He's been with hookers?

[Robert Z]

I FINALLY met a really sweet, smart funny guy and he likes me! The downside is he has admitted to being with prostitutes, hookers, escorts WHATEVER a time or 10 in the past. He's also a strip club aficionado.

 

I'm bummed. Like, really really bummed because I like him but...it just makes my skin crawl. He's been around. I have not.

 

Is there a way I can reconcile myself to his past? We've kissed a few times and I can feel my attraction starting to slip.

 

 

I don't know if you're still around but I think most of the comments in this thread are silly. The fact is that a lot of your grandfathers hired hookers overseas. It was common for men in the military and almost a given. Seeing prostitutes and objectifying women are not one in the same. But equating the world of escorting with the objectification of women is quite simply an objectification of men. Big surprise: We are more complicated than that. But prostitution is a threat to women so there is extreme bias in how it is treated. Women often try to make us out as apes and disregard the fact that men and women are different. Most men can enjoy the purely physical aspects of sex. Most women can't. That doesn't mean we are objectifying women.

 

It is interesting that you allowed an uniformed personal bias to outweigh what you see before your lying eyes.

Edited April 13, 2015 by Robert Z

[elaine567]

I don't know if you're still around but I think most of the comments in this thread are silly. The fact is that a lot of your grandfathers hired hookers overseas. It was common for men in the military and almost a given. Seeing prostitutes and objectifying women are not one in the same. But equating the world of escorting with the objectification of women is quite simply an objectification of men. Big surprise: We are more complicated than that. But prostitution is a threat to women so there is extreme bias in how it is treated. Women often try to make us out as apes and disregard the fact that men and women are different. Most men can enjoy the purely physical aspects of sex. Most women can't. That doesn't mean we are objectifying women.

 

It is interesting that you allowed an uniformed personal bias to outweigh what you see before your lying eyes.

 

Just because some things happened in history and carry on to the present day, doesn't mean anyone has to accept them. It doesn't make them necessarily right either.

It also doesn't mean that women cannot have feelings about certain practices and it doesn't mean women cannot have boundaries, nor does it mean they have to blind to the immorality of the sex trade in general and how dreadfully it in the main it treats women (but I digress, that is a different subject).

 

The OP, like a lot of women would be, if we are honest, is revulsed, she is entitled to her feelings, saying it isn't so or it shouldn't be so, is denying the reality.

In the same way if a man came on here and said his gf had slept with a lot of men or had paid for sex with a lot of handsome gigolos and spends her leisure time following male strippers around the country.

The revulsion amongst males would be there and the insecurity that engenders would be there too, to deny that would be I suggest, disingenuous.

That woman would NOT be considered good gf material by most, in the same way this man is not considered good bf material by the OP and some others on here, after his revelations.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Just because some things happened in history and carry on to the present day, doesn't mean anyone has to accept them. It doesn't make them necessarily right either.

 

It doesn't make them necessarily wrong either, if you think that a mans nature has changed from one decade to the next then you're simply naive.

 

It's the same situation where women are shamed for having lots of sex, and men are shamed for sticking their penises in just about absolutely anything and "objectifying women"...it's a mans nature to "objectify" women to a degree, and just physically and sexually desire her without needing to know absolutely anything else at all about her...unless you think those men at the club and the young guys on college campuses or at parties are giving any damn about who or what that woman is about, and on top of it she plays along with it...she's got her t!ts and @ss hanging out and actually feels like a prize for getting the attention and getting some douchebag (albeit handsome) into bed that would've stuck himself into another woman much larger and uglier but she actually sees it as some kind of approval.

 

It also doesn't mean that women cannot have feelings about certain practices and it doesn't mean women cannot have boundaries, nor does it mean they have to blind to the immorality of the sex trade in general and how dreadfully it in the main it treats women (but I digress, that is a different subject).

 

Women can have boundaries, they just seem to want to influence the boundaries and desires of men on top of it...but you're not dealing with testosterone or a mans mind, it's easy to judge something you know nothing about.

 

All of these women are not treated terribly first of all (example: Las Vegas - high end escorts) because some of these women actually LIKE the trade, because they get money hand over fist for something that for them takes relatively little work and effort...as men aren't the hardest creatures in the world to please and make orgasm and make money on and these women aren't retarded and get that. You even hear tales and tricks of women not even letting the guy inside her and just gets him off with her neck or thighs and the guy never even knew the difference. Women get a power/ego trip for some reason to please men and make them orgasm, which is about one of the easiest things to do mind you. But women ultimately do it for the money, they get everything they want just for a little vagina...try doing that with a penis, you better be damn good looking and know your way with a woman on a multitude of levels.

