Almost ghosted...dumped...can not cope

[VeveCakes]

Thank you..every morning is like starting the cycle over again. I notice I don't think about him as much but when I do it's still very painful and makes me want to just cry my eyes out.

 

Then I remember him contacting me Sat night and it makes me angry he ghosted on me twice now and it helps me move forward.

 

Sorry to hear Toodaloo...

[Toodaloo]

Just done it and want to vomit if I am honest. It hurts like hell. Six months wasted.

 

My instinct is to go and dig a hole and curl up in it with a life time supply of Mars bars.

 

I am going to go for a run when I finish work instead. I am doing a flash mob at the weekend with some others so I will have to be jolly and happy for that.

 

Keep at it Veve. He can only hurt you if you let him. Trick is not to let him.

 

Bloody hurts though... really bloody hurts. Keep working through. Its the only way.

[BC1980]

Thank you..every morning is like starting the cycle over again. I notice I don't think about him as much but when I do it's still very painful and makes me want to just cry my eyes out.

 

Then I remember him contacting me Sat night and it makes me angry he ghosted on me twice now and it helps me move forward.

 

Sorry to hear Toodaloo...

 

I got over that 4 month relationship in about 6 months. Meaning, I never thought of the guy again after that. I remember being really upset because it was so confusing. The guy initiated it and came on strong for 4 months. It seemed great, and, then, he literally disappeared. He blocked my email. Back in those days, people didn't text a lot. He never answered a phone call again. That's really hurtful. It made me wonder if there was something wrong with me. But I moved on pretty quickly in the grand scheme of things, and he's barely even a remembrance in the story of my life.

 

He was also younger than me. I think he was about 21, and I was 24 if I can even remember at this point. See, I don't even remember the details? I think he got spooked that it was moving so fast and wanted a way out. But he was the one who initiated it! Crazy.

Save

Edited August 31, 2016 by BC1980

[Toodaloo]

So Veve.

 

I am trying to follow my own advice to you. Currently debating tickets to see Red Hot Chilli Peppers or England v South Africa at Twickenham... The problem is I feel sick to the stomach. Chilli peppers makes me think of curry which I adore but is making me feel ill. The rugby players are making me think about squirty cream (yes even in my miserable state I am still a pervert) and that is also making me feel sick.

 

Yes I am a mess. A confused, hurt, muddled up mess. But I figure if I can still want to see rugby players thighs then there is hope that one day I will want my knickers to drop somewhere other than the laundry basket.

 

Keep going Veve. Keep going.

[VeveCakes]

My vote would be RHCP! Music can heal the soul.... so sorry you are feeling like this. It's the worst feeling in the world. The thought of my ex reaching out last Saturday and just using me for sexting makes me soooooo angry. Soooo hurt. I just want to throttle him. I can't believe he never cared about me at all. It's just the feeling of being duped again.

 

In going to a theme park tomorrow and getting a new tattoo this weekend. That will hopefully help keep my mind on other things.

[Toodaloo]

I think they do care its just not sustainable for them so they have these short bursts if that makes sense. More of a sprinter than a marathon.

 

I am OK today. Still hurting. Still feel sick. My stomach is finding new and wonderful ways to inform me of its displeasure at my stress!

 

Took out a massive bar of chocolate last night but didn't eat it. Went running last night and back on the rowing machine this morning...

 

I guess we both just have to work through it. I am listening to music. I am making sure its all upbeat and happy even if I am getting annoyed with the "happy happy" thing going on it is lifting my spirits.

[VeveCakes]

I have an update...

 

my ex reached out to me Saturday night because he realized I had his credit card. I told him to come over and get it and maybe we could talk and I could get some closure or just see how we feel. I also owed him some money and was going to give it to him when he came down ( e transfer ).

 

He came down and stayed over...he was cold but still wanted to be close to me. I gave him his cc and asked him to give me his email so I could send him the money but he kept avoiding it. We slept together and then the next morning I asked how he felt and he said he didn't know. He said he got scared and that he cared about me but that he was not happy and too stressed out to deal with anything. He said he isn't even talking to his parents right now either. He is just cutting everyone out of his life.

 

He got home and then called me to yell at me for not paying him back. I said give me your email and I will gladly send the money?? He was playing some sort of game. So then he gives it to me later that night and I am out until 10 pm that night. I see my phone when I get in and he is messaging me like crazy for not replying to him. I said sorry I was out I just got in. I went to bed. At 11:30 he sends me a text that says "keep the money, just shows what type of person you are. Do not call me, do not text me, do not email me, I will not reply. Goodbye forever"....and he blocked me. I sent him his money the next morning and left him a voicemail saying so...he hasn't accepted it.

 

Like he is using this money as a reason to hate me? He won't accept it...and now I will likely never hear from him again. I don't understand what I did to deserve this.

[Nadine123]

Hi Veve,

 

I hope you are doing well. I went through the same exact situation. Met a guy, dated for a bit, broke up, begs me to get back, then completely ghosted me.

 

You were not needy at all. Before we broke (the first time), he started changing and i kept on demanding an explanation. I dont agree with the whole stressed out thing. If he is stressed out and he needs space, then he should clearly communicate that with you.

