Can this be turned around?

January 10, 2018

But yes your comment above stands, oddball puts people off which I guess is unfortunate if you choose not to conform.

What are the opinions of the above?

Do you seriously believe that nonconformist = oddball? No you don’t.

Sure. You should meet those women. Try to take some of the advice people here have been generous enough to give you. Enjoy yourself and the company of other people and at all costs avoid talking about what will be drunk by whom.

January 10, 2018

My problem is this: How do I balance wanting experiences with wanting someone fantastic to take to events and integrate into my life? At the moment it seems it simply cant be the same person. Which is why having a friend who is integrated to an extent into my life is so nice, albeit highly flawed, I'll drink champagne with her, I'll try sip wine with her and it just works, we have a good time BUT this is rare that I connect on that level.

I feel a need to clear this drinking thing up.

ZA, you say above that you do drink other things, alcoholic drinks too.

Why do you continually say you drink only water?

What I know about you:

You say you don't understand what fun is.

You don't like small talk.

You only began smiling at people about a year ago.

People don't usually understand your humour.

You say you're socially awkward, shy, lacking confidence.

You have mentioned your voice briefly in the past and that people don't like your voice - what about your voice do people dislike?

Choosing whether to go for someone to get experience or long term isn't the biggest problem here,

The biggest problem is that for possibly several reasons you put women off you consistently.

It's the other issues you need to concentrate on, not choosing what to find a partner for.

You need to learn how to be social, sociable and approachable and know how to make someone feel comfortable around you before you'll ever get any sexual experience.

January 10, 2018

I feel a need to clear this drinking thing up.
ZA, you say above that you do drink other things, alcoholic drinks too.

Why do you continually say you drink only water?

What I know about you:
You say you don't understand what fun is.
You don't like small talk.
You only began smiling at people about a year ago.
People don't usually understand your humour.
You say you're socially awkward, shy, lacking confidence.

You have mentioned your voice briefly in the past and that people don't like your voice - what about your voice do people dislike?

Choosing whether to go for someone to get experience or long term isn't the biggest problem here,
The biggest problem is that for possibly several reasons you put women off you consistently.
It's the other issues you need to concentrate on, not choosing what to find a partner for.

You need to learn how to be social, sociable and approachable and know how to make someone feel comfortable around you before you'll ever get any sexual experience.

Well I am sitting here right now with two girls from Finland, 22 and 21. To say there is no conversation would be kind. Whole thing was set up by a friend of mine.

Again I tried to chat, tried asking them things but yeh it's more of the same old. At least the weather is good, the pool is warm. I can't very well change a deep voice now can I..;,)

I think you are mostly right.

I drink water because I prefer it. At the end of the day I'll scrap the options mentioned above. Today was an opportunity to try something and it didn't work at all because I had no charm. It's really that simple, awakward, shy, no confidence are all charm issues to lesser or greater degrees, in my opinion anyway.

For what it's worth they asked me nothing about myself.

January 10, 2018

First of all, they are more than ten years younger than you... What are you doing hanging out with girls who are more than ten years younger than you, an thinking that it could be anything more than "water."

Second... And I hate to say this. They are young. To them, you probably look like an "old man." Of course they asked you nothing about yourself. They probably have no desire to make conversation with you because they are young and immature and you are not even on their radar...

And finally, they are from another country. What do you have in common with 20 year old girls from another country? Dude, you have to be realistic. Take the chances when you have a chance that you will be successful. This isn't one of them...

Let's be realistic with our expectations...

January 10, 2018

First of all, they are more than ten years younger than you... What are you doing hanging out with girls who are more than ten years younger than you, an thinking that it could be anything more than "water."

Second... And I hate to say this. They are young. To them, you probably look like an "old man." Of course they asked you nothing about yourself. They probably have no desire to make conversation with you because they are young and immature and you are not even on their radar...

And finally, they are from another country. What do you have in common with 20 year old girls from another country? Dude, you have to be realistic. Take the chances when you have a chance that you will be successful. This isn't one of them...

Let's be realistic with our expectations...

Well seeing they are friends with a friend who is older than me. Look I have nothing on common with anyone so everything is a chance.

January 10, 2018

Well seeing they are friends with a friend who is older than me.

Ok but we can all have friends older/younger but that doesn't mean we want to date them?

When I was 21/22, I literally though guys who were in their late twenties were "ancient" and definitely not dateable material.

A guy in his thirties...

A pool party????

Unless you have changed completely from the guy who has posted on here for years, then what were you thinking?

You set yourself up to fail and guess what?

January 10, 2018

Ok but we can all have friends older/younger but that doesn't mean we want to date them?
When I was 21/22, I literally though guys who were in their late twenties were "ancient" and definitely not dateable material.
A guy in his thirties...

A pool party????
Unless you have changed completely from the guy who has posted on here for years, then what were you thinking?
You set yourself up to fail and guess what?

So, I tried something different, is that a bad thing?

You tell me what will give me success? If this idea was such a fail, it wasn't really because I didn't expect anything.

