hotpotato Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Yes, it is a turn off to me if a man can not genuinely attract a woman. I don't have a problem with a history including casual sex, as long as both parties wanted the sex. A man who manipulates or pays for sex, rather than seeking to connect and arouse a woman (even just for one night), is a turn off to me. Once again, there goes many men bc most men are paying for sex in some way. *shrug* I dont see tge big difference between paying for her drinks or spending some kind of resource on a woman in hopes of getting sex whether he met her on pof, a bar, or craugslist. Im not sure what kind of connection ypure taljing about, but if its a physical connection, thats the same thing hed get from a hooker. 1
hotpotato Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Or more succinctly, I believe, she's making a decision based on emotion, which is fine, but it's foolish to try to then somehow use reason to justify it. Right. And also most men have ' had'quite a few women via porn. He could just easily be having sex with her and thinking about porn stars, kinky porn scenes, etc. I would get why that would tyrn her off as well. Im just saying this is common and something shes gonna have to deal with to some extent with most men.
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I think most people here agree that if shes turned off by him, its best to cut her losses. The point isnt about puas. That was just an example. The point is that whats turning her off as well as others is actually pretty common. That is, many men are fine paying for sex in some way. Also, men are being penalized for being honest about the transaction. I think we could say that buying coffee on that first date, dinner, perfume, jewellery, even holidays, cars and houses are all just paying for sex, but I don't think many women see it in that way, nor most men either I would assume. I also think the prostitute problem here, is about class, most normal average women are not mixing with the likes of escorts, prostitutes, strippers, drug dealers, traffickers and pimps. It is a perceived sleazy "underclass" that most average women never really see or have anything to do with. The thought that a man she is seeing, is mixing with "those sort of people" is repulsive in itself to your average woman, without even thinking about him having sex with such women. I guess that is why most would rather date a man with 20 ONSs with "normal" women under his belt than one visit to a prostitute.
SawtoothMars Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Who said anything about leash collars or Alpo? And isn't control and expectations up front not exactly what those of a narcissistic bent want? You were talking about sexual control which is what narcissistic people desire. I'm talking about situational control which is what cautious people desire. 1
123321 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I also think the prostitute problem here, is about class, most normal average women are not mixing with the likes of escorts, prostitutes, strippers .... They stopped putting the tattoos on their foreheads now you know. 1
SawtoothMars Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I think we could say that buying coffee on that first date, dinner, perfume, jewellery, even holidays, cars and houses are all just paying for sex, but I don't think many women see it in that way, nor most men either I would assume. I also think the prostitute problem here, is about class, most normal average women are not mixing with the likes of escorts, prostitutes, strippers, drug dealers, traffickers and pimps. It is a perceived sleazy "underclass" that most average women never really see or have anything to do with. The thought that a man she is seeing, is mixing with "those sort of people" is repulsive in itself to your average woman, without even thinking about him having sex with such women. I guess that is why most would rather date a man with 20 ONSs with "normal" women under his belt than one visit to a prostitute. You missed the point of what I was saying earlier. A guy with 20 ONS is highly desired by women. A guy with 20 different hookers... just says he has a job and is willing to be risky. Similarly a woman with 20 ONS is the exact same as the guy buying hookers. She takes risks and frankly could be a 900 lb shrek clone and still get laid rather easily. THAT is why women would prefer the guy with 20 ONS's. Because that guy is good with women. The class thing is garbage. It is equivalent of men who won't date a woman who slept with black guys! 2
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 You missed the point of what I was saying earlier. A guy with 20 ONS is highly desired by women. Now who is talking garbage, some guy with 20 ONSs is in the same league to most women, as a girl with 20 ONSs is to men. It is NOT desirable. 1
SawtoothMars Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Now who is talking garbage, some guy with 20 ONSs is in the same league to most women, as a girl with 20 ONSs is to men. It is NOT desirable. Yeah... I get your point. There is a growing number of women who dislike manwhores. I personally view this as a great thing! I believe men and women should be judged equally for sleeping around. That said.... at this current time the majority of women have no problem dating manwhores.