 

It does get better, I got ghosted a month ago but trust me, it does get better. At least you got an explanation, I got nothing. Don't call, text, plead, beg, NOTHING. He has given you your answer multiple times. He ghosted you once and would have probably done it sooner or later.

 

Look, you dated for three months and if anything you should feel lucky that you got out of it early. Life is short, dont waste it obsessing over some coward and sorry to be harsh, he is probably not thinking about you at all.

[VeveCakes]

Well I know he is thinking about me... If you read my latest post. He's playing some sort of game. I know it's for the best. It just hurts that he hates me so much for no reason.

[Nadine123]

he's not, whether you want to believe it or not. My ex contacted me after we broke up and then ghosted me. Yes, he was thinking about me, not because he likes me, but because he wanted revenge.

 

Yes, I agree he is playing some sort of game, the same way my ex did. who cares if he hates you or not? I know it is difficult but sooner or later you will realize that he wasn't the person for you. I know this might sound dramatic but I have a friend who got ghosted last year after she got pregnant. So just feel lucky that you got out of it this early and that it is HIS loss.

 

He lost a beautiful loving girl who was willing to stand by him no matter what. what did you lose? a f*cking coward.

[VeveCakes]

I care because I love him. Regardless of whether or not we should be together I still love the dickhead right now.

 

And he was texting me 24hrs ago so he was thinking about me. Not saying he was thinking he loves me... but he was thinking about me.

 

I know it's for the best. I know I deserve better. I just hate ending this way when there is NO need for it. Absolutely none. He broke my heart and now he has made me out like I'm a terrible person. It hurts he thinks of me that way. That's all.

[Nadine123]

or maybe he just needs an ego boost and knows he can text you whenever the hell he pleases and unblock you whenever he want. I really hope you dont text back or reply if he ever calls you or msgs you. Listen to the people here, they have all been through it.

 

You're thinking about this the wrong way. Dont text, dont call. walk away with your pride. It will be difficult, Im not saying it wont but it does get better.

[VeveCakes]

Well at this point I can't call him or text anyways. I guess we will see f he accepts the money and if not then nothing more I can.

 

I'm trying to move on but obviously struggling.

[Zahara]

I care because I love him. Regardless of whether or not we should be together I still love the dickhead right now.

 

And he was texting me 24hrs ago so he was thinking about me. Not saying he was thinking he loves me... but he was thinking about me.

 

I know it's for the best. I know I deserve better. I just hate ending this way when there is NO need for it. Absolutely none. He broke my heart and now he has made me out like I'm a terrible person. It hurts he thinks of me that way. That's all.

 

I think BC1980 mentioned this a couple of pages before that making contact was his way of priming you into a position of benefit. I think he reached out on a Saturday night (convenient) about his credit card hoping to sideline into the possibility for sex. He got what he wanted and turned when he got home.

 

You're not a terrible person. He's gaslighted you into believing that by making YOU feel bad for HIS behavior.

 

I understand you love him, but the last thing you should have done was have sex with him. With men like him, there is really no incentive to treat you any better when they are allowed to get whatever they want.

[Zahara]

And stop focusing on the "perfect" guy he was in the beginning. They all start of perfect -- it's the need to present an attractive side so you appeal to the other.

 

The person that he truly is -- the guy that is infront of you now. All that perfection in the beginning was just a show.

[BC1980]

I care because I love him. Regardless of whether or not we should be together I still love the dickhead right now.

 

And he was texting me 24hrs ago so he was thinking about me. Not saying he was thinking he loves me... but he was thinking about me.

 

I know it's for the best. I know I deserve better. I just hate ending this way when there is NO need for it. Absolutely none. He broke my heart and now he has made me out like I'm a terrible person. It hurts he thinks of me that way. That's all.

 

Well, you made the decision to sleep with him and involve yourself with him further. You can't blame him for that. You made the decision to ask him to come over to your house to get the credit card and talk. You allowed him to use you for sex. You could have played this a different way. You could have met him at a neutral place and exchanged the card. You could probably have just given him cash to pay him back. So it really boils down to making bad decisions on your part. He said some hurtful things, but that doesn't negate your responsibility in all of this. It really doesn't help to focus on what he did wrong. You need to focus on your decisions and how to make better ones in the future. You can only be responsible for yourself.

[Toodaloo]

Veve the bloke is a ****.

 

What money? Did you use his credit card with out his permission?

 

If I were you I would take it out in cash post it through his door with a note to say do not ever contact me again and be done with it.

 

I know you have feelings for the guy but that guy you have feelings for is NOT the guy you think he is...

 

I am speachless. Utterly speachless.

Edited September 6, 2016 by Toodaloo
Removal of swear word

[BC1980]

I'm not trying to be harsh on you because I know you are in a bad place. And I've been there before myself. But it's more empowering to take responsibility for your actions in all of this. You have to realize that you have the power to cut him off and move on.

