elaine567 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 To be honest its half and half. I get a lot of this. I understand that people can feel hurt or rejected. Heck been there myself so many times. But to get bitter and nasty about it. The irony of it all was I really liked this guy but wasn't ready to sleep with him after spending just 2 hours in his company. I explained that to him and told him what he could do to make me feel more comfortable. He then ignored it put on pressure got nasty and blew up my phone... Another guy a couple of weeks ago ignored me for a few days then was very cool towards me when he did finally respond. So I did what any normal adult would do, I licked my wounds, shrugged my shoulders and moved on. A week or so later he is blowing up my phone having a go at me for ignoring him and being a bitch. All I did was ask how he was doing and did he still want to meet the following day (to which I got no response). After 4 blow outs am I really supposed to keep chasing him down? Clearly he wasn't all that interested. So when I finally say lets call it a day I am the recipient of abuse...? Why? It was HIS place, to pick you up and put you down at will. You were not supposed to make decisions or ignore HIM and leave HIM wandering and waiting, that was your job. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 It was HIS place, to pick you up and put you down at will. You were not supposed to make decisions or ignore HIM and leave HIM wandering and waiting, that was your job. Ooooooh! So he wanted to play a game? Agh well just as well there is a block facility then! I will put it down to the age old chestnut of "incompatibility" issues! Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 To be honest its half and half. I get a lot of this. I understand that people can feel hurt or rejected. Heck been there myself so many times. But to get bitter and nasty about it. The irony of it all was I really liked this guy but wasn't ready to sleep with him after spending just 2 hours in his company. I explained that to him and told him what he could do to make me feel more comfortable. He then ignored it put on pressure got nasty and blew up my phone... Another guy a couple of weeks ago ignored me for a few days then was very cool towards me when he did finally respond. So I did what any normal adult would do, I licked my wounds, shrugged my shoulders and moved on. A week or so later he is blowing up my phone having a go at me for ignoring him and being a bitch. All I did was ask how he was doing and did he still want to meet the following day (to which I got no response). After 4 blow outs am I really supposed to keep chasing him down? Clearly he wasn't all that interested. So when I finally say lets call it a day I am the recipient of abuse...? Why? Why bother with all of that if either of them really thinks all those things about me that they said then I wouldn't be such a great catch anyway. As I say - I think men also have this problem with women too... so I doubt its confined to just me... I actually kinda suspect these unfortunate ppl are the victims of ascribing to either a 'playa' or PUA approach or just 'rules.' They sound like they weren't committed or even very knowledgeable about their approaches and how they were supposed to work, which suggests to me someone else told them what to do. In other words, someone said "be sure to act cold, that'll draw her right in" or they read pickup books and applied those 'principles' ("don't look too eager! you want her to get the impression you're not interested!" ) or just their 'playa' buddy (who probably is not actually a playa) said to be "smooth" and act aloof so she knows who wears the pants from the get-go. Etc. I have no way of actually knowing that but their juvenile reactions make me really suspicious. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 being bitter, resentful, is a thousand, million, billion times worse if you are a guy Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 being bitter, resentful, is a thousand, million, billion times worse if you are a guy Proof? <<<<<<<<<<<< Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 being bitter, resentful, is a thousand, million, billion times worse if you are a guy Please explain how so? Surely any man or woman with a shred of dignity and self respect would run a mile from any bitterness or nastiness? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 To put it into guy terms, women sense male emotions like bitterness and such emotions are repugnant to them and a turnoff. Men may observe the same in a woman, or any other various and sundry repugnant behavior but, as a man, he puts that away into a box and it doesn't touch the box which says "I won't pass up this sexual opportunity". Men and women are simply different in this regard. So, a woman can, with near impunity, treat a man badly and with substantive bitterness because, well, she knows another man will still want to, er, have sex with her and give her the attention to facilitate that. Heh, we men do it to ourselves. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 To put it into guy terms, women sense male emotions like bitterness and such emotions are repugnant to them and a turnoff. Men may observe the same in a woman, or any other various and sundry repugnant behavior but, as a man, he puts that away into a box and it doesn't touch the box which says "I won't pass up this sexual opportunity". Men and women are simply different in this regard. So, a woman can, with near impunity, treat a man badly and with substantive bitterness because, well, she knows another man will still want to, er, have sex with her and give her the attention to facilitate that. Heh, we men do it to ourselves. ~WHOA~ This had me, during the first half, silently nodding in agreement and thinking, "Yeah...that sounds plausible..." It's well-known that men - generally speaking - are better able to separate emotion from logic and therefore, are better able to separate 'just sex' from an 'honest-to-God relationship'. I got lost at the part that seems to suggest women - generally speaking - treat men like sh*t because we know that there will always be another guy who's simply looking to get laid and will overlook our nastiness for a chance at it and we'll simply use that *knowledge* to snare the next one. I.e., the second part read like an angry, bitter man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 heh, nah, it reads like a man who has experienced thousands of women in his life and seen how things go. It's not an indictment and, if it might be, it's an indictment of men for being ruled by their penises. However, feel free to describe it any way you wish. I'll move on to 38,382. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I got lost at the part that seems to suggest women - generally speaking - treat men like sh*t because we know that there will always be another guy who's simply looking to get laid and will overlook our nastiness for a chance at it and we'll simply use that *knowledge* to snare the next one. I still wonder, in the end, why men even want to be near such vile, hateful, unredeemable creatures, much less touch them naked? I mean, if that is what I REALLY thought of the opposite sex....I'd become a monk/nun. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 I still wonder, in the end, why men even want to be near such vile, hateful, unredeemable creatures, much less touch them naked? I mean, if that is what I REALLY thought of the opposite sex....I'd become a monk/nun. Its tempting... Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I still wonder, in the end, why men even want to be near such vile, hateful, unredeemable creatures, much less touch them naked? I mean, if that is what I REALLY thought of the opposite sex....I'd become a monk/nun.Workin' on it. Now where's my rice bowl? Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I still wonder, in the end, why men even want to be near such vile, hateful, unredeemable creatures, much less touch them naked? I mean, if that is what I REALLY thought of the opposite sex....I'd become a monk/nun. Its tempting... Then there's always the female option .... heh, nah, it reads like a man who has experienced thousands of women in his life and seen how things go. It's not an indictment and, if it might be, it's an indictment of men for being ruled by their penises. However, feel free to describe it any way you wish. I'll move on to 38,382. You've seen thousands of women treat men "badly and with substantive bitterness," knowing their motivation is the knowledge they can have other men? You must be like 560 years old. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 (edited) heh, nah, it reads like a man who has experienced thousands of women in his life and seen how things go. It's not an indictment and, if it might be, it's an indictment of men for being ruled by their penises. However, feel free to describe it any way you wish. I'll move on to 38,382. Absolutely understandable, then. If I'd been in a relationship with 38,381 different men in my lifetime and every single one of those 38,381 was an absolute jerk on every single level, I'd probably feel confident in the knowledge that 'All Men Are Indeed A**holes' and not question whether or not the mathematical extrapolation actually holds up. Definitely if all 38,381 men I'd been with in my lifetime were Indeed Such A**holes, I too would find absolutely no reason to look to the mirror to see what might be the root cause of the *problem*. As others have suggested, I'd probably be looking into becoming a nun. At the very least, I'd play water boy for other team for a bit. Edited July 24, 2015 by mrldii missed a space 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I have no idea of how to respond to that, since the number was a reference to posts, not women, as any reader who can look at the page would discern. However, if you wish the comment to stand, accepted. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I have no idea of how to respond to that, since the number was a reference to posts, not women, as any reader who can look at the page would discern. However, if you wish the comment to stand, accepted. Ha! I didn't catch that. I was thinking....wow, carhill has been with THAT many women??? Is he Gene Simmons???? I think 95% of the bitterness in both genders with regard to dating is just disguised hurt. The problem is, it repels people, which just ensures more rejection and hurt 2 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I have no idea of how to respond to that, since the number was a reference to posts, not women, as any reader who can look at the page would discern. However, if you wish the comment to stand, accepted. In fairness, that earlier post first stated "experienced thousands of women in his life" and then included a number in the tens of thousands, so it's not completely out of left field to read it that way. Anyway, I agree with that poster's basic point: that it is a curious thing to imply that women would have an easier time rejecting bitterness in men and expressing bitterness of their own because they know other men will sleep with them anyway. It's not just an indictment of men, of course; it suggests that women wouldn't have the agency or strength of character not to behave in such a way regardless of results. And on a practical note, it does not seem to be borne out by LS data, nor is it by my personal circle; IME people in general eschew those who are bitter, regardless of gender. But I know that YMMV. Back to thread topic and the men the OP has interacted with specifically: OP, I think it's just good when people show you who they are. The tricky thing is that bitterness can be contagious; you see it here on LS all the time. So I'd just advise you to keep your chin up and brush aside the poison! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 (edited) Hmmmm...now, I'm confused...and probably, guilty to boot. I have a really nasty habit of treating online discussion boards like real-life conversations, so I am very apt to get caught up in the flow of it all and follow where it leads. I can't comment on the men the OP is writing about...I don't know them. I can comment on the general overall theme of it - that eventually (usually sooner than later) the person she's engaging with (typically a man, since she appears to be an exclusively-heterosexual dater) will *suddenly* show a bitter streak over a seemingly small and insignificant event/statement. It happens frequently to (at?) me, OP. When it happens, not only do I see it as a red flag, but I take it as the "Yup, yup...I'm outta here" cue. Regardless of any other later attempted justifications ("I was having a bad day", "It just reminded me of something my ex used to do/say", etc.), to me it smacks of unfinished business and unfinished processing, where he is still in the unresolved anger stage of his last/previous relationship/s, no matter how long ago it 'ended'. To me, there's not a lot of difference between 'I can no longer enjoy caramel syrup on vanilla ice cream because she used to, and you-know-how-she-was' and I can no longer have a period, because she, too, used to bleed once a month and you-know-how-she-was. In both cases, it smacks of someone who has not yet made peace with the fact that generally-speaking, people will be people, women will be women, and we're all just looking for that one other person on the planet who will irritate us the least through the long haul. Edited July 24, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 To be honest its half and half. I get a lot of this. I understand that people can feel hurt or rejected. Heck been there myself so many times. But to get bitter and nasty about it. The irony of it all was I really liked this guy but wasn't ready to sleep with him after spending just 2 hours in his company. I explained that to him and told him what he could do to make me feel more comfortable. He then ignored it put on pressure got nasty and blew up my phone... Another guy a couple of weeks ago ignored me for a few days then was very cool towards me when he did finally respond. So I did what any normal adult would do, I licked my wounds, shrugged my shoulders and moved on. A week or so later he is blowing up my phone having a go at me for ignoring him and being a bitch. All I did was ask how he was doing and did he still want to meet the following day (to which I got no response). . My feeling is that when men get pissed off with you, even though you've treated them in a polite and reasonable manner, it's usually because they're trying to play you and it's not working. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodaloo Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Back to thread topic and the men the OP has interacted with specifically: OP, I think it's just good when people show you who they are. The tricky thing is that bitterness can be contagious; you see it here on LS all the time. So I'd just advise you to keep your chin up and brush aside the poison! Which is exactly what I am doing. One of them came back for yet another pop at me last night. I ignored him. Just makes me feel very sad. My feeling is that when men get pissed off with you, even though you've treated them in a polite and reasonable manner, it's usually because they're trying to play you and it's not working. I get that feeling too... More so when they try to get me to sleep with them using guilt and goading tactics... Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 If these people knew how transparent they were with their tantrums, they wouldn't throw them because they would be mortified. OP, the best response is silence. Never sink to his level or give him attention if he's acting 5 years old. I'm actually in shock at how grown ups throw tantrums, and even put it in writing. And they harassed you for sex. What would their families think if they knew? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 If you had ever gotten up in the morning with an erection that is almost painful, and keeps coming back throughout the day at the sight of each new attractive woman in her yoga pants, you would understand. I have been there, I was one of those bitter guys. All it made me do was f*ck them, but never take them seriously. Only in the past couple years have I met a few women that showed me not all are crappy. But surely that was more about how you viewed women, than the reality of women in general. You reaped what you sowed, you f*cked them and never took them seriously, they in turn treated you like crap, did you deserve any better? I guess not. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 You are dating multiple guys so of course there will be problems with communication and building up a connection. Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) Definitely if all 38,381 men I'd been with in my lifetime were Indeed Such A**holes, I too would find absolutely no reason to look to the mirror to see what might be the root cause of the *problem*. Yeah but how many people really think that way, especially when it comes to dating. Even the most stuck up woman will think that every guy is a douche before she realizes that the problem is actually her. Most guys I know are very much into a self-improvement or self-help trend whereas most girls are more "I won't change for anybody" post-feminist type that's quick to judge but doesn't want to be judged herself. Also, a guy can act like a jerk when he's with a girl that's a jerk herself, and the same guy can be very nice when the girl he's with is also really nice. People behave differently around different people. You reaped what you sowed, you f*cked them and never took them seriously, they in turn treated you like crap, did you deserve any better? I guess not. The OP is dating multiple guys, that's also the same as not taking any guy seriously. I still find it annoying and so feminist that when a guy does the same it's somehow different. Edited July 27, 2015 by wb1988 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I think some men are looking for weak women or women who will do their best to please. So when he shows his bitter side, his angry side or he has a tantrum, that woman will bend over backwards to appease him, to smooth the waters, to give him his own way. I guess it is learned behaviour from their childhood perhaps or how they have previously interacted with women or even people in general. They get something out of it, so I guess it will not just be a one off event. A red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
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