Isadora Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Today is a bad day for me coping wise. I still can't wrap my head around a sudden breakup after 8 years. I have good days and bad days like everyone else. It has been about 20 days since he really made it clear that we were over....14 days since I realized he was emotionally attached to a girl 12 years younger, and 3 days that I have been out of our shared apartment. We have a child together so it isn't like I can totally avoid him. Today, I spent most of the day stalking his facebook page, and going through his post on a public forum he frequents to see if there was any indication of our breakup on there. I know I am lame. I wish I could stop this craziness that is consuming me. I love him so much that I have been sick over this whole thing. I should hate him right now, and parts of me do, but I still yearn for his affection. What's wrong with me????????? I was doing all the Facebook stalking etc. and just upsetting myself more and more each day, my friends helped me to block him and I explained to him why I was doing it. One day I will unblock him but for now it's what I need. I kept torturing myself over posts and photos. I know it's hard but please block his Facebook, it will make it easier and you won't have to torture yourself over things that maybe you interpreted wrong in the first place. Stay strong! x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riou Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Feeling good today,looking forward to an outing with my friends this friday.Feel nothing when i see the things she gave me during our dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I dreamt of him last night. He kissed me in the dream. I could smell him... he has such a subtle smell. Clean, like fresh laundry. My heart was fluttering in my sleep and woke me up... then I felt like I'd been hit when I realized I was cold and alone in bed. The Hush Sound - Don't Wake Me Up ^^That song came on my ipod on the way to work. Too real... too much... Link to post Share on other sites
Steven33 Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 trying to hold my tears back....Sure she is enjoying cruising all over the world....all the promises we made each other before she left to ensure the relationships would work over the 9months....she broke my heart...something I could never do to her...guess I loved her more than what she did me.....holidays are coming up..thinking about the past 3 Christmas's we spent together....feeling crushed today..... Link to post Share on other sites
GatsbyMH Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I'm filing for divorce today. I initiated the divorce so I'm doing okay with it. She's already dating and seems to be happy. Couldn't ask for a smoother divorce. Yet I feel so lonely because I'm waiting for someone else to leave her marriage. Sometimes I wonder if I can endure all this without breaking. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 (edited) I am feeling slightly better than yesterday. I have been able to think about things other than him; which is good as in the beginning I could think of nothing but him. Although waking up at 4 am and checking my cell - - only to still see no text from him - - hit me like a ton of bricks. I was tempted to break NC and send him that one final f**k you and goodbye message but I knew I'd be doing it just to get some sort of reaction out of him. And even if he did react, he'd just disappear again. Even though in the beginning he *promised* he wouldn't disappear. But of course that turned out to be one more lie to add to the pile. Ultimately I decided it wasn't worth running the risk of breaking NC and didn't send it. So on I plod with day 5... Edited November 13, 2013 by radiodarcy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AZtragedy Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Terrible start to the day.... Had at least 2 different dreams about my wife....so real, so vivid. Woke up and could not get back to sleep. Already depressed and now it is time to go to work..... Link to post Share on other sites
AZtragedy Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Work dragged on and on and on...could not focus at all. This has been one of the worst days yet. 6 weeks in, and I do not really feel any better at all. Maybe worse. Walking a fine line between survival and total hopelessness... Better go to bed extra early, and hope for no more dreams about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Nubcake Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Heh I had a dream about my ex as well this morning, been having many. One of those that felt realistic. Was laying together in bed holding each other and I kissed her feeling her lips. I can't escape her when I sleep either. Link to post Share on other sites
maturityassets Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Eh today? When the person you love just disappoints you by her inability to stick up for herself against her family, makes me think of my ex. Ugh! So annoying. What am I thinking about? Pretty much how I'm a better person now than I was a year ago, but I'm just curious as to what my ex would think of me now? Doubt she gives a ****, but its just a curiosity. Still not the best place for your mind to go to when you're upset at someone. Anyway rant went on long enough. Just needed this off my chest somewhere. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Armyguy123 Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 with prescription drugs! Link to post Share on other sites
