Can this be turned around?

[ZA Dater]

I think Trip2TheSky (post #91) makes some good points. I do think ZA tries too hard. Or at least he takes rejection far too seriously. But I don't think people here believe that ZA shouldn't value integrity as he does (indeed he should). He gets the advice that he does on here, because he comes across a bit stiff, lmaybe even self-righteous (which isn't the same as having integrity).

 

The not-drinking thing is a huge example. There isn't anything wrong really with deciding not to drink. It just boggles my mind why ZA makes the fact that he doesn't drink such an issue. There are plenty of single women out there who lead healthy wholesome lifestyles who would hardly be bothered by that. As his prospective dates keep vanishing when he mentions that he doesn't drink, he clearly isn't screening for these women though. (On that note, I suspect that Tinder, which may be predisposed to those with more socially liberal views, isn't the place for ZA to find women compatible with him.)

 

OR maybe instead ZA comes across a bit self-righteous in his not drinking? I wonder in what context does ZA decide to share this. As in maybe the girl is chatting with ZA about how yesterday she went out for drinks for her friend's birthday and what fun they had, and then bamm! out comes the "I don't drink" line, stopping the conversation dead in its tracks.

 

Anyway getting back to trying too hard, I find myself wondering why you (ZA) are going on the date with this girl who is the subject of this thread. Something about her story is not adding up, and (assuming that "she" is indeed a she who is representing herself fairly) if she got drunk by herself, then how are you and she really compatible. Seems like a next to me...

 

 

 

Some stats for you, SA is amongst the top 20 highest alcohol consuming countries in the world, top the USA doesn't feature above SA.

 

 

Let me try and explain how this happens.

 

 

Date: What are you having to drink

Me: I'll have a water.

Date: Why don't you drink

Me: I don't enjoy alcohol and I prefer not to drink

Date: But why, have you been drunk

Me: Yes I have

Date: But why don't you drink.

 

 

The above is virtually a carbon copy of what happens. They cannot get over this because its not normal. As for screening and finding non drinkers, I think the above stats support how virtually impossible that is.

 

 

Prey tell who is compatible with me? I don't drink, I don't go to church, I don't drink and I don't club? Bearing that in mind who is compatible with me?

 

 

Only twice have I met people who saw no issue with me not drinking, the one I see quite often and she wants to actually get me drunk sometime. I might just take her up on this one day.

 

 

What you don't seem to understand is drinking is seen in a social environment here, when you don't you immediately stand out.

 

 

I am quite ok with being different, no issue at all, HOWEVER its a huge issue for the ladies here and interest is immediately lost.

 

 

Next week I might yet see this lady for a date but the fact she has pretty much stopped talking to me suggests not. As for Tinder, at least I get to browse some nice pictures!

 

 

There have been dates which has been great, probably 3 in total but when they have been great they have been the type of dates I wont ever forget...for the right reasons.

[ZA Dater]

Well you change your humour then and don't say you can't because people do that all the time. It is called being flexible. You adapt your humour to your audience.

 

No-one laughs, no-one gets it, awkward silences, then stop it, what's the point?

Or is the point, no-one gets me, oh woe is me?

 

Unless you put yourself out there and "get" what makes others laugh, what makes others tick, then you are always going to be that shy, rigid, awkward guy in the corner who no-one "gets".

 

 

 

Why should I put any effort into understanding others when they cant be bothered to put in any effort to get to know me? I get dismissed out of hand by people but I should put in effort to bend over backwards for them?

 

 

Its easier to simply have no humour than try to compensate for others who don't get my own humour.

 

 

People laughed at my idea to spin a whole load of BS but the fact 99.9% of the people I have met just do exactly that, I am upfront and honest but in reflection most people have arrived at dates with over embellished rubbish, most of which doesn't make any sort of sense and makes me wonder if they are so utterly fantastic what they are doing on dating sites/tinder or why they are single.

