Am I playing too hard to get?

[jam.over.jelly]

It's going ok I guess. Quite frankly I like him, but not as much as guy A. I'm very upset, and you're right I might not find out now after I texted him all that. But nothing I can do now. It is very much over. It hurts, but I will survive. I think I like him too much and I ignored all the red flags, he was never that interested in the first place.

[Empyrea]

Giiiiirl, I've been there. Hell, I AM there. It sounds a lot like there is/was someone else. A lot of **** went down? Sounds like drama with some girl... Think about it, he was out drinking and didn't want to see you, he wasn't even up for some flirty texting. I can guarantee you he had someone else there or called someone else up.

If he does re-emerge now, then you know you are the backup. Don't be the backup! I know exactly how it feels to be left wondering "what changed?!" - nothing you can control, that's for sure. The lousy thing is that now that you've been "dumped" by guy A, he will always have priority over guy B, even if objectively the other guy is better. Boys

[jam.over.jelly]

He wasn't out drinking. He sent me a picture and a video of what he was doing. He was helping his friend chopping of a pretty big tree in his backyard. He was really responsive last night. But it doesn't matter now. All I know is that I deserve someone better. And it is his loss.

[jam.over.jelly]

Giiiiirl, I've been there. Hell, I AM there. It sounds a lot like there is/was someone else. A lot of **** went down? Sounds like drama with some girl... Think about it, he was out drinking and didn't want to see you, he wasn't even up for some flirty texting. I can guarantee you he had someone else there or called someone else up.

If he does re-emerge now, then you know you are the backup. Don't be the backup! I know exactly how it feels to be left wondering "what changed?!" - nothing you can control, that's for sure. The lousy thing is that now that you've been "dumped" by guy A, he will always have priority over guy B, even if objectively the other guy is better. Boys

 

Did your guy ever let u know why he blew you off? Or he just faded?

[katiegrl]

He wasn't out drinking. He sent me a picture and a video of what he was doing. He was helping his friend chopping of a pretty big tree in his backyard. He was really responsive last night. But it doesn't matter now. All I know is that I deserve someone better. And it is his loss.

 

Oh please, how do you know that pic and video was from last night? Or perhaps it was taken earlier in the evening.

 

And what's with him sending you all these pics of what he's doing anyway? This was not the first time.

 

Who does that? A guy who has something to hide, that's who.

 

A guy who was legit would not even think of sending you a pic *confirming* what he was doing! Why would he? In his mind, you have no reason to doubt him, as he's telling you the truth.

 

If he is lying, his guilty conscience tells him you might think he is lying too.... .hence the pics showing what he's doing.

 

Problem is, you don't actually know when those pics were taken. Time stamps can be fudged.

Edited September 19, 2015 by katiegrl

[jam.over.jelly]

Oh please, how do you know that pic and video was from last night? Or perhaps it was taken earlier in the evening.

 

And what's with him sending you all these pics of what he's doing anyway? This was not the first time.

 

Who does that? A guy who has something to hide, that's who.

 

A guy who was legit would not even think of sending you a pic *confirming* what he was doing! Why would he? In his mind, you have no reason to doubt him, as he's telling you the truth.

 

If he is lying, his guilty conscience tells him you might think he is lying too.... .hence the pics showing what he's doing.

 

Problem is, you don't actually know when those pics were taken. Time stamps can be fudged.

 

That could be it. I just sent him a text casually asking hey what are you up to, then he sent me the video saying "this is my night. Been cutting trees since this afternoon til now". Either way, he just seems like a douche after all. NEXT!

[katiegrl]

That could be it. I just sent him a text casually asking hey what are you up to, then he sent me the video saying "this is my night. Been cutting trees since this afternoon til now". Either way, he just seems like a douche after all. NEXT!

 

jams, please don't contact him again (in a weak moment) or respond to his anymore.

 

At the very least, pull back.

 

My fear here is that he is gonna contact you again, when he's over his rough night, be his usual charming self, and you will fall back.

 

This back and forth, hot/cold will become a pattern which isn't healthy.

[jam.over.jelly]

Katie, I promise you i will NOT text him again. I have said all I could say in that last text message. I will not call, or text him anymore. It is done and over with. I doubt he will come back, and even if he does, I will turn him down, or just ignore him altogether.

[jam.over.jelly]

Actually even if I do wanna text him I cant, cuz I already delete everything about him, his phone number and his conversation. So no way I can reach out to him. Haha.

[menyou]

That could be it. I just sent him a text casually asking hey what are you up to, then he sent me the video saying "this is my night. Been cutting trees since this afternoon til now". Either way, he just seems like a douche after all. NEXT!

 

When you say you "just" sent him a text, you mean you only sent it as in prior to everything else, correct? Not like just now?

[jam.over.jelly]

When you say you "just" sent him a text, you mean you only sent it as in prior to everything else, correct? Not like just now?

 

Yea I meant like yesterday when I was in his area and texted him and asked him what he was doing. I have deleted his number and our conversation and will not be reaching out to him at all.

