He's been with hookers?

[Toodaloo]

You miss the point, a person who has had 20 partners is showing the ability to connect with 20 women.

20 women, who of their own free will, decided to sleep with him. He therefore has the ability to attract women at some level, so therefore has something going for him.

 

A man paying for sex, is in essence not attracting anyone, he has to pay for the company of women and their attention.

And that, to many people in society is strange, and they will then start to ask the questions,

 

the answers to those questions are key here.

 

A person who is drunk as anything and can just about get it up to shove it into another person who is equally as drunk is not "connecting" though is it...

 

So that could translate as 20 women who cared so little about themselves that they would shag anything... not attractive for many men who are decent and good...

 

Is he isolated for some reason? Has he just not had opportunity for some reason? Perhaps he just wanted some sort of affection that was not a relationship but also not going to harm anyone?

 

Sooo many questions. Sooo many senarios... Personally I think he should have kept his mouth shut.

[elaine567]

A person who is drunk as anything and can just about get it up to shove it into another person who is equally as drunk is not "connecting" though is it...

 

So that could translate as 20 women who cared so little about themselves that they would shag anything... not attractive for many men who are decent and good...

 

Is he isolated for some reason? Has he just not had opportunity for some reason? Perhaps he just wanted some sort of affection that was not a relationship but also not going to harm anyone?

 

Sooo many questions. Sooo many senarios... Personally I think he should have kept his mouth shut.

 

Oh yes, I am not saying those 20 interactions were all quality, but they are connections of some sort, that do not involve a direct money transaction.

He is capable as I said at some level of taking a women to bed. A man with a complete sexual history of 20 ONSs is not necessarily a good bet either, I agree.

 

I do think this romantic notion of this lovely "isolated" man needing a bit of affection from a prostitute à la Pretty Woman, is not really the reality of the sex industry though.

[Toodaloo]

Oh yes, I am not saying those 20 interactions were all quality, but they are connections of some sort, that do not involve a direct money transaction.

He is capable as I said at some level of taking a women to bed. A man with a complete sexual history of 20 ONSs is not necessarily a good bet either, I agree.

 

I do think this romantic notion of this lovely "isolated" man needing a bit of affection from a prostitute à la Pretty Woman, is not really the reality of the sex industry though.

 

I completely agree.

 

However I do know some really great guys and the only reason why they did it was because they were just so damned lonely...

 

I also know some complete arse holes who have done it as well. So you know...

 

I know more good people than bad though thankfully.

[elaine567]

 

The rest is all in the past. Leave it there.

The OP says he is a strip club aficionado, that is not in the past, as far as I am aware.

 

It really depends on why he is going, if he is going with a load of guys and using the club as a social drinking joint, then that may be "better" from a woman's POV, than a guy who goes to strip clubs alone, hoping to pick up the strippers or to be creepy or to drink excessively.

[Toodaloo]

The OP says he is a strip club aficionado, that is not in the past, as far as I am aware.

 

It really depends on why he is going, if he is going with a load of guys and using the club as a social drinking joint, then that may be "better" from a woman's POV, than a guy who goes to strip clubs alone, hoping to pick up the strippers or to be creepy or to drink excessively.

 

Missed that bit...

 

Mmmm some guys are just... whats the word I am looking for?

 

Dumb.

[Taramere]

We were just talking about our lives and histories and it came up. He was very upfront and honest about it.

 

It's like you reached into my head and pulled out my insecurities. "Are the hookers hotter than me? Are they better at oral sex? Is he fantasizing about THEM and repulsed by ME?"

 

To the people arguing over the greater implications of the sex trade...can you not do that here? I'm having a hard enough time reconciling SWEET FUNNY CUTE GUY with STRIPPER LOVING ESCORT SCREWING GUY. I don't want to get into the whole moral morass too!

 

Sad day. Well thanks everyone! Good thoughts for me. And this has really reinforced my resolution to be ok with speaking my mind and setting my boundaries.

 

 

I think for me, I would have a somewhat adverse reaction to the news that a guy I'd embarked on a relationship with had paid prostitutes for sex. The chief concerns I would have would be "may be have STDs?" I've heard people say that prostitutes are actually less likely to have STDs than the average heavy nightclubbing, casual sex having person, but that's a piece of received wisdom I wouldn't really want to be relying on. It's all very nice to imagine the sex industry consisting of highly responsible, sober, non drug abusing women who just happen to not have a hang up about sleeping with strangers for money. However, I'm skeptical of such claims. If a guy has got drunk on some stag weekend and visited a prostitute on a whim, how careful has he really been? How disease free was the woman? It's a risk. On the other hand, at least he's raising the subject which gives you the opportunity to explore such concerns. I'd hope he would at least volunteer to take an STD test to put your mind at rest.