 

 

I make no bones about who I am, what my short comings are, my lack of dating success, its pretty pointless trying to be something else. The reality the most successful daters I know spin the biggest lot of nonsense most of the time or try to be completely different people in the hope that said personality will impress whoever they are trying to impress.

 

 

What I didn't post was an experience I had a few months ago, a friend and I tried to charm the same lady, I actually did try this time and was simply me, I tried to be funny, tried to flirt but no prizes, I completely lost in the fact of playful charm and humour.

I took it on the chin because I basically had no chance at all.

 

 

Maybe I should be happy I once had that feeling of really liking someone which is enough to temper the regret that I wasn't the sort of person she liked.

[act00]

I've said this before, but if all you're drinking on a "meet for a drink (beverage) date" is water while your date goes for something else, alcohol or not, it comes across as completely uninterested.

 

So you don't drink alcohol. Why can't you mix it up and choose a beverage that suggests, "I'd like to stay awhile and get to know you?" Something like coffee, tea, juice, soda, or even a mocktail? My goodness, you could even meet for ice cream, which seems rather juvenile in my mind, but it's a go-getter for a lot of people.

 

Do you care if your potential girlfriend drinks? Do you have the "nondrinker" check-marked on your profile? Do you state in your profile you're seeking a non-drinker, so you can avoid uncompatibility in this area?

 

In one of your posts, you mentioned asking someone out for water. "Would you like to meet on Friday for water?" Uhhh, I think I'll pass. There's no substance. It falls flat. It's dull. It feels uninterested.

[ZA Dater]

I've said this before, but if all you're drinking on a "meet for a drink (beverage) date" is water while your date goes for something else, alcohol or not, it comes across as completely uninterested.

 

So you don't drink alcohol. Why can't you mix it up and choose a beverage that suggests, "I'd like to stay awhile and get to know you?" Something like coffee, tea, juice, soda, or even a mocktail? My goodness, you could even meet for ice cream, which seems rather juvenile in my mind, but it's a go-getter for a lot of people.

 

Do you care if your potential girlfriend drinks? Do you have the "nondrinker" check-marked on your profile? Do you state in your profile you're seeking a non-drinker, so you can avoid uncompatibility in this area?

 

In one of your posts, you mentioned asking someone out for water. "Would you like to meet on Friday for water?" Uhhh, I think I'll pass. There's no substance. It falls flat. It's dull. It feels uninterested.

 

It's very simple, it's next to impossible to find a non drinker because then one arrives I to the relmn of religion where I am very incompatible. She can drink by all means provided she is ok with the fact I don't drink. Which seems to bother most people here hugely.

 

Again, why must I bend over backwards for some random person and drink something else to create yet another false impression?

 

As far as I am concerned choice of drink has little to do with interest or not. A decent person would respect the choices of others.

[Iseult]

I've said this before, but if all you're drinking on a "meet for a drink (beverage) date" is water while your date goes for something else, alcohol or not, it comes across as completely uninterested.

Even coconut water, right out of the coconut?

[joseb]

 

Again, why must I bend over backwards for some random person and drink something else to create yet another false impression?

 

As far as I am concerned choice of drink has little to do with interest or not. A decent person would respect the choices of others.

 

Can you not see that it's boring? Shows a lack of adventure.

 

Would you like to date someone who only ate plain rice every time you went out to dinner?

[elaine567]

Why should I put any effort into understanding others when they cant be bothered to put in any effort to get to know me?

I get dismissed out of hand by people but I should put in effort to bend over backwards for them?

 

Oh dear, because bluntly they are not the ones struggling to get a date.

You are the outlier here and so you need to start being more flexible and attempt to fit in.

Yes it is absolutely fantastic being such a unique individual, that you stand alone against the terrible mixed up and cruel world, but really who cares?

Nobody.

Everyone just keeps on doing their own thing, doing what pleases them, whilst you stand on the sidelines looking in and dare I say it, judging.