 

So contrary to your belief, some of these women are addicted to the money and luxury, some the drugs, and for some it's just another self-destructive behavior in their life much like they are in real life, it doesn't take prostitution to make a dysfunctional woman...but I guess in your world women are only victims and only get themselves involved in bad situations because they are forced, I mean they're never the type of people who continuously end up with the wrong guys and the wrong situations and then just complain about it but do it anyway, no never, not a woman.

 

I realize poverty plays roles in a lot of other countries with prostitution as well as other issues, but many would make the choice too to stay...and if the damn thing was legalized instead of treated like some kind of black plague, maybe, just maybe those uglier things could be combated...because it sure as hell isn't being stopped now and it never will be as long as it's just this thing nobody wants to deal with and turns a blinds eye to it. Whens the last time you did something to help one of these "victims"?

 

The OP, like a lot of women would be, if we are honest, is revulsed, she is entitled to her feelings, saying it isn't so or it shouldn't be so, is denying the reality.

In the same way if a man came on here and said his gf had slept with a lot of men or had paid for sex with a lot of handsome gigolos and spends her leisure time following male strippers around the country.

The revulsion amongst males would be there and the insecurity that engenders would be there too, to deny that would be I suggest, disingenuous.

That woman would NOT be considered good gf material by most, in the same way this man is not considered good bf material by the OP and some others on here, after his revelations.

 

Because the reality is most if not a great many men don't mind sleeping with the women they are objectifying at all....making them wives however is a whole other standard and definition. If he couldn't objectify that women then he'd become emotionally attached, unlike with many women who tend to attach to nearly any guy after sleeping with him...all of a sudden he's not so bad and he's got potential, even though he's way off the mark in what she desires.

 

But then again don't a lot of women say or think that sleeping with a man is part of their prerogative if he gets her panties moist, but then if it's a guy she actually wants to date then she's got to treat the situation entirely differently since she actually wants a relationship? don't women in many ways have a double-standard?

 

The revulsion in males partly comes from the reality of knowing how males are, and how low and disgusting the standard is among men in general. And most guys don't want to take ownership or value a woman who's been with those kind of men...and the true reality about it is, that the woman most likely has some major emotional/psychological issues in order to be engaging in that behavior in the first place, where as with men it could be nearly the priest of a church or the dirtiest pimp or drug dealer...it's the same reason most if not nearly all men watch porn, you couldn't separate the men that watch porn from those who do not (although some prefer to make real women their real life porn stars rather than watch them on a screen), it would be illogical...but to separate the kind of women that are for example on those porn channels, would be a huge difference.

 

The reality is men have a different baseline than women, and have an entirely different emotional and psychological process involved and that's even been proven with science as far as chemicals being released in the brain..right? as far as many women attaching after sex, and how much may be relative to the release of that chemical is different from every woman as well as psychological differences.

 

Bottom line is men and women are not the same, they don't think the same, they don't feel the same, they don't react the same or have the same opinions about things because their nature is fundamentally different...and that's why there's a different standard and expectation that feminist ideals can never consider as apart of reality. Because in 2015, everything is supposed to be tick for tack with men and women, but it's apples to oranges in some major ways.

 

I'm not saying this guy should be dated if a woman isn't interested and in reality it's a sign of something more significant that he has spent so much time with prostitutes and escorts or what not...but it's more dependent on why than what he did to be honest, because a lot of men are capable of that in reality, and most guys know that and wouldn't argue it at all.

 

The reality is, the difference can be very little from a guy who pays to bed a girl or a guy that goes through the motions and takes her out to bed her, often times simply not paying because he thinks he's too "good" for it and paying would be a lowering of his own pride and ego, meaning he should be able to get it for free or through normal means...but the objectifying level at the end of the day would be way too uncomfortable for many women to accept, but it's the reality and that's the point I'm trying to make here more than any other.

[wb1988]

After looking again there is usually at least 1 thread a day here where everyone is like "if he isn't understanding then he isn't worth your time". Unfortunately nobody here has said the same about the OP's BF, because it's clear that feminists only want things 1 sided — equality only then it suits.

 

The OPs bf slept with other women that he just happened to pay for. I think the reason why she's bummed out is that it becomes a threat, because if she ever tried to control him with her pussy then he'll know where he can get it elsewhere real quick & easy.

 

I've slept with maybe 13 or 14 hookers. Jay you are wrong not all are ugly, the ones I've been with are usually a 7 or 8 and cost $80 for a half & half, some are friends of friends. Every time I mention it to a gf I eventually realize that they are upset because they aren't going to be able to play to vagina-withhold card with me.

