Am I playing too hard to get?

[road]

So i really didn't have any plans today, I was just, you know, annoyed that he flaked out on me on sunday and to not say anything about it, and just asked me what im doing on monday, so I told him I was busy (although in reality Im not). Anyhow, I gave in, and because I truly wanted to see him, I texted him saying that my plans got cancelled, and asking him if he would be feeling adventurous today, I would take him to this graffity pier in the city if/when he replies(it's a cool hidden spot of the city). I dont know at this point. I feel like he's genuinely interested in getting to know me, as he never went one day without talking to me, and always be asking me to hang out. But then again I could be wrong. It has been a while since I feel this spark with someone so it would be very sad to mess it up.

 

 

 

 

Flake out?

 

 

Cars do not need repairs went it is only convenient.

 

 

Game playing is so high school.

[jam.over.jelly]

So I have noticed that it has been a pattern, the way he asks me out. When we first moved out convo offline to texting, we were talking for a couple days before he finally asked me "What are you doing tomorrow". I didn't have any plans, so I playfully texted back "Hanging out with you". I asked him what time worked for him, he said he wouldn't know til like morning the next day. So then he finally texted the next day and asked if 8pm would be too late. I said no. So we hung out, and it was so much fun. He texted me when he got home, saying that he had a lot of fun. And we start talking everyday, with him being the one who always texts me first. Our convos have always been fun, funny with humor back and forth. It was never boring. Anyhow, he asked me when I would want to hang out again, I asked him if he was free Sunday, he said no, he would be in upstate NY for a festival, and wouldnt be back til late night Sunday. So he suggested Monday. On Monday, his bike got crashed into, and he was held up for an hour. So we never met up Monday. (He sent me a police report with the date and time of exactly when we're supposed to be on a date, so he was telling the truth). He said he would call me, which he did, he apologized and asked me "WHat are you doing tomorrow". I said "I dont have any plans". He said "Lets hang out". Went on a 2nd date. It was amazing! He kissed me. And we continue talking everyday. He asked me on Thursday to hang out the next day. But I had plans so I suggested Sunday. That's when I already told you all about what happened with the whole "maybe have to take a raincheck" thing.

 

So I dont know. I mean I think he likes me, but at the same time, we only went out twice. I know nothing about him, not even what his intentions are on Tinder, so I'm not getting my hopes up. I just really enjoy his company and if it works out in the end, that's great. If not, I guess I ll just move on, plenty of fish in the sea.

[RebelWithoutACause]

OP, I wouldn't pin much hope on this one.

 

It's not so much that you're playing hard to get but that he's "playing" not very interested.

 

An interested guy won't miss the opportunity to see you to do a job that he has been postponing anyways. How urgent can it be if it had not been done in the previous 2 weeks?

 

That's a really late excuse. More likely something/someone else came up that he'd rather do or see on Sunday.

 

That, plus his slow and seemingly unenthusiastic responses (I mean, he doesn't reply to your text invite for over 4 hours and his excuse is he was at a meeting? I am in meetings all the time but everybody can get out for a minute and msg you that they can't talk right now. If they wanted to, that is.) are not a good sign.

 

You can probably go out with him a couple more times but don't get your expectations high.

[jam.over.jelly]

OP, I wouldn't pin much hope on this one.

 

It's not so much that you're playing hard to get but that he's "playing" not very interested.

 

An interested guy won't miss the opportunity to see you to do a job that he has been postponing anyways. How urgent can it be if it had not been done in the previous 2 weeks?

 

That's a really late excuse. More likely something/someone else came up that he'd rather do or see on Sunday.

 

That, plus his slow and seemingly unenthusiastic responses (I mean, he doesn't reply to your text invite for over 4 hours and his excuse is he was at a meeting? I am in meetings all the time but everybody can get out for a minute and msg you that they can't talk right now. If they wanted to, that is.) are not a good sign.

 

You can probably go out with him a couple more times but don't get your expectations high.

 

Duly noted. Yea...you know what, I might not want to waste my time after all. It's a lost cause.