January 10, 2018

So, I tried something different, is that a bad thing?

You tell me what will give me success? If this idea was such a fail, it wasn't really because I didn't expect anything.

Sure, by all means try, but don't use a failure that was already expected as an indicator of "how things are" or "how trying never helps". I mean, if I want to make a million dollars... I could spend the next 10 years focusing on my career, or I could email Bill Gates and ask him if he'd give me a million dollars. I suppose "trying" the latter never hurts, but if I try that and say "well sheesh, he didn't answer my email, that proves my point, life sucks, I'll never be a millionaire, etc etc".... you know what the definition of that is, right?

January 10, 2018

Sure, by all means try, but don't use a failure that was already expected as an indicator of "how things are" or "how trying never helps". I mean, if I want to make a million dollars... I could spend the next 10 years focusing on my career, or I could email Bill Gates and ask him if he'd give me a million dollars. I suppose "trying" the latter never hurts, but if I try that and say "well sheesh, he didn't answer my email, that proves my point, life sucks, I'll never be a millionaire, etc etc".... you know what the definition of that is, right?

Sure much like the adage of diversified investments.

As I say I didn't expect anything so it wasn't a failure. If anything it was an opportunity to see if I could connect or not.

January 10, 2018

Your "failure" wasn't being "different, or that they were 21 years old and from another country.

Your failure was creating rapport. A connection.

I can talk to 21-year-olds from Sweden ... by a pool ... and have them laughing and having a good time. Have them interested in wanting to know more about me and me knowing more about them. IF they feel that I don't want anything from them other than friendly banter. That's key.

If they can tell I want something - especially sex - I become the creepy old man to be avoided.

You can do the same.

You have to lose the thirst. The neediness. You have to create a level of comfort first.

Seduction comes AFTER rapport.

I really think you should practice creating rapport with anyone. Young, old, male, or female. In any situation. Get comfortable being comfortable with people. Creating a kinship with them. Without being so insistent that you're "different" and that's the way it's going to be.

There are many "different" people who have and have had lasting loving relationships. It starts with creating a connection.

Edited January 10, 2018 by MidKnightDreams

January 10, 2018

So, I tried something different, is that a bad thing?

Of course not. I think it was a fine idea. The problem is that you are now planning to "scrap" everything because of the "result" of trying to chat up young ladies at a pool party.

You tell me what will give me success? If this idea was such a fail, it wasn't really because I didn't expect anything.

Great, so chalk it up to experience. You have now talked to Finnish 20 something women at a pool party. I think that's progress.

I suggest you stop being so results oriented, especially since you are unwilling to do what is actually in line with that approach.

January 10, 2018

Of course not. I think it was a fine idea. The problem is that you are now planning to "scrap" everything because of the "result" of trying to chat up young ladies at a pool party.

Great, so chalk it up to experience. You have now talked to Finnish 20 something women at a pool party. I think that's progress.

I suggest you stop being so results oriented, especially since you are unwilling to do what is actually in line with that approach.

Everything is do is results oriented. Even small improvements are results.

Never said I would scrap anything.

January 10, 2018

Your "failure" wasn't being "different, or that they were 21 years old and from another country.

Your failure was creating rapport. A connection.

I can talk to 21-year-olds from Sweden ... by a pool ... and have them laughing and having a good time. Have them interested in wanting to know more about me and me knowing more about them. IF they feel that I don't want anything from them other than friendly banter. That's key.

If they can tell I want something - especially sex - I become the creepy old man to be avoided.

You can do the same.

You have to lose the thirst. The neediness. You have to create a level of comfort first.

Seduction comes AFTER rapport.

I really think you should practice creating rapport with anyone. Young, old, male, or female. In any situation. Get comfortable being comfortable with people. Creating a kinship with them. Without being so insistent that you're "different" and that's the way it's going to be.

There are many "different" people who have and have had lasting loving relationships. It starts with creating a connection.

I dont actually have that much of an issue if there is some mutual interest. Look they were talking to me, I am positive they had been briefed, they knew I only drank water lol.

As I mentioned I don't really know what I want so it's very hard to find, well it's not, just those people aren't ever single. Kudos though the forum was partly right about the 37yo...soon as she drinks... giving her a miss.

January 10, 2018

Well I am sitting here right now with two girls from Finland, 22 and 21. To say there is no conversation would be kind. Whole thing was set up by a friend of mine.

Again I tried to chat, tried asking them things but yeh it's more of the same old. At least the weather is good, the pool is warm. I can't very well change a deep voice now can I..;,)

I think you are mostly right.

I drink water because I prefer it. At the end of the day I'll scrap the options mentioned above. Today was an opportunity to try something and it didn't work at all because I had no charm. It's really that simple, awakward, shy, no confidence are all charm issues to lesser or greater degrees, in my opinion anyway.

For what it's worth they asked me nothing about myself.

You didn't answer my question, that's twice now. Why do you drink alcohol yet state you only ever always drink water? Do you only drink any alcohol with K?

