He's been with hookers?

[ZA Dater]

KEEP LOOKING

 

Dating etc. is a numbers game in the sense that if your parents were attractive enough to mate and produce you, it is a matter of time and self-marketing to find someone that is attracted to you, that you are attracted to and mate with them.

 

20% of men use prostitutes (the ones that admit to it!)

You can't be serious that 20% of men can't find someone that is attractive that would be attractive to them!

 

Plus, this guy has CLEARLY found someone to date that would have been attracted to him had he not had money for sex transactions.

 

Plenty of women list it as a dealbreaker as well. So really, you get choices. You can close some options or open more. Just like everything else in life, what you invest in provides a return positive or negative.

 

Re: the bolded,

 

more "justification" for using prostitutes.

 

I will start this with a quote "to understand a person, walk a mile in their shoes".

 

 

The very simple fact is there are many, many guys who NEVER find that mutual attractive person, basic logic says not everyone finds that person. They either settle for something lesser or they remain forever alone.

 

 

On fact I would wager the % who fall into the above category is significantly higher than 20%.

 

 

To say what you invest yields results is also to me nothing more than wishful thinking, again there are guy who really try, I was one of those and still cannot find anyone.

 

 

The concept of paying for me isn't something I would do but I have thought about it, purely because I haven't done it before and secondly because rejection after rejection just destroys your self confidence and destroys your morale, no matter HOW MUCH you invest and at least having someone "like" you is better than being rejected yet again, even if you are paying for that "like"

[xxoo]

Well, lets use an analogy to strippers.

 

You'd be hard pressed to find a guy who hasn't been to a strip club at LEAST once -- sure there's probably a few guys who haven't, but many guys have.

 

Having gone to a strip club should be a non issue if its not a regular habit, like once every year or two. But if the guy is going every month and spending loads of money, then he probably has a problem/addiction.

 

Probably less guys have seen escorts, but I daresay there's probably a good number, most won't admit it to anyone. But at any rate, if it was a one or two time thing and didn't develop into a continuous habit for them, then clearly they are able to exercise some sort of restraint and they're not addicted.

 

 

I'll probably get bashed for saying this, but anything in moderation is usually OKAY - exceptions probably being prostitutes or hard drugs. But if someone experimented with Hard Drugs when they were younger but no longer do any drugs or have any drug addictions, I think most people would forgive that? Why would a past with escorts be any different if the circumstances were the same?

 

At a certain age, these things might be seen as a "right of passage", and I can understand having the experience in the past of visiting a strip club, and maybe even the experience of visiting an escort. Maybe.

 

What would matter to me, as maturity should be setting in, is how the guy feels about those things. The type of man I want isn't interested in paying women to pretend they are attracted.

[ZA Dater]

Why would a past with escorts be any different if the circumstances were the same?

 

 

Exactly, the world would be a better place if it was a less judgemental place.

[barcode88]

At a certain age, these things might be seen as a "right of passage", and I can understand having the experience in the past of visiting a strip club, and maybe even the experience of visiting an escort. Maybe.

 

What would matter to me, as maturity should be setting in, is how the guy feels about those things. The type of man I want isn't interested in paying women to pretend they are attracted.

 

I totally agree. As far as the OP's guy, at 1 month since seeing an Escort, I don't think it's something he's over.

[GorillaTheater]

Exactly, the world would be a better place if it was a less judgemental place.

 

But the fact is that we all have deal-breakers. Some of them make sense, some don't. Having this as a deal-breaker makes as at least as much sense as the fact that I wouldn't want to date women with unresolved childhood trauma or a history of significant mental illness.

 

BTW, I was in Cape Town in early 2001. Loved the place.

[123321]

I totally agree. As far as the OP's guy, at 1 month since seeing an Escort, I don't think it's something he's over.

 

Maybe, or maybe he has needs and when he's single he takes care of them one way?

 

In any case people make choices based on their preferences, and she is entitled to do so. It's just foolish if someone tries to make logical justification for an illogical choice, but there is nothing wrong with making an illogical choice.

[xxoo]

Maybe, or maybe he has needs and when he's single he takes care of them one way?

 

That says something about his attitude toward sex. One sided sex satisfies his needs. That, for some women, is a huge turn off in a man.

[123321]

That says something about his attitude toward sex. One sided sex satisfies his needs. That, for some women, is a huge turn off in a man.

 

I guess guys who self serve are right off the menu then.

[SmartDude]

Very true! But there are people who constantly seek that high or new relationship energy. New sex is better than anything to them. They terrify me. How can I be sure a man I am seeing is NOT always chasing new booty?

