BaileyB Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Thanks! Still was nice to be matched to someone attractive for the change. This has only been the second opportunity this year so. But yes I think you are right, doesn't make me feel a lot better but cold logic makes for some comfort. As you have just learned, physical appearance is not always the best or only reason to consider when choosing a partner. If you are looking to have sex with a stranger that you find attractive, that's fine. But, let's not pretend is was anything more... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 You may have lost out to several guys. This girl sounds like she was looking to get laid. Tell me honestly, what would you have done once she was in your car and all over you? Would you have been comfortable? Are you up for that? I think you just dodged a bullet. No reason to feel like it's a defeat. I don't know because I haven't been in that situation. The sad reality is I have never really had that sort of attention, much less from someone I think is "hot" to coin a phrase. Sure I had the date this year who was all over me but she had consumed probably two bottles of wine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 As you have just learned, physical appearance is not always the best or only reason to consider when choosing a partner. If you are looking to have sex with a stranger that you find attractive, that's fine. But, let's not pretend is was anything more... I have tried for years to date people to be that bf guy but I just doesn't work so if I have to consider what to me seems to be the next best thing then yes it I admit it was nothing more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 I think I get why this would lead to a feeling of let down but I have been checking out your threads for a while and I think it's a win for you that you were engaging in this kind of banter at all. From what I get about you this is out of your comfort zone and IMO your comfort zone is your worst enemy when it comes to dating. That said, I imagine your level of discomfort would be off the charts if this thing came to fruition. Don't worry about what you did or didn't do or whether she found a different guy, whatever. She was playing and it's not exactly your game. Tip: Quit telling women how you don't drink very much. It sounds like code for "I am uptight." Unless you are a recovering alcoholic and it's crucial to your sobriety to maintain strong boundaries around that, simply don't drink. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 I have tried for years to date people to be that bf guy but I just doesn't work so if I have to consider what to me seems to be the next best thing then yes it I admit it was nothing more than that. And there's nothing wrong with that. Some fun, some experience, nothing wrong with it. I suspect pretty much every poster here had a bit of experience which wasn't within a fully fledged loving lasting relationship when they started out sexually. You're just doing it a few years later is the only difference. Link to post Share on other sites
LilySun Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 This gal is either looking for work, or just for the 1st desperate guy available to ring her bells. You may hear from her again when she goes back out on the prowl. But it doesn't sound like something that would be smart to mess with. The only thing you lost here is a chance to get an STD. Nothing about this should make you feel bad about yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Me Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 How do you know this person is even real? A person perhaps but you assume no one lies on the internet? I assume what I read is a lie....just the opposite. Why get all disappointing and down on your self when you don't even have all the facts? Somethings you might not think of when emotions are high. They might not be who the picture is. They might be intentially spreading STD's They might be smashed and not remember any of it. Might be a group of people just playing internet games and poking fun at the poor folks trying to be serious. They might have some sort of personality issues you DON'T want involved in They might be looking for craziness or even looking for a virgin sacrifice. These might sound nuts but the world takes all kinds and all kinds are out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 I think I get why this would lead to a feeling of let down but I have been checking out your threads for a while and I think it's a win for you that you were engaging in this kind of banter at all. From what I get about you this is out of your comfort zone and IMO your comfort zone is your worst enemy when it comes to dating. That said, I imagine your level of discomfort would be off the charts if this thing came to fruition. Don't worry about what you did or didn't do or whether she found a different guy, whatever. She was playing and it's not exactly your game. Tip: Quit telling women how you don't drink very much. It sounds like code for "I am uptight." Unless you are a recovering alcoholic and it's crucial to your sobriety to maintain strong boundaries around that, simply don't drink. I have tried this before but with nobody attractive enough to make me want to push the envelope at all. If I say I don't drink its an instant deal killer seemingly. Thing is I don't have a game of any sorts, be the decent guy, get fobbed off, be the guy after one thing, get fobbed off. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Me Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Do you want quantity or quality? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 Do you want quantity or quality? Seeing as I will be 34 next year and haven't had one I guess that's a debatable question! Just seems to me I cannot keep adopting this "go on a date, try get a second date and so forth" approach which is brought me no dividends, hence I saw this as an admittedly poorly judged opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Me Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Your approach is going to depend on the answer. Quality....Harder to find but more satisfying. Quantity...easier to get but don't get caught up in games. Play the game just don't take it seriously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 Your approach is going to depend on the answer. Quality....Harder to find but more satisfying. Quantity...easier to get but don't get caught up in games. Play the game just don't take it seriously. Not exactly in the position to choose to be honest. What I like and what I can get.