Chris715 Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Pretty terrible day today. Had a dream last night where I saw her with some guy she was dating. Woke up and felt terrible and that's carried on a good portion of the day. Got a call from a random number with my area code tonight that I thought might have been hers. Practically panicked when I saw it. Of course nope, it wasn't her. Whoever the caller was left some voice message and that was that. Now just staying home for the night, not sure what to do. Looking for distractions I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riou Posted November 14, 2013 Author Share Posted November 14, 2013 Dreaming of ex seem like a way of the psyche letting go,i dreamt of her a few times and felt bad before i get better and now i am happy,3 months NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Isadora Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 I'm just obsessing over 'does he miss me?' Sigh. Week 2 continues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dumped85 Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Im feeling ok, sent a message to a friend of the ex to explain some things. I feel lighter, maybe because I know she's going to read it anyway. I don't need her in my life. I realize that now. Link to post Share on other sites
strive Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Happy today. Joined a meetup group and looking forward to my first outing this weekend. Found the light at the end of the tunnel! Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 In spite of saying i was feeling a bit better yesterday, I spoke too soon. All day, I was plagued by this irritating urge to check my cell phone to see if he had contacted me (he hadn't of course ); which only made me feel worse and fed my obsessive thoughts to the point where I tried stalking him online. Luckily I didn't really find much of anything. He doesn't have twitter or facebook so he doesn't really leave much of a "footprint". Lately days seem to be harder for me than nights. I think that's because I have a desk job; and while things can get busy, I can still do my work while thinking of other things as well. And well, most of the time I think of him, which is why I'm on LS all day hah! The good thing is that by the time evening rolls around I'm tired of thinking about him and am more likely to think of other things. Also, I go to the gym in the evenings which helps a lot. Admittedly I really have to push myself to go. As all I want to do is go to bed and lie there. But I know I'm more likely to heal if I try to stay active. Link to post Share on other sites
im_thedude Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Pretty somber this morning, look forward to getting to work and keeping busy Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 I'm sure o it now. I have my first real crush since the breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
AZtragedy Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Yet another bad day. All day, every day, thoughts of my wife and feeling so sad that she has gone and moved in with some creep. Been heading to bed early all week, which is good in the sense that it is 8-9 hours that my conscious mind gets to stop thinking about all of this. The bad part is, my subconscious quite often puts her in my dreams, and if I suddenly wake up, it is hard to get back to sleep or to start the day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riou Posted November 15, 2013 Author Share Posted November 15, 2013 I'm sure o it now. I have my first real crush since the breakup. Good for you Link to post Share on other sites
GatsbyMH Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Its like a roller coaster. Some days I feel the worst I've ever felt in my life. Last night I felt the best I've felt in months and so hopeful for the future. This morning I'm a bit anxious but overall decent. I won't get to see my lady until Monday, she says maybe Sunday night but I doubt it. Never seems to work out on Sundays. Wednesday I filed for divorce from my wife. I initiated the divorce so I knew what I was in for. My soon to be ex wife is dating and seems happy which I'm really happy about. My Lady is still with her husband until the end of January, for the kids and holidays. I can't change things but it just feels like everyone involved in this mess has someone to be with except me. The loneliness is terrible right now. Its a really hard road to walk, especially alone. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 I'm officially at the one week mark. It really has been a roller coaster for me as well. Early on I seemed to be feeling better. But by the middle of the week I was feeling very depressed. And even though I thought I was hiding it well, my boss emailed me and asked me if everything was ok. So. I guess I wasn't :/ I know at times like this I need to make sure I eat regularly. Otherwise my mood worsens. But I have no appetite so that has been a challenge as well. All I can do is take it day by day; or at this rate, hour by hour Link to post Share on other sites