 

Restless eyes...

[ascendotum]

I think if it's only been months, that is still very recent and he might not be totally over it yet. It's possible that might be part of the reason he told you as well...

He has good reason to give it up though if he has a gf. If he doesn't have a gf then there is no imperative to give up vising a pro once every 2-3 mths or whenever he does to enjoy some sex in his life, or to drop into a strip joint after work every 2nd friday or whenever to enjoy looking at sexy naked women. If there was 20 strippers in the place or just 2 it would still be a treat for the lonely horny guy. Easily replaced be a pretty gf sitting in your lap. I know a few women who just do fwbs (often with younger/hunky guys) as busy single moms or as picky women while waiting for hard to find Mt.Right to come along. You could say the same thing about them, that they might not be over these guys and can quite give it up.

 

He sounds like he gets a thrill out of Strippers/Escorts, and that may be hard for him to give up -- he LIKED it and kept doing it. It's not like he just went a few times for the experience and stopped; because some guys have visited escorts before and are otherwise normal and it isn't a habit for them.

You can say the same thing about people who get a thrill out of ons/flings/just the honeymoon period in relationships or even basically...sex. Strippers/Escorts - involve naked pretty women...yes, guys get a thrill out of that. They generally get more satisfaction with the real thing - waking up to a cute naked loving woman in their bed each morning. The Strippers/Escorts are very likely a substitute for the real deal, until it comes along. If a guy enjoys a ONS once, then if they are still single months later and have not had sex since and if the opportunity presents itself again, why not have another one instead of depriving yourself...as long as you are not getting obsessed over them. You could say the same thing as you have above about a guy who watches/jerks off to porn when he's single and pitch that as a reason to be wary of him. Edited April 17, 2015 by ascendotum

[Revan32]

I don't feel like reading 11 pages so I hope I'm not repeating anything thats been said. I have some experience in this field though so here are my thoughts.

 

Most guys don't see prostitutes to "own" like most the women on here tend to think. If you try reading a blog or two thats from a prostitute, a surprisingly large amount of guys hire them just for some intimacy. Just to have someone to lay around and talk to. Even when they do actually sleep with them, they aren't usually thinking "this chicks just some whore", they are usually just desperate to have some contact with the opposite gender. This is something that women will never truly understand because any women no matter what she looks like can go out to a bar and sleep with a guy. Guys don't have that luxury. Some guys will earnestly try for years to find someone to be with, and have zero success. They can be totally decent guys too, and still have something off about them so that every girl automatically deems them creepy. Which means they never get laid or have any sort of intimacy with a female.

 

I'll use my own personal example for this. Growing up I was super awkward, chubby, and had terrible social anxiety. I couldn't even have a conversation with a girl much less try and date her. I ended up spending some time in South America at 19 and lost my virginity to a prostitute. Not a good way to do it, but It helped me to get over my fear of women a little bit. Now I know a few of you have said you would never date a guy because he slept with a prostitute because you think something is wrong with him and that he couldn't get a real women. Well you're probably right, but if some girl would have given me a chance back then, I would have been the best boyfriend they've ever had. I wanted nothing more than to spoil and love a girl with everything I had.

 

Fast forward 6 years, I'm 25 living in LA. Had a sort of second puberty and now I'm tall, thin, muscled, good looking and admittedly slightly arrogant. Spent a few years working as a bouncer in a few LA nightclubs and got to see what women are truly like. I've slept with around 40 girls in the past 3 years of living in LA. Have never been in a relationship though plenty of girls have tried.

 

My point in all of this is that instead of chasing guys like my current self, who can get laid whenever I want, maybe try sticking around and dating the nice guys like my former self, who are humble, kind, and just not very lucky/skilled with the opposite sex.

 

Either way, if you read this OP good luck.

[barcode88]

He has good reason to give it up though if he has a gf. If he doesn't have a gf then there is no imperative to give up vising a pro once every 2-3 mths or whenever he does to enjoy some sex in his life, or to drop into a strip joint after work every 2nd friday or whenever to enjoy looking at sexy naked women. If there was 20 strippers in the place or just 2 it would still be a treat for the lonely horny guy. Easily replaced be a pretty gf sitting in your lap. I know a few women who just do fwbs (often with younger/hunky guys) as busy single moms or as picky women while waiting for hard to find Mt.Right to come along. You could say the same thing about them, that they might not be over these guys and can quite give it up.

