Almost ghosted...dumped...can not cope

[Toodaloo]

He just texted me:

 

"Why do you thinks it's you and you are enough more than enough. It's just me. I didn't really do anything to break your trust that I know I just have some much **** going on right I'm not going to waste your time any more seeing you once a week because I know you hate that.

 

If I could have seen you more I would have"

 

Not sure what to say...

 

To be fair that is a pretty nasty thing to say... Walk away from his and eave him to deal with it. Do not accept this behaviour from him.

[VeveCakes]

Thanks everyone for your comments.

 

I agree it's unfair and I know he isn't the partner I would want right now. It's just hard to ignore the 2.5 months prior in which he was the absolute perfect partner.

 

He won't ever answer his phone. I usually call before I text but he isn't a phone guy anyways, he always texts me and then walks away. To be honest I think he is a bit afraid to talk to me - maybe because he thinks I will force an answer?

 

Toodaloo I agre about his parents. I have friends who went through it at his age and I know it affects them worse than it does if you were young like I was. I had no idea he just blurted out the night he called me drunk. Then I asked him and he ignored the question so I just left it. Their house is for sale also he feels the pressure to finish his house more.

 

He text me at 10 last night and said "so basically you just want a yes or a no? I just don't want to waste your time if I can only see you a few times a week when I'm home because I'm going back to work soon and I'm still going to be busy with this effin house"

 

I said yeah I would love an answer but I realize I can't force you to communicate that With me. I said I am willing to make it work if he is and I will give him the space he wants to decide.

 

I deleted the text again so I can't text him or call him. If he wants it I guess he will reach out. In the mean time I am trying to act as though he has already said no and try to move forward. It's really hard for me to let go. I am seeing my therapist this afternoon so I am hoping she will be able to help me move forward.

[Toodaloo]

Veve I am so sorry.

 

I know we do not always see eye to eye but you really deserve better than this.

 

Seems to me that a lot has been brewing for quite some time and there is nothing you could have done about it. This is not on you in any way shape or form.

 

I think you need to cut your losses on this one.

 

2 1/5 months could well have been an act. Now you are getting the reality.

 

Still hurts like mad though doesn't it. Keep your chin up and do me a favour and have that blow out for me if not for yourself!!! I could really use a blast in these stubble fields and am missing the old boy like crazy right now!!!

[VeveCakes]

I know I do. This is my problem is that I can't let go even when I see all the signs... just the thought of not seeing him ever again and not having a proper goodbye makes me feel like I want to curl up and cry forever. I'm hoping therapy this afternoon can help me with some coping skills for this.

 

I haven't heard from him this morning so of course now I feel like I'm going crazy again and I'm really glad I don't have his number so I can't reach out. It will be clear where things stand if I don't hear from him again and I maybe have some closure.

 

I actually broke my leg 12 weeks ago and am just able to get back on my horse..the riding will certainly help keep me busy. It's at work I find the hardest sitting at my desk all day.

[BC1980]

He text me at 10 last night and said "so basically you just want a yes or a no? I just don't want to waste your time if I can only see you a few times a week when I'm home because I'm going back to work soon and I'm still going to be busy with this effin house"

 

He's trying to let you down by making the term's of the relationship so undesirable that you'd have to agree to a break up. Instead of coming out and saying it, he's beating around the bush and saying that he can't give you what you want. I think he would be okay seeing you casually for sex/companionship every now and again, but I don't think he wants a committed relationship.

[ChickiePops]

Thanks everyone for your comments.

 

I agree it's unfair and I know he isn't the partner I would want right now. It's just hard to ignore the 2.5 months prior in which he was the absolute perfect partner.

 

He won't ever answer his phone. I usually call before I text but he isn't a phone guy anyways, he always texts me and then walks away. To be honest I think he is a bit afraid to talk to me - maybe because he thinks I will force an answer?

 

Toodaloo I agre about his parents. I have friends who went through it at his age and I know it affects them worse than it does if you were young like I was. I had no idea he just blurted out the night he called me drunk. Then I asked him and he ignored the question so I just left it. Their house is for sale also he feels the pressure to finish his house more.

 

He text me at 10 last night and said "so basically you just want a yes or a no? I just don't want to waste your time if I can only see you a few times a week when I'm home because I'm going back to work soon and I'm still going to be busy with this effin house"

 

I said yeah I would love an answer but I realize I can't force you to communicate that With me. I said I am willing to make it work if he is and I will give him the space he wants to decide.

 

I deleted the text again so I can't text him or call him. If he wants it I guess he will reach out. In the mean time I am trying to act as though he has already said no and try to move forward. It's really hard for me to let go. I am seeing my therapist this afternoon so I am hoping she will be able to help me move forward.

 

It's going to be more of the same if you continue on with this. Is this really a fight you want to have every week?

 

The silent treatment is a form of abuse. I've experienced it as well. It's torturous. It makes your imagination run wild. Is he hurt? Is his family ok! Was he in an accident? Is he with another girl? Does he hate me? Did I say something awful without realizing it? I used to do self-imposed phone bans..I would hide my phone in a drawer and I wouldn't allow myself to look for an hour. Or I'd give my phone to someone else.

