Blanco Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Well, I still think you did the right thing if he was the dumper. If the relationship is over, then you shouldn't be in contact. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted January 12, 2017 Author Share Posted January 12, 2017 He broke up with me after 6 months using the classic 'Its not you, its me' line. And told me I should find someone else to make me happy because he didn't think he could. He pursued me in the beginning and I stupidly fell for him and now he feels the spark is gone 6 months later. He did say he might regret breaking up though and even suggested a break which I declined. He also said he still cares about me. When he broke up with me I told him that I don't think we should be in contact and that would be easier. But now after 2 weeks of hearing nothing from him im wondering if he just doesn't care to contact me anymore or if hes baring what I said in mind? I guess all hope of him changing his mind at this point is fading away. I would have thought if he had something to say then he would contact me... knowing the hurt he'll have caused me, am I right? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 (edited) [] I think you should take the advice given [previously], since it still applies. He dumped you. He's respecting your wishes not to contact you. If he doesn't want to be with you, then being in contact with him isn't a good idea for you. The fact that he's the one who dumped you, agreed to NC, and has maintained it, indicates that he's no longer interested in a relationship. You'll only further drag this out and feel awful if you don't tough out the earliest stages of not communicating. Edited January 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic ~6 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 Still no contact. Ever since that last phone call during the break up. Is it time to give up hope? I kind of regret telling him not to contact me now... but if he really wanted to then I suppose he wouldn't have listened to that would he? Although he did say 'if thats what you want'. I have noticed of late, that hes very active on facebook... he used to be before he met me, but then stopped using it as much. Suddenly hes posting everyday. Even posted a photo of himself which is something he rarely if ever would do. (This was the day after I was tagged in photos on a night out.) Wishful thinking is me thinking hes doing it so I notice him... but I need to remember he broke up with me and the reasons why. Its just the worst situation to be in. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Cyber stalking isn't going to help at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 [] I think you should take the advice given [previously], since it still applies. He dumped you. He's respecting your wishes not to contact you. If he doesn't want to be with you, then being in contact with him isn't a good idea for you. The fact that he's the one who dumped you, agreed to NC, and has maintained it, indicates that he's no longer interested in a relationship. You'll only further drag this out and feel awful if you don't tough out the earliest stages of not communicating. Follow this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 I know its true guys. Im just so heartbroken and not coping too well. Im still going about my daily life, work etc and putting on a brave face. But inside im a mess. I've lost weight, my skin is bad, my head aches from thinking... I just don't understand how it was so great in the beginning and now he wants nothing to do with me. Its tough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 Update... I caved and I text him. A sort of 'Goodbye' text saying im letting him know im ok and that with the way he'd been feeling it was the right thing to do ending it and that I'll remember the good times we had together. He replied pretty soon saying he'd been thinking of me, that its really good to hear from me and that hes felt so awful that he had to hurt me. He said he had wanted to text to see that im alright but he was baring in mind that I said not to text. He said he has no regrets about our time together and that we were great. (? Can't of been that great since we broke up...) Im not replying now. Feel like this is the closure I needed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I don't meant to sound insensitive, but the trajectory of your relationship isn't that uncommon, especially among younger clusters of people. The initial stages of these relationships (and most relationships) are filled with euphoria. Everything seems amazing and you wonder how you were without this person all these years. This isn't generally sustainable, even for relationships that shift into a more grounded, yet stable existence. For a relationship that only lasted six months, you have to get to a point of accepting that you two really didn't know each other terribly well. It's tough, if not impossible, to forge a true sense of love for another person in such a short period of time. All too often people conflate the euphoria of the honeymoon phase with real love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Update... I caved and I text him. A sort of 'Goodbye' text saying im letting him know im ok and that with the way he'd been feeling it was the right thing to do ending it and that I'll remember the good times we had together. He replied pretty soon saying he'd been thinking of me, that its really good to hear from me and that hes felt so awful that he had to hurt me. He said he had wanted to text to see that im alright but he was baring in mind that I said not to text. He said he has no regrets about our time together and that we were great. (? Can't of been that great since we broke up...) Im not replying now. Feel like this is the closure I needed. Be prepared for this feeling to chip away or disappear