 

But I do get it, the quality of these women is too poor for what you are looking for.

You really need a women with a decent level of education, and where those hang out should be your stomping ground, but I have a sneaky suspicion that you are not confident enough to place yourself in an environment where it may be you that does not come up to scratch, where your knowledge of politics or world affairs or anything else you purport to be interested in, will be challenged...

 

But you need to do something because at present, you are guddling about in a dirty stream looking for a world class diamond, in the vain hope that such a rare beast will have somehow made its way there and you will be the one to find it, when you really need to stride confidently up to the diamond mine, where there is at least a decent chance of getting what you want...

[ZA Dater]

Can you not see that it's boring? Shows a lack of adventure.

 

Would you like to date someone who only ate plain rice every time you went out to dinner?

 

Firstly I don't judge people by what they eat or what they drink, neither defines them as people.

 

Secondly, do you not think it odd to judge by what people drink?

[BaileyB]

Firstly I don't judge people by what they eat or what they drink, neither defines them as people.

 

Secondly, do you not think it odd to judge by what people drink?

 

My goodness, are we back to debating the fact that OP doesn't drink and how that affects his dating opportunities?

 

There are many people in this world who do not drink - they all manage to date and find relationships. The fact that OP does not drink is not the issue here...

[ZA Dater]

Oh dear, because bluntly they are not the ones struggling to get a date.

You are the outlier here and so you need to start being more flexible and attempt to fit in.

Yes it is absolutely fantastic being such a unique individual, that you stand alone against the terrible mixed up and cruel world, but really who cares?

Nobody.

Everyone just keeps on doing their own thing, doing what pleases them, whilst you stand on the sidelines looking in and dare I say it, judging.

 

But I do get it, the quality of these women is too poor for what you are looking for.

You really need a women with a decent level of education, and where those hang out should be your stomping ground, but I have a sneaky suspicion that you are not confident enough to place yourself in an environment where it may be you that does not come up to scratch, where your knowledge of politics or world affairs or anything else you purport to be interested in, will be challenged...

 

But you need to do something because at present, you are guddling about in a dirty stream looking for a world class diamond, in the vain hope that such a rare beast will have somehow made its way there and you will be the one to find it, when you really need to stride confidently up to the diamond mine, where there is at least a decent chance of getting what you want...

 

 

 

I am actually going to take the advice given here and change my method, instead of bending over backwards I am just going to be less accommodating of people who don't interest me, in the past I would sort of say ok, lets meet up and give them the benefit of the doubt, now I think if they don't interest me from the off I wont bother meeting them.

 

 

I judge only to the extent I am judged and I actually don't really care what people think of me. Most think I am odd and a misfit, who really cares what they think if I spent everyday worrying about what people thought of me I would never get anything done.

 

 

I'd welcome a challenge, its telling the people I have liked the most have challenged me the most, K challenges me all the time, intellectually and challenges me to get better at things, I am undoubtedly a better person because of it. Nobody knows everything and I certainly don't. Everything I do I thrive of challenges, the more difficult the more I like the idea, why do you think I chase the most impossible people to get, yes I find them very attractive but they aren't ever single, does that deter me, definitely not. Nothing I ever done has been done the easy way, every single thing has been run fall, run fall but through that I have had some small wins.

 

 

What do I enjoy, I enjoy accomplishing things, there are few better feelings than accomplishing something. SO yes, when I sit down with someone who doesn't have any sort of drive to do anything and I have sit through being asked why I don't drink over and over again the person isn't for me. Tell me about your difficult photography course, your difficult work issue, your goal to get fit, show me something that shows you have some drive in life. (Your= refers to dates I sit down with) Boasting about clubs and what not isn't in the least ambitious nor does it show the person as being learned.

 

 

Before K there was someone else M, a co worker, again there was a challenge there, also never single, I did manage to take her out once when she broke up with her bf but I was too honest when asked what I thought about him and 2 weeks later she was back with him. She had a lovely personality and is a lovely person, I saw her about 3 weeks ago.