 

Embarrassing admission - I once drove to an exes house and stood outside in the rain for 2 hours because he wouldn't answer my text (he wasn't home and he didn't come home while I was there thank goodness..that would have been humiliating). Pathetic huh? I wasn't a kid either..I was 23.

 

That's what this behavior will drive you to.

 

Do you truly want to spend your life like this? He is even trying to blame it on you when he says 'I know you hate that'..as if anyone would like it!

 

I would cut and run..not worth the pain. I'm sorry you're dealing with this..but is has only been a few months. I wasted years on that other guy. I'm so much happier with my current man.

[VeveCakes]

He just text me and said "I don't know about you but seeing each other once or twice a month isn't much of a relationship to me".

 

So I guess that's that. I just replied I wish he could have just told me instead of dragging this out for a week and that I think I deserved at least a phone call to say goodbye but it is what it is.

 

Guess I can try and move on now.

[spiderowl]

I'm sorry to hear what has happened. It sounds very upsetting.

 

I don't know much you texted your boyfriend, but if it was once or twice a day or something, that is not excessive. Him not being in touch for three days is excessive. He could find a couple of minutes to text you!

 

My feeling is that yes, he is stressed building the house, but that he is also not that interested any more (for whatever reason) and is using the house as an excuse. I know that him texting you and apparently trying to draw you back in might contradict that, but look at the overall picture.

 

If you really want someone, you will find a few minutes to text them and keep in touch.

 

If you were texting him and pestering him very frequently, many times a day, then that could be the problem. If that wasn't the case, then the issue is him and his loss of interest.

 

Sorry, I wish it were better for you.

[BC1980]

He just text me and said "I don't know about you but seeing each other once or twice a month isn't much of a relationship to me".

 

So I guess that's that. I just replied I wish he could have just told me instead of dragging this out for a week and that I think I deserved at least a phone call to say goodbye but it is what it is.

 

Guess I can try and move on now.

 

He certainly did draw this entire thing out in the extreme. He still won't even come out and say it. I think he was trying to force you to dump him or to agree that it won't work. At least you only spent 3 months on this foolishness. You can bounce back from this in no time. Have faith in that.

[VeveCakes]

He certainly did draw this entire thing out in the extreme. He still won't even come out and say it. I think he was trying to force you to dump him or to agree that it won't work. At least you only spent 3 months on this foolishness. You can bounce back from this in no time. Have faith in that.

 

That's what I find so frustrating! Like why the hell cant he just say it? Is it so he can tell everyone I dumped him? So he can leave the door open? Like I just don't understand why. It's very bizarre.

 

Spiderowl - I was only responding to his texts - which would be early morning sometimes afternoon and at night. But The last week when he called me at 3am and then sent me all these texts that I was trying to give him a hint... I called him many times that day and sent him some long texts because I was so distraught and confused. That was the only day I contacted him more than 2-3 texts. And I mean his texts to me were just one liners that I was important or he did love me he's just busy.

 

I mean the way he is treating me is unacceptable I know this. As if I want to chase my bf around for attention. Of course I don't. Just sucks because two weeks ago he was the best boyfriend I have ever had. The house could be an excuse.... I do know he is working on it al day and night and maybe he just can't handle life. He's young. I don't blame him it just sucks he told me loved me etc etc when clearly... he did not.

 

I hope you are right about moving on. I went through a lot this year and I really trusted him with my heart... now I don't know if I can go through this again.

[ChickiePops]

He just text me and said "I don't know about you but seeing each other once or twice a month isn't much of a relationship to me".

 

So I guess that's that. I just replied I wish he could have just told me instead of dragging this out for a week and that I think I deserved at least a phone call to say goodbye but it is what it is.

 

Guess I can try and move on now.

 

I would put money on the motivation for dragging it out being that he was trying to manipulate you into dumping him so he wouldn't have to feel guilty. This is one of the oldest tricks in the book.

 

At least you have your answer now. Plus you can laugh at me for being so sad back in the day.

[VeveCakes]

I would put money on the motivation for dragging it out being that he was trying to manipulate you into dumping him so he wouldn't have to feel guilty. This is one of the oldest tricks in the book.

 

At least you have your answer now. Plus you can laugh at me for being so sad back in the day.

 

I don't think you are sad at all! I mean you are like me - I want resolution. He's avoidant clearly. I have his credit card too and like I just think... how is he going to get this now. He is probably too chicken to see me to get it.

 

That's why I didn't want to give him that out - I didn't want to break up so if he wanted to he's going to have to do it on his own. The whole thing is so childish I can't even deal.

[ChickiePops]

I don't think you are sad at all! I mean you are like me - I want resolution. He's avoidant clearly. I have his credit card too and like I just think... how is he going to get this now. He is probably too chicken to see me to get it.

 

That's why I didn't want to give him that out - I didn't want to break up so if he wanted to he's going to have to do it on his own. The whole thing is so childish I can't even deal.

 

Well NOW I'm not sad! But come on..standing in the rain for 2 hours because a guy won't text you back is kind of pathetic...I'm totally able to laugh about it now that I'm very much over this guy and happy with my fiancé.

