Rejected Rosebud Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Well I know from observation, a lot of men will be accepting of a woman that is bitter and resentful Oh. Sucks to be them, then. I assure you that no fewer women accept being with bitter, resentful, maybe abusive, controlling, whatever men. Lots of people get wrapped up with awful people, usually because they don't feel good enough about themselves to expect better. I don't get you. You seem to be 100% invested in feeling sorry for yourself because you can't be the WORST "you" you can be and still have a girlfriend. And, you're constantly comparing yourself to what you (erroneously) think it's like to be a girl. You really should turn this around it's a losing game you're playing. :( 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) I know right? In my observations I've never seen the reverse, like,never. It's such a double standard ugh!! Come on ladies. Go for the bitter and resentful men. I detect some sarcasm here, and a lot of the bitterness would go away once those guys got a girlfriend Edited July 31, 2015 by BronzeAgeJaeger217 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 I detect some sarcasm here, and a lot of the bitterness would go away once those guys got a girlfriend They are not going to get a decent one while they are bitter though are they? So it creates a vicious circle. The same way the screaming harpie women will not get a decent man... We create our own lives... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 They are not going to get a decent one while they are bitter though are they? So it creates a vicious circle. The same way the screaming harpie women will not get a decent man... We create our own lives... Absolutely. That way they can ensure they are always right when they assert that "All Men Are A**holes/All Women Are B*tches". A self-fulfilling prophecy, done *right*. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Absolutely. That way they can ensure they are always right when they assert that "All Men Are A**holes/All Women Are B*tches". A self-fulfilling prophecy, done *right*. Yep, and the saddest part is that it's really just a rationalization for inaction and failure. The ppl who moan the most about life being unfair that way don't actually want to do anything about it, they just want to bask in the 'unfairness.' It's like a security blanket. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Can I add that "dating" also implies more than one date... Until it gets to the stage of at least a couple of dates then I do not consider it to be "dating", just going on a date... Perhaps that is the distinction? As you say communication really is the key. Yes, dating is a plural word. Well done, that's sorted that out. Goodbye and best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) Absolutely. That way they can ensure they are always right when they assert that "All Men Are A**holes/All Women Are B*tches". A self-fulfilling prophecy, done *right*. 100% correct. People create their own "truths" and "beliefs" then the brain goes looking for information to actively support their theory's to prove it. The brain finds what it is looking for which then strengthens the belief so then it goes looking for more. Its a snow ball affect Good book called "The Believing Brain" if you want to understand how this works in detail and how people get trapped into negative situations like these men are now. But the question to the ladies on this thread is this: Do you not see this very thread insinuating all men are bitter is guilty of being a similar negative self fulfilling prophecy ? Sorry to single you out Toodaloo but you started the thread and then you seem to be singling the guys out for being negative. Next minute, once again, I am getting the bitter nasty texts... My phone is going ten to the dozen with snide remarks... Why? Because I didn't respond within 10 minutes. I have a job. I am trying to get on with it. It was that bad that my bosses actually took my phone away so I could concentrate. Now whittled down to 3. So yeah... Waiting for next one to get bitter and nasty. This is the exact same self fulfilling prophecy as the guys only in reverse .... you're actively looking for the guys to turn bitter to prove your theory. They are not going to get a decent one while they are bitter though are they? So it creates a vicious circle. We create our own lives... Yes we do and if you believe all men are bitter that's exactly what your brain is going to find. Your thread seemed to attract some bitter men did it not ?? Sorry not trying to be mean just trying to show there are two sides to every story Edited July 31, 2015 by Justanaverageguy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 But the question to the ladies on this thread is this: Do you not see this very thread insinuating all men are bitter is guilty of being a similar negative self fulfilling prophecy ? Sorry to single you out Toodaloo but you started the thread and then you seem to be singling the guys out for being negative. Thats OK - No offence taken. It was actually more of a moan and get it off my chest as I am getting a lot of this recently. Not all, so no, I don't think that all are going to get nasty or bitter or angry but it seems to be a very noticeable and obvious trend... I am guessing at around 80-90% of the men I have met in the past couple of months have got nasty very quickly. Usually because I don't want to sleep with them until I know them a bit... Is four/ five dates REALLY too much to ask? But feel free to get picky - I have This is the exact same self fulfilling prophecy as the guys only in reverse .... you're actively looking for the guys to turn bitter to prove your theory. Would really rather not to be honest... Being called all the names under the sun, being goaded and having abuse hurled at you, normally via text because they are too scared to pick up the phone and call or say it to my face, through out the day while I am trying to work is quite frankly boring and wearing very thin. Yes - I admit it is putting me off meeting new men and going on more dates... Yes I am sick and tired of being seen as nothing more than a walking vagina... Its disheartening and demoralising - hence the break so I can reaffirm that there are still some great guys out there and stay positive... I don't want to turn into one of those screaming harpies... Yes we do and if you believe all men are bitter that's exactly what your brain is going to find. Your thread seemed to attract some bitter men did it not ?? Sorry not trying to be mean just trying to show there are two sides to every story It did indeed. And they showed the same behaviour (if a bit more polite) as the men that have been vile. It has not attracted me to them any more than the other men. I think its also known as "irony". And still the problem is not resolved. I will hasten to add that I may have used terms in general but at no point have I said that all men are bitter. I have some of the most amazing and inspiring men in my life. They really are remarkable people. I tend to use them as my guideline so I guess its going to be difficult for Joe Bloggs to live up to that... No not all men are bitter. I just seem to be meeting rather a lot of bitter men at the moment. I work hard to try to avoid it... Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 ^ Aren't these mostly OLD guys too? It think that'd be a legitimate microcosm to draw inferences on. e.g. not "all men are bitter," but "many men on OLD seem bitter." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Could it also be an age thing? Hard knocks, divorces, failed relationships, career issues, general unhappiness and frustration, all concentrated into a explosive mix. Then instead of Miss Right just showing up like she did when they were younger, they end up on the OLD dating carousel, and when things go wrong there too -> Boom! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 God alone knows. So many reasons and so many variables. I just don't want to end up like it myself so am taking a break and stepping back. I like a simple life. I plan to keep it that way. And I am still not going to have sex with someone just because they want me to... I figure these things go in circles anyway so I will leave it for a bit and then go back to it. Who knows... Still one left out of the last four!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 They are not going to get a decent one while they are bitter though are they? So it creates a vicious circle. The same way the screaming harpie women will not get a decent man... We create our own lives... Sounds like there is never an excuse for being bitter and resentful 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 The OP is dating multiple guys, that's also the same as not taking any guy seriously. I still find it annoying and so feminist that when a guy does the same it's somehow different. I agree completely. There is a ridiculous double standard in our culture right now. In terms of dating, women are getting away with an awful lot these days. As a guy, if I treated women the way the girls I met on OLD treated me, dating multiple guys, flaking, etc., I'd be roasted on these forums. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 It might be difficult to convince you how truly powerful what you focus on is. I have some interesting views on that extend beyond this but I'll try and keep discussions to human psychology and biology. People under estimate how powerful the subconscious human mind is. The brain is a pattern matching device. But you get to control what patterns it focuses on. Rule of thumb what you believe and focus on you will always ALWAYS see more of because the brain will seek it out. To be clear your brain does not care if it is negative or positive thing and it does not care if you want it or not. This is very important to remember it just finds what ever you think about the most. Your thinking about buying a new car .... so what car do you see on the road ? That model car. In Golf men have a joke where you tell your friend not to hit it in the water before he tees it up. It quadruples his chances of hitting it in the water because he is now thinking about it. What you focus on you get. It is like a homing missle gone bad. If you place your focus on anything it will start to actively seek it out even if you don't want it. Humans take subconscious queues from each other in speaking, body language even texting which show each other how we expect the other person to behave. Really dumbed down version - If I smile at you - you smile back. If I am flirty - you will flirt back (You would I'm cheeky when I flirt ). If I am not a confident guy, very reserved shy and and I tried to flirt with you in an awkward way would you want to flirt back ? Possibly not and the guy knows this .... which is why he is awkward when he performs the action. His behaviour is influenced by the result he expects from you. This in turn increases the chances of him actually getting the behavior he expects. Its one of those snow ball things. I want to be very very careful how I put this because I don't want to make out like this is your fault. I really don't at all. I'm not saying you made them go crazy .... I'm really not (please GOD don't hit me :/). My guess would be you probably had some really bad luck - maybe 5 or 6 dick heads guys in a row which affected your outlook on all men. So a simple question I want to ask is just ..... when you tell them you don't want to have sex straight away are you expecting a specific reaction from the guy ? Has it become so frequent that you are waiting for him to get angry or annoyed ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Sounds like there is never an excuse for being bitter and resentful True! If a person notices they are, it's up to them to get right. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I agree completely. There is a ridiculous double standard in our culture right now. In terms of dating, women are getting away with an awful lot these days. As a guy, if I treated women the way the girls I met on OLD treated me, dating multiple guys, flaking, etc., I'd be roasted on these forums. What does that mean, "women are getting away with an awful lot these days"? Seriously what does that even mean? Do you read these forums or just the threads where guys are whining about how much better women have it, because there are always many many of them where the woman is receiving the less than awesome treatment from the men ... WAIT!! This thread is one of those!! :bunny: 4 Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 What does that mean, "women are getting away with an awful lot these days"? Seriously what does that even mean? Do you read these forums or just the threads where guys are whining about how much better women have it, because there are always many many of them where the woman is receiving the less than awesome treatment from the men ... WAIT!! This thread is one of those!! :bunny: It means that in dating, women are excused and even encouraged to exhibit the same jerk behavior that guys are condemned for. This goes especially in OLD. The OP is dating several guys at once, and was probably prepared to drop 'em all as soon as she lost interest. She wasn't serious about any of these guys, and no one has a problem with that. That bothers me. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 It means that in dating, women are excused and even encouraged to exhibit the same jerk behavior that guys are condemned for. This goes especially in OLD. The OP is dating several guys at once, and was probably prepared to drop 'em all as soon as she lost interest. She wasn't serious about any of these guys, and no one has a problem with that. That bothers me. They're practically strangers though. Going to have coffee with someone does not equal a wedding ring. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 It means that in dating, women are excused and even encouraged to exhibit the same jerk behavior that guys are condemned for. This goes especially in OLD. The OP is dating several guys at once, and was probably prepared to drop 'em all as soon as she lost interest. She wasn't serious about any of these guys, and no one has a problem with that. That bothers me. Really? A committee has been formed and it has been determined that women are allowed to date several men at once, but men are to only date one woman at a time? Has the edict been issued and ratified? If so, I have not heard of it. I have repeatedly stated that that is what dating is about: going out, one-on-one, with whomever one is interested in knowing more about until such a time as one has seen enough and is done dating them, or has seen enough and would like to move on to exclusive dating. I have noticed several women who agree and who do NOT believe that one should automatically be exclusive with another from the moment of a successful first-meet. Perhaps the men who are so bitter about this ordained double-standard should join the women who've refused to acknowledge that this edict even exists and we should all just date each other, and allow those men and women who believe that it is only right to date one person at a time, from the get-go, to date one another. OOOOOoooo, but that's right...the men who are bitter about the perceived double-standard find these women to be "feminazis" who believe what's good for the goose IS good for the gander and who DO eschew double-standards in all things. Those men wouldn't touch us with a 10' pole...OR with a 3" penis. Quite the double-edged sword y'all have honed there. Kind of a self-fulfilling bitterness pill to swallow, too. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 It's because I don't know how I will ever be able to remove the bitterness and resentment over feeling I wasted all of my teens and most of my 20's, I feel teens, 20's, are supposed to be fun prime years for dating, relationships, sex Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 It's because I don't know how I will ever be able to remove the bitterness and resentment over feeling I wasted all of my teens and most of my 20's, I feel teens, 20's, are supposed to be fun prime years for dating, relationships, sex I'll tell you the secret to removing bitterness .... you don't "remove it" because it's not a physical object. It's a thought. So you simply change what you think about to something positive and place your focus there. Bitterness gone. It really is that simple. Stop holding onto pain so tightly and stop justifying why you deserve to be bitter about the past. No justification for being bitter makes any logical sense because bitterness has ZERO benefits for you. Being bitter about missing out on sex in your 20s will simply cause you to miss out on sex in your 30s. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 The OP is dating several guys at once, and was probably prepared to drop 'em all as soon as she lost interest. She wasn't serious about any of these guys, and no one has a problem with that. That bothers me. The OP is speaking to and texting a few guys and is still deciding who she wants to take things further with. She hardly knows them, they are to all intents and purposes still strangers. How can she be "serious" about people she hardly knows? Even in the "good old days" before OLD, women could talk to, hang out with and even go out for meals and drinks with guys who were not their bfs, who they were not exclusive with and who they were not necessarily sleeping with either. Sometimes things got serious sometimes they didn't. Sometimes she lost interest, sometimes he did, surely that what it is all about? Women are not "supposed" to just like and end up in a LTR with the first guy who shows an interest; women can decide for themselves who they want to spend their time with, in the same way men do. Dating is supposed to be fun and is a selection process on both sides. It is NOT about women plumping for the first guy who decides she is "the one": that is not in the rule book. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 It's because I don't know how I will ever be able to remove the bitterness and resentment over feeling I wasted all of my teens and most of my 20's, I feel teens, 20's, are supposed to be fun prime years for dating, relationships, sex Justanaverageguy is right, why are you still wasting time? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Really? A committee has been formed and it has been determined that women are allowed to date several men at once, but men are to only date one woman at a time? Has the edict been issued and ratified? If so, I have not heard of it. I have repeatedly stated that that is what dating is about: going out, one-on-one, with whomever one is interested in knowing more about until such a time as one has seen enough and is done dating them, or has seen enough and would like to move on to exclusive dating. I have noticed several women who agree and who do NOT believe that one should automatically be exclusive with another from the moment of a successful first-meet. Perhaps the men who are so bitter about this ordained double-standard should join the women who've refused to acknowledge that this edict even exists and we should all just date each other, and allow those men and women who believe that it is only right to date one person at a time, from the get-go, to date one another. OOOOOoooo, but that's right...the men who are bitter about the perceived double-standard find these women to be "feminazis" who believe what's good for the goose IS good for the gander and who DO eschew double-standards in all things. Those men wouldn't touch us with a 10' pole...OR with a 3" penis. Quite the double-edged sword y'all have honed there. Kind of a self-fulfilling bitterness pill to swallow, too. I am your humble admirer. Well said. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 It's because I don't know how I will ever be able to remove the bitterness and resentment over feeling I wasted all of my teens and most of my 20's, I feel teens, 20's, are supposed to be fun prime years for dating, relationships, sex You remove it by understanding that you are choosing to be bitter. You can also choose to get over it and move on. Nothing is going to spin the earth backwards to your teen years so you can get a do-over. The choice is yours--in fact, change is the easy part. It's the decision to change that is hard because you feel that you get a certain form of validation by being bitter about the way you chose to employ your time and energy. Fix that now so that when you are 62, you're not OLD and bitter because you chose to stick with a bad strategy all your life and your youth is gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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