entirely within the next two to three days. Right now, the guy is a drug, and you just got your fix by him communicating with you. It's great you feel stabilized, but don't be surprised if this feeling changes after a couple more days of not hearing from him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 Ok, but im not waiting for the text from him anymore. He text me, told me that he had liked our time together with nothing more than that... he never said he missed me or that he felt he made a mistake. He just said that he had been thinking and that we 'were great' whatever that means. We aren't young, we are 25 and 30. But I guess this puts my mind more at ease knowing that he basically knows he did the right thing and that theres no hope of him coming back. I should now lose that hope and try to close this chapter of my life... regardless of if im in love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 Basically I know its not going to be easy. But I know theres no hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 My ex got annoyed that I didn't return his text and asked after a few days if i'd got it. I took a day to reply and said that I had but there wasn't alot to say to it and I'd just wanted to let him know im ok and feeling better. He then went on to have a go at me for not replying saying it would have 'been nice' to know I got the text. I reminded him that he broke up with me so I never intended to reply and it was just a 'check in' as we hadn't spoke since he ended it. He then went on to say that just because I ended it doesn't mean he hates and that he does think Im a great person, he then went on to say he wants to be friends... At that point I flipped. As if everything hadn't been enough, for him to then tell me im 'a great person' and he 'wants to be friends' it felt insulting. I told him that I didn't see us as friends ever, and that i'd be civil but nothing more. He said thats a shame and then went on to call me immature and that he doesn't want me to text him again!! I don't understand this... He dumps me, I go NC, I reached out to check in because I had said 'Don't contact me' and I didn't want to leave it at that, then this all blows up because I don't/can't be friends! Tonight has been really difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Time to block his number. I think you're right to decline friendship, but with that in mind, there is no reason for you to leave the door open by having his number not blocked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 After my ex realised that im not the one for him and his feelings had gradually changed over the 6 months since we first met, i'm having to say Goodbye. He said he was Sorry it hadn't worked out but he can't help how he feels. He said im a great person and that im bound to meet another guy who will give me everything but it just isn't him. Im so heartbroken. My feelings got stronger whilst his were going the other way. We wished each other luck for the future and he said 'Hopefully speak soon'... but for me, thats the last time we'll speak. I've since deleted him off of everything. And im now starting the greiving process. I know i've got a horrible few months ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 So sorry you're hurting, OP. It will get better in time...probably less than several months. And, you will meet someone who is as crazy about you as you will be about him. You deserve nothing less. For now, take care of yourself. Pamper yourself, let yourself grieve, and surround yourself with family and friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
msportsfan25 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Sorry to hear about this but I will say you have a good outlook on this. You removed him from your social media, etc. which is a good first step of the healing process and you don't seem to have the hopes of a possible reconciliation down the road. Overall, you are on the right path and a lot better than I have in terms of moving on from my most recent 6 month relationship. Some other events have led to me having thoughts in the back of my head about a possible second chance but in the end what you said is the right approach/mindset. Good luck with your healing and you will get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbrokenandhurt Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 I deleted my ex from facebook a few weeks ago after realising after having a civilised conversation a few weeks after BU that there is no hope left for getting together again. He broke up with me after 6 months saying 'Its not you, its me' 'My feelings changed' 'Spark has gone' etc. He noticed I deleted him and text me saying 'I thought we agreed to be friendly and all was alright with us'. I did agree to be civil but not friends. Im thinking I should stay no contact. He has ONLY just noticed im gone from his profile after a few weeks...?! Shows to me that I have rarely crossed his mind! Probably only noticed he'd been unfriended because his family still like my posts... Im still hurting alot but im getting better slowly. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Most likely checked your page after a few weeks out of curiosity. Even though he dumped you he would've still liked to be able to see your page to be nosey, he can't do this now hence the text. I'd just not reply to it, his ego probably took a hit but he'll forget about it in a couple of days. Link to post Share on other sites
