A lesson

[ZA Dater]

It comes down to this, in the end, imo:

 

-You have a pervasive superiority complex

-You have a pervasive inferiority complex

-You have a pervasive combination of both

-You are doing a social experiment on LS

 

 

 

I know what I am good at

I know what I am bad at.

I know I am a good person.

 

 

But I am irked by a lot of thing to do with dating, does anything to do with dating make me happy? No BUT I can see how good it can POTENTIALLY be. I WISH I had NEVER seen this because then I probably wouldn't be bothering at all.

 

 

A few times a month I get to live vicariously in this way but then I go on dates and its like a worst movie you can ever imagine and I am reminded why I completely detest most of it. I go out and see the same BS charm being employed and they are leaving with the ladies and I am not.

 

 

Am I resentful yes, extremely. I am jaded, yes extremely. Has there been any good reason for me to not be either of those NO. Absolutely NONE.

 

 

Do I regret messing up the two best opportunities I ever had: More than you will ever know.

[Garcon1986]

Have you ever purchased a lovely experience using the currency of jadedness, regret and resentment?

 

 

The exchange rate would have been like when bitcoins were first launched.

[ZA Dater]

Most people do that to some level.

 

 

Remember though - beauty nearly always fades away. Chasing it too hard will hurt you. Chasing personality will almost never hurt you.

 

 

Chasing intellectual strength is extremely difficult. I have a medical job for life, 45 hobbies, speak five languages, and am a little autistic in the social scene but have enough talents to fill a few people's careers. I've always been fascinated with training my brain to be better, but I have given up on finding someone as smart as me. I'll take one woman who is really fascinated with her career and has the fire in her eyes that says she's satisfied. Nobody in my entire State (I wager) is intellectually as smart as me. But I'll be really happy if I convince a loving woman to care for me.

 

 

 

I agree COMPLETELY with ALL of this!

 

 

Personality matters a heck of a lot to me but its EVEN harder to find, there needs to be a balance of both looks and personality. I am not asking for miss world here!

 

 

I had the "loving women care for me" before offer but she wasn't what I wanted, 37, kids, divorced, father lives on another continent. Simply I want 28-32. No kids. No ex husbands. Confident. Pretty face. Well spoken. Intelligent. Motivated. Just offer me some sort of challenge. Think just a little different to everyone else.

 

 

That's what I want.

[Blanco]

Am I resentful yes, extremely. I am jaded, yes extremely. Has there been any good reason for me to not be either of those NO. Absolutely NONE.

 

To paraphrase Yoda, "this is why you fail."

 

You are not such a unique individual that society as a whole has failed you by refusing to conform to your once-in-a-lifetime qualities. Your posts convey that you think you know better and are above the silly, stupid, and fake masses. But they strike this odd balance in that you very clearly are the epitome of the Groucho Marx saying, "I wouldn't want to be part of any club that'd have me" when it comes to dating.

 

I really don't think there's anything left anyone here can help you with. You have posted dozens of times something to the effect that you've accepted you're not meant to be with anyone, yet you continue to start only slightly different thread topics that indicate that is a total lie. You haven't accepted it. But I think maybe you should, because you are so set in your ways that I cannot see how you'd function in a normal, healthy relationship if you were to even get so far as to be in a relationship.

[ZA Dater]

Have you ever purchased a lovely experience using the currency of jadedness, regret and resentment?

 

 

The exchange rate would have been like when bitcoins were first launched.

 

 

 

I wasn't any of those things to begin with. Year and years and years more of no success made me all of those things.

 

 

Frankly only ONCE have I been able to say "yes I really wanted to go on a date with her and it was a fantastic date" , the rest all the same problems I keep describing.

 

 

For the rest it was a case of "ok lets do this maybe I can learn something" so yes what you advocate I have been doing for the last ten years. None of them I felt the need or want to see again because the match up was completely wrong.

[Blanco]

I had the "loving women care for me" before offer but she wasn't what I wanted, 37, kids, divorced, father lives on another continent. Simply I want 28-32. No kids. No ex husbands. Confident. Pretty face. Well spoken. Intelligent. Motivated. Just offer me some sort of challenge. Think just a little different to everyone else.

