Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 So I just told him that I wanted to keep seeing him as I genuinely enjoyed his company but at the same time keep our options open (without having sex with someone else of course). Texted him that at 12pm, it is now 5pm and haven't heard from him since. He usually only takes up to 2 hours to respond, but never this long. I have a feeling something isn't right. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 So I just told him that I wanted to keep seeing him as I genuinely enjoyed his company but at the same time keep our options open (without having sex with someone else of course). Texted him that at 12pm, it is now 5pm and haven't heard from him since. He usually only takes up to 2 hours to respond, but never this long. I have a feeling something isn't right. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! How would YOU feel if you really liked a guy, just had sex with him, asked him to be exclusive ....and he responded by saying he wants to keep options open..... Think about it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 I could see he would be upset, but I don't know if I could handle yet another person all of a sudden disappear, just WOW! Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I could see he would be upset, but I don't know if I could handle yet another person all of a sudden disappear, just WOW! I can sympathize with the way you feel, But these were your decisions, 'round goes the wheel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I could see he would be upset, but I don't know if I could handle yet another person all of a sudden disappear, just WOW! Well if he "does" disappear (and we don't know for sure that he has), it's not like he's doing so because he lost interest like the other guy.... Obviously, he has feelings for you... which you don't reciprocate, so of course he is gonna want to distance himself. That is smart! If you like him, why don't you just date him (and just him) for awhile to see where it will lead? It's not like you're making some big huge commitment or anything. If you weren't still so hung up on the other guy (and secretly hoping HE returns)....perhaps your feelings will grow into more than what they are now. I mean you had sex with the guy (you said it was awesome or words to that effect), surely there must be some feelings there. Try going exclusive for awhile. Either it will lead to a loving, mutually-rewarding RL or it won't....and you both move on. Screw the other guy. What have you got to lose? Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Maybe via text wasn't the best way to approach that kind of a topic.. I mean, how do you reply to something like that? Plus, "keep our options open" is a bit of a slap in the face.. it sounds like you're settling for him until someone better comes along. I think you can rectify this in person if you show a little more vulnerability to him, but first decide if you really want to. No point in stringing him along if you aren't that invested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Karimikui Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 is there somebody in particular you are looking to have sex with now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 I have nothing to lose. The ball is in my court here, but what if in the end I still don't feel strongly for him? Wouldn't I just hurt him even more? I have been in his shoes before I know exactly how it feels, in the end it would hurt even worse the more time he invests in me, and what if I meet somebody else that sparks my interest? I feel guilty doing this. He is an amazing guy and I know how much he wants to have something more with me. I want to feel the same, I really do! A party of knows that I may be making a really big mistake here if I let him go. But katie you know what you just hit the nail on the head here, if guy A hadn't left me scratching my head, I probably would not have been this reluctant about guy B. It's NOT having closure is what kills me, and that there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 is there somebody in particular you are looking to have sex with now? Absolutely not! I'm crazily attracted to him and he turns me on so much, I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone else right now. He's funny and charming and caring, and we're comfortable with each other. However, there are certain times when I'm with him, lying next to him, he's holding me, yet I feel like something is just missing. I know it sounds like bs because I can't quite figure out what it is, but I just feel it. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 there are certain times when I'm with him, lying next to him, he's holding me, yet I feel like something is just missing. I know it sounds like bs because I can't quite figure out what it is, but I just feel it.This is the most female statement ever. Everything's great, but "something" is missing, but I can't articulate it, but I want it all. No wonder men are simply opting out of dating Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 OK so I totally overreacted. He just texted me and apologized for the delayed response. He said he was stuck in a meeting, and couldn't send me an in depth response. He told me that if after that much time getting to know him (considering the fact that we had met last year and was dating for 2 months before I moved away and stopped talking to him due to the fact that I don't believe in LDR, and almost another month since he reached out to me again), I still couldn't see myself being with him and only him, he saw no point of us continuing to see each other. He said hopefully after some time passed, we could eventually be friends. I'm such an idiot for letting this man go! Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 So much for keeping your options open. Again, very female. Always assuming there is someone better out there. And MEN get a bad wrap for "fear of commitment". Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 So much for keeping your options open. Again, very female. Always assuming there is someone better out there. And MEN get a bad wrap for "fear of commitment". I know I lost a good man, but at the same time I can't lie to myself. I wouldn't want to hold him back from finding someone who wants him 100%. I'm upset, but I can't be selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Sounds like you both win, then. He's unwilling to be with someone who isn't sure about him, as he should be; has healthy self-esteem and knows what he wants, and isn't afraid to say it. Sounds like the Man, to me. You, otoh, seem wishy-washy and unsure of what you want. Until you figure it out, you'll always be half-in and leading men on. In the future, I would make clear to guys that you're just looking for something light/fun. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 OK so I totally overreacted. He just texted me and apologized for the delayed response. He said he was stuck in a meeting, and couldn't send me an in depth response. He told me that if after that much time getting to know him (considering the fact that we had met last year and was dating for 2 months before I moved away and stopped talking to him due to the fact that I don't believe in LDR, and almost another month since he reached out to me again), I still couldn't see myself being with him and only him, he saw no point of us continuing to see each other. He said hopefully after some time passed, we could eventually be friends. Smart man. I wish more "women" were able to take such an intelligent approach when the guy "they're" dating and having sex with tells them he doesn't want a relationship and/or wants to keep options open. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 Smart man. I wish more "women" were able to take such an intelligent approach when the guy "they're" dating and having sex with tells them he doesn't want a relationship and/or wants to keep options open. I guess most women are just naturally more emotional than most men in general? Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 (edited) So much for keeping your options open. Again, very female. Always assuming there is someone better out there. And MEN get a bad wrap for "fear of commitment". I would comment on this because this happened to me a lot, I think I'm a great catch, but....heh, maybe I'm not? In either case, you're oblivious to the hurt you inflicted on guy B, so much so, you only care about the attention you'll no longer receive. You get all kinds of advice from this site, from normal people and crazy alike, Be careful who you heed for it's based on a vicarious life, The advice given to you was great, but you're only concern is how you feel, Sounds like Guy A was your dinner date, and Guy B was just your free meal. Edited September 22, 2015 by DrReplyInRhymes 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 You aren't capable of dating a good guy right now. A good guy doesn't play games, which, from your posts in this thread, you do all the time. A good guy wants to share an emotional connection, which you aren't ready for. You seem like the type who responds to being treated poorly; the type who, when someone expresses an interest in you, you would rather hide and be elusive than to reciprocate. In short, you're the type that drives good men crazy - and not in a positive way. You seem to get a fun charge out of rejecting men. My guess is you'll grow out of this stage, but it will likely take years. In the meantime, just know that the people you are playing with have actual grown-up emotions, so you want to be careful with those. As far as having a real, adult, emotional connection - you're not ready for that yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 I would comment on this because this happened to me a lot, I think I'm a great catch, but....heh, maybe I'm not? In either case, you're oblivious to the hurt you inflicted on guy B, so much so, you only care about the attention you'll no longer receive. You get all kinds of advice from this site, from normal people and crazy alike, Be careful who you heed for it's based on a vicarious life, The advice given to you was great, but you're only concern is how you feel, Sounds like Guy A was your dinner date, and Guy B was just your free meal. If i cared more about the attention I got from guy B, wouldn't it be better to just string him along, wouldn't it be easier to not have to feel guilty that I was holding him back from meeting the right one? Come on, I am not that selfish! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 You aren't capable of dating a good guy right now. A good guy doesn't play games, which, from your posts in this thread, you do all the time. A good guy wants to share an emotional connection, which you aren't ready for. You seem like the type who responds to being treated poorly; the type who, when someone expresses an interest in you, you would rather hide and be elusive than to reciprocate. In short, you're the type that drives good men crazy - and not in a positive way. You seem to get a fun charge out of rejecting men. My guess is you'll grow out of this stage, but it will likely take years. In the meantime, just know that the people you are playing with have actual grown-up emotions, so you want to be careful with those. As far as having a real, adult, emotional connection - you're not ready for that yet. I agree and disagree. I disagree with you saying that I seem to "get a fun charge out of rejecting men". No, I find it rather uncomfortable. I could have easily taken the easy way out by simply just disappearing, but I, more than anybody, know that no one ever deserves that. It sucks being on the other end too, especially when I do have feelings for this guy. I care for him. And in the past, when I had to turn someone down, it was never easy for me. However I do agree with you, you're right that I'm not capable of dating a good guy right now. How else could I explain the fact that I couldn't commit to guy B? Sure my answer "something is missing" wouldn't justify it. But maybe I just haven't met "my person". Someone that I will feel everything completely and wholely (if that's even a word) when I'm with him (and trust me I have had that feeling once before, which I haven't been able to find again just yet). Maybe it's the age difference between me and guy B? I'm 25 and he's 36 (guy A is 27, if that explains anything about their mature level, and the way they treat me, lol). He's 36 and knows what he wants. I'm 25 and wanting to date and find someone to share a genuine connection with, but I'm no where near looking for something beyond that. I want a meaningful relationship, but it has to be the right guy, who I feel excited about. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 If i cared more about the attention I got from guy B, wouldn't it be better to just string him along, wouldn't it be easier to not have to feel guilty that I was holding him back from meeting the right one? Come on, I am not that selfish! When did you make this observation my dear, when did this become apparent? From what I could tell, when suggested, a few pages back if we're being transparent. Up to this point, it was clear you were using him to fill a void, Even by your own admission, you felt guilty he was being toyed. Did you do the right thing? I believe so... yes I do. However, it wasn't your idea, it was suggested to you, So can I safely assume that prior to this suggestion, it wouldn't have crossed your mind, That even when cuddled with him and something was missing, you were wasting his time? Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 You aren't capable of dating a good guy right now. A good guy doesn't play games, which, from your posts in this thread, you do all the time. A good guy wants to share an emotional connection, which you aren't ready for. You seem like the type who responds to being treated poorly; the type who, when someone expresses an interest in you, you would rather hide and be elusive than to reciprocate. In short, you're the type that drives good men crazy - and not in a positive way. You seem to get a fun charge out of rejecting men. My guess is you'll grow out of this stage, but it will likely take years. In the meantime, just know that the people you are playing with have actual grown-up emotions, so you want to be careful with those. As far as having a real, adult, emotional connection - you're not ready for that yet. Yep. And these type of women are the grand majority unfortunately. I've said earlier, this sort of mentality is the single reason why dating is the mess it is today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 To think about it, I went from dating 2 potential guys to dating no one. I'm thinking about taking a break from dating, since clearly I really can't handle dating. It doesn't matter how much I have learned, there will always be something new, something that I screw up. I'm tired of having to watch what I say, watch what I do because a minor mistake would turn the guy away. Why does dating have to be so exhausting?! Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 To think about it, I went from dating 2 potential guys to dating no one. I'm thinking about taking a break from dating, since clearly I really can't handle dating. It doesn't matter how much I have learned, there will always be something new, something that I screw up. I'm tired of having to watch what I say, watch what I do because a minor mistake would turn the guy away. Why does dating have to be so exhausting?! Date someone with the intention of growing into more, Don't date with the intention of holding out for a better score, Does it happen? Yes. Does it make you a bad person? No. Just don't string guys along, choose one then GO! I personally can't multidate, at the very least, for very long, For my feelings would grow for one more than the other very strong, Maybe try dating, but with a faster vetting process (< 1 year)? You get through more people, and each date will cost less! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 *update* He finally texted me acknowledging he's a p*ssy. I give him respect for being honest. His ex came back into his life that's why he disappeared. Oh well, his loss Link to post Share on other sites
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