[VeveCakes]

No he didn't use me for sex. I initiated it and he wasn't even going to stay over but I asked him to. I'm not mad about us sleeping together. I wanted it. The reason he came over wasn't just for the card or the money, it was to also talk and try and get some clarity. We did have a good talk. He is very closed off emotionally. I saw in his face he is not himself at all. Looking sad and completely lost. I am glad I got to see him one last time. I'm not mad at all about that.

 

I'm upset that now he seems to be playing some game about the money. I didn't give him cash because I live in the country and it was late when he came by. There is no ATM around. So because I didn't send it right when he sent me his email address he tells me he hates me and never wants to see me again? That is just harsh.

 

It's hard to forget how good our relationship was and how intense the chemistry was... it's still there. Like I said I'm trying to move on but it's hard to forget.

[VeveCakes]

Veve the bloke is a ****.

 

What money? Did you use his credit card with out his permission?

 

If I were you I would take it out in cash post it through his door with a note to say do not ever contact me again and be done with it.

 

I know you have feelings for the guy but that guy you have feelings for is NOT the guy you think he is...

 

I am speachless. Utterly speachless.

 

No I had used it with permission when I lost my debit card a few weeks back and he wanted me to visit him.... Just gas money and what not. That was the last time I saw him and why I still had the card.

 

He lives an Hr away so I don't want to drive all the way there and seem like a crazy person. I just hope he will accept the transfer and I can be done.

[Toodaloo]

No he didn't use me for sex. I initiated it and he wasn't even going to stay over but I asked him to. I'm not mad about us sleeping together. I wanted it. The reason he came over wasn't just for the card or the money, it was to also talk and try and get some clarity. We did have a good talk. He is very closed off emotionally. I saw in his face he is not himself at all. Looking sad and completely lost. I am glad I got to see him one last time. I'm not mad at all about that.

 

I'm upset that now he seems to be playing some game about the money. I didn't give him cash because I live in the country and it was late when he came by. There is no ATM around. So because I didn't send it right when he sent me his email address he tells me he hates me and never wants to see me again? That is just harsh.

 

It's hard to forget how good our relationship was and how intense the chemistry was... it's still there. Like I said I'm trying to move on but it's hard to forget.

 

Oh Veve honey he love bombed you.

 

Sod that. You deserve so much more. I hope you got a few orgasms off of him before he left. At least that would have been something.

 

You do not want to hear what I am muttering under my breath here.

[Zahara]

No he didn't use me for sex. I initiated it and he wasn't even going to stay over but I asked him to. I'm not mad about us sleeping together. I wanted it. The reason he came over wasn't just for the card or the money, it was to also talk and try and get some clarity. We did have a good talk. He is very closed off emotionally. I saw in his face he is not himself at all. Looking sad and completely lost. I am glad I got to see him one last time. I'm not mad at all about that.

 

Yes, you asked him to have sex with you. But a man that cares for you and has the slightest bit of empathy would have been upfront with you, recognizing his inability to give you what you want and aware of the hurt that it may cause you -- he could have handled it differently. Instead he was awarded a benefit and he took it. You mentioned he was cold when you both talked so I am not sure why you took it a step further with sex.

 

I'm upset that now he seems to be playing some game about the money. I didn't give him cash because I live in the country and it was late when he came by. There is no ATM around. So because I didn't send it right when he sent me his email address he tells me he hates me and never wants to see me again? That is just harsh.

 

Harsh is the extent you have been treated throughout. You need to focus on this as a whole rather than just this one incident.

 

It's hard to forget how good our relationship was and how intense the chemistry was... it's still there. Like I said I'm trying to move on but it's hard to forget.

 

Yes, it's great in the beginning. What counts is everything that happens after the honeymoon is over. That's your reality. Try to focus on that when you start romanticizing what was.

[VeveCakes]

Well I slept with him because I missed him. Being close to him and his body and I just wanted to feel that connection with him even if I knew it was only going to be one last time. We had incredible sex together it was always something I loved so much being with him. Never been so attracted to someone in my life. I still am. I just think if it were different timing in his life things would be different.

 

Back to starting NC. Today is day 1.

 

Thanks.

[Toodaloo]

Well I slept with him because I missed him. Being close to him and his body and I just wanted to feel that connection with him even if I knew it was only going to be one last time. We had incredible sex together it was always something I loved so much being with him. Never been so attracted to someone in my life. I still am. I just think if it were different timing in his life things would be different.

 

Back to starting NC. Today is day 1.

 

Thanks.

 

Well keep it up this time. that guy has no gumption or staying power. He may know how to flick your bean but you deserve more than that... Even if it does feel good at the time.

[BC1980]

Well I slept with him because I missed him. Being close to him and his body and I just wanted to feel that connection with him even if I knew it was only going to be one last time. We had incredible sex together it was always something I loved so much being with him. Never been so attracted to someone in my life. I still am. I just think if it were different timing in his life things would be different.

 

Back to starting NC. Today is day 1.

 

Thanks.

 

Sex means very different things for men and women. We tend to see sex as a sign of commitment and emotional closeness. For men, sex is more of a physical act that they can do with a woman they don't even really like. Men can easily separate sex and emotional closeness in a way that women have a very difficult time doing.