 

You can say the same thing about people who get a thrill out of ons/flings/just the honeymoon period in relationships or even basically...sex. Strippers/Escorts - involve naked pretty women...yes, guys get a thrill out of that. They generally get more satisfaction with the real thing - waking up to a cute naked loving woman in their bed each morning. The Strippers/Escorts are very likely a substitute for the real deal, until it comes along. If a guy enjoys a ONS once, then if they are still single months later and have not had sex since and if the opportunity presents itself again, why not have another one instead of depriving yourself...as long as you are not getting obsessed over them. You could say the same thing as you have above about a guy who watches/jerks off to porn when he's single and pitch that as a reason to be wary of him.

 

You raise all good points, but I feel like this guy isn't a good match for the OP due to her concerns, which was why I highlighted the things I did.

 

If it's not something he's addicted to, personally I think he should get a pass. I got a vibe that the OP's guy friend might be a bit of a "regular" the way she described things though.

[ZA Dater]

Well you're probably right, but if some girl would have given me a chance back then, I would have been the best boyfriend they've ever had. I wanted nothing more than to spoil and love a girl with everything I had.

 

Great post but this part is especially quote worthy because I think there are many people out there who can identify with this, myself included.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I don't feel like reading 11 pages so I hope I'm not repeating anything thats been said. I have some experience in this field though so here are my thoughts.

 

Most guys don't see prostitutes to "own" like most the women on here tend to think. If you try reading a blog or two thats from a prostitute, a surprisingly large amount of guys hire them just for some intimacy. Just to have someone to lay around and talk to. Even when they do actually sleep with them, they aren't usually thinking "this chicks just some whore", they are usually just desperate to have some contact with the opposite gender. This is something that women will never truly understand because any women no matter what she looks like can go out to a bar and sleep with a guy. Guys don't have that luxury. Some guys will earnestly try for years to find someone to be with, and have zero success. They can be totally decent guys too, and still have something off about them so that every girl automatically deems them creepy. Which means they never get laid or have any sort of intimacy with a female.

 

I'll use my own personal example for this. Growing up I was super awkward, chubby, and had terrible social anxiety. I couldn't even have a conversation with a girl much less try and date her. I ended up spending some time in South America at 19 and lost my virginity to a prostitute. Not a good way to do it, but It helped me to get over my fear of women a little bit. Now I know a few of you have said you would never date a guy because he slept with a prostitute because you think something is wrong with him and that he couldn't get a real women. Well you're probably right, but if some girl would have given me a chance back then, I would have been the best boyfriend they've ever had. I wanted nothing more than to spoil and love a girl with everything I had.

 

Fast forward 6 years, I'm 25 living in LA. Had a sort of second puberty and now I'm tall, thin, muscled, good looking and admittedly slightly arrogant. Spent a few years working as a bouncer in a few LA nightclubs and got to see what women are truly like. I've slept with around 40 girls in the past 3 years of living in LA. Have never been in a relationship though plenty of girls have tried.

 

My point in all of this is that instead of chasing guys like my current self, who can get laid whenever I want, maybe try sticking around and dating the nice guys like my former self, who are humble, kind, and just not very lucky/skilled with the opposite sex.

 

Either way, if you read this OP good luck.

 

 

 

God, this is good!

 

It IS what the OP needs to hear/understand.

 

 

But I wonder if one's voice changes again during a second puberty...

[elaine567]

God, this is good!

 

It IS what the OP needs to hear/understand.

 

OK but where does this say this guy is good dating material?

OK he slept with a prostitute and has now had 40 casual relationships in 3 years BUT he has NEVER had a relationship, though he has had plenty offers.

This is exactly what the OP fears re her guy, that he doesn't want to do serious or is actually incapable of a serious relationship because he is never really satisfied and is always chasing the dream...

[EveAFlame]

OK but where does this say this guy is good dating material?

OK he slept with a prostitute and has now had 40 casual relationships in 3 years BUT he has NEVER had a relationship, though he has had plenty offers.

This is exactly what the OP fears re her guy, that he doesn't want to do serious or is actually incapable of a serious relationship because he is never really satisfied and is always chasing the dream...

 

Exactly. A guy who has 40 hookups and no relationships is just as intimidating to me.

[PogoStick]

Why use a prostitute when you can get a "real" girl?

 

She's hot. She's instant. Requires no wooing, dating, or investment of time. No chance of rejection. She's hotter and younger than he would normally attract. She'll have sex however he likes. She'll take good care of him. Make him feel desired, like a king. She won't complain or have a headache. She's different, fun, and exciting. It's taboo and risque.

