Zahara Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 There's a possibility he may swing around again -- it would be in your best interest to stay unavailable to him. Timing is one thing -- that does not mean someone has to treat you poorly. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeveCakes Posted September 6, 2016 Author Share Posted September 6, 2016 Sex means very different things for men and women. We tend to see sex as a sign of commitment and emotional closeness. For men, sex is more of a physical act that they can do with a woman they don't even really like. Men can easily separate sex and emotional closeness in a way that women have a very difficult time doing. Yeah I wasn't taking us sleeping together as him loving me. I know how it works. It was more for myself. I wanted it... that's why it doesn't upset me that it happened. I was always the more sexually charged one, that's why I don't think he's using me for sex. Maybe for the attention. Doesn't really matter now. He doesn't want me and I need to accept it and move the eff on. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 You will get there Veve. Its day four of no contact for me and I am doing OK all things considered. Just got to keep moving on and keep going. Resist the urge to curl up and cry in the corner and all that. If I can do it so can you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeveCakes Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 Thanks I have therapy this afternoon so that will help. I left him a message yesterday afternoon just saying goodbye and that I wish we didn't have such a bad ending for no reason but it is what it is. I just needed to say my peace. I know he got the message. He still hasn't accepted the money. I feel better having said my piece. My friend came over last night and I didn't think about him until this morning. Now that I'm back riding I can try and focus on that to help me through. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Gotta get tough with yourself here Veve. Grow them balls so to speak. No more phone calls and flopping about. You get yourself together and get tough with yourself. Says me wanting to call him... Says me wanting to stuff my face with chocolate... So its day 4 no contact for me and day 2 no chocolate which is probably the greater achievement. Get tough with yourself Veve. No more Disney crap. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeveCakes Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 Lol I have some coping ideas from my therapist on how to stop obsessing and what not. I feel like I am ready to let go and move on now. Here's hoping. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 Well I caved and tried to call him last night. He didn't pick up and I am not expecting him to call back. So technically still no contact. Day three of no chocolate... Now that is a killer... Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeveCakes Posted September 8, 2016 Author Share Posted September 8, 2016 Well my ex sent me a really nasty message about the message I left him. He just swore at me and that he told me not to contact him, and that he can't believe how I lied to him about everything and effed him over. I never once lied about anything and he is the one who screwed me over. His message was so rude and cruel. It's clear he really hates me but I still can't figure out why. It hurts so much knowing this man I was so in love with just thinks nothing of me. Starting NC again now. This morning has been tough. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 Well my ex sent me a really nasty message about the message I left him. He just swore at me and that he told me not to contact him, and that he can't believe how I lied to him about everything and effed him over. I never once lied about anything and he is the one who screwed me over. His message was so rude and cruel. It's clear he really hates me but I still can't figure out why. It hurts so much knowing this man I was so in love with just thinks nothing of me. Starting NC again now. This morning has been tough. Blimey he sounds a bit fruit loops to me. I suspect he is just a nasty person out for what he can get. Sometimes it is that simple and there is nothing you can do about it. Its not a reflection on you. It is a reflection on him. You see if you were truly a horrible person he wouldn't have dated you for so long. He would have walked away sooner. Instead he stayed until the little gremlins in his head got the better of him and now he is going a bit mad. I don't have any of that. Keep up the no contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 Yes, With the way I was treated sometimes, I actually asked her once if she hated me. her response "I could never hate you" yeh right. But yeh, the cruelty finds its way in and is always so out of sync with the context. Like, you will say something totally harmless and they will just flip it and say some nasty comment. My theory is that they kind of build up a wall and just in the zone of keeping you out. I simply asked once to get some photos of ME from out last trip which was post BU anyway and well she twisted it all around in her mind that I must want to marry her and that was it Ghosted since. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 Well I caved and tried to call him last night. He didn't pick up and I am not expecting him to call back. So technically still no contact. Day three of no chocolate... Now that is a killer... Whats the longest NC you have been? Last year, I found it was about the 6 week mark of NC where the urge would peak the most. Try for the longest run you can and if you achieve that never contact again inside that time frame. So if your longest is 30 days, never re-establish contact with the next 30 days. Its like your on cigarettes but you dropped your 3 pack a day down to 2 cigarettes a day. The only issue you may face but is your ex will be more pleasant with you because of the long gaps. Sometimes them being pleasant isn't so great. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 Longest no contact? Well over 20 years, but considering that internet was only just being invented back then it was a natural thing to do and didn't have a name, I just had my mates telling me not to contact them... these days I can't even remember them. I do however remember my friends!!! I only finished things with the guy I was recently seeing last week. It was only 6 months. I am not falling over or going through the nastiness and over emotions that many here do though. Yes it was horrible, yes I miss him, but neither of us hold any ill will towards each other and neither of us feel in any way used or abused. It hurts because we both wanted it to work but it clearly wasn't. Given time if he rings it will not be a problem. While I am not sitting around waiting for him equally if he sorts out the issues that caused this in the first place I would happily try again with him. He is a good man. Just very screwed up with a number of on going issues at the moment that are far too big for a new relationship to cope with. The ex before that, goodness must be coming up for three years soon. I don't think about it. Thats easy because he really was a douche bag of the lowest form so I don't consider it enforced "no