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Me Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 I understand very much so. Just be careful though because I'm telling ya right now, and I mean it, a bad situation is gonna be way worse for ya. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 I understand very much so. Just be careful though because I'm telling ya right now, and I mean it, a bad situation is gonna be way worse for ya. Yes, I understand. Its a balancing act, not had much success at the "take to dinner/take to coffee" type thing. Had a think about this and I think I was sold by the picture and the interest which I never really get. Chances are she would have met me and not liked me anyway so it would have been a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Now she doesn't seem interested in meeting up at all, conversation has dried up completely. From "fetch me, take me for a drink, have fun with me" to no conversation. Honestly I think I am just stupid to be able to mess something like that up. Not really, as it seems like she wanted to go out for a drink and as you do not drink, I know of few people who would want to go out drinking at New Year with a teetotaller. Link to post Share on other sites
LilySun Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Yes, I understand. Its a balancing act, not had much success at the "take to dinner/take to coffee" type thing. Had a think about this and I think I was sold by the picture and the interest which I never really get. Chances are she would have met me and not liked me anyway so it would have been a waste of time. But this chick is not looking for someone she "likes" in the 1st place. She is looking for a quick fix of some sort, or money, which has nothing to do with liking a person. You are beating yourself up over nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 But this chick is not looking for someone she "likes" in the 1st place. She is looking for a quick fix of some sort, or money, which has nothing to do with liking a person. You are beating yourself up over nothing. Yes just another chance wasted...rare chance at that. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Yes just another chance wasted...rare chance at that. A chance for what? To get laid? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 Not really, as it seems like she wanted to go out for a drink and as you do not drink, I know of few people who would want to go out drinking at New Year with a teetotaller. True. Can't argue with that. Of course some searching brought up some alternatives but none of these people are attractive, the one thinks I am just the best...not interested at all. She would have met up tonight. That's always the point. How do I appeal to people I find attractive. Seems impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 Not really, as it seems like she wanted to go out for a drink and as you do not drink, I know of few people who would want to go out drinking at New Year with a teetotaller. A chance for what? To get laid? Yes. I have tried the coffee date, tried the dinner date, tried dating sites. It's easy to feel it's nothing to be wanted but it is if nobody you have wanted has ever wanted you. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Yes. I have tried the coffee date, tried the dinner date, tried dating sites. It's easy to feel it's nothing to be wanted but it is if nobody you have wanted has ever wanted you. Big hugs. But,honestly, because of my belief that this woman was a professional, if you'd met up and had to pay for sex, I think you'd be feeling worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 If you still have her number, message her late and say "You busy? I wanna see you." That would be speaking her language. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 If some guy on a dating site texted me "I'll come and fetch you, we can go for a drink, we can have fun and we can have sex all night"and I said "No mister, no sex all night as I do not do that with someone I hardly know" and he immediately then dried up on me, I would not be beating myself up over OMG he found another girl, OMG I am so useless, OMG nothing ever works for me... He wanted to have sex all night with me, I didn't, he withdrew the offer She wanted to go for a drink with you, you don't drink, she withdrew the offer, it is as simple as that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 If I say I don't drink its an instant deal killer seemingly. Stop saying it. I don't drink. I don't think it's a big deal. I go out with people who drink, I go to bars to socialize. If someone is into getting drunk and being deeply in a "club scene" I can be pretty sure we won't be compatible. That's my choice; that's the kind of thing I'm trying to find out about when meeting women. You're at a mature age. There are many people in your age group who "drink" but not all the time; who certainly meet people in bars and choose to have club soda that day rather than beer or whiskey, etc. Intense clubbing is happening mostly among the 20s crowd. It's not something to be so preoccupied about. I have to say that your insistence on defining yourself by your abstinence from alcohol, and also defining other people by the fact that they enjoy having drinks, are features that you might want to ditch sometime soon. I am, otoh, very happy to see that you might not be absolutely averse to having some fun. Generally that's a good quality. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LilySun Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 (edited) Yes just another chance wasted...rare chance at that. Okaaay well.... If you aren't feeling picky about how you get it or who it's with, and feeling that desperate (not an insult but a real feeling), is there any Gentleman's clubs in your city? Lol, just saying you seem okay with the possibility of paying for it so at a place like that your chances are good. Or try one of the web sites specifically for getting booty, surely those are out there somewhere. The concern is you consider this "lost chance" a reason to depricate yourself and feel emotionally bad. [] Edited January 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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