[katiegrl]

Actually even if I do wanna text him I cant, cuz I already delete everything about him, his phone number and his conversation. So no way I can reach out to him. Haha.

 

Oh I know you won't ...but what if HE contacts you with a really plausible sounding excuse/reason for his behavior?

 

Are you able to block?

 

I just know how these things go. I've been there with guys like him!

[jam.over.jelly]

Oh I know you won't ...but what if HE contacts you with a really plausible sounding excuse/reason for his behavior?

 

Are you able to block?

 

I just know how these things go. I've been there with guys like him!

 

I would be lying if I said I would be able to block him completely. It is so hard! I really hope he won't text me again. That would make it so much easier for me.

[Empyrea]

He wasn't out drinking. He sent me a picture and a video of what he was doing. He was helping his friend chopping of a pretty big tree in his backyard. He was really responsive last night. But it doesn't matter now. All I know is that I deserve someone better. And it is his loss.

 

Oh okay, I guess I misread your post.. too bad, I thought that would have been a more clear sign. But in any case, I hope you're strong enough to take this as a very strong hint that he is lukewarm at best and that you deserve someone who's crazy about you. I still have a feeling that he's pursuing someone else. If you were his number one girl, he'd be seeking you out more actively, right now you just seem like a backup. He obviously likes spending time with you, because you're lovely and fun, but sadly he's just not that into you, possibly because someone else has peaked his interest more. I'm sure he will re emerge and you will be tempted to give him another chance just to feel like you've conquered him, but you don't need to do that! You know your worth!

 

As for my very similar situation, he's still kind of in the process of fading me out.. and I've just about had enough. I know he'll still go out with me if I ask and act all nice and everything, but he rarely initiates anything himself and it's plainly obvious he's lukewarm, so it's just not worth it. I keep holding on in hopes of some sort of validation and he keeps giving me crumbs, but bleugh, I'm done. I've thought about confronting him many times, but he always acts nice, so it seems weird to bring it up at this point now that it feels like we're friends more than anything. Mind you, this has been going on for 4 months and it certainly didn't feel like that at first. But yeah, a slow fade into the friendzone is what happened. It's better to call it quits with your dignity in tact when you first see red flags.. because they're rarely wrong. :/

[jam.over.jelly]

Oh okay, I guess I misread your post.. too bad, I thought that would have been a more clear sign. But in any case, I hope you're strong enough to take this as a very strong hint that he is lukewarm at best and that you deserve someone who's crazy about you. I still have a feeling that he's pursuing someone else. If you were his number one girl, he'd be seeking you out more actively, right now you just seem like a backup. He obviously likes spending time with you, because you're lovely and fun, but sadly he's just not that into you, possibly because someone else has peaked his interest more. I'm sure he will re emerge and you will be tempted to give him another chance just to feel like you've conquered him, but you don't need to do that! You know your worth!

 

As for my very similar situation, he's still kind of in the process of fading me out.. and I've just about had enough. I know he'll still go out with me if I ask and act all nice and everything, but he rarely initiates anything himself and it's plainly obvious he's lukewarm, so it's just not worth it. I keep holding on in hopes of some sort of validation and he keeps giving me crumbs, but bleugh, I'm done. I've thought about confronting him many times, but he always acts nice, so it seems weird to bring it up at this point now that it feels like we're friends more than anything. Mind you, this has been going on for 4 months and it certainly didn't feel like that at first. But yeah, a slow fade into the friendzone is what happened. It's better to call it quits with your dignity in tact when you first see red flags.. because they're rarely wrong. :/

 

I agree with you. I need to promise myself not to take him back. It really is just not worth it anymore. A month from now who can say that he won't blow me off again. Better now than later. I hope you have cut all loose ends with this guy you're seeing, you seem to deserve so much better than how he treats you.

[Empyrea]

How's it going? Have you heard from guy A? Or maybe it'd be appropriate to upgrade guy B to guy A ? Keep us posted!

[jam.over.jelly]

Actually a lot has happened since. Still going strong with guy B. And who's guy A again? Haha. I was intimate with guy B last night and it was amazing! He asked if I was seeing anybody else and I said no, just sorta talking to some people online. He then said he didn't want to pressure me into anything but he asked if I would be open to seeing just him. I like him a lot but find myself not able to commit to seeing him only just yet. I have also recently met someone find very intriguing out at Oktoberfest last weekend and we've been texting. So I still want to keep my options open. I told guy B I needed time to think. Ahhh what should I do? He seems like a great guy and we have amazing chemistry in and outside of the bedroom, but at the same time I still wanna see other people? What's wrong w me?

[katiegrl]

jams, if guy A had wanted to be exclusive, would you have had the same response?

 

If no, then it is pretty simple.

 

It sounds like you like the attention guy B is giving you, but you are not all *that* into him, because if you were (like you were with guy A), you wouldn't want to keep options open....

 

Okay to keep dating (and having sex with?) guy B, but be honest with him and let him know you are dating others.

 

That's only fair.