 

 

What these two people have in common is this, they took/take an interest in me and I take an interest in them. Its all very well telling me I must change this and that but why, when its just a dog eat dog game where little regard is given to the person and where adventure is determined by the drink you drink and the food you eat?

 

 

That's like saying the Great Gatsby is a rubbish novel because the cover image isn't word class. There is a lot to be said for the portrayal in that book, I believe it sums up dating perfectly but that's just me.

 

 

You tell me where you propose I find these so called diamonds, every person has potential, I have been out with enough of them to know that but they don't connect with me, why because somewhere drummed into the head of the average lady is a list of so called social requirements of what their man should be like. I have been out to restaurants and bars a lot, I did because I needed the exposure for a novel I am writing and you know what, its all the same.

 

 

For years I have sat being told "you must do this and do that and act this way and do that when she say this" why? What honestly is the point of this rubbish when you are judged on a drink or lack thereof or the fact you don't club or the fact you don't dance.

 

 

Again I get judged for those things continuously so while you say I judge I think I am entitled to when I judged on such trivialities. (don't dare use that word on a date, blank stares will be the result).

 

 

I can sit and be nice and I am most the time, I listen well, I care and generally am the most dependable person you would meet but that's never enough when faced with a false charm offensive good enough to rival of KGB agent in the 1980s.

 

 

There are haves, wants and improbable wants. I will always want the latter because that's just who I am, they guy who chases the improbably in the hope that one day it becomes probable. Which either makes me a romantic, a fool or and idiot. You choose.

[ZA Dater]

My goodness, are we back to debating the fact that OP doesn't drink and how that affects his dating opportunities?

 

There are many people in this world who do not drink - they all manage to date and find relationships. The fact that OP does not drink is not the issue here...

 

 

 

Thank you, I agree, pity it is such a problem for the people I go on dates with.

[MidwestUSA]

Here's the thing, OP. Asking someone out for 'a water' - it's as Jose says. Why would anyone go out to have something they can get out of their tap at home?

 

It makes it look like you don't want to spend a dime on yourself. If you're going out, live a little. Make it a fancy water. I'm not saying alcohol. Just, if you're actually saying 'let's go have a water', well, it sounds like you can't be bothered to enjoy the experience of going out.

 

Does that make sense?

[Imajerk17]

Good grief. This thread is still going on, and it is going in the same circles as the other threads from the OP. What's going to be different this time?

 

OP--the idea of a date is *shared experiences*. Ever have a meal w someone who isn't eating too? That's no fun. I mean you may respect their decision to go Paleo and all that, but geeze it kind of sucks having the perfect plate of fried calamari, and not having the person across from the table enjoy it with you. It detracts from the experience. Anyway that is kind of what you are doing for your dates by **setting them up at a bar** and then ordering water. Can't you at least order appetizers for the both of you.

 

Or better yet, it's currently summer in SA. Think of something to do *outside* that would be an appropriate first date activity. Aren't there hiking trails that get a reasonable amount of foot traffic? That actually makes a great first date. (And I know from experience, I had a good amount of success doing this myself near where I live!) You're sharing an experience together, enough people around so she feels safe, and even if you and she don't make a connection, you both got a 2-hour hike in.

 

You are making this much harder than it has to be.

Edited January 6, 2018 by Imajerk17

[BaileyB]

Thank you, I agree, pity it is such a problem for the people I go on dates with.

 

Is it though, or is that only your perception?

 

This is what I'm saying, there are lots of people who don't drink and lots of people who date people who don't drink. My two best friends is among them - it hasn't stopped either from marrying and having a family.

 

With the right person, it is simply not an issue.

[ZA Dater]

Here's the thing, OP. Asking someone out for 'a water' - it's as Jose says. Why would anyone go out to have something they can get out of their tap at home?