hotpotato Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 (edited) I think we could say that buying coffee on that first date, dinner, perfume, jewellery, even holidays, cars and houses are all just paying for sex, but I don't think many women see it in that way, nor most men either I would assume. Well, im sure most women dont as that would not be very romantic. However, I have encountered many men who expected sex in exchange for coffee or dinner. Very common. Im sure one could argue they are not sitting there consciously dissecting their own behavior. Some people say dating is a mix of prostitution and gambling. Men who see prostitutes simply taking out the gambling aspect. A few days ago, I actually had a guy offer me money for gas. The deal was I was going to hangoht with him at his place aka sex. The john simply skips the pretenses and gives the hooker money for her 'time.' I also think the prostitute problem here, is about class, most normal average women are not mixing with the likes of escorts, prostitutes, strippers, drug dealers, traffickers and pimps. It is a perceived sleazy "underclass" that most average women never really see or have anything to do with. The thought that a man she is seeing, is mixing with "those sort of people" is repulsive in itself to your average woman, without even thinking about him having sex with such women. I guess that is why most would rather date a man with 20 ONSs with "normal" women under his belt than one visit to a prostitute. Stereotypes much? Good thing many hookers arent associated with pimps, traffickers, drug dealers either. Thats probably true though. Not only did a man have the gall to have easy sex, he also screwed someone peeceived as lower class, beneath her. Totally illogical, since girl at the bar might be sleaziest, low class girl in town. Edited April 15, 2015 by hotpotato 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 (edited) For the sake of clearing up an argument (and I'm a bit drunk right now), i'm going to admit something: I've seen an escort before (same girl over a few visits), after one of my breakups. She looked normal, really cute like the girl next door kinda, and no drug problems (or she hid it really well). She actually invited me to her house, gave me her real name and we were friends on Facebook -- Not typical I Know (and definitely not smart of her, but last I heard she stopped Escorting and is doing really well). She was only about a year younger than I was. This was about 2.5-3 years ago. I'd say I have decent game and can attract Women relatively well. I'm not resigned to a future of having to pay for sex. Does this make you all think less of me because I visited an Escort? What's in the past is IN THE PAST!! Lol. Edited April 15, 2015 by barcode88 1
Author EveAFlame Posted April 15, 2015 Author Posted April 15, 2015 Or more succinctly, I believe, she's making a decision based on emotion, which is fine, but it's foolish to try to then somehow use reason to justify it. Explain? How am I making a decision based on emotion. I genuinely want to know. I thought I was making it based on rational thought. He and I hold different ideals when it comes to sex. I don't think anyone who engages in casual sex is INFERIOR to me. They are DIFFERENT. I don't see why I couldn't still be friendly with him but I don't know about being romantically involved. 3
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 For the sake of clearing up an argument (and I'm a bit drunk right now), i'm going to admit something: I've seen an escort before (same girl over a few visits), after one of my breakups. She looked normal, really cute like the girl next door kinda, and no drug problems (or she hid it really well). She actually invited me to her house, gave me her real name and we were friends on Facebook -- Not typical I Know (and definitely not smart of her, but last I heard she stopped Escorting and is doing really well). She was only about a year younger than I was. This was about 2.5-3 years ago. I'd say I have decent game and can attract Women relatively well. I'm not resigned to a future of having to pay for sex. Does this make you all think less of me because I visited an Escort? What's in the past is IN THE PAST!! Lol. I have no problem with escorts or hookers, they are people too, I'm even going to say that I've known and were friends with quite a few, Some of them are amazing, and some of them you can truly adore, Some of them are worth getting to know, and some of them are just a whore. If they enjoy what they do, then who is to pass judgement on them? No one in this thread is God, leave the judgement up to HIM. Should you judge someone based on their experience in the past? Absolutely, its YOUR heart you have to protect and make last.
