Almost ghosted...dumped...can not cope

[VeveCakes]

I made it through the day so day 1 NC is done. I am feeling better after my session but still find my mind pre occupied with him and how it felt being with him before. I was given some good ideas on how to focus on it less and it is helping.

 

I'm just posting here to clear my mind and I appreciate all the support I have received here.

[Toodaloo]

I made it through the day so day 1 NC is done. I am feeling better after my session but still find my mind pre occupied with him and how it felt being with him before. I was given some good ideas on how to focus on it less and it is helping.

 

I'm just posting here to clear my mind and I appreciate all the support I have received here.

 

Well if it helps keep doing it!

 

I often think these shorter relationships are harder to get over as they tend to be fantastic then boom. In longer relationships you get to see the flaws and you have time to resign yourself to whats happening but the whirlwind ones are... whirlwind!

 

Keep active, keep doing things that make you feel good and happy even if you don't feel like it right now and just keep going.

[VeveCakes]

I was doing good but I just creeped his Instagram online and see he has followed a bunch of girls. He never used to use Instagram before but now is using it often. I don't know why I did that. I even deleted the app from my phone to help but I went through the net. I'm pathetic. Now I know he doesn't even miss me and is just ready to check out girls.

 

I can't believe someone can act like the perfect bf for three months then one day just disappear and forget about you for no reason and offer no explanation.

Man this hurts.

 

Back to trying to avoid this type of thing. Thanks for listening

[Dis]

I was doing good but I just creeped his Instagram online and see he has followed a bunch of girls. He never used to use Instagram before but now is using it often. I don't know why I did that. I even deleted the app from my phone to help but I went through the net. I'm pathetic. Now I know he doesn't even miss me and is just ready to check out girls.

 

I can't believe someone can act like the perfect bf for three months then one day just disappear and forget about you for no reason and offer no explanation.

Man this hurts.

 

Back to trying to avoid this type of thing. Thanks for listening

 

Oh I'm so sorry hun

 

I read through this thread and what he did to you was cruel...I really feel for you

 

Because this guy was so willing to just drop you...out of the blue....then let you just suffer....he isnt the kind of guy you really want to be with

 

He gave you your answer by not giving you an answer

 

As for his cop out BS texts....I wouldnt respond to them ever again....this will help you let go....completly cut him off...shut the door for good...block him

 

I think its great that you deleted instagram...you're really trying and already making progress. You're going to have slips ups hun...thats normal....this is all a process

 

Instead of beating yourself up for feeling sad....allow yourself to feel sad...allow yourself to grieve because you did lose a relationship....but the silver lining is you lost a relationship that wasnt healthy and didnt come close to what you deserve

 

Best of luck to you hun! Keep being strong! :bunny:

[VeveCakes]

Yes you are right. How anyone can just ignore someone they were so close with for that long is hard for me to understand. I'm a very caring and giving person so I just can't wrap my head around it. I know I'm better off but it still hurts. I had a good night though and am feeling better. For some reason 3-5 pm is the hardest. No idea why. Thanks for the kind words.

[Dis]

Yes you are right. How anyone can just ignore someone they were so close with for that long is hard for me to understand. I'm a very caring and giving person so I just can't wrap my head around it. I know I'm better off but it still hurts. I had a good night though and am feeling better. For some reason 3-5 pm is the hardest. No idea why. Thanks for the kind words.

 

With my past break ups certain times of the day were hard for me too...usually late at night....when I'm alone in my home

 

I know what you mean about not being able to understand how he could do what he did....I'm like you...very caring, nurturing, kind....I still to this day cant comprehend how my ex's treated me the way they did

 

I think the big reason why he dropped you is because of his age. Most 24 year old men arent capable of maitaining a commited, long term relationship. He seems like hes pretty immature in many respects...a mature man would be cognizant of your feelings, able to handle building a house and having a relationship. I think his age was really the driving force behind his actions. His texts too...what a load of s**t...such cops outs...a mature man would never send texts like that....he was having a pity party for himself...blaming you for reacting to his thoughtless actions....all while you're in immense pain (caused by him) and just trying to figure out whats going on. I think thats pretty da*n selfish on his part

 