 

It makes it look like you don't want to spend a dime on yourself. If you're going out, live a little. Make it a fancy water. I'm not saying alcohol. Just, if you're actually saying 'let's go have a water', well, it sounds like you can't be bothered to enjoy the experience of going out.

 

Does that make sense?

 

 

I doesn't because, I said the following, "lets go out for a drink, well for me that's a water hahaha".

 

 

I honestly don't see anything wrong with that, she already knew I only drink water.

[ZA Dater]

Is it though, or is that only your perception?

 

This is what I'm saying, there are lots of people who don't drink and lots of people who date people who don't drink. My two best friends is among them - it hasn't stopped either from marrying and having a family.

 

With the right person, it is simply not an issue.

 

 

I very clearly haven't met that right person because usually as soon as they find out I don't drink the conversation turns and a sense of disinterest arrives.

 

 

For example the date I was supposed to have, hasn't happened, she barely communicates with me, suspect something better has arrived, which is fine based on the advice given her.

[BaileyB]

I very clearly haven't met that right person because usually as soon as they find out I don't drink the conversation turns and a sense of disinterest arrives.

 

 

For example the date I was supposed to have, hasn't happened, she barely communicates with me, suspect something better has arrived, which is fine based on the advice given her.

 

But, look at the quality of woman that you were hoping to date/have sex with!!! People on this board thought that she was a working woman who was going to ask you for money. She may as well have advertised, "for a good time, call..." Except, when you called, she didn't answer. She was not girlfriend or wife material.

 

My goodness, I'm sorry to be blunt, but this experience is nothing more of an example of a desperate man hoping to get laid trying to hook up with a woman who had poor judgment and boundaries. Don't think that it is any more than what it was...

Edited January 6, 2018 by BaileyB

[ZA Dater]

Good grief. This thread is still going on, and it is going in the same circles as the other threads from the OP. What's going to be different this time?

 

OP--the idea of a date is *shared experiences*. Ever have a meal w someone who isn't eating too? That's no fun. I mean you may respect their decision to go Paleo and all that, but geeze it kind of sucks having the perfect plate of fried calamari, and not having the person across from the table enjoy it with you. It detracts from the experience. Anyway that is kind of what you are doing for your dates by **setting them up at a bar** and then ordering water. Can't you at least order appetizers for the both of you.

 

Or better yet, it's currently summer in SA. Think of something to do *outside* that would be an appropriate first date activity. Aren't there hiking trails that get a reasonable amount of foot traffic? That actually makes a great first date. (And I know from experience, I had a good amount of success doing this myself near where I live!) You're sharing an experience together, enough people around so she feels safe, and even if you and she don't make a connection, you both got a 2-hour hike in.

 

You are making this much harder than it has to be.

 

 

 

Honestly it wouldn't bother me much if someone ate or didn't, wouldn't even feature when deciding if I like them or not, if they ate badly and talked with their mouth full yes that might irk me but even then not enough to really put me off.

 

 

I get your shared experiences idea but why does it have to be? The ONLY time this has worked for me is if I actually connect with the person, if not it really doesn't even feature for me.

 

 

I have done the hiking thing before ages ago, which worked because she was a tourist and genuinely enjoyed the hike and I liked her company to, surprise it all fell apart "lets go for a drink".

 

 

Not really sure about harder, this has always been on the wrong side of impossible!

 

 

I probably just cared more then than I do now, honestly if someone likes me or not , I couldn't care less because whatever I try doesn't work so when it doesn't work I am not surprised and when I get no dates I am not surprised either. People tell me dating is fun and yes I can see with the right person it could be that but you need to find the right person to start with! What does surprise me are people who complain about their bf's yet they picked them! If he is so terrible then find someone else, what also surprises me is who people choose and for what reason, often I simply cannot fathom what would make person A like person B.

