Marc878 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I don't know about every one but I wish you the best. Most of the advice here comes from having lived through issues. The reason that advice is given is to try and pass on the experience others may not have. I've learned from making many mistakes. I'm not that smart but I learned from life. Only time and living can give you that wisdom. Having seen and lived through anguish some try and pass that on. Infidelity is a club no one necessarily wanted to belong to but can happen to any of us. Once in you can never be the same and it never truly goes away. You can't live someone's life for them or make them do anything. Just advise if you have the knowledge. Which most of us I'm sure wish they hadn't known but...... Its like a fear you have for others to try and warn/guide. But in the end it's up to you which way you go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny2013 Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 The crazy thing is how my friends are reacting to me going out with my old BF from high school, and it makes me understand some of the reactions here. One of my friends (whose husband is cheating on her - we all know, as does she) said there is no way I should meet him Monday. My BFFs husband asked if I was tempted, "if the stars aligned" to get together with the old BF. I'm realizing, that these are not reflections on me, but reflections on them and their relationships. My husband and I have had great talks about me meeting the old BF. He is totally fine with it, as he should be. I'm married, and the old BF has a girlfriend who WILL BE THERE. I think we will be able to handle ourselves. Even if the girlfriend wasn't going to be there, it'd be ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 The crazy thing is how my friends are reacting to me going out with my old BF from high school, and it makes me understand some of the reactions here. One of my friends (whose husband is cheating on her - we all know, as does she) said there is no way I should meet him Monday. My BFFs husband asked if I was tempted, "if the stars aligned" to get together with the old BF. I'm realizing, that these are not reflections on me, but reflections on them and their relationships. My husband and I have had great talks about me meeting the old BF. He is totally fine with it, as he should be. I'm married, and the old BF has a girlfriend who WILL BE THERE. I think we will be able to handle ourselves. Even if the girlfriend wasn't going to be there, it'd be ok. I agree and think it's a good sign your hubby trusts you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 The crazy thing is how my friends are reacting to me going out with my old BF from high school, and it makes me understand some of the reactions here. One of my friends (whose husband is cheating on her - we all know, as does she) said there is no way I should meet him Monday. My BFFs husband asked if I was tempted, "if the stars aligned" to get together with the old BF. I'm realizing, that these are not reflections on me, but reflections on them and their relationships. My husband and I have had great talks about me meeting the old BF. He is totally fine with it, as he should be. I'm married, and the old BF has a girlfriend who WILL BE THERE. I think we will be able to handle ourselves. Even if the girlfriend wasn't going to be there, it'd be ok. Very telling, in bold.... (Sounds very "Desperate Housewives"...! ) See, we can never really know what goes on in the hearts and minds of other people. I'm certain this holds a fascination for you, jenny2013. You originally came to us with the dilemma of what the heck was going on in your life... Why on earth this was happening to you, even though you always insisted, right from the start, that your H is the most important man in your life, you love him completely and your marriage is sound as a pound. That is something from which you have never wavered, been shaken from, or veered away or been steered away from. In that, you have been utterly 100% resolute. Now, you have done the complete 180. Your feelings/crush for your married boss have, for reasons given and clear in the thread, evaporated, dissipated and disappeared. It's all gone. you have engineered the 'upper hand' on that situation. But.... Aren't other people 'funny'...? You know all these things about your friends and neighbours (they obviously have no clue about your previous flight of fancy) , they in turn, reflect and deflect their fears, worries, perceptions and misconceptions onto you - and yet, what do we all, really, truly know about others? About ourselves? Ain't life one great big voyage of discovery, huh? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny2013 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 My sweet husband even helped me pick out a new dress for my outing tomorrow. He gets that I am happy to see my old friend, and want to look nice. Total Desperate Housewives. And one big voyage of discovery. You are awesome, Tara. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny2013 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 Went out with my high school friend for lunch, drinks and to a party. With his lovely girlfriend of 10 years, and some other friends. Once again, all was well. A fun afternoon catching up. My boss/friend and I are doing well too. Still friends and not having any feelings for him. At all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Went out with my high school friend for lunch, drinks and to a party. With his lovely girlfriend of 10 years, and some other friends. Once again, all was well. A fun afternoon catching up. My boss/friend and I are doing well too. Still friends and not having any feelings for him. At all. Woah! Hold on a cotton-pickin' minute! This means - *gasp!!* - you are controlling yourself!! How very unlike yer average typical woman - exercising common sense, social normal interaction and self-restraint! Surely, that's not possible! Goodness me, whooda thunk it!? Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Awesome Jenny!!!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
karinelove Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 The fact that you are here in the forum suggest that you want more out of this. My advice is to have a chat with your Boss let him know that you have a crush on him and your afraid if you continue to text, go for lunch dates etc you might take the relationship further and you certainly don't want to hurt your husband or ruin his marriage. So end this non-sense now, today! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 The fact that you are here in the forum suggest that you want more out of this. My advice is to have a chat with your Boss let him know that you have a crush on him and your afraid if you continue to text, go for lunch dates etc you might take the relationship further and you certainly don't want to hurt your husband or ruin his marriage. So end this non-sense now, today! Er.... perhaps it would be better if you actually read the thread.... she doesn't want more, and is totally over him.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Er.... perhaps it would be better if you actually read the thread.... she doesn't want more, and is totally over him.... Good point, but with the short time this thread has been going, I seriously doubt it. The jury is still out. Call me skeptical. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Good point, but with the short time this thread has been going, I seriously doubt it. The jury is still out. Call me skeptical. If you don't mind, I'd rather use 'sceptical'. It's the penalty of being British.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny2013 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 Thanks Tara. And no thanks to you, Old Rover, for your skepticism. I see my boss walking into a room. I leave. See him walking down the hallway. I change courses. Yes, of course I have to talk to him at work, but I am doing my best to avoid the casual chatter. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Jenny, I personally am very happy for you. I can see your honesty and determination to "keep things clean" both with your H and with your boss. Keep those boundries and love your H. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Thanks Tara. And no thanks to you, Old Rover, for your skepticism. I see my boss walking into a room. I leave. See him walking down the hallway. I change courses. Yes, of course I have to talk to him at work, but I am doing my best to avoid the casual chatter. Jenny, I really wish you the best, but if you're leaving when he comes and changing courses when he's heading your way, you not over, yet. However, I feel that you are heading in the right direction at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny2013 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 Old Rover, don't you think that me avoiding being in a room with him is a good idea? Maybe I'm not understanding what you are saying? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Old Rover, don't you think that me avoiding being in a room with him is a good idea? Maybe I'm not understanding what you are saying? No, he's still playing the sceptic card. He has to have SOMETHING to criticise.... Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Jenny. For the record I do think a certain degree of separation is good for you now. Maybe after a period of time this won't be necessary but for now I see this as good safe decision making. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 No, he's still playing the sceptic card. He has to have SOMETHING to criticise.... Well, if she were totally over him, why avoid him? Should be a non issue. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 She's avoiding him because HE began to 'up the interest'. She's not cutting herself off. She's cutting HIM off. Read back. You'll see.... Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 She's avoiding him because HE began to 'up the interest'. She's not cutting herself off. She's cutting HIM off. Read back. You'll see.... Tara, Sorry, I missed that. I was under the impression that he wasn't pursuing her much. I really wish her the best, but have seen this same thing explode, that's why I'm skeptical. Has she told her husband about this? And has she told the other man that this has to stop? If so, she's making progress. Jenny? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Tara, Sorry, I missed that. I was under the impression that he wasn't pursuing her much. I really wish her the best, but have seen this same thing explode, that's why I'm skeptical. How many times EXACTLY have you seen this 'explode'? Which people, close to you, were entertaining a private, unspoken, unexposed crush on someone without acting on it, but just keeping it to themselves? How many people have you seen playing the mild flirting game, escalate their initially harmless teasing to a full-blown passionate mutual affair under the very noses of their colleagues, neighbours and partners? Please be specific. Has she told her husband about this? She doesn't need to. She admitted right from the start that this little crush was all in her head, unmanifested, unspoken and to all intents and purposes unreciprocated. And has she told the other man that this has to stop? That's what she's doing now.... isn't it? Given that they have neither of them, openly, overtly or blatantly expressed a real, physical, intentional desire to have an affair with one another, it's actually a non-starter. How is she going to tell the guy 'this has to stop' when neither of them have actually declared anything having even begun? If so, she's making progress. Has it completely escaped your notice that 'progress' in fact, began in mid-August? It's all over bar the )(your) shouting.... Jenny? Sorry. I'm sure she would agree though. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 How many times EXACTLY have you seen this 'explode'? Which people, close to you, were entertaining a private, unspoken, unexposed crush on someone without acting on it, but just keeping it to themselves? How many people have you seen playing the mild flirting game, escalate their initially harmless teasing to a full-blown passionate mutual affair under the very noses of their colleagues, neighbours and partners? Please be specific. She doesn't need to. She admitted right from the start that this little crush was all in her head, unmanifested, unspoken and to all intents and purposes unreciprocated. That's what she's doing now.... isn't it? Given that they have neither of them, openly, overtly or blatantly expressed a real, physical, intentional desire to have an affair with one another, it's actually a non-starter. How is she going to tell the guy 'this has to stop' when neither of them have actually declared anything having even begun? Has it completely escaped your notice that 'progress' in fact, began in mid-August? It's all over bar the )(your) shouting.... Sorry. I'm sure she would agree though. We'll just agree to disagree on this one. I've seen it at least FIVE times in the past 10 years. One was a LTR, and not married but similar, and I've seen it from the man's side and the woman's side. I'm not saying Jenny can't succeed, but I just don't agree on the way she is doing it. She is not open with her husband, and that's the first mistake. No point in discussing further. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny2013 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 What would the point be in telling my husband? "Hey babe, I had a weird crush on our friend that is our neighbor and my boss. Nothing ever came of it, but thought you should know." So he would never trust me, and doubt me from now on? No way - that would be destructive for no reason. And what do I tell my friend to "stop"? He is not doing anything inappropriate, and neither am I. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny2013 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 Update - all is well. My friend/boss has been calling me more as I've been pulling back (4 times in the last 24 hours), but I'm doing well, so that's the only thing I can control. Honestly, I have very small twinges of feelings for him still, but I think these are more friendship based. He is being extra nice to me, and I can't deny that that is a nice feeling. But there have been no more meetings alone, away from work, etc. which has greatly helped. Thanks to all who have given me support when I needed it. Link to post Share on other sites
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