Blanco Posted June 5, 2017 Posted June 5, 2017 If I recall correctly, you don't have a strong sense of self and seem to look to romantic partners to give you that. That's way too much power to give to someone else.
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted June 6, 2017 Author Posted June 6, 2017 Probably yes. But guess I can't help how I feel. I waited all my adult life to find someone to accept me for who I am. I thought that he did and now I feel stupid and even worse than before. Its almost like a confirmation that I'm just not that likeable. I have changed as a person. I'm so unhappy. Sometimes I've wanted to just end things to end all this hurt, the hurt is not just over whats happened with him, but the long term Singledom which is so lonely, worrying and demoralizing. I'm struggling with those thoughts, whilst still trying to hold up a full time job, which btw, I hate. Things are really bad atm. I have a little hope, then I remember, I waited 7 years or so for what I've hoped for to come around and be gone again in such a flash. I'm having cosmetic surgery next week. I'm hoping that will be the first step to having that normal life that my friends and peers enjoy.
Whodatdog Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 You can't make someone love you. It has nothing to do with the type person you are, or how well you treat someone. It has been said so many times that you can't choose who you fall in love with, and its true. Im sure this guy liked you a lot, but after some time he realized he didnt love you. It had nothing to do with who you are, its just how it is. We dont fall in love with every person we date. Its not a conscious choice. He wanted to remain friends with you because he liked you. You can't remain friends with him because your feelings for him were far deeper. You cant help that, just like he couldnt help his feelings. Its unfortunate that it works out that way. But it has nothing to do with the good person that you are.
Blanco Posted June 6, 2017 Posted June 6, 2017 I'm having cosmetic surgery next week. I'm hoping that will be the first step to having that normal life that my friends and peers enjoy. I won't tell a stranger how to live their life, but I will say that trying to fix internal issues with superficial solutions is a rabbit hole you probably will regret going down years from now.
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted June 6, 2017 Author Posted June 6, 2017 Its unfortunate that it works out that way. But it has nothing to do with the good person that you are. Your right. It must be how I look perhaps... hense the surgery. Well I might aswell try something. Believe it or not, im really not shallow. It was not Love at first sight with my ex. But other people don't seem to give me much of a chance! Maybe Looks are more important to guys.
Blanco Posted June 7, 2017 Posted June 7, 2017 Just don't be surprised if the procedure doesn't cure your internal issues or open the gateway to you desiring other cosmetic enhancements.
Tribble Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Your right. It must be how I look perhaps... hense the surgery. Well I might aswell try something. Believe it or not, im really not shallow. It was not Love at first sight with my ex. But other people don't seem to give me much of a chance! Maybe Looks are more important to guys. Be prepared for this not to help in the romance department. Of course, cosmetic surgery has it's benefits but you need to make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. I lost weight, I'm hotter now than I've ever been. It doesn't make guys fall in love with me. It hasn't fixed my insecurities about myself. In some ways, it's made them worse.
Whodatdog Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Your right. It must be how I look perhaps... hense the surgery. Well I might aswell try something. Believe it or not, im really not shallow. It was not Love at first sight with my ex. But other people don't seem to give me much of a chance! Maybe Looks are more important to guys. I think you know the surgery won't make a bit of difference. Its a slippery slope to start going down, as maybe a little more would be better, then a little more here would be even better. When in the final analysis, it will having nothing to do with your relationships. When you meet the right person, it will be right, with surgeries having nothing to do with it. Im a little sad for you that you think having a surgical procedure will make people like you. 1
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 ...I realise what a d**k he is being. So the guy I've been so heartbroken over for months, messages me asking if we 'can talk'. He tells me that he made a mistake when he dumped me and that I'm so lovely and beautiful blah blah if he could go back in time he would. Ok, so I thought i'd be overjoyed to get a message from him like this, but I was actually thinking 'Hmm, something is not right?'. If you read my story, you will know how done he was. Neither of us did anything wrong, he just decided the spark wasn't there anymore for him and I went NC. Anyway he said he'd like to meet up sometime, and I told him that he didn't seem to realise just how much he hurt me. To which he said he did. The conversation went on to general things, catching up until I finally said I had to go. He said he hopes i'll message him soon. I messaged him the following day, asking why he got back in touch and that things he was saying is abit conflicting... for example, saying early on after the break up that he knew he made a mistake but didn't reach out because I told him not to. And the fact I know hes on a dating site... if he felt he made a mistake, why would he be looking for my replacement? He replied saying that he hadn't intended to bring up or remind me of any hurt feelings and that he probably shouldn't have messaged me and that he was Sorry. Whats this all about?? It makes me realise that this guy is never going to change, or know what he really wants.
