Don't know what happened UPDATE: I'm not healing.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

Its been over a month of Nc. And im struggling still. Thinking of him everyday even though I doubt he misses/thinks of me. Im so upset that he didn't feel the same and think that will stay with me forever.

 

I wonder if hes as indifferent as I suspect he is or if he isn't in touch because he knows im ignoring him and have deleted him and his family from facebook.

[Sweetfish]

Its been over a month of Nc. And im struggling still. Thinking of him everyday even though I doubt he misses/thinks of me. Im so upset that he didn't feel the same and think that will stay with me forever.

 

I wonder if hes as indifferent as I suspect he is or if he isn't in touch because he knows im ignoring him and have deleted him and his family from facebook.

 

You cannot be concern with his thoughts... you have no idea whats going on in his head. You need to work on healing and work on you.

[divegrl]

Hey my friend

 

I've been told that men grieve differently than women and they keep their emotions on the inside. But as sweetfish said, you can't worry about him. It's all about you now.

 

Keep going my friend, your doing fine. Thinking of him everyday is completely normal. Although when you do think of him, try to redirect your thoughts. I will redirect by focusing on my breath, but you can choose a positive affirmation. Doing this will help rewire the neuronets in your brain.

 

Big hugs for you!!!!!!

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

Its been over a month of Nc. And im struggling still. Thinking of him everyday even though I doubt he misses/thinks of me. Im so upset that he didn't feel the same and think that will stay with me forever.

 

I wonder if hes as indifferent as I suspect he is or if he isn't in touch because he knows im ignoring him and have deleted him and his family from facebook.

 

I'm still in the same place. Things are not improving. I think its because I waited 5 years for someone who I liked as much as I did him, and then it ended in the worst possible way!!

 

I do not know whats happening in his life now. I blocked him on Facebook, probably over a month ago. But I know he was on a dating site, describing what his looking for and that he wants a relationship. What was wrong with me? This still ****ing hurts.

 

He hasn't attempted contact since the text he sent me which I ignored, back at the beginning of Feb.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

The feeling that he decided he wants a relationship with SOMEONE but not me, when I didn't do anything wrong is the worst feeling I've ever dealt with in my life.

 

He basically told me he lost feelings and its clear after 3 months of No Contact that he really doesn't care... He really had no feelings. I love him. I thought we were great together, I got on with his family, he got on with mine, we were from similar backgrounds, had the same sense of humour. But it kills me that he thought he could do 'better'. How can I live with that for the rest of my life without my self esteem being in bits? He is a good guy, he just didn't have feelings for me. He joined a dating site within a month of breaking up with me.

 

Sometimes the pain of the thoughts get too much and I actually want to end my life because of the pain. The pain of not quite being enough. I wish i'd never met him.

[elaine567]

YOU need to put things into perspective here.

You dated for 6 months and in that time apart from the first few months it didn't sound that great with him losing interest and you pulling away.

Dating is about finding compatible people, it is not about whether individuals are "better" or "worse" it is about what works and what doesn't work.

 

Stop beating yourself up. EVERY single person on this forum has had their heart broken at some point.

In a few years or even sooner, you will wonder what you ever saw in this guy and in 10 years you will hardly remember him...

[d0nnivain]

If you are truly feeling suicidal, you call a Hotline or go to an emergency room. You reach out to somebody & you get into therapy to rebuild your self esteem. He & the loss of the relationship didn't shatter your self esteem; it was damaged before. Real self esteem comes from within & thus can be rebuilt.

 

 

Hang in there. This too shall pass but you need to be alive to figure it out.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

YOU need to put things into perspective here.

You dated for 6 months and in that time apart from the first few months it didn't sound that great with him losing interest and you pulling away.

Dating is about finding compatible people, it is not about whether individuals are "better" or "worse" it is about what works and what doesn't work.

 

Stop beating yourself up. EVERY single person on this forum has had their heart broken at some point.

In a few years or even sooner, you will wonder what you ever saw in this guy and in 10 years you will hardly remember him...

 

But why would he loose interest?? Thats the question that goes round in my head. Why would he go on a dating site looking for someone who describes me? I waited 5 years to Love again after being heartbroken... and he comes along and does that to me! I feel so unworthy of Love!