contact". Its more my pleasure to never speak or hear from him again! That was a relationship that lasted many years and we were living together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeveCakes Posted September 8, 2016 Author Share Posted September 8, 2016 Longest has been 3 days I think. But this last time he lost it on me and blocked me from calling/texting. I just left a vm to say goodbye and tell him how hurt I was and I didn't understand why everything turned so nasty. I was polite and soft spoken. He didn't need to message me like that. He said "holy eff let it go already. I told you to never contact me again" then went on a rant about something else. Literally we were dating and in love, then he ghosts me, comes back and makes it out like I'm some evil person who ****ed him over. Not even going to try to understand what happened. It just hurts so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 Literally we were dating and in love, then he ghosts me, comes back and makes it out like I'm some evil person who ****ed him over. Not even going to try to understand what happened. It just hurts so much. The signs of a man who is not right in the head... This is not on you Veve. This whole thing is on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeveCakes Posted September 8, 2016 Author Share Posted September 8, 2016 I know. I at least know it's not me... or try to remember that. Still feels like hell. I can't stop thinking about him and us together. Trying to distract myself and use the tools my therapist gave me. Going to be a slow process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 its been 6 weeks now and im dying to call. Please dont call him again toodaloo vevecakes Im glad you are doing the tips your therapist shared. atleast you are trying Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeveCakes Posted September 9, 2016 Author Share Posted September 9, 2016 OH MY GOD So a few days back after he blocked me I snap chatted him I sent his money and to check his email (he never does) and to please accept the money. That was it. He didn't read my message. Until two hrs ago. I noticed it changed to rec'd. No big deal, I sent it before he blew up at me horribly to never contact him again. Now guess what, 2 hrs later he has messaged me. I didn't open it. Not going to. It's clear its ALL games. Games games games to him. Today was the first day I felt happy in a while. He's not taking that away from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeveCakes Posted September 9, 2016 Author Share Posted September 9, 2016 And he just posted a snap.... He NEVER does that. Lol he's trying hard. Gotta stay NC. Help me people lollll Link to post Share on other sites
bighearted Posted September 9, 2016 Share Posted September 9, 2016 Why not delete him from everything? He obviously has you thinking about him by doing what he's doing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeveCakes Posted September 9, 2016 Author Share Posted September 9, 2016 Snap chat was the only thing I had him on because I do still owe him money.... guess I will have to delete him there too. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted September 9, 2016 Share Posted September 9, 2016 If someone treated me like, I wouldn't give them 1000 dollars I owed them. They could take me to court for all I care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 Snap chat was the only thing I had him on because I do still owe him money.... guess I will have to delete him there too. If he cared that much about the money, he wouldn't have blocked you from everything. If he really wants the money at some point, he knows how to get into contact with you. I think he's made it pretty clear that he's not terribly concerned about the money right now. You've already gone way out of the way to try to return this money, and he still doesn't seem that concerned. So there's really no reason to contact him about the money anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeveCakes Posted September 12, 2016 Author Share Posted September 12, 2016 Seriously? All this over a 3-month-ish "exclusive" relationship? So much "love", pain, and drama? Just wash each other out of your hairs and move on with your lives. Clearly he was unable to continue his mature adult relationship act past 3 months, guys in their 20s often exhibit this type of behaviour. YOU should know this by now. And you keep thinking about him, talking about him and when have any contact with him keep egging it on - you'll never move on if you keep doing that! Stop any texting, picking up calls, checking emails/social media, and ffs don't sleep with him. This isn't true love. I know...we were actually together for 5 months but starting referring to each other bf/gf after 2. Anyways it doesn't even matter now. He unblocked me from his phone and sent me a text saying he was sorry and that he knows he was acting like an ass. I just replied "ok". Then he text me last night asking how I was and I did talk to him, just small talk. I could tell he was trying to lead the conversation into something like getting me to ask him to come over. He told me he went out partying all weekend and he shouldn't have. I just gave him one word answers and he said "I guess I shouldn't have been such an idiot". I just said I forgave him for what happened and I hope he finds whatever he needs to be happy. I said I am hurt but I can't change your feelings, I am just taking it day by day and not to worry about me. I actually feel 10000 times better. I went out Friday night with my room mate and as shallow as it is I had so many guys hitting on me. I just thought, what the hell am I crying over this guy for. I need to stop letting him drag me down into his world of misery. He dumped me almost three weeks ago yet I still hear from him almost daily. He is just messing with my head. I think I am past the sad stage and into the MEH stage. I wasn't upset last night and I'm not upset this morning. I am more annoyed now that he keeps reaching out to me. I have read the book Attached and he is a classic avoidant. Every thing he does now shows this to me. Now matter what he says, he will never be able to be the man I need and want in my life. A best friend, a partner. I feel like I am making progress. I love you all so much for following along and staying with me here for support. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 why are you still replying to him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeveCakes Posted September 12, 2016 Author Share Posted September 12, 2016 I don't know...I felt bad because he apologized and I know how emotionally closed off he is. I think that was really hard for him. I wanted him to see that apologizing is the right thing to do, I don't want to be cold an nasty. I guess I just wanted to see what he wanted last night. Glimmer of hope he still cares...but then when I talked to him I was kinda like meh I dont actually care. I have blocked him now. I told him it was in my best interest for him to not contact me anymore as I am trying to move on. Blocked and deleted the texts. Starting NC for the 50th time. This time he has no way to reach me short of driving to my house. Link to post Share on other sites
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