Bromeo Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 I deleted my ex from facebook a few weeks ago after realising after having a civilised conversation a few weeks after BU that there is no hope left for getting together again. He broke up with me after 6 months saying 'Its not you, its me' 'My feelings changed' 'Spark has gone' etc. He noticed I deleted him and text me saying 'I thought we agreed to be friendly and all was alright with us'. I did agree to be civil but not friends. Im thinking I should stay no contact. He has ONLY just noticed im gone from his profile after a few weeks...?! Shows to me that I have rarely crossed his mind! Probably only noticed he'd been unfriended because his family still like my posts... Im still hurting alot but im getting better slowly. The social media thing will drive you nuts if you let it. These platforms are the panacea of mixed signals and misinformation. In my case, in December 2016, FB messenger notified me that my ex was stalking my page. Therefore, for a long while, I coped by showing her how awesome I was without her. This led to emails and two weeks of game playing on her part, before I moved to a more final period of NC, which included blocking her. Ironically, on my birthday I received several untoward messages from a previous ex gf, who obviously was stalking my page as well. Funny how life works. Who cares what they do regarding your social media. Either you make your life as awesome as possible, showing them you are moving on, or you block them, removing their access to your life. Bottom line is, do which option you can cope with better. If the exs wanted contact, they wouldn't be liking posts and stalking pages. .02c Link to post Share on other sites
SerPundnes Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 The social media thing will drive you nuts if you let it. These platforms are the panacea of mixed signals and misinformation. In my case, in December 2016, FB messenger notified me that my ex was stalking my page. Therefore, for a long while, I coped by showing her how awesome I was without her. This led to emails and two weeks of game playing on her part, before I moved to a more final period of NC, which included blocking her. Ironically, on my birthday I received several untoward messages from a previous ex gf, who obviously was stalking my page as well. Funny how life works. Who cares what they do regarding your social media. Either you make your life as awesome as possible, showing them you are moving on, or you block them, removing their access to your life. Bottom line is, do which option you can cope with better. If the exs wanted contact, they wouldn't be liking posts and stalking pages. .02c Uhm .. How did FB messenger notify you that she was stalking your FB profile? Don't think that's possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Great idea here how about you deactivate the stupid waste of time social media accounts for the next 6 months while you move on from this break up ? Then not only can you heal but you'll even move on ..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgeWP93 Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 I don't have Facebook purely because I don't give a damn what people are doing with their life, if I do care then I will speak to them, see them and they will be part of my life. Honestly you should not even bother replying to his message. What's the point, you owe him nothing and I don't blame you for not wanting to see what he's up to! I unfollowed my ex on instagram instantly, had one check about a week after which only hurts, especially when it's a picture of some quote about having to be good enough to compete with her comfort zone cos she likes her solidarity?! Huh? You were a free women when with me, you have your own life! She liked and unliked a post I put up when she was drunk, no idea why she even follows me and I'm sure she will unfollow at some point. As someone else said, have a wicked life, post it on social media if you like using it and let them stalk but don't do it for any other reason but you, block them, deactivate your account, work on you, doesn't matter what he thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
Bromeo Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Uhm .. How did FB messenger notify you that she was stalking your FB profile? Don't think that's possible. Indeed, I didn't either, but as I am not in the habit of exaggeration, please allow me to clarify: My ex showed up below the friend I most recently communicated with under the "people" tab. As I had never communicated with her before on messenger, I found this odd. I clicked her picture, and the resulting notation stated: "**** used your phone number to reach you." As we are not friends on FB, and I recently tightened down my security settings, she used my # to find my profile. In the normal course of my business, I happened to interact with a former employee of FB, who concurred. Point is, it meant nothing. As my recovery got better, I simply blocked her. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) Indeed, I didn't either, but as I am not in the habit of exaggeration, please allow me to clarify: My ex showed up below the friend I most recently communicated with under the "people" tab. As I had never communicated with her before on messenger, I found this odd. I clicked her picture, and the resulting notation stated: "**** used your phone number to reach you." As we are not friends on FB, and I recently tightened down my security settings, she used my # to find my profile. In the normal course of my business, I happened to interact with a former employee of FB, who concurred. Point is, it meant nothing. As my recovery got better, I simply blocked her. Wouldn't that just mean you both have your numbers added to Facebook therefore linked to messenger? I have people from my address book who I don't have added on Facebook showing as active when they're online. I didn't have to add them or anything they just show automatically as everything is linked on smart phones these days. I doubt she had actually used your number to find you, I doubt Facebook would mean it in that way. Edited February 8, 2017 by Jimmyjackson Link to post Share on other sites
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