 

As far as the insecurity "were they hotter than me" etc thing goes. Well, they were being paid to do what he wanted. There are male escorts too. Some of them are paid for sex, but there are others who just accompany women to dates. Maybe a woman is visiting a strange city, wants to go out but doesn't want to be alone. So the guy is paid to be Mr Perfect Date and would likely conduct himself (in the course of that date) on a level way above the average guy in terms of being a suave and confident gentleman, showing consideration and generally being the perfect companion. I can't imagine a situation like that not being cringe-inducingly cheesy...but beyond that I wouldn't have much of a judgement about it. And maybe some of these guys are really good at being fun, entertaining and natural companions. Does that mean any boyfriends of women who have paid such men for their services should worry that they don't match up to Mr Escort?

 

Maybe they would, but personally I think it's a bit silly to compare yourself to somebody who's wearing their professional hat when they do whatever it is they do better than you. The prostitute is being paid to please the customer rather than herself. The escort is being paid to please the woman rather than to be himself. Most people would probably want to be with somebody who is with them because they genuinely like them enough to spend time with them....and not because they're being paid to be with them (and to be, say all the things that person wants to see/hear).

 

This guy is with you presumably because he likes you and connects with you. Real you, and not some professional face you're putting on because you've been paid to. But if you carry on seeing him, I do think there are maybe a few things you would need to stay alert to. It's not difficult for somebody to come across as a sweet, caring person in the early stages...but if you start to see signs of narcissism about him then I think you would need to have a higher level of concern about the prostitutes. I think narcissists would gravitate to prostitutes (which is probably why, as somebody else mentioned, quite a few celebrities use prostitutes). Not only are the women doing what they're told to do sexually, rather than seeking out pleasure for themselves...but highly paid escorts are likely very adept at figuring men out quickly and telling them what they want to hear in a convincing way, avoiding challenging them or expressing any criticism etc.

 

Lastly, you often hear men going on about women disliking prostitution because "they feel it devalues their own vaginas". If your guy is prone to commentary like that, then I'd be inclined to cut your losses...because comments like that tell you that this is a guy who really objectifies women (as vaginas - and, furthermore, has such little understanding of women that he assumes they objectify themselves in the same way) as opposed to viewing them as fellow human beings to connect with on a number of levels and to have a healthy adult relationship with.

[elaine567]

But if you carry on seeing him, I do think there are maybe a few things you would need to stay alert to. It's not difficult for somebody to come across as a sweet, caring person in the early stages...but if you start to see signs of narcissism about him then I think you would need to have a higher level of concern about the prostitutes. I think narcissists would gravitate to prostitutes (which is probably why, as somebody else mentioned, quite a few celebrities use prostitutes). Not only are the women doing what they're told to do sexually, rather than seeking out pleasure for themselves...but highly paid escorts are likely very adept at figuring men out quickly and telling them what they want to hear in a convincing way, avoiding challenging them or expressing any criticism etc.

 

Lastly, you often hear men going on about women disliking prostitution because "they feel it devalues their own vaginas". If your guy is prone to commentary like that, then I'd be inclined to cut your losses...because comments like that tell you that this is a guy who really objectifies women (as vaginas - and, furthermore, has such little understanding of women that he assumes they objectify themselves in the same way) as opposed to viewing them as fellow human beings to connect with on a number of levels and to have a healthy adult relationship with.

 

Agreed. Very good points.

 

<<<<<<<<

[123321]

A man paying for sex, is in essence not attracting anyone, he has to pay for the company of women .....

 

"I pay them to go away" - C. Sheen

[Dork Vader]

I would run, this is likely just the tip of the iceberg. I was fairly big man hoe from 18-25 or so.

 

I have had multiple STD's. I have HPV and HSV-2 (genital herpes). I never once slept with hooker or prostitutes. I was also never into the strip club scene. But I did date a stripper (we met outside of her choice of work).

 

I managed to avoid HIV and Hep. C which I'm extremely lucky I did. Prostitutes are extremely extremely high risk sexual partners. Not only do they sleep with a ton of people. They get exposed too numerous STD's and condoms will not prevent all. Condoms only help reduce the risk of transmission.

 

If he slept with a prostitute while she had active herpes lesions there is a good chance he could have HSV-2. HSV-2 makes a person more likely too contract HIV.

 

It is NOT worth it and I can almost guarantee he's not being fully honest about his sexual past or what he does with prostitutes. Especially if he admits he's still going to strip clubs.

 

I do have a good friend who is into exotic dancers, strip clubs and prostitutes though he won't admit the prostitution. He is married too an extremely sweet beautiful and wonderful woman that does not know about it. Any chance he gets he's at a strip club or having private strippers come to his house. He said he would stop once he found a nice woman, then said he'd quit after they got married.. It's been 5