DarkestBeforeDawn Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 (edited) I'm officially at the one week mark. It really has been a roller coaster for me as well. Early on I seemed to be feeling better. But by the middle of the week I was feeling very depressed. And even though I thought I was hiding it well, my boss emailed me and asked me if everything was ok. So. I guess I wasn't :/ I know at times like this I need to make sure I eat regularly. Otherwise my mood worsens. But I have no appetite so that has been a challenge as well. All I can do is take it day by day; or at this rate, hour by hour Radiodarcy, I'm in the same boat as you. Will be coming up on a week this weekend. A little over a month ago I asked her to my best friend's wedding and she said it wouldn't be a good idea because she was currently seeing somebody so I told her it'd be best if we don't talk because of how I feel about her and her current situation. She said ok an then a couple weeks later started calling me and sending me a couple texts. I broke NC just this past Monday and told her she doesn't get it, and she said she fell for somebody but still loves me and that it's really tough and i'm such a great guy and it's hard to not want me in her life even if it's just a friend ship and taht it is selfish though. So I told her listen, I can't be your friend and I'd appreciate it if you don't contact me for again in any way, not to see what's up or anything. I'm happy to have known you and thank you for everything. Take care. Since I said that, for some reason I've just felt really down, and not settled, still think about her every day. A month ago when I told her the other thing, it felt good and I was happy and doing well, but now I'm just really down and it's hard to get through the day. Like you said, basically taking it hour by hour. IDK if it's because now it's like, we may not talk every again, and the thought that she maynever contact me again sucks. Everybody that I've talked to said it was the right move to make and mature move and stuff and I feel it was, but IDK, I'm just not doing ok for some reason. Edited November 15, 2013 by DarkestBeforeDawn Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Radiodarcy, I'm in the same boat as you. Will be coming up on a week this weekend. A little over a month ago I asked her to my best friend's wedding and she said it wouldn't be a good idea because she was currently seeing somebody so I told her it'd be best if we don't talk because of how I feel about her and her current situation. She said ok an then a couple weeks later started calling me and sending me a couple texts. I broke NC just this past Monday and told her she doesn't get it, and she said she fell for somebody but still loves me and that it's really tough and i'm such a great guy and it's hard to not want me in her life even if it's just a friend ship and taht it is selfish though. So I told her listen, I can't be your friend and I'd appreciate it if you don't contact me for again in any way, not to see what's up or anything. I'm happy to have known you and thank you for everything. Take care. Since I said that, for some reason I've just felt really down, and not settled, still think about her every day. A month ago when I told her the other thing, it felt good and I was happy and doing well, but now I'm just really down and it's hard to get through the day. Like you said, basically taking it hour by hour. IDK if it's because now it's like, we may not talk every again, and the thought that she maynever contact me again sucks. Everybody that I've talked to said it was the right move to make and mature move and stuff and I feel it was, but IDK, I'm just not doing ok for some reason. Hey Darkest, That's kind of what happened to me as well. In my case, I never even met him. He responded to an profile I posted online. He seemed so genuine. He contacted me every day; said he was totally committed to getting to know me and how lucky he felt to have met me. But each time we tried to set something up, he always had some excuse. I guess that should have been the red flag right there But the excuses were plausible enough to be true and I had such a good vibe about him, I accepted them. Then he started disappearing for days at a time. I emailed him twice to ask what was going on and how upsetting his behavior was. The second time I told him I just was going to consider that he had either lost interest or met someone else and that I was going to consider this a done deal. At which point he came right back and insisted he hadn't lost interest, reassured me, etc and the *poof* he disappeared again. That was a week ago today and no word. At that point I decided to go NC for my own mental health. And while the rational side of my mind knows it's best that I don't hear from him again, I still have that hope that I will hear from him. The waiting is the hardest part. Not the waiting to hear from him (hope has more to do with that) but the waiting for the hope to pass that he will contact me. And as each day - - or hour I should say - - slips by without a text/email the lower I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
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