starts blowing you off, then of course you should be concerned. But considering that you've just become a couple and have plans to see each other again in a couple days, I would take a deep breath and not approach this relationship out of a place of such fear.

[lana-banana]

I'm with rightondude. When someone's communications patterns change (and not just a single text or a bad day), it usually means something's up.

 

Regardless of whether I'm right or wrong, I suggest you grab a planner and figure out how you're going to stay busy until you see him again. Watching movies? Exercise? Reading? Whatever you do, you need to keep yourself occupied enough so your anxiety doesn't get out of control. If you ping him again now it's only going to make things worse.

[edgygirl]

Either way you cannot control his feelings or decisions. Someone leaving us is always a possibility. So it's how you react to what you perceive as a change what really matters. And your reaction seems to be catastrophizing without solid knowledge, only by emotions/intuition. You can't possibly know what's going on in his head.

 

What you can/should do is relax and wait for him to come back and meanwhile learn to control your anxiety. I know it's difficult but google some techniques.

[Lexxi]

Ok, so still nothing back from him. It’s been 5 hours... this has never happened before. At what point would it be ok for me to reach out regarding tomorrow’s plan, and if it’s even going to happen?

[stillafool]

Lexi, let him be a a man and lead. Wait until he contacts you or he may start to find you annoying.