When you're hurting and feeling sad just think of it like this....you deserve to be treated the way you treat your SO. You would never leave someone hanging like that....which means losing this relationship isnt such a tragic loss after all...dont get me wrong....its still a loss....but I can tell you, you're much better off without this guy...in the future you'll find a guy that treats you with the same kindness that you treat him....when you do find that, you'll look back on this and realize this was a blessing in disguise

 

Another thing, this guy obviously wasnt who you thought he was...so essentially, you didnt lose him....you lost who you thought he was. Its so terrible when a person shows their true colors and they turn out to be pretty da*n ugly...I know you're still alittle shocked...I would be too

 

Keep posting, keep us updated....be patient and kind to yourself. Every day it will get alittle easier...and pretty soon this will all be behind you Veve

[Grapefruit6]

Yes you are right. How anyone can just ignore someone they were so close with for that long is hard for me to understand. I'm a very caring and giving person so I just can't wrap my head around it. I know I'm better off but it still hurts. I had a good night though and am feeling better. For some reason 3-5 pm is the hardest. No idea why. Thanks for the kind words.

 

Yes I am going through this. Late afternoon is for some reason hard for me too.

[sin miedo]

Damn. I just went through your thread, and as a 24 year old male, this has been difficult to read. I too have an older GF (31y/o) and I cannot fathom pulling this kind of emotional abuse on anyone, let alone someone I care about. Simply put, this boy is a spineless coward and likely has deep-seated insecurity issues given his unprovoked, crazy messages to you.

 

Is he going through a tough time in his life now? Yes, probably. Should he have the decency to end things when he KNOWS it's not going to work out? Most definitely - it's what a real man does.

 

My advice: keep his number deleted and don't take any breadcrumbs because I'm sure there will be more to come. Also, and I hate to say this, but many of my same-age friends are on this kind of maturity level. Aim for an older, more responsible man next time. Best to you.

[VeveCakes]

In regards to his age - he pursued me heavily. I actually waited almost two months to meet him because I thought he was way too young. He is responsible but not emotionally mature obviously.

 

He text me last night at 2 am; "sorry to text you out of the blue and after not texting you back but I am truly sorry for the stupid things I did"

 

I said "I just wish I could understand what happened. Hope you're doing good"

 

He said "I don't know I guess I'm kind of ****ed".

 

.... then from there we texted for a few hrs just small talk. I only replied and was polite but I didn't tell him I missed him or anything like that. After we talked for a few hrs he started flirting and started sexting me which is something we did often since he works away. I went along with it and I'm not proud... but I missed the connection and talking to and seeing him. We stopped texting at 5:30 am and I went to bed and haven't heard from him since.

 

I actually feel better now for some reason. I haven't messaged him or really even thought about him that much today which is a lot better than I was doing. I'm going to continue not reaching out to him and see how I am feeling tomorrow.

[BC1980]

.... then from there we texted for a few hrs just small talk. I only replied and was polite but I didn't tell him I missed him or anything like that. After we talked for a few hrs he started flirting and started sexting me which is something we did often since he works away. I went along with it and I'm not proud... but I missed the connection and talking to and seeing him. We stopped texting at 5:30 am and I went to bed and haven't heard from him since.

 

Remember what I said about having a sneaking suspicion he's keeping you around for sex? He's priming you for a FWB situation.

[Dis]

In regards to his age - he pursued me heavily. I actually waited almost two months to meet him because I thought he was way too young. He is responsible but not emotionally mature obviously.

 

He text me last night at 2 am; "sorry to text you out of the blue and after not texting you back but I am truly sorry for the stupid things I did"

 

I said "I just wish I could understand what happened. Hope you're doing good"

 

He said "I don't know I guess I'm kind of ****ed".

 

.... then from there we texted for a few hrs just small talk. I only replied and was polite but I didn't tell him I missed him or anything like that. After we talked for a few hrs he started flirting and started sexting me which is something we did often since he works away. I went along with it and I'm not proud... but I missed the connection and talking to and seeing him. We stopped texting at 5:30 am and I went to bed and haven't heard from him since.

 

I actually feel better now for some reason. I haven't messaged him or really even thought about him that much today which is a lot better than I was doing. I'm going to continue not reaching out to him and see how I am feeling tomorrow.

 

Remember what I said about having a sneaking suspicion he's keeping you around for sex? He's priming you for a FWB situation.