Author EveAFlame Posted April 15, 2015 Author Posted April 15, 2015 Oh my goodness, I don't care about the hookers! I'm not trying to date hookers! Argh! 3
Anela Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Or more succinctly, I believe, she's making a decision based on emotion, which is fine, but it's foolish to try to then somehow use reason to justify it. I don't think she needs to justify herself to you, or to anyone else. 4
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 (edited) Explain? How am I making a decision based on emotion. I genuinely want to know. I thought I was making it based on rational thought. He and I hold different ideals when it comes to sex. I don't think anyone who engages in casual sex is INFERIOR to me. They are DIFFERENT. I don't see why I couldn't still be friendly with him but I don't know about being romantically involved. Just because a guy settles for casual sex, it is not always something they desire. Casual sex can be fun in the moment but leaves a void behind. Everyone wants to feel loved. I'm going to sleep goodnight-_- Edited April 15, 2015 by barcode88
guest569 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I honestly wouldn't automatically call it a dealbreaker, I think it's a bit weird but its not a huge deal. Not everything about the sex industry is horrible, illegal, drug use etc. I just think the OP is probably unable to get past it though, and that is the bottom line. You can give it a bit more time but don't be too long or feelings might get hurt. 3
hotpotato Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Explain? How am I making a decision based on emotion. I genuinely want to know. I thought I was making it based on rational thought. He and I hold different ideals when it comes to sex. I don't think anyone who engages in casual sex is INFERIOR to me. They are DIFFERENT. I don't see why I couldn't still be friendly with him but I don't know about being romantically involved. Well, then maybe it's time to find a guy who is very spiritual and had deep seated beliefs against nsa sex. Most men are find have nsa sex. It sounds like you are turned off by it. People like what they like, but if you are turned off by guys have casual sex then you're are going to be turned off by most men.
123321 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I don't think anyone who engages in casual sex is INFERIOR to me. They are DIFFERENT. I don't see why I couldn't still be friendly with him but I don't know about being romantically involved. Can't help but notice in the OP and title you didn't complain about him being promiscuous, or that he had casual sex; you complained specifically that he'd hired hookers in the past and let you know about it. I went based on what you said, as my mind reading hat is being cleaned. I don't think she needs to justify herself to you, or to anyone else. I agree and further I'm not sure she has been doing any justification (although the above quoted post seemed a little explanatory) , but others certainly have been trying.
xxoo Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 Well, then maybe it's time to find a guy who is very spiritual and had deep seated beliefs against nsa sex. Most men are find have nsa sex. It sounds like you are turned off by it. People like what they like, but if you are turned off by guys have casual sex then you're are going to be turned off by most men. All casual/NSA sex is not equal. There is a qualitative difference between NSA sex with mutual attraction and NSA sex with one sided attraction in exchange for payment. Plenty of men would not be interested in the latter, because the woman's enjoyment is what makes sex good. I'm not interested in selfish lovers. 1
Minnie09 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I didn't read all the posts but I can say that at least he was honest with you. On the other hand, you could say that maybe he was trying to get your attention by telling you about his checkered past. Attention whore alarm. Also, sometimes, if men do that, they're kind of addicted to it and can't get rid of the habit. Especially when it comes to strip clubs - many are strip clubs addicts. When it comes to paying for sex, this is also something a man can get addicted to. So I don't know. It's your call. But it might resurface later in your relationship, if you decide to have one with him.
Author EveAFlame Posted April 15, 2015 Author Posted April 15, 2015 Well, then maybe it's time to find a guy who is very spiritual and had deep seated beliefs against nsa sex. Most men are find have nsa sex. It sounds like you are turned off by it. People like what they like, but if you are turned off by guys have casual sex then you're are going to be turned off by most men. I'm not particularly religious. There isn't necessarily a religious or spiritual reasoning behind my reluctance to date someone with a varied sexual history whether he slept with hookers or whether he slept with random bar chicks. My question was whether a person can look past something like that when choosing a mate. If he had come to me and said "I've have 100 ONS" then my initial post would reflect that. A man with a long and varied sexual history might be a deal breaker for me. I don't know. I'm going to speak with him as honestly as he spoke with me. And being turned off by most men? That's ok. Better than feeling like I'm with someone who gifts his penis to half the population. 1
pteromom Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 I didn't read the replies, so this may be a repeat of what someone else said. But you have a right to determine your own values. If you find being with hookers morally repulsive, you shouldn't date someone who's done it. Your values are yours, and you don't have to twist them to fit in with someone who doesn't share them. And you definitely shouldn't have to just set aside those values to be with someone. 2
pteromom Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 My question was whether a person can look past something like that when choosing a mate. CAN? Yes. SHOULD? Nope. YOU get to decide what is important to you. And being turned off by most men? That's ok. Better than feeling like I'm with someone who gifts his penis to half the population. Yep, absolutely. 1
123321 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 If he had come to me and said "I've have 100 ONS" then my initial post would reflect that. So it's not the hookers, it's the body count? If 3 ONS is OK, would 3 hookers be OK? What's the limit?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 15, 2015 Posted April 15, 2015 If the OP finds his behavior morally repulsive, she shouldn't be with him. We can argue all day about our own opinions on it, but the only one that matters is hers. 4
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