Marco Valerio Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 ...I realise what a d**k he is being. Whats this all about?? It makes me realise that this guy is never going to change, or know what he really wants. Only he knows why. Just know that, whatever it is, it's very unlikely to be for your good, more about his. Ignore him, at least for a while. 1
Maldives Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I agree wth Marco it's just for his own good. Usually wen dumpers come bac it's because they're unsure about the decision they've made but also and be very weird of this they haven't had much luck in the dating pool or its been shallow watever u do don't make it easy for him if ur strong enough to walk away ud be better off wth out his head games
Whodatdog Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Id wonder if the girl he's dating just dumped him. 2
babysacay Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 This is really good to know and remember in case my ex reaches out again. I had an ex do the same thing a year or two ago, saying he missed me, blah, blah, blah, but making no effort to reconcile. I thought him saying that meant he wanted to get back together but I later learned those were measly breadcrumbs.
dumbass2 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 He's being selfish. Now he says maybe it wasn't a good idea to contact you? Sounds like things aren't going so well for him in the dating world. The fact he is on a dating site now probably means that he is looking for someone better. Don't be the other choice for him. 1
Blanco Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Sounds like he pulled the string just to make sure you were still an option. 1
Sweetfish Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 checking to make sure the spare tire is in the trunk.
Blanco Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Also, just be aware that you feeling a bit better is probably not really about realizing what type of person he is. I think that feeling is coming from the slight ego boost that usually accompanies having an ex that broke up with us reach out in some form or fashion. 4
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 Yep. This is what I thought. Surely if he truly felt he made a mistake he wouldn't have got wound up when I asked him to explain a few things... he would have gladly gave reason right? He says when he ended it, it was because he was in a bad place at that time and felt I deserved more. The conversation ended when I eventually said that I do deserve better than this. (Better than someone who can't give an explaination) He then blocked me.
la74219 Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Yep. This is what I thought. Surely if he truly felt he made a mistake he wouldn't have got wound up when I asked him to explain a few things... he would have gladly gave reason right? He says when he ended it, it was because he was in a bad place at that time and felt I deserved more. The conversation ended when I eventually said that I do deserve better than this. (Better than someone who can't give an explaination) He then blocked me. Sounds similar to my situation. I just got blocked too. How convenient. Hang in there!
Blanco Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 The conversation ended when I eventually said that I do deserve better than this. (Better than someone who can't give an explaination) He then blocked me. Now block him so you can be done with the games once and for all. 1
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 My ex who came out of the woodwork after dumping me 6 months ago, said he regrets making that decision. But he isn't doing a lot to 'right' that. For example he said 'I can't go back in time and change it but if I could I would'. and 'I understand that whats done is done'. If he really did want me back and wanted to reconcile, then surely he would actually make more effort than just say these things. There hasn't been any begging... we're back NC again it seems. He sent me something the other day and I replied to that, but he didn't say much to keep the conversation going... Whats going on with these people? Why do they do this? What I don't understand is why people aren't just honest with their feelings. I think, after the whole time of wishing he'd come back, its actually not given me any satisfaction what so ever since hes just half-hearted about it anyway. I don't believe a word he says when he says he regrets letting me go. All Talk, No Action. 3
Been Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 That's what I learned to-less talk and more action. Anyone can talk a great game but its what they do that counts.
1fish2fish Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 It sounds like he's throwing out some breadcrumbs to see if you'll respond. This way he can keep you on the hook, in case he ever DOES want to put forth effort at reconciling. You know, if he's lonely, or if his current flame doesn't work out. Or he's trying to alleviate his guilt in breaking up with you. Either way, for your own emotional well being, it's best to not respond. And if you really want to move on and be in NC, block him so he can't reach out to you anymore. If he really did want to reconcile, he'd be on your doorstep. 1
divegrl Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 He is not displaying actions because his feelings don't come from a place of true love. He is only wanting an ego boost, some attention. You can look all over these boards and see the mental and emotional trauma these breadcrumbs cause. These messages basically mean nothing to the dumper, but keep the dumpee in a state of limbo. Plz block, delete, move on. You deserve so much better! Good luck my friend!! 1
Maldives Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 He's pathetic. He's got too much pride by the sounds of it a slight rejection from u and he can't handle it **** him move on i say and dump his arse
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