[candie13]

Pick a side & stick to it. I don't like the dude, too flaky. Don't chase. Date other men.

 

If he is thoroughly in contact, be upfront: you prefer to feel he plans to see you, not just see you spontaneously. Spontaneity is cool. Occasionally.

 

If the guy thinks you're too complucated, next him. Men who invest a minimum effort will expect a maximum return on investment - aka sex - straight away. Is that your sort of thing - casual sex - or you want a real RS? Keep it casual and effortless & that's what you'll get !

 

Just talk to the guy and be honest without making accusations. Listen really careful to his words and watch his actions next! Worst thing you want to do is reward or encourage bad behaviour

 

Best of luck

[katiegrl]

BUt then Saturday, while texting back n forth, he told me he MAYBE had to take a raincheck, cuz he had been procrastinating and not fixing his work truck for two weeks, he said he would have to fix it.

 

 

I just went back and read your original post, and wanted to highlight this.

 

 

Like I said before, does he have to fix his truck or not? This "maybe" crap was just that...crap.

 

 

He was waiting on a better offer... and it's anyone's guess if that better offer fell through or not, cause all you got was a text at 6:00 pm that said "heyyy."

 

 

In thinking about this more closely, I don't even think that text warranted a response back. I don't think I would have responded.

 

 

In fact, any guy who cancels a date with me because MAYBE he has to fix his truck is NOT a man who is that into me (clearly)....and I have zero interest in dating men who are not into me.

 

 

You have had two dates....I am glad to hear you are throwing this one back. Focus on men who are into you and don't break dates because they MAYBE have to fix their trucks.

 

 

So lame.

 

 

Next!

[jam.over.jelly]

Haha I so agree with you. Well, I have made up my mind, although he is extremely handsome and funny, it is not worth the headache. So next it is!

[Lois_Griffin]

So i really didn't have any plans today, I was just, you know, annoyed that he flaked out on me on sunday and to not say anything about it, and just asked me what im doing on monday, so I told him I was busy (although in reality Im not). Anyhow, I gave in, and because I truly wanted to see him, I texted him saying that my plans got cancelled, and asking him if he would be feeling adventurous today, I would take him to this graffity pier in the city if/when he replies(it's a cool hidden spot of the city). I dont know at this point. I feel like he's genuinely interested in getting to know me, as he never went one day without talking to me, and always be asking me to hang out. But then again I could be wrong. It has been a while since I feel this spark with someone so it would be very sad to mess it up.

Actually, what you've been doing is smart. Any woman that's too available all the time gets taken for granted - REAL quick. Don't be that female.

 

What he's doing is asking you out when it's convenient for HIM and not considering that YOU also have a life. It's not 'high school' as someone said simply because you're not willing to jump at the 11th hour when he finally gets around to asking you out. Either he's completely clueless or an idiot.

 

DON'T let him set this precedent or you'll regret it.

[Lois_Griffin]

Ooops, just read you're tossing him back into the sea. His last minute crap does seem awfully fishy. I think he's keeping his options open until the last minute then suddenly becoming 'available' to you when his other plans don't gel. Don't blame you for tossing him.

[jam.over.jelly]

In all honesty, I can't possibly expect a guy I met on Tinder to not keep his options open. I'm doing the same. But at the same time, him cancelling and not even apologizing or acknowledging it is totally lame. Now I think he is gonna ask me to hang out again, sooner or later, and when he does, I don't want to be rude and ignore him, how do i politely tell him that I don't want to see him again, and still able to let him know it was inconsiderate on his part for not apologizing for cancelling?

[katiegrl]

In all honesty, I can't possibly expect a guy I met on Tinder to not keep his options open. I'm doing the same. But at the same time, him cancelling and not even apologizing or acknowledging it is totally lame. Now I think he is gonna ask me to hang out again, sooner or later, and when he does, I don't want to be rude and ignore him, how do i politely tell him that I don't want to see him again, and still able to let him know it was inconsiderate on his part for not apologizing for cancelling?