 

There are guys that try to control their girl through money (hence why rich girls become intimidating) and women that try to control men through sex. However, sex becomes a commodity with a guy that has access to quality hookers just like with rich girls money is just money, in a way a 'john' = rich girl, and an attractive john = hot rich girl.

Edited April 13, 2015 by wb1988

[barcode88]

After looking again there is usually at least 1 thread a day here where everyone is like "if he isn't understanding then he isn't worth your time". Unfortunately nobody here has said the same about the OP's BF, because it's clear that feminists only want things 1 sided — equality only then it suits.

 

The OPs bf slept with other women that he just happened to pay for. I think the reason why she's bummed out is that it becomes a threat, because if she ever tried to control him with her pussy then he'll know where he can get it elsewhere real quick & easy.

 

I've slept with maybe 13 or 14 hookers. Jay you are wrong not all are ugly, the ones I've been with are usually a 7 or 8 and cost $80 for a half half, some are friends or friends. Every time I mention it to a gf I eventually realize that they are upset because they aren't going to be able to play to vagina-withhold card with me.

 

There are guys that try to control their girl through money (hence why rich girls become intimidating) and women that try to control through sex. However, sex becomes a commodity with a guy that's been with hookers just like with rich girls, in a way a 'john' = rich girl.

 

While you might have a point somewhat - I think you might be overgeneralizing in the other direction a bit

[kendahke]

Is the issue the visits to pros or is it that you perceive him to have more sexual experience than you and will see you as boring in bed? You've made mention twice about your lack of experience and him having more experience than you.

[EveAFlame]

After looking again there is usually at least 1 thread a day here where everyone is like "if he isn't understanding then he isn't worth your time". Unfortunately nobody here has said the same about the OP's BF, because it's clear that feminists only want things 1 sided — equality only then it suits.

 

The OPs bf slept with other women that he just happened to pay for. I think the reason why she's bummed out is that it becomes a threat, because if she ever tried to control him with her pussy then he'll know where he can get it elsewhere real quick & easy.

 

I've slept with maybe 13 or 14 hookers. Jay you are wrong not all are ugly, the ones I've been with are usually a 7 or 8 and cost $80 for a half & half, some are friends of friends. Every time I mention it to a gf I eventually realize that they are upset because they aren't going to be able to play to vagina-withhold card with me.

 

There are guys that try to control their girl through money (hence why rich girls become intimidating) and women that try to control men through sex. However, sex becomes a commodity with a guy that has access to quality hookers just like with rich girls money is just money, in a way a 'john' = rich girl, and an attractive john = hot rich girl.

First of all, NO. Sex is not a game to me. My vagina is not tool or a bargaining chip. So please. Don't even try that.

[EveAFlame]

I don't know if you're still around but I think most of the comments in this thread are silly. The fact is that a lot of your grandfathers hired hookers overseas. It was common for men in the military and almost a given. Seeing prostitutes and objectifying women are not one in the same. But equating the world of escorting with the objectification of women is quite simply an objectification of men. Big surprise: We are more complicated than that. But prostitution is a threat to women so there is extreme bias in how it is treated. Women often try to make us out as apes and disregard the fact that men and women are different. Most men can enjoy the purely physical aspects of sex. Most women can't. That doesn't mean we are objectifying women.

 

It is interesting that you allowed an uniformed personal bias to outweigh what you see before your lying eyes.

I'm not trying to date my grandfather? My own father has multiple kids by multiple mothers. He loves me and has been there for me, but does that mean I should date a man with kids he doesn't see?

 

I don't see anywhere in my posts where I mentioned men objectifying women, made judgements about sex trade professionals, or said men were the same as women. Where are you getting that?

Is the issue the visits to pros or is it that you perceive him to have more sexual experience than you and will see you as boring in bed? You've made mention twice about your lack of experience and him having more experience than you.

Yes

[SmartDude]

The only thing this guy did wrong is talk about his past sexual experiences.

Had he shut up about it, everything would be fine right now.

[barcode88]

The only thing this guy did wrong is talk about his past sexual experiences.

Had he shut up about it, everything would be fine right now.

 

This is true... He'll figure it out eventually when he can't get a Woman to stick around though.

[Auspecial]

I FINALLY met a really sweet, smart funny guy and he likes me! The downside is he has admitted to being with prostitutes, hookers, escorts WHATEVER a time or 10 in the past. He's also a strip club aficionado.