[elaine567]

But why would he loose interest?? Thats the question that goes round in my head. Why would he go on a dating site looking for someone who describes me? I waited 5 years to Love again after being heartbroken... and he comes along and does that to me! I feel so unworthy of Love!

 

I don't know why he lost interest, maybe he doesn't really know himself, maybe it was one thing maybe it was a combination of factors.

Maybe he is just not ready for commitment, maybe he thought you had lost interest, maybe he is still grieving a lost love, maybe someone else had caught his eye....

Who knows?

 

YOU however invested far too much in a man that had cooled off. Do not do that again. One sided love affairs are doomed, you cannot make people love you, no matter how long you hang in there...

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

So anyone who followed my story will know that my relationship wasn't long, he dumped me after he 'lost feelings' and I was left devastated. I thought we had a real connection when things were good. I was in a terrible state in the first few months and I still have 'relapses'. I also got on really well with his Mum during this short time and I know she will have been disappointed when he broke up with me.

 

Me and my ex have been NC since February. But last week, his mother reached out to me. She said she'd been thinking of me and it would be nice for me and her to meet up. I said I would. But I don't know if we actually will. Im guessing she just wanted to be friendly and see how I am. I told her its been hard but im alright now. I also said that I stopped contact with her son to heal.

 

Yet... im disappointed since we started talking, that my ex hasn't attempted any sort of contact himself... knowing me and his Mum are speaking (I presume) I had hoped he might reach out to say Hello. But he has firmly stayed NC, despite wanting to stay friends after BC. I guess I know his Mum will have mentioned were talking and im disappointed that he is still not interested in talking atall.

 

I don't know what to think about all this. I just know I shouldn't still hurt but I do.

[preraph]

I wouldn't even meet with his mom. She is probably interfering or just trying to find out some info about her son and getting in his business. He doesn't want you, so don't give him a second chance to tell you he doesn't want you.

[d0nnivain]

Why do you presume he knows his mother has been in touch. Years after the fact I learned that my mother had been talking to my EX. Nobody ever told me.

 

 

His mother has no business reaching out for you. It's like she's picking you over her own flesh & blood.

[stillafool]

He may have no idea she's talking to you. My Mom still stayed in contact with my brother's ex when they broke up without telling him. One day she mentioned something about talking to her and all he said was "how's she doing"; Mom said "fine" and he said "that's good" and walked in the other room.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

I think that she would mention it, they are really close. She might just mention it as a fleeting comment though 'I spoke to ... the other day'. Friends have told me if I go to meet her, I could get the closure I need. Then again, it could set me back and i'll hear things I don't want to.

 

I went NC on him and he stopped texting me after he realised that and that i'd removed him as a facebook friend. He hasn't attempted contact since. I'm not wanting to be friends, but I had hoped there would have been some sort of contact from him, I guess to show he isn't completely indifferent to me. But I guess hearing nothing probably proves that he is.

[Bastile]

I personally don't think it's right that she do that. I think it's stepping over some boundaries.

 

I wouldn't be best impressed if mine did that, myself. Though mothers do have a way of meddling.

 

I think it's better that you are polite, but don't go down the route of hanging around with her. It's just all kinds of wrong - for you and him both.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

I think she just genuinely likes me and wanted to know how I am cause we haven't spoken since he broke up with me... I think it would of been a big surprise to her aswell as to me. Maybe she feels Sorry for me. I don't think shes meddling, just treating me as a friend.

[Bastile]

I think she just genuinely likes me and wanted to know how I am cause we haven't spoken since he broke up with me... I think it would of been a big surprise to her aswell as to me. Maybe she feels Sorry for me. I don't think shes meddling, just treating me as a friend.

 

It's nice to be nice.

 

But a mother that makes actual friends with her son's girlfriends, especially regardless of whether they are currently together or not, has really crappy boundaries imo.

 

My own mother has tried to involve herself in my affairs before, and I know what it's like: trying to move my relationships forward at paces that I wasn't comfortable with for example. And I've had to discuss some boundaries with her more than once. Parents sometimes can't help themselves but meddle.

 

I don't think you should want to get caught up in it. Be polite and decent, but keep moving forwards.