 

IMO, there is no need to let him know how inconsiderate he was. You have only had two dates, it's not your place. Save that for when you are actually IN a relationship with a man....and you are trying to "resolve" a conflict.

 

 

At this VERY early stage, your only job is determining for YOURSELF whether or not YOU think he is someone you could date long term.

 

 

Based on a few of his actions, you have determined he is NOT (which is OKAY and your prerogative)....and have chosen to move on.

 

 

If it were me (and I have said this before many times) simply say (or text) "I have enjoyed our time together, but don't feel this is the right situation for me. Good luck and take care." Or something to that effect. Short and to the point.

 

 

Period, the end.

Edited August 31, 2015 by katiegrl

[jam.over.jelly]

you are a wise one, Katiegrl

[katiegrl]

you are a wise one, Katiegrl

 

Ha! About dating, sometimes....but not about everything.

 

 

Check out my thread (my first!) on the Business and Professional forum.

 

 

Feel like a complete idiot for not knowing what the correct response is in the situation I posted about.

 

 

Maybe Gaeta can help since she's in an executive position?

 

 

P.S. But thanks... :)

[jam.over.jelly]

damn it im such a loser. It is now Monday and he texted me saying "Hey guess what, I have an adventure for us if you're up for it". I was curious so I replied "I'm listening". He then said "This weekend if you're available?". I said "You're lucky you ask me soon enough so I haven't planned anything for this weekend yet". I then asked him playfully "What are the chances you would have to fix your truck and maybe need to take a raincheck again, lol". He answered "well, either sat or sun I will have to fix it, but the other day is my day". So i told him "let's agree on a day u dont have to fix your truck. And if anything changes, please give me enough advanced notice so I can make other plans, if you don't mind". He said "Of course, I totally respect that".

 

SO I guess I will give him one last chance before completely writing him off.

[katiegrl]

damn it im such a loser. It is now Monday and he texted me saying "Hey guess what, I have an adventure for us if you're up for it". I was curious so I replied "I'm listening". He then said "This weekend if you're available?". I said "You're lucky you ask me soon enough so I haven't planned anything for this weekend yet". I then asked him playfully "What are the chances you would have to fix your truck and maybe need to take a raincheck again, lol".

 

 

He answered "well, either sat or sun I will have to fix it, but the other day is my day". So i told him "let's agree on a day u dont have to fix your truck. And if anything changes, please give me enough advanced notice so I can make other plans, if you don't mind". He said "Of course, I totally respect that".

 

SO I guess I will give him one last chance before completely writing him off.

 

So I guess that means he DID NOT fix his truck on Sunday? I wonder what he did. That he canceled a date with YOU to do.

 

 

Anyhoo, I am quibbling here, don't mind me.... I am actually happy for ya!

 

 

He has every right to date others, just not crazy about the fact that he broke a date with you to do so.. that's all. IF in fact he had another date...who knows.

 

 

In any event....so did you decide on a day?

 

 

I dunno, perhaps he is "coming around." I am glad you communicated with him!!! And that he respected you for it!

 

 

Kinda makes you feel like communicating your needs more often, huh....

 

 

Keep us posted!

Edited September 1, 2015 by katiegrl

[jam.over.jelly]

I have seen his truck, the whole front was ripped out and it looked so damaged but he said he was determined to fix it. And as of now, he's still working on it, and I assume he works on it only on one day out of the weekend now. As to the fact he's dating other people, I don't mind it, as long as we're not exclusive he can do whatever he wants. And we agreed on Sunday. And I'm so glad I didn't just let it go, it bothers me what he did so I just had to set him straight. And if this behavior continues again this weekend, he knows I will show him the door to get the hell out, and I will not look back.

[Gary S]

Playing hard to get is good, it doubles love level. But him asking for a date a day in advance is proper (some idiots ask the same day, that's not the best form in the very beginning). So, yes, you are going a little overboard. No problem, you'll know next time!

 

Edit: he broke the Sunday date. Good catches who are into you don't break dates.

Edited September 1, 2015 by Gary S

[jam.over.jelly]

 

Edit: he broke the Sunday date. Good catches who are into you don't break dates.