 

Oh Veve, pls cut him off

 

You're never going to heal from this if you dont go NC

 

You're just going to keep ripping the wound open

 

And I agree with BC

 

Pls block him so you can move on and heal

[VeveCakes]

Remember what I said about having a sneaking suspicion he's keeping you around for sex? He's priming you for a FWB situation.

 

Yeah I would never be open to that. I know I should block him it's just hard.

[Sunkissedpatio]

You got needy and freaked him out. You pressed way too hard with the texting and calling.

 

This the type of nonsense that needs to stop and the notion that women need tip toe around men who love bomb and then suddenly disappear is the biggest pile of horse sht.

 

It's not called "getting needy" it's called getting used to a certain level of attention, dedication and perseverance from a guy and then expecting the same based on HIS actions.

 

If a guy is going to do all those things initially and then pull out suddenly with no explanation a woman has every right to want to know where they stand and why he pulled away. He has to be accountable for his actions! Advising women to "play it cool" is telling women to accept hot and cold behaviour because that's what men are like. No they are not actually. Mature men who know what they want don't behave that way.

 

OP he is a lot younger so I would just chalk it off as he got scared of commitment and bailed. He will give you a million and one excuses but likely it is just it got to heavy for him to handle and he ran away like a scared little boy.

[VeveCakes]

Thank you, I agree about the needy comment.

 

I guess he has issues... he seemed so solid though throughout our relationship. Then just texting me and talking to me for three hrs, and again not heard from him at all since then. Trying not to analyze and think about the whys. I don't want to block him because I have some of his things and I do care about him, even though it seems like never talking to him again is probably the better option for my heart.

[BC1980]

Thank you, I agree about the needy comment.

 

I guess he has issues... he seemed so solid though throughout our relationship. Then just texting me and talking to me for three hrs, and again not heard from him at all since then. Trying not to analyze and think about the whys. I don't want to block him because I have some of his things and I do care about him, even though it seems like never talking to him again is probably the better option for my heart.

 

For the future, I'd caution you to still be wary at the 3 month mark of any relationship. Still have your guard up to a certain extent. Even if a guy is throwing himself at your for 3 months, be cautious. Years ago, I had one of these short relationships (about 4 months I believe) where the guy initiated it and moved really fast. He ghosted one day, and I never heard from him again. I ended up asking one of his female friends what happened to him, and she said that she wasn't surprised he did that. She said he was kind of unstable in relationships. It was one of the craziest things I have experienced, but it taught me a valuable lesson.

 

But yeah, blocking him is your best bet because I do think he will come around again. But it won't be for the reasons you want him to .

Save

[VeveCakes]

Yeah that's good advice for the 3 month mark. Stupid me believed him when he said he loved me and wanted to be in a serious relationship. I was vulnerable when we met though and probably shouldn't have even been out dating.

 

Lesson learned. Still haven't heard from him since Sat late night. Sucks.

[bighearted]

You got needy and freaked him out. You pressed way too hard with the texting and calling. But I know what it's like to feel like they love you one second and then they can be so disconnected and not seem to care to give you a reason why they're disappearing. It sucks.

 

This the type of nonsense that needs to stop and the notion that women need tip toe around men who love bomb and then suddenly disappear is the biggest pile of horse sht.

 

It's not called "getting needy" it's called getting used to a certain level of attention, dedication and perseverance from a guy and then expecting the same based on HIS actions.

 

 

For what it's worth, a LOT more information has come to light since the original post. And I agree with later evaluations of this guy, even though I did get the feeling from that original post that the OP did get a little emotional and text and call furiously trying to figure out what was "wrong." And that just pushes people further.

 

Also, it's not just men doing this to women. I am in the same position as the OP with a woman that ghosted me after 2 months of dating.

 

Veve, I agree you need to just delete him from everything. Block him if you can't control deleting any texts or messages he may send you. Just think about it this way... how can you trust someone in the future, even if they did come back, after they've done something so careless and immature and disconnected as just drop you after being so close?

 

Like I said, I'm in the same situation as you, and it has SUCKED, no doubt. Every day I wonder how in the hell it's possible for this girl to have said and done the things she did and then one day just drop it all and walk away. And then not even offer an explanation even though we were nice and cordial 100% of the time to each other up until the day she disappeared. The way my heart and mind works, I can't fathom how people can even do that. I'm still here for a reason. Trying to stay strong. That's one reason I've been following your thread also.