 

I'm bummed. Like, really really bummed because I like him but...it just makes my skin crawl. He's been around. I have not.

 

Is there a way I can reconcile myself to his past? We've kissed a few times and I can feel my attraction starting to slip.

 

I am certainly no prude, but there are definite red flags here. I say this based on both my own experience and from a friend who is a phd therapist.

 

He says that people who go to strip clubs on a regular basis generally have some overlapping issues (various) that relate to poor relationship building.

 

My experience dating men with sexual addiction:

 

First was pre-internet. He had maybe 200 porn mags under his bed. He was basically good to me, and I felt secure so I didn't worry much about it. Later, long story short, it came about that he was also bi with his housemate. That was a deal breaker for me and then I began to see him in a perverted light. Not just for being bi, but because of all the porn and (later learned) fetish stuff.

 

Then fast forward to a few years ago. Guy was self-professed sx addict, but he said hadn't had an escort in years. And in so-called recovery. So I told him I wanted him to get tested before having any relations, and I would as well to be fair. He tested pos for G. Of course, he could have gotten this as a total fluke from anyone, but because of the fact he had a long addiction history, I decided it was't worth it to go any further with him, and it appeared that he was not really recovering. lol

[Auspecial]

Wow, extremely harsh people here. But I guess for OP it is a deal breaker if it makes her "skin crawl"

 

 

I would hope so!

 

A new twist on "trust your gut!"

 

.......Trust your skin....

[wb1988]

My vagina is not tool or a bargaining chip. So please. Don't even try that.

 

I never said that, I'm just mean that a lot of women (at least on a subconscious level) use their sexuality to control. I think eventually all women do it at some point when they're with a guy for long enough. For example if you have an argument over something and then decide to not have sex with the guy until he agrees or decides in your favor then thats a form of control through sex although you wouldn't realize it.

 

My point is that maybe you're bummed out because this guy is the first guy your with that has sex as a commodity rather than your typical average joe that considers sex as getting 'lucky'. You should take this guy more seriously. There is extra confidence that you get as a man when you're a regular john (assuming that you're also attractive and so are the hookers) that only someone that has done it could understand. I totally get why some male celebs pay for hookers even though they could've got it for free.

 

A few years ago I sometimes bargained with the hooker, drove the price down but then still pay the full price anyway — I just wanted to know that I could have got it at the lower price. I'm also not as obsessed or desperate for sex and women can somehow sense it as well. Like I said, don't write off the guy for being an ex john because he could have a lot of attractive qualities that you normally won't find in other men.

 

But if you're looking for a doormat then this guys is definitely 100% not for you.

Edited April 13, 2015 by wb1988

[barcode88]

I never said that, I'm just mean that a lot of women (at least on a subconscious level) use their sexuality to control. I think eventually all women do it at some point when they're with a guy for long enough. For example if you have an argument over something and then decide to not have sex with the guy until he agrees or decides in your favor then thats a form of control through sex although you wouldn't realize it.

 

My point is that maybe you're bummed out because this guy is the first guy your with that has sex as a commodity rather than your typical average joe that considers sex as getting 'lucky'. You should take this guy more seriously. There is extra confidence that you get as a man when you're a regular john (assuming that you're also attractive and so are the hookers) that only someone that has done it could understand. I totally get why some male celebs pay for hookers even though they could've got it for free.

 

A few years ago I sometimes bargained with the hooker, drove the price down but then still pay the full price anyway — I just wanted to know that I could have got it at the lower price. I'm also not as obsessed or desperate for sex and women can somehow sense it as well. Like I said, don't write off the guy for being an ex john because he could have a lot of attractive qualities that you normally won't find in other men.

 

But if you're looking for a doormat then this guys is definitely 100% not for you.

 

Oh yeah I bet these were some quality escorts.... :rolleyes::rolleyes:

[elaine567]

My point is that maybe you're bummed out because this guy is the first guy your with that has sex as a commodity rather than your typical average joe that considers sex as getting 'lucky'. You should take this guy more seriously. There is extra confidence that you get as a man when you're a regular john (assuming that you're also attractive and so are the hookers) that only someone that has done it could understand. I totally get why some male celebs pay for hookers even though they could've got it for free.

 

A few years ago I sometimes bargained with the hooker, drove the price down but then still pay the full price anyway — I just wanted to know that I could have got it at the lower price. I'm also not as obsessed or desperate for sex and women can somehow sense it as well. Like I said, don't write off the guy for being an ex john because he could have a lot of attractive qualities that you normally won't find in other men.

 

But if you're looking for a doormat then this guys is definitely 100% not for you.