 

There are plenty of "good" reasons to see a prostitute.

[elaine567]

Why use a prostitute when you can get a "real" girl?

 

She's hot. She's instant. Requires no wooing, dating, or investment of time. No chance of rejection. She's hotter and younger than he would normally attract. She'll have sex however he likes. She'll take good care of him. Make him feel desired, like a king. She won't complain or have a headache. She's different, fun, and exciting. It's taboo and risque.

 

There are plenty of "good" reasons to see a prostitute.

 

Exactly and once a man has traversed that route and is indeed comfortable down that route for his sexual/emotional needs, then what really does he have to bring to a serious relationship?

Nothing, because he isn't into wooing and dating one woman, he is into getting a woman aligned to his needs off "a supermarket shelf". He pays to get the woman he wants, he then pays her to like him , he pays her to care for him, he pays her for sex and he pays her to be anyway he wants her to be...

...And she, because she needs the money, usually complies.

 

He can do what he wants with prostitutes, within the law obviously, this thread is not about the morality of prostitution per se.

 

This is about suitability of a man for a serious relationship, and the man who thinks in the way you outline, is NOT bf material.

[Revan32]

OK but where does this say this guy is good dating material?

OK he slept with a prostitute and has now had 40 casual relationships in 3 years BUT he has NEVER had a relationship, though he has had plenty offers.

This is exactly what the OP fears re her guy, that he doesn't want to do serious or is actually incapable of a serious relationship because he is never really satisfied and is always chasing the dream...

 

Right now I'm not good relationship material. I've lived in LA too long and have lost a lot of respect I once had for women. I used to think girls were all innocent virgins like me. Know I've swung to the opposite side and automatically assume they are wh***s, and they have to prove it to me for me to not think so. Which ironically scares away most of the actual sweet girls I'm looking for. I need to back to a more healthy balance!

 

I've decided to fix this by getting out of LA. So I'm moving to Texas this summer. I'm hoping there I won't automatically assume every girl is promiscuous, even if I'm just fooling myself.

 

"Exactly. A guy who has 40 hookups and no relationships is just as intimidating to me."

 

For this reason I've already decided to fib or at least avoid answering when a girl asks me about past relationships. No harm on her and I'm sure once we actually start dating she won't care when I tell her the truth that she's my first love.

 

As for your situation, has he been around a lot outside of prostitutes? And if you think otherwise that he is good boyfriend material, is this one thing really that big a deal? Maybe you should find out the circumstances behind him getting the prostitute...

 

If it absolutely is a deal breaker I don't blame you. I personally probably wouldn't date a girl who has slept with more than 5 guys. And still intend to marry a virgin. haha The women on here are going to hate me for saying that.

[Revan32]

Exactly and once a man has traversed that route and is indeed comfortable down that route for his sexual/emotional needs, then what really does he have to bring to a serious relationship?

Nothing, because he isn't into wooing and dating one woman, he is into getting a woman aligned to his needs off "a supermarket shelf". He pays to get the woman he wants, he then pays her to like him , he pays her to care for him, he pays her for sex and he pays her to be anyway he wants her to be...

...And she, because she needs the money, usually complies.

 

He can do what he wants with prostitutes, within the law obviously, this thread is not about the morality of prostitution per se.

 

This is about suitability of a man for a serious relationship, and the man who thinks in the way you outline, is NOT bf material.

 

Can you specify exactly what he looses when he does hire a prostitute? I don't really understand how it changes anything about him. The reasons for a man to see a prostitute are numerous. You can hardly generalize they by saying they aren't into wooing and dating one woman. Thats like me saying any women who's had a single one night stand is a sl*t and can never be a good wife or mother because she obviously doesn't respect herself or have any self control. In reality its a lot more complex than that.

 

I couldn't help but notice that "needs the money" comment. A lot of prostitutes can make in the six figures. Tax free. Which is why they do it. They aren't some poor pitiful sex slave like most people think. Mostly they are just greedy, and want to do as little as possible for the most money they can get.

[Anela]

Can you specify exactly what he looses when he does hire a prostitute? I don't really understand how it changes anything about him. The reasons for a man to see a prostitute are numerous. You can hardly generalize they by saying they aren't into wooing and dating one woman. Thats like me saying any women who's had a single one night stand is a sl*t and can never be a good wife or mother because she obviously doesn't respect herself or have any self control. In reality its a lot more complex than that.