 

I agree. And because of this, I don't have high hope for this guy. However, I will give him the benefit of the doubt and give him one last chance this weekend before I write him off.

[jam.over.jelly]

So I have a question. Do guys ever get discouraged when a girl rarely ever initiate any contact? I think I have only initiated twice, and sometimes I didn't text back (not on purpose, just that I pass out or get busy then just completely forget to text back). But he has always been the one who reaches out to me first. Well, except for today, he didn't text me at all. Not that I care, he could very well be busy, or on a date with another girl. Although I don't ever initiate, I do try to respond when I can, and engage in the conversation. I never give him short and uninterested answers.

[katiegrl]

So I have a question. Do guys ever get discouraged when a girl rarely ever initiate any contact? I think I have only initiated twice, and sometimes I didn't text back (not on purpose, just that I pass out or get busy then just completely forget to text back). But he has always been the one who reaches out to me first. Well, except for today, he didn't text me at all.

 

 

Not that I care, he could very well be busy, or on a date with another girl. Although I don't ever initiate, I do try to respond when I can, and engage in the conversation. I never give him short and uninterested answers.

 

Hmmm, I am thinking you do kinda care, otherwise you would not have started this thread.... :)

 

 

In any event, YES I think guys DO get discouraged when they are forced to do all or even most of the initiating of contact....it's been discussed enough on this forum... many men have expressed frustration that women don't step up more and initiate contact.

 

 

You should start reading threads (if you haven't already)....personally I have learned A LOT about men from reading their posts on this board.

 

 

Why don't you send him a short text just asking him how his day went? I bet he would love it!

 

 

I always found it fun to mix it up and be a little unpredictable. Surprise him with a text (since you NEVER do)... I mean being that he asked you out for this weekend, and is planning a fun adventure.... I think that would be a nice thing to do.

 

 

I always advise send one text and then wait for him to respond. If he doesn't respond, don't send another.

 

 

If he doesn't respond (which I am sure he will anyway)....just wait until he contacts you...which he will since you DO have that date planned.

 

 

JMO.

Edited September 2, 2015 by katiegrl

[jam.over.jelly]

Hmmm, I am thinking you do kinda care, otherwise you would not have started this thread.... :)

 

Haha, can't fool you! It is now 10pm where I live so I will text him tomorrow, and see if he replies . Will def keep you posted.

[jam.over.jelly]

Soooo....I texted him first today, and he was very responsive. And we texted from like 12pm up til we went to bed. Every single time though, it's like we never run out of things to talk about. It's just so easy to talk to him.

I also went out on a date with a different guy today. Like so many dates I went on, I had a nice time, but the connection just wasn't effortless like with this guy, and not to mention I'm also not that attracted to them. Maybe I"m just too damn picky.

[katiegrl]

Soooo....I texted him first today, and he was very responsive. And we texted from like 12pm up til we went to bed. Every single time though, it's like we never run out of things to talk about. It's just so easy to talk to him.

I also went out on a date with a different guy today. Like so many dates I went on, I had a nice time, but the connection just wasn't effortless like with this guy, and not to mention I'm also not that attracted to them. Maybe I"m just too damn picky.

 

No hun, you are just super into THIS guy..... no other man stands a chance when you are THAT into someone else.

 

Enjoy it!

[jam.over.jelly]

I am indeed! I get butterflies when I see him. The thing is with him I just feel like everything is so easy, it is just easy being around him, there's never awkward silence. I feel like I Have known him since forever! And that's scary. I didn't feel it with this guy I met tonight . Anyhow, Just gotta keep getting myself out there, and be hopeful.

[clia]

I'm curious why you decided to get together on Sunday, as opposed to Friday or Saturday? Sunday just seems so blah for a third date. Did he request to see you on Saturday?

 

It is positive that he asked you out in advance, though. (I guess he finally got the hint that you are a busy girl!) I wouldn't read too much into the endless texting. It takes no effort and may just be a welcome distraction for a guy who is sitting at home bored. If he continues to ask you out, then you will really know he is interested.