 

Wow and aren't you a lovely guy...!

[123321]

Wow and aren't you a lovely guy...!

 

If by guy you mean 'emotional tampon with a wallet' I would say probably not.

[Anela]

If by guy you mean 'emotional tampon with a wallet' I would say probably not.

 

"Let's take a woman, reduced to selling herself for money, and try to take even more advantage of her! Why? Because I blame women for all of my problems. They need to be punished."

[barcode88]

"Let's take a woman, reduced to selling herself for money, and try to take even more advantage of her! Why? Because I blame women for all of my problems."

 

Yeah I would never look down on anyone for Escorting or using Escorts, but this guy is trying to haggle with them and treat them for less than they're worth, that I can't stomach...

[robaday]

I have a life long friend. He is so shy he couldnt talk to a woman without shaking. He was a virgin and had never even kissed a girl. And unfortunately girls didnt want to know either and were rude to him and he was severely depressed about it.

 

This went on his whole life. At thirty he was still a virgin and still severely depressed because all our friends were in relationships.

 

We went travelling together and one night he went to a brothel. Afterward he asked me if I judged him for it and how could I? the guy had never experienced a woman before.

 

He has a serious girlfriend now and treats her well, and afterward found it easier to talk to women.I know there are major issues in the sex trade and I am also largely morally against it. But there are men out there who have major social anxiety whos quality of life is ruined because they cant even talk to women. In an ideal world those men wouldnt have those issues and these women would not have to sell their bodies. But I dont consider my friend morally corrupt or sleazy

[xxoo]

Is the issue the visits to pros or is it that you perceive him to have more sexual experience than you and will see you as boring in bed? You've made mention twice about your lack of experience and him having more experience than you.

 

 

Yes

 

My assumption would be that he had less sexual experience, or limited, if he had to pay a prostitute for sex.

 

Either way, it's a turn-off to think that he chose to/had to pay for it rather than attracting a woman and having mutually pleasurable sex.

[SummerDreams]

I was told on this website the past is the past

 

A person who can leave the past behind but learn from it is a wise person.

[guest569]

Yeah I would never look down on anyone for Escorting or using Escorts, but this guy is trying to haggle with them and treat them for less than they're worth, that I can't stomach...

 

Plus it has NOTHING to do with OP, i seriously have no idea what that guy was talking about or why, I can only guess that a lot of his ex girlfriends have withheld sex from him and he is taking it out on OP and anyone else "with a vagina"

[LookAtThisPOst]

Funny how it's the most terrible thing in the world that this guys has been with prostitutes, but if a person has had 20 partners in the past it's "no big deal."

 

Oh the irony of it all.

 

 

I FINALLY met a really sweet, smart funny guy and he likes me! The downside is he has admitted to being with prostitutes, hookers, escorts WHATEVER a time or 10 in the past. He's also a strip club aficionado.

 

I'm bummed. Like, really really bummed because I like him but...it just makes my skin crawl. He's been around. I have not.

 

Is there a way I can reconcile myself to his past? We've kissed a few times and I can feel my attraction starting to slip.

[elaine567]

Funny how it's the most terrible thing in the world that this guys has been with prostitutes, but if a person has had 20 partners in the past it's "no big deal."

 

Oh the irony of it all.

 

You miss the point, a person who has had 20 partners is showing the ability to connect with 20 women.

20 women, who of their own free will, decided to sleep with him. He therefore has the ability to attract women at some level, so therefore has something going for him.

 

A man paying for sex, is in essence not attracting anyone, he has to pay for the company of women and their attention.

And that, to many people in society is strange, and they will then start to ask the questions,

"If there are so many willing amateurs around (which there are nowadays), then why has this man had to resort to paying for sex? What is wrong with him? Why are other women not interested in him? Are prostitutes his kink? Does he feel the need to control women, the need to treat women like trash maybe? Are his sexual preferences so off he wall, he can only get prostitutes to comply with his wishes?" - the answers to those questions are key here.

Edited April 14, 2015 by elaine567

[Toodaloo]

OP I don't know if you are still around but there are good men out there who have paid for sex.

 

Sometimes it becomes a "need" the same as water or food. Everyone has a "need" for some sort of care and attention or they would go mad.

 

I would be more interested in the circumstances of those than the fact he paid for sex.

 

While its not exactly an attractive thing or something overly pleasant neither are blocked drains or someone with gastric flu... Same difference in my mind.

 

What is important is what is he doing now. What is his attitude now. How does he view you. How does he care for you...

 

The rest is all in the past. Leave it there.