 

 

A lot of it I put down to bare basic physical compatibility and a large part of "I might be alone so he is good enough". Its easier to settle than look for what you really want or take a chance on something different. People don't do that, put me next to the A typical guy and I have lost because the safe option will always be taken versus taking someone who is slightly different in their viewpoint.

 

 

Perhaps dating is hard, perhaps its easy but as with everything its subjective. I just don't connect with many people, other connect more easily, I simply don't.

[ZA Dater]

But, look at the quality of woman that you were hoping to date/have sex with!!! People on this board thought that she was a working woman who was going to ask you for money. She may as well have advertised, "for a good time, call..." Except, when you called, she didn't answer. She was not girlfriend or wife material.

 

My goodness, I'm sorry to be blunt, but this experience is nothing more of an example of a desperate man hoping to get laid trying to hook up with a woman who had poor judgment and boundaries. Don't think that it is any more than what it was...

 

 

 

Blunt is good.

 

 

Still she seemed nice enough, we chatted quite a lot but still she lost interest.

 

 

What is girlfriend material because when I meet what I think is I tend to find they are already taken.

 

 

On one hand I am told "its a numbers game" and on the other its look at the quality, she is really nice looking which is more than I can say for the others I have had dates with. Which I guess in itself should have been a warning, why would she want me...

 

 

Numbers and quality never seem to go together.

 

 

The last date I had, she too wanted fun on text, when she met me that idea quickly changed.

[Cookiesandough]

so what do you think you did wrong? Or are doing wrong? Are you just looking for fun??you seem like a more... dispiplined fellow and if she would have been drunk and become aggressively sexual and it would have ended awkwardly and/or you would have gotten a venereal disease and/or money taken and right at this moment had even more problems.

 

You have always come across to me as...stringent. Maybe a little too stringeng. You seem very structured and serious and most people get enough of that in life and just want to have fun on dates.I hope this doesn’t come out wrong, but it seems like most things people around you and I suppose most importantly here, the people you want to date, do for fun is beneath you. It’s unsophisticated and juvenile. And when people suggest things you should do or ways to change to get better results, you remain stringent and steadfast. If they don’t like you for who you are, what you like,how you behave, your principles... then too bad,, you will not change to attract a woman. But what advice can really be given? People have told you that you need to change to get the results you want or you’ll keep getting the same results...do you think so?

Edited January 6, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[BaileyB]

 

 

Still she seemed nice enough, we chatted quite a lot but still she lost interest.

 

 

What is girlfriend material because when I meet what I think is I tend to find they are already taken. .

 

With all due respect, I feel like we have had this discussion before, at length...

 

I think you always knew that this woman wasn't girlfriend material... You were attracted by her appearance and the offer of easy sex. You were willing to overlook any number of other red flags, because of her appearance and the offer of easy sex. If we look back in this discussion, you pretty well said as much.

 

If you don't know the difference between someone you would want to trust to be a life partner and a woman who contacts men, offers sex to a stranger, and then flakes out... Well, I'm not sure what to say.

[joseb]

Firstly I don't judge people by what they eat or what they drink, neither defines them as people.

 

Secondly, do you not think it odd to judge by what people drink?

 

No, i don't think it's odd. I could go into a lot of reasons why, but if you're curious, here is a post that gives a reasonable summary.

 

http://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/6-reasons-never-trust-someone-doesnt-drink/757684/amp

 

I don't necessarily agree with all of it, but is typical of how people might view non drinkers.

 

And it's not just that you don't drink alcohol. You don't drink anything, bar water.

 

You say you dont judge people by what they eat or drink, but I've seen a lot of judgemental posts from you about women being tipsy on dates. So what. As long as they are not alcoholics, who cares.

 

And although you say it doesn't matter, try to imagine going for nice meals with someone who either eats nothing, or just the bread. Or you spend hours cooking a nice meal and they steadfastly refuse to eat any of it, and munch a granola bar they brought with them instead.