 

These women are simply few and far between unless you live in a major metropolitan area. Moreover, these are extremely desirable women to most people. You say "simply" as if what you're describing is really not that big of a deal, when in fact, you're describing borderline cream of the crop caliber women.

[ZA Dater]

To paraphrase Yoda, "this is why you fail."

 

You are not such a unique individual that society as a whole has failed you by refusing to conform to your once-in-a-lifetime qualities. Your posts convey that you think you know better and are above the silly, stupid, and fake masses. But they strike this odd balance in that you very clearly are the epitome of the Groucho Marx saying, "I wouldn't want to be part of any club that'd have me" when it comes to dating.

 

I really don't think there's anything left anyone here can help you with. You have posted dozens of times something to the effect that you've accepted you're not meant to be with anyone, yet you continue to start only slightly different thread topics that indicate that is a total lie. You haven't accepted it. But I think maybe you should, because you are so set in your ways that I cannot see how you'd function in a normal, healthy relationship if you were to even get so far as to be in a relationship.

 

 

And why should I be, if its not a club that interests me? I cannot stand this attitude, in business, in life, you simply should NEVER settle for anything less than what you think you can achieve and I think I can do better. Everything I do is chasing the impossible, everything. If you chase the possible you don't know what might be possible if you set the hard to reach goals.

 

 

I have chased the hard dates never got anywhere as none of them were single but I did at least manage to get some attention, I did push myself to try. Against that miss average I can do on a date with who has 2 kids doesn't hold any interest, there is no challenge at all there.

[Blanco]

By all means, chase the stars. Just don’t be bitter when that unwavering “won’t settle for any less than the best” attitude paves a path toward being a mid-thirties virgin.

[ZA Dater]

These women are simply few and far between unless you live in a major metropolitan area. Moreover, these are extremely desirable women to most people. You say "simply" as if what you're describing is really not that big of a deal, when in fact, you're describing borderline cream of the crop caliber women.

 

 

 

So flip this around, why do so many women want to be average when they can be exceptional? There is no science in this. Just like us guys need to be n top of our game why shouldn't they be the same?

 

 

Of the dates I have had at least 50% went out with me because they thought I could offer then a passport to the world of wine farms and fancy dinners. NO issue with that BUT then at least offer something that's attractive.

 

 

I cannot fathom nor describe the complete lack of effort most of my dates have put in, even when it comes to the way they dress.

 

 

The one exception was one I took to a fancy dinner, she really tried and looked fantastic because I could see she had put in effort, she wasn't slim, she was curvy but she looked amazing and she had the confidence to go with it.

 

 

If nothing else at least try. I tried on almost all the dates I went on.

[Normm]

That's what I want.

 

 

Doesn't matter what you want. Beggars can't be choosers.

[ZA Dater]

By all means, chase the stars. Just don’t be bitter when that unwavering “won’t settle for any less than the best” attitude paves a path toward being a mid-thirties virgin.

 

 

 

It better than the thought of settling for what I don't want.

[Blanco]

It better than the thought of settling for what I don't want.

 

Ok, thread completed.

[Normm]

Ok, thread completed.

 

 

Saw this and thought "The moderators closed yet another ZA thread".

[Garcon1986]

Your refusal to take even little bits of experience that women offer you is mind boggling. Heck I even started my sex life with a 25 year old with seizures and static encephalopathy, who couldn't even walk without a big limp.

[Normm]

Your refusal to take even little bits of experience that women offer you is mind boggling. Heck I even started my sex life with a 25 year old with seizures and static encephalopathy, who couldn't even walk without a big limp.

 

 

In a previous thread ZA alluded to having Aspergers, that would explain it.

[Garcon1986]

ZA Dater has a formal diagnosis of Aspergers from a medical professional?

[Normm]

ZA Dater has a formal diagnosis of Aspergers from a medical professional?

 

No clue if it's speculation, hypothesis, conjecture, or fact. But it fits.

[Garcon1986]

That may have been me alluding to it.

[Normm]

That may have been me alluding to it.

 

 

Get back in line with the rest of us

[chillii]

I agree COMPLETELY with ALL of this!

 

 

Personality matters a heck of a lot to me but its EVEN harder to find, there needs to be a balance of both looks and personality. I am not asking for miss world here!