 

It really is childish. Next!!!

[Toodaloo]

He just text me and said "I don't know about you but seeing each other once or twice a month isn't much of a relationship to me".

 

So I guess that's that. I just replied I wish he could have just told me instead of dragging this out for a week and that I think I deserved at least a phone call to say goodbye but it is what it is.

 

Guess I can try and move on now.

 

Oh God he is being such a drama queen.

 

Let him get on with it Veve. He is actually really beginning to irritate me with his passive aggressive "I want to dump you because I am freaking out but I don't want to be the bad guy so here, you be the cow even though you have done nothing wrong so I can feel better about myself and to hell with you" attitude he has going there.

 

I know its hard because you have had a couple of really great months with this guy but he is showing that he is a complete and utter jerk right now. The only relationship that man deserves is with his left hand if he is going to behave like that.

 

Shove his credit card in the post.

[VeveCakes]

Lol.

 

Yeah my friends all day the same thing that he is irritating them too... well it's done now anyways. I have nothing left to say to him and hopefully he leaves me alone so I can try and move on.

[VeveCakes]

I just got another text:

 

"I'm sorry I'm a no good *******. You don't need to keep rubbing it in my face. I know I effed up and deserve nothing but I don't need to be reminded of how ****ty a person I am".

 

I don't even know why he thinks that I was rubbing in it his face. I'm just going to leave it be.

[ChickiePops]

I just got another text:

 

"I'm sorry I'm a no good *******. You don't need to keep rubbing it in my face. I know I effed up and deserve nothing but I don't need to be reminded of how ****ty a person I am".

 

I don't even know why he thinks that I was rubbing in it his face. I'm just going to leave it be.

 

Are you sure he's 24 and not 14?

[VeveCakes]

Are you sure he's 24 and not 14?

 

I don't know why he's acting like this. He is a completely different person than he was before and my replies to him have been nothing but nice and saying in not mad just hurt and I will love him and miss him. Guess he can't handle it. Too bad. I don't know why he keeps texting though. He wanted it over so it's over. Walk away now.

[VeveCakes]

I guess in the stress of all this I messed up my appointment and I don't see my therapist until tomorrow. I thought I was doing good this morning but I haven't been able to keep it together this afternoon. I'm just writing here so I don't reach out to him again. I don't know what I can do to get him off my mind.

[BC1980]

I don't know why he's acting like this. He is a completely different person than he was before and my replies to him have been nothing but nice and saying in not mad just hurt and I will love him and miss him. Guess he can't handle it. Too bad. I don't know why he keeps texting though. He wanted it over so it's over. Walk away now.

 

I would just go ahead and block him because that last text was utter nonsense. You can't control him texting you, so, by blocking him, you can ensure you won't have to see what he sends.

[Toodaloo]

I just got another text:

 

"I'm sorry I'm a no good *******. You don't need to keep rubbing it in my face. I know I effed up and deserve nothing but I don't need to be reminded of how ****ty a person I am".

 

I don't even know why he thinks that I was rubbing in it his face. I'm just going to leave it be.

 

What a load of self absorbed horse s***.

 

Oh God Veve... do not bother answering this guy... He can't even get a sandwich together let alone his s***...

 

Agree with your friends... this one is a waste of space. At this rate he will be saying you have to go sing him to sleep... What a child.

 

Chin up chook. Keep marching forward even if it is with a limp at the moment. It does get better.

[VeveCakes]

Thanks Toodaloo. I feel strong one minute and very weak and sad the next. It hurts knowing he doesn't want me but you are right, he's a bit of an idiot right now.

[Toodaloo]

Thanks Toodaloo. I feel strong one minute and very weak and sad the next. It hurts knowing he doesn't want me but you are right, he's a bit of an idiot right now.

 

Its OK to feel like that Veve. Its just part of the process. As long as the ups start getting more than the downs its all good!

 

Don't push yourself and really do not take any more of that crap from him...

 

Jesssh why do people do that anyway??? He is an idiot. An annoying one at that. Its like having a zit on your bum the way he keeps on.

 

I know it hurts but think on this... If you met a person who you thought was an idiot straight away and took a dislike to, would you care what they think of you or that they don't want to date you?

 

No! You would think "Thank God I don't need to speak to them!" then you would ignore them and get on with your days...

 

So it took a while to figure this idiot out. Great news is that you did before you ended up the duff with out a durex...

 

Yes, that was a poor pun but I am trying to make you laugh and feel better!!!

[VeveCakes]

Thank you so much for your kind words.

 

I'm seeing my therapist in a few hrs and I am hoping she has some ideas on how to get him off my mind. I'm feeling like checking his social media and what not even though I know it's just making it worse.

 

I can't stop thinking about him. I hope it gets easier.

[Toodaloo]

I'm feeling like checking his social media and what not even though I know it's just making it worse.

 

I can't stop thinking about him. I hope it gets easier.

 

Argh Veve - I know its hard but you also know that doing that is like banging your head against a brick wall...

 

I does get easier - it just never feels that way when you are going through it yourself.

 

Its always easy to say but much harder to do...

 

Keep going gal! You are doing splendidly!