babysacay Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 My was confusing like this too. Even said he was open to getting back together but wanted to take things slow. BUT he wouldn't initiate talking or hanging out and claimed to be too busy to spend any time with me. Couple weeks later I find out yesterday he's been spending a lot of time with someone he claimed to have a platonic relationship with. He lied about her, he lied about working on getting back together, and was keeping me as a backburner option. They are now in a relationship. Even if he says he wants to get back together, believe his actions, not his words. Please don't make the same mistake i did and let him lead you on, it hurts so so much worse than it would have if I just looked at his actions and refused to take his crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 If someone says something like this to you, ask them "why are you telling me this?". Hopefully this will make him reflect on his actions. But if it doesn't have the desired effect and he tells you something like "I just wanted you to know" or "I just wanted to share my hurt" respond with "I really don't want/need to hear this" Honestly, when dealing with rubbish like he's doing, the best defense is offense. Firmly put him in his place. I outrightly asked him what is going on... why did he get back in touch? And he told me that he felt it would of been ok to be in touch after 6 months, he thinks I'm an amazing person and that is all it is, that there is nothing underlying about it and to stop trying to read into it.... But of course I'm going to!! I would have rather been left alone than given false hope. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 I outrightly asked him what is going on... why did he get back in touch? And he told me that he felt it would of been ok to be in touch after 6 months, he thinks I'm an amazing person and that is all it is, that there is nothing underlying about it and to stop trying to read into it.... But of course I'm going to!! I would have rather been left alone than given false hope. He didn't contact you to give you false hope, he contacted you as he thought it was safe to do so. 6 months later, you would be fine and over it, he would be your friend and you could even swap dating stories. Any guilt he felt over dumping you would be wiped out and everything would be hunky dory again. BUT you have spent the last 6 months wishing he was back in your life and now it is all a bit awkward for him to say the least. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 But he also said he regretted dumping me... Why doesn't he just tell me what the problem with me is? If he thinks im such an amazing person, i'd like to know. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 But he also said he regretted dumping me... / But not enough to want you back in his life again. My guess is he realised just how upset you were and tried to make things better by saying he regretted it and how amazing you were, but he probably hasn't really regretted it and he has just made things ten times worse for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 I plan to give him a few more days to be in touch. If he isn't, I think its safe to say the genuine interest isn't there and I should block him for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted June 30, 2017 Author Share Posted June 30, 2017 Well he never did get in touch again. So I messaged him telling him I don't want to be in touch in this way, that its probably best we do not meet up, that his reasons for getting back in touch after months were not enough for me, that I had cared for him alot and I didn't know what I ever did to make him end things with me, and that I wished him well for the future. I then blocked him. He saw the message but couldn't reply. Yet I believe he still has my number even though we did all these messages through facebook. He hasn't text me since. Did I do the right thing? Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I outrightly asked him what is going on... why did he get back in touch? And he told me that he felt it would of been ok to be in touch after 6 months, he thinks I'm an amazing person and that is all it is, that there is nothing underlying about it and to stop trying to read into it.... But of course I'm going to!! I would have rather been left alone than given false hope. Given that he said this, your message was was the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I really don't understand why he didn't just leave me be if he doesn't want to be together ever again? Because this has set me back and surely he must have realised it might?? Plenty of people are on civil terms with their exes. He simply wanted to be on civil terms. It probably didn't occur to him that it would set you back because it didn't set him back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted June 30, 2017 Share Posted June 30, 2017 I dont think dumpers realise how much damage they do doing this. My ex wife did this came back mainly for herself trying to figure out what she wanted. We were in NC for 3 mths i reached out saying how wrong I was and really wanted to try and work things out she came somewhat then blew hot and cold. Some time passed she basically said she wanted nothing to do wth me lol I went overseas thought it was over and met someone wen I came back I wss in a really good place and had started seeing someone and even though it wasn't real love i wss having a good time and had healed and wss in a good place. She then contacted me and wanted to work things out. I wasn't in the same space then because I didn't know she was going to do this and contact me I'd really thought it wss over and told her I need time to think about this. I kept trying wth my new relationship but this contact reopened everything and I ended the new relationship well said just to be friends because I wss confused. This new girl was very understanding but also hurt. Then I went back to my ex wife and she went hot and cold again and wanted a divorce lol. What it had done was sabotaged my new relationship becau see e that restarted a few mths later but the damage was already done and that partner after 3 yrs cheated on me wth a very close friend of mine lol yes unbelievable. U shld watch this movie in fact I only just watched it last night and I think it highlights this issue wen they come back really well it opened my eyes it's called "people places things" by Jermaine clement. ItLloyd open ure eyes Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted July 1, 2017 Author Share Posted July 1, 2017 Thanks guys. I now feel rejected all over again though, my progress has been taken by him reaching out for the wrong reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Thanks guys. I now feel rejected all over again though, my progress has been taken by him reaching out for the wrong reasons. Perhaps, but what you need to take from this is that there are no more "what ifs, buts and maybes", you now KNOW that hankering after him is a complete waste of your time, so you can now stop doing it. YOU can start thinking of a better future without him in it, as you now KNOW exactly where you stand. Yes it hurts, but it will pass and you can now get on with the rest of your life. A new beginning... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted July 1, 2017 Author Share Posted July 1, 2017 Im questioning if im such an 'amazing person' why he doesn't want me? Is it my apperance? I had a nose job a few weeks ago... guess he'll never see it now, even though he knows I had it done. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Im questioning if im such an 'amazing person' why he doesn't want me? Is it my apperance? I had a nose job a few weeks ago... guess he'll never see it now, even though he knows I had it done. Who cares what he thinks? If he was interested in you or your nose job he would have been there holding your hand. He is no longer part of your life any more, you have to accept that and let him go, for your own sake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted July 1, 2017 Author Share Posted July 1, 2017 I dunno, things like this stick with me forever. It makes me feel inadequate. This is why I had my nose job. Trying to become adequate. Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Oh honey, your feeling inadequate has nothing to do with your appearance. Please take this time to work on your inner self so you don't look for validation from anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 No amount of cosmetic surgery is going to give you true self worth. You need to address and correct whatever it is inside that has you feeling like your value to other people is so low. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted July 6, 2017 Author Share Posted July 6, 2017 My ex boyfriend of 6 months broke things off because 'his feelings changed' and 'the spark we had isn't there for me anymore'. He has since being pursuing other women. He recently reached out after months of No Contact to talk to me (clearly not about getting back together). He has described me as 'Pretty' 'Beautiful' 'Amazing' 'Lovely' since the breakup... yet he doesn't want to be with me? Surely if he REALLY thought those things, he wouldn't have broken up with me, or would at least now want to get back together right?? Is he lying? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 My ex boyfriend of 6 months broke things off because 'his feelings changed' and 'the spark we had isn't there for me anymore'. He has since being pursuing other women. He recently reached out after months of No Contact to talk to me (clearly not about getting back together). He has described me as 'Pretty' 'Beautiful' 'Amazing' 'Lovely' since the breakup... yet he doesn't want to be with me? Surely if he REALLY thought those things, he wouldn't have broken up with me, or would at least now want to get back together right?? Is he lying? You are all those things . . . but that doesn't mean he loves you and wants to be in a relationship with you. He just thinks you're beautiful, amazing and lovely. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 Probably sweet talking you hoping to get something from you i.e. sex, attention, ego boost, etc. Or likely nothing much going on in his life and he's circling back. You need to believe that you are all those things but it may mean nothing to him except to get something from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 If a dumper didn't have another person lined up before they dumped you and isn't having much luck in dating, they will use the dumpee as their emotional tampon until they do. You will be their "emotional training wheels" until they get better at riding their new bike -- being single and dating again, not feeling so lonely, etc.. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 It's not that he's lying, maybe really did think those things about you but you just weren't everything he was looking for. He might feel bad about breaking up and wants to ease his guilt and not have you hate him in case he might have use for you in the future if things aren't going well for him. Bottom line is that you don't beak up with some if you see a future and are very happy with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted July 7, 2017 Author Share Posted July 7, 2017 I just don't understand though, if I thought those things about someone i'd want to be with them. Its not often that i'd think a person is 'amazing'. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 Words < actions You really need to stop analyzing everything this guy says because what he has done is chosen to not have a relationship with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 7, 2017 Share Posted July 7, 2017 My ex boyfriend of 6 months broke things off because 'his feelings changed' and 'the spark we had isn't there for me anymore'. He has since being pursuing other women. He recently reached out after months of No Contact to talk to me (clearly not about getting back together). He has described me as 'Pretty' 'Beautiful' 'Amazing' 'Lovely' since the breakup... yet he doesn't want to be with me? Surely if he REALLY thought those things, he wouldn't have broken up with me, or would at least now want to get back together right?? Is he lying? He can be sincere about how he feels about you. I think my ex is all of those things, but there are qualities that also keep me from being with her or wanting to be with her. I would not want to get back with my ex unless it was for FWB. He may want a FWB relationship or keep you 'interested' until he is ready to 'return.' Link to post Share on other sites
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