 

 

I had the "loving women care for me" before offer but she wasn't what I wanted, 37, kids, divorced, father lives on another continent. Simply I want 28-32. No kids. No ex husbands. Confident. Pretty face. Well spoken. Intelligent. Motivated. Just offer me some sort of challenge. Think just a little different to everyone else.

 

 

That's what I want.

 

 

There's nothing wrong with any of that, you don't have to want her just because she was interested, or the kids or the age.

 

The different , l'm about as different as they come and my whole life has been and will always. And the sort of woman l go for no one on this forum would even know what l'm talking about even if l could explain which l couldn't anyway she's lucky to be one in 10 million.

So in 50s there's only been a couple of extremely special women in my life , ex w one, and if l was single l'd very rarely bother with anyone, except back in younger days ok l did party it up just for the hell of it.

l've never dated although we don't really do it like that here, but l've waited, bide my time and l find her l've never bothered with the rest.

 

So take it from me , it's all doable , whoever we are.

Edited December 21, 2018 by chillii

[Blanco]

Saw this and thought "The moderators closed yet another ZA thread".

 

I'm all for debating conflicting ideas. It's just that I don't really see the point to most of OP's threads. They pretty much all boil down to how women are just as shallow as men and it's unfair that he become a sheep and break from who he really is "just" so he can date women he finds attractive.

 

The fact that we're here 20+ pages in and he's still saying "Why should I take what I don't want" pretty much says it all. It doesn't matter what people chime in with or perspectives they offer. He finds a way to bring it back to his original position. Nothing gained or learned. Just the same old "woe is me" spiel he's been hammering home for three years.

 

I know participation is voluntary, but it's a shame so many people over the years have earnestly tried to help someone who seems to prioritize being right over anything else.

[ZA Dater]

In a previous thread ZA alluded to having Aspergers, that would explain it.

 

 

 

I never said such a thing and no I don't.

[ZA Dater]

I'm all for debating conflicting ideas. It's just that I don't really see the point to most of OP's threads. They pretty much all boil down to how women are just as shallow as men and it's unfair that he become a sheep and break from who he really is "just" so he can date women he finds attractive.

 

The fact that we're here 20+ pages in and he's still saying "Why should I take what I don't want" pretty much says it all. It doesn't matter what people chime in with or perspectives they offer. He finds a way to bring it back to his original position. Nothing gained or learned. Just the same old "woe is me" spiel he's been hammering home for three years.

 

I know participation is voluntary, but it's a shame so many people over the years have earnestly tried to help someone who seems to prioritize being right over anything else.

 

 

Why should I take what I don't want?

 

 

Cannot think of one good reason to accept this logic and nothing said here has convinced me there is any merit in it either.

 

 

 

Especially not when the vast majority of people don't have to resort to doing it either.

[littleblackheart]

I know what I am good at

I know what I am bad at.

I know I am a good person.

 

 

But I am irked by a lot of thing to do with dating, does anything to do with dating make me happy? No BUT I can see how good it can POTENTIALLY be. I WISH I had NEVER seen this because then I probably wouldn't be bothering at all.

 

 

A few times a month I get to live vicariously in this way but then I go on dates and its like a worst movie you can ever imagine and I am reminded why I completely detest most of it. I go out and see the same BS charm being employed and they are leaving with the ladies and I am not.

 

 

Am I resentful yes, extremely. I am jaded, yes extremely. Has there been any good reason for me to not be either of those NO. Absolutely NONE.

 

 

Do I regret messing up the two best opportunities I ever had: More than you will ever know.

 

Ok. Jadedness + resentfulness = very, very bad. What kind of partner do you propose to be with all that built-up negativity you seem to have been carrying with you for years? Do you think you will transform into a positive guy overnight once you meet the one? Serious question.

 

Dating is one thing. The end goal of it is a relationship, ie a million times more hard work in terms of compromising. Are you ready for that?

 

Side not - Whoever keeps bringing the Asperger's thing:

 

Asperger's is NOT the go-to explanation for everything. It's not a cherry-picking 'we all are a bit on the spectrum' kind of disorder, it's much more than social awkwardness. I have Asperger's and this is NOT typical of ASD behaviour. Rant over (sorry for the thread jack, OP)

[Garcon1986]

Most people take whatever experiences they can get to prepare themselves for their dream date