 

Jmo

[jam.over.jelly]

You're right. If it had been guy A, I would have dropped other guys. How ironic! I will let guy B know I want to keep my options open. This is gonna suck .

[katiegrl]

You're right. If it had been guy A, I would have dropped other guys. How ironic! I will let guy B know I want to keep my options open. This is gonna suck .

 

That's fair .... except I hope you are not keeping the option open for guy A to come back! Lol

 

You are completely DONE with him, right? I hope.

 

Even if he were to come back?

[jam.over.jelly]

my head tells me to get rid of him and I'm thankful he doesn't reach out to me. But I'm so weak. Right now I know I want nothing to do with him, and i strongly believe there is no reason for him to contact me again. However, if he does text me again, I honestly don't know what I'm gonna do. The sad part is I deleted everything about him so it's not like I even have his number anymore to block!

[katiegrl]

my head tells me to get rid of him and I'm thankful he doesn't reach out to me. But I'm so weak. Right now I know I want nothing to do with him, and i strongly believe there is no reason for him to contact me again. However, if he does text me again, I honestly don't know what I'm gonna do. The sad part is I deleted everything about him so it's not like I even have his number anymore to block!

 

So the answer to my question would be a resounding YES, you *are* keeping that option open..

 

May I ask why? I know you really like him, but do you really want to experience all that anxiety and uncertainty again? Ugh, I sure wouldn't.

 

Not to mention, the constant breaking of dates? Out of four dates ... he broke (and rescheduled) 2, or was it 3, of those dates, not including this last one, which he has not rescheduled.

 

Well jams....if he does come back, I hope to god you at least have the presence of mind (and heart)....to NOT just jump back in, without making him *work* a little. Don't make it so easy for him, he may lose respect ....and interest.

 

Men do not value those things that come too easily....neither do women for that matter!

 

Edited September 22, 2015 by katiegrl

[jam.over.jelly]

Quite frankly, I don't necessarily want to welcome him back with open arms either Even if he does contact me again. My ego is hurt and it's hard for me to overlook that. In my past I have had guys disappear and then resurface after weeks or months, even a year or two after, but I never let them back in so they could hurt my ego again. It might still be a little too fresh now, hence I can't completely block him out just yet but I can say that in a week, I think I will forget about this guy for real.

But I don't get it, why is it that I usually fall for guys that aren't that interested in me, and the ones that are obviously interested, I'm only partially interested in them?!?

[katiegrl]

Quite frankly, I don't necessarily want to welcome him back with open arms either Even if he does contact me again. My ego is hurt and it's hard for me to overlook that. In my past I have had guys disappear and then resurface after weeks or months, even a year or two after, but I never let them back in so they could hurt my ego again. It might still be a little too fresh now, hence I can't completely block him out just yet but I can say that in a week, I think I will forget about this guy for real.

 

 

*********

But I don't get it, why is it that I usually fall for guys that aren't that interested in me, and the ones that are obviously interested, I'm only partially interested in them?!?

 

Think about how you respond to, behave and interact with the guys you DO like ...versus the guys you DON'T like.

 

This has been said before on this board, but guys can sense when a woman is more emotionally invested than he... and it can be a bit of a turn off.

 

She is more accommodating, more willing to tolerate crap behavior like breaking dates, waiting HOURS to respond to a text message asking to confirm a date for *that* day, not to mention waiting HOURS for him to respond to most of his texts.

 

Also, the energy/vibe you generate when you're with him.....

 

Now think about how you behave and respond to guys you are not that into.

 

I think it's clear with guy B, you like him okay, but still sort of meh.

 

He can sense that .....thus you become a bit intriguing to him! Which fuels his attraction!

 

Does that make sense?

 

What you should do, even with a guy you really like, is still maintain strong boundaries, and let him know via your actions, you won't tolerate BS, like breaking dates, taking hours to confirm a date (when you were just texting so you know he had his phone right there)...etc, etc etc.

 

Remember when he texted you about the rodeo when it was raining? And you quickly responded by asking him if he still wants to get together but do something else?

 

Obviously, he had his phone right there with him, but he waited FOUR HOURS to respond back!

 

That is BS, imo, and if that had been me, I would have responded by saying "oh gosh I'm sorry .....since I had not heard back from you, I just made other plans. How about next week"?

 

Even if those plans were staying home and washing your hair!

 

It is stuff like that. ... you have to teach people how to treat you via how you respond and your actions.

 

He treated you very casually and non-chalantly, and when you accept that type of treatment, it's just too easy, and they lose interest... and respect too.

 

My experience anyway.

Edited September 22, 2015 by katiegrl

[jam.over.jelly]

I think u just enlighten me about a lot of things. Now that I think about it, that is exactly how I feel about guy B. I have him eat out of my palm so I'm never that interested in him. Although to compare guy A and guy B, they are both equally attractive and guy B even seems like he has more to offer in terms of his career and even his intentions with me. I'm so silly. U would think after so many let downs I would be wiser, but it's always different each time. One thing I realized, I really should keep them at arms length and make them treat me with respect.