 

I couldn't help but notice that "needs the money" comment. A lot of prostitutes can make in the six figures. Tax free. Which is why they do it. They aren't some poor pitiful sex slave like most people think. Mostly they are just greedy, and want to do as little as possible for the most money they can get.

 

If it's more complex than that, why do you say that you'll marry a virgin?

 

You sound like you have no respect for the prostitutes, either. They're greedy, and lazy? Wow.

[Revan32]

If it's more complex than that, why do you say that you'll marry a virgin?

 

You sound like you have no respect for the prostitutes, either. They're greedy, and lazy? Wow.

 

I was half joking. But when I'm looking for a wife or even just a serious relationship I will be targeting girls who I know are not promiscuous. Studies have shown that the marriages with the lowest divorce rates are where they couple were both virgins before marriage. I've lost that, but no reason I can't have my wife be one. And before everyone gets all mad on here, too bad. I'll date who I want, and if a girl who hasn't slept around wants to date me then thats her decision.

 

Prostitutes as a whole? No, not a lot of respect, though that doesn't mean I disrespect them either. On an individual basis, I judge them by their own merits. I feel the same way about pornstars, cops, drug addicts and beggars so don't just think I'm hating on women.

 

I wish I had saved the link, but if you google around you can probably find it. There is a really excellent blog by a high class escort who worked in New York for a while. She'll really open your eyes on the greed that these women have for easy money. She literally brags for pages about how she could schedule one guy a day for a few hours, make 2 grand, then go shopping the rest of the day with her other escort friends.

[EveAFlame]

Right now I'm not good relationship material. I've lived in LA too long and have lost a lot of respect I once had for women. I used to think girls were all innocent virgins like me. Know I've swung to the opposite side and automatically assume they are wh***s, and they have to prove it to me for me to not think so. Which ironically scares away most of the actual sweet girls I'm looking for. I need to back to a more healthy balance!

 

I've decided to fix this by getting out of LA. So I'm moving to Texas this summer. I'm hoping there I won't automatically assume every girl is promiscuous, even if I'm just fooling myself.

 

"Exactly. A guy who has 40 hookups and no relationships is just as intimidating to me."

 

For this reason I've already decided to fib or at least avoid answering when a girl asks me about past relationships. No harm on her and I'm sure once we actually start dating she won't care when I tell her the truth that she's my first love.

 

As for your situation, has he been around a lot outside of prostitutes? And if you think otherwise that he is good boyfriend material, is this one thing really that big a deal? Maybe you should find out the circumstances behind him getting the prostitute...

 

If it absolutely is a deal breaker I don't blame you. I personally probably wouldn't date a girl who has slept with more than 5 guys. And still intend to marry a virgin. haha The women on here are going to hate me for saying that.

 

I'm his first real relationship.

 

I don't understand why you think it's ok to trick someone like ME (low count, deliberately choosy, careful) into a relationship with someone who is the complete opposite. Doesn't seem right.

[barcode88]

Exactly and once a man has traversed that route and is indeed comfortable down that route for his sexual/emotional needs, then what really does he have to bring to a serious relationship?

Nothing, because he isn't into wooing and dating one woman, he is into getting a woman aligned to his needs off "a supermarket shelf". He pays to get the woman he wants, he then pays her to like him , he pays her to care for him, he pays her for sex and he pays her to be anyway he wants her to be...

...And she, because she needs the money, usually complies.

 

He can do what he wants with prostitutes, within the law obviously, this thread is not about the morality of prostitution per se.

 

This is about suitability of a man for a serious relationship, and the man who thinks in the way you outline, is NOT bf material.

 

That's true if he gets addicted. But I think a lot of guys realize the previously mentioned benefits, but are still able to walk away afterwards and realize the difference between fantasy and reality.

[elaine567]

Can you specify exactly what he looses when he does hire a prostitute? I don't really understand how it changes anything about him. The reasons for a man to see a prostitute are numerous. You can hardly generalize they by saying they aren't into wooing and dating one woman. Thats like me saying any women who's had a single one night stand is a sl*t and can never be a good wife or mother because she obviously doesn't respect herself or have any self control. In reality its a lot more complex than that.

 

I couldn't help but notice that "needs the money" comment. A lot of prostitutes can make in the six figures. Tax free. Which is why they do it. They aren't some poor pitiful sex slave like most people think. Mostly they are just greedy, and want to do as little as possible for the most money they can get.

 

When I said comfortable down that route I meant they use prostitutes regularly, like the OPs man does.

 

You, appear to dislike women a lot.