 

So you could let your hair down a bit, and have a glass of wine or a beer once in a while. It's probably good for you (very light drinkers tend to live longer than tea toatelers).

 

Or you could at least mix it up and try a coconut water, or a low sugar ginger beer, or any of 100s of other options out there.

 

Or you can stick to your guns, drink only water and wonder why most people think you are a bit odd or too rigid to date.

Edited January 7, 2018 by joseb

[NuevoYorko]

 

If she contacts me I might go for a water with her but I doubt she will.

 

 

 

I wish you would consider taking this little piece of advice:

 

Try not to be uptight. Nobody goes out for "a water." People meet for a drink or coffee. Then they order whatever they feel like having, like maybe water.

 

If you're interested in getting to know some woman, just meet for "a drink" and don't drink booze, don't make a big deal of it. If you don't like the way she uses alcohol then you have learned what you needed to know. In reality, millions of adults go out for "drinks" and don't drink booze. In fact, bars do a healthy business creating "virgin" versions of cocktails.

 

It's normal to not drink, what is a hinderance is being so hung up about it.

 

Look - I do get that you are reserved and don't enjoy a club or party atmosphere but if you really want to meet women, and I know you do, you will need to find a way to participate in social life to some extent.

 

You can do it.

Edited January 7, 2018 by NuevoYorko

[ZA Dater]

so what do you think you did wrong? Or are doing wrong? Are you just looking for fun??you seem like a more... dispiplined fellow and if she would have been drunk and become aggressively sexual and it would have ended awkwardly and/or you would have gotten a venereal disease and/or money taken and right at this moment had even more problems.

 

You have always come across to me as...stringent. Maybe a little too stringeng. You seem very structured and serious and most people get enough of that in life and just want to have fun on dates.I hope this doesn’t come out wrong, but it seems like most things people around you and I suppose most importantly here, the people you want to date, do for fun is beneath you. It’s unsophisticated and juvenile. And when people suggest things you should do or ways to change to get better results, you remain stringent and steadfast. If they don’t like you for who you are, what you like,how you behave, your principles... then too bad,, you will not change to attract a woman. But what advice can really be given? People have told you that you need to change to get the results you want or you’ll keep getting the same results...do you think so?

 

 

There are multitudes of people who have changed for change sake and have no better results before and live unhappy lives trying to be what they are not. I'd rather be me and live a fairly happy if lonely life than be miserable being what people think I need to be. I have tried that.

 

 

For what its worth, nobody on this forum has ever offended me so forthright opinions are good.

 

 

I like structure yes and yes I can actually let my hair down sometimes, its nice to go tasting different foods at a fresh food market for example, I am not adverse to trying new things and I have no issue with clubbing and bars provided the persons entire social existence doesn't revolve around those things. What people aren't getting here is its NOT ME has a issue with people drinking its THEM having an issue that I don't drink. I don't make a fuss of it at all, I try move the conversation on but they tend to hark on it because its UNUSUAL here, or seemingly so.

 

 

For what its worth I once again came across someone not dissimilar to the first person, this one is 29 yo, again wanted to get overly friendly with me, she isn't my cup of tea looks wise but it was nice to chat to her. In the past I would look at the overall picture, now I simply take any positive I can from any situation.

[ZA Dater]

With all due respect, I feel like we have had this discussion before, at length...

 

I think you always knew that this woman wasn't girlfriend material... You were attracted by her appearance and the offer of easy sex. You were willing to overlook any number of other red flags, because of her appearance and the offer of easy sex. If we look back in this discussion, you pretty well said as much.

 

If you don't know the difference between someone you would want to trust to be a life partner and a woman who contacts men, offers sex to a stranger, and then flakes out... Well, I'm not sure what to say.

 

 

 

I thought she had some potential by virtue of her different interests and apparently well balanced life. That fact she is pretty and was interested in me perhaps clouded my judgement because I don't exactly ever get anyone pretty interested in me!

 

 

You are right but do I really have the right to be choosy?