 

Conversation to see how you are doing is cool. Starting to spend time together, hanging out as friends isn't, in my view.

 

Does she not have any friends or something? Or is she trying to get involved in her son's business? What's up with it?

 

Doesn't matter. Don't involve yourself too deeply, I think.

[stillafool]

I think that she would mention it, they are really close. She might just mention it as a fleeting comment though 'I spoke to ... the other day'. Friends have told me if I go to meet her, I could get the closure I need. Then again, it could set me back and i'll hear things I don't want to.

 

.

 

No you will not get the closure you seek by meeting with his mother. It will set you back. You have to create your own closure no one else can give it to you.

[Blanco]

You are prolonging your healing by being in contact with his mother. Poor boundaries by the both of you, frankly.

[mightycpa]

I had a father reach out to me and I met with him. It was very friendly, no real talk about the old relationship, or even old times, it was more about he was inquiring how I was doing, not with respect to love life, but just life in general. Now that I write this, maybe he was intelligence gathering, but it didn't feel like it. At the time, she and I were in strict NC for probably 9 months.

 

Towards the end, he invited me over for dinner, but I declined, telling him that I was sure she didn't want to see me. I wasn't fishing, but as soon as I said that, I wanted him to tell me I was wrong. He didn't.

 

Instead, he started to complain about her behaviors. It was so unusual that I remember it almost word for word. She was out almost every night, staying out late, coming in at all hours, and he did not approve of what he called "her lifestyle". I was shocked to hear this coming from him, because he HAD TO KNOW how it sounded. I got the sense he was telling me she was banging every guy in the county, although he never really said that. Anyway, I cut him off and told him I really didn't want to know, and it was back to small talk after that. We said goodbye, he wished me well, invited me to come by anytime, and it was the last time I ever saw him.

 

I was reeling from the conversation, but after I calmed down and thought about it, I'd have to say that it gave me a push forward to help me move on, even if it felt like an unwelcome push.

 

I always liked him, and the breakup wasn't the kind where he'd have to take sides. I don't know if he just wanted to check in, wanted to take my temperature, or was concerned about me. I don't think he was sent as an emissary, because if he had been, he would have returned something to me that got returned years later by her brother.

 

In your case, who knows? It might actually help, although it is bound to get uncomfortable.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

Towards the end, he invited me over for dinner, but I declined, telling him that I was sure she didn't want to see me. I wasn't fishing, but as soon as I said that, I wanted him to tell me I was wrong. He didn't.

 

Hmm this has kinda happened already. I told her on a message that I hoped her family were well... and him. She didn't mention how he was in her reply.

 

I also explained that i'd been NC with her son to heal to which she just said she understood and that had 'felt sad for me'. Nothing to suggest he misses or regrets his actions...

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

Its been six months. I still hurt, analyse and feel not good enough every single day.

 

I still hope for contact from him. But I don't think it will ever come. My life feels like its passing by and im just waiting for Love... i've never had a mutual love. Its painful to think about that.

[d0nnivain]

Healing can't be measured on a calendar.

 

 

That said you 1st have to acknowledge the painful fact that he's not coming back. Your hope is actually holding you back.

 

 

Have you taken other steps to heal -- taken down the pictures, put away or thrown out the mementos, etc? If not you have to do that.

 

 

Also keep yourself busy. Be active. You can't just wallow every day all these months later. You have to live your life. Throw yourself into your job. Get a hobby. Spend time with old friends.

 

 

Things will get better when you stop clinging to the past.

[Heartbrokenandhurt]

Yes I have. We are not facebook Friends, reminders are nowhere to be seen (hidden away) Photos on a Memory stick.

 

I think unless someone and something better comes along, i'll always be in this state.

 

Im also believing my self worth is based on what he thinks... the fact I was so good to him and he still threw me away makes me feel like utter crap.

[d0nnivain]

By definition your SELF worth has to be measured by what you think of yourself. His opinion is irrelevant & since he dropped you, probably wrong.

 

 

Make some affirmations about what's good about you. Write them down. Read them over.

 

 

If self esteem is really the issue read some books about improving it or get therapy. You can't just sit there & wallow until another guy comes along.