You didn't seriously think you were going to get laid or get a date with one of these girls did you???

This was about you trying harder(a lot harder (as it is you appear to give something a try pretty much once and if it doesn't go your way it's a reason to complain) to 'be sociable'. I mean they are a lot younger than you and you also have no experience so you're a little bit way off in expectations if you think one of these women was going to fall for you or something.

Your aim now should be to be making people feel comfortable around you because they don't, which is obvious.

This could have been a continued effort but instead you are online...ugh!

When you started to try smiling - which you did after I suggested it a year or so ago - the premise for that was to smile and be social with anyone and everyone - This is what i suggested would be good practice for your personal growth.

Deep voice? If it's unappealing (and you have previously said people don't like your voice) yes, of course you can change it!!

I can change mine in a spilt second and every single person I have ever known is also able to change their voice octave also.

I am aware you have replied since to others and others have posted - I haven't read any of that yet.

Your aim right now should not be dating nor sexual experience at all, it should be learning to be human with other humans.

January 10, 2018

You didn't answer my question, that's twice now. Why do you drink alcohol yet state you only ever always drink water? Do you only drink any alcohol with K?

You didn't seriously think you were going to get laid or get a date with one of these girls did you???

This was about you trying harder(a lot harder (as it is you appear to give something a try pretty much once and if it doesn't go your way it's a reason to complain) to 'be sociable'. I mean they are a lot younger than you and you also have no experience so you're a little bit way off in expectations if you think one of these women was going to fall for you or something.

Your aim now should be to be making people feel comfortable around you because they don't, which is obvious.
This could have been a continued effort but instead you are online...ugh!

When you started to try smiling - which you did after I suggested it a year or so ago - the premise for that was to smile and be social with anyone and everyone - This is what i suggested would be good practice for your personal growth.

Deep voice? If it's unappealing (and you have previously said people don't like your voice) yes, of course you can change it!!
I can change mine in a spilt second and every single person I have ever known is also able to change their voice octave also.

I am aware you have replied since to others and others have posted - I haven't read any of that yet.

Your aim right now should not be dating nor sexual experience at all, it should be learning to be human with other humans.

I am only prepared to have a sip of wine or a sip of champagne with K. It's is very very rare that I drink alcohol.

Of course not I simply wanted to see if I could get on with them and not be awakward or less so. I was partially successful I think.

I must have some social skills because I wouldn't be very good at my job if I didn't, I deal with people all day.

Voice, always spoken like this and see no reason to change it, if people don't like it then tough. I do try smile at a cross section of people.

Probably I see the easy success others have but for me there is just no form of success. Which is why I didn't expect much from this pool party.

The 29yo wants to go to dinner on Friday. Not sure how enthusiastic I feel about this. Mainly because not sure what I really want. Just seems to me someone working with me to arrange events, attending events with me. That's all I seem to need. Anything else would be a bonus I guess.

January 10, 2018

What’s wrong with the 29-year-old? do you think she does not fit the shoes?

January 10, 2018

What’s wrong with the 29-year-old? do you think she does not fit the shoes?

Like the 37yo she seems very keen to get into the bedroom.

January 10, 2018

Like the 37yo she seems very keen to get into the bedroom.

Is that a problem?

If so, why?

January 10, 2018

Because he needs to walk, before he can run.

January 10, 2018

Is that a problem?

If so, why?

Because I need to actually like her and I am not sure I do. I'll change dinner to ice cream...I do eat ice cream!

January 10, 2018

Because he needs to walk, before he can run.

Partly true. Just on reflection trying to decide what I want. I get teased such a lot about dating and never getting laid that I kinda need to remove all of that.

January 10, 2018

First of all, they are more than ten years younger than you... What are you doing hanging out with girls who are more than ten years younger than you, an thinking that it could be anything more than "water."

Second... And I hate to say this. They are young. To them, you probably look like an "old man." Of course they asked you nothing about yourself. They probably have no desire to make conversation with you because they are young and immature and you are not even on their radar...

And finally, they are from another country. What do you have in common with 20 year old girls from another country? Dude, you have to be realistic. Take the chances when you have a chance that you will be successful. This isn't one of them...

Let's be realistic with our expectations...

While I've always looked young for my age, I had early 20's women hitting on me until I was 40. I'm not sure that's unique to me, because otherwise that would make me some super special kind of guy.

January 10, 2018

Partly true. Just on reflection trying to decide what I want. I get teased such a lot about dating and never getting laid that I kinda need to remove all of that.

Rather than making it about what you want, make it about whatever you can get.

January 10, 2018

thats te most depressing thing ive ever heard

January 10, 2018

Like the 37yo she seems very keen to get into the bedroom.

Man l can understand hold back with someone like that it'd turn me off too so early.

But the thing is , women obviously "do" like you , so what's the problem ?

So there's nothing wrong with you it's more just a matter of you meeting someone you feel the same way about.

As far as getting teased , how does anyone even know you don't get laid , you leave those nitty gritties out when you talk to people..

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