 

You'll get through it, but stay strong!

Edited August 29, 2016 by bighearted

[BC1980]

For what it's worth, a LOT more information has come to light since the original post. And I agree with later evaluations of this guy, even though I did get the feeling from that original post that the OP did get a little emotional and text and call furiously trying to figure out what was "wrong." And that just pushes people further.

 

I think she has a right to know where she stands, but the fact is that some people just aren't going to be honest. Some people are going to avoid you. You can't demand and force an answer from anyone about anything. So it's of no use to continue texting and calling a person. Continuing to text and call, when you are getting no answer/only vague answers, is a response to feeling out of control. It's an attempt to regain some type of control, but you can't control another person. If a person feels the need not to be straight with you or answer, let them go. Walk away, and let them go. When it comes to that point, the relationship is on unequal footing, which doesn't work.

Edited August 29, 2016 by BC1980

[VeveCakes]

Yes and this is what I have learned. To make it clear I only called him the one day more than twice and texted him the same and it was because he had left me a message at 3am sayin the assumes I have moved on etc found someone else and what not because he said he had texted me and I didn't reply for a day.... but I never got the text. After that day I only text him a reply when he text me and I just kept asking him to clarify if he was breaking up with me.

 

At first I was happy he reached out Saturday but now I see he hasn't gotten in touch again so he clearly wasn't sorry nor did he care... cause he just disappeared again. I'm doing good about not reaching out to him. Just have to keep trying to forget about him each day.

[Toodaloo]

Yes and this is what I have learned. To make it clear I only called him the one day more than twice and texted him the same and it was because he had left me a message at 3am sayin the assumes I have moved on etc found someone else and what not because he said he had texted me and I didn't reply for a day.... but I never got the text. After that day I only text him a reply when he text me and I just kept asking him to clarify if he was breaking up with me.

 

At first I was happy he reached out Saturday but now I see he hasn't gotten in touch again so he clearly wasn't sorry nor did he care... cause he just disappeared again. I'm doing good about not reaching out to him. Just have to keep trying to forget about him each day.

 

Takes time Veve.

 

How about getting a note book and instead of typing the text, write what you want to say then throw it away? Perhaps that would help?

 

Just keep moving forward.

[Toodaloo]

For some reason 3-5 pm is the hardest. No idea why.

 

3-5pm is when the human body naturally starts to shut down for a couple of hours before you get "second wind". Its why its the best time for a siesta. Concentration levels dip, you feel a bit sleepy etc...

 

Its a biological thing. Dates back to the days of cave men.

 

Just nature so don't worry.

[VeveCakes]

3-5pm is when the human body naturally starts to shut down for a couple of hours before you get "second wind". Its why its the best time for a siesta. Concentration levels dip, you feel a bit sleepy etc...

 

Its a biological thing. Dates back to the days of cave men.

 

Just nature so don't worry.

 

Interesting!

 

I was so close to messaging him last night and giving him hell about reaching out to me on Saturday just to disappear again....but I texted my sister instead and then the moment passed. I am glad I didn't bother. I realize he does not care about me at all. Accepting that is making it easier.

[Toodaloo]

Interesting!

 

I was so close to messaging him last night and giving him hell about reaching out to me on Saturday just to disappear again....but I texted my sister instead and then the moment passed. I am glad I didn't bother. I realize he does not care about me at all. Accepting that is making it easier.

 

Well done!! That is a brilliant way to do it.

 

I guess I better suck it up as I am about to be in the same boat as you.

 

I don't have a sister though!!!

[Dis]

Interesting!

 

I was so close to messaging him last night and giving him hell about reaching out to me on Saturday just to disappear again....but I texted my sister instead and then the moment passed. I am glad I didn't bother. I realize he does not care about me at all. Accepting that is making it easier.

 

Yay Veve! Already making progress! Keep it up girly!

[Dis]

Well done!! That is a brilliant way to do it.

 

I guess I better suck it up as I am about to be in the same boat as you.

 

I don't have a sister though!!!

 

I'm sorry to hear that Toodaloo

 

Start a thread if you need to....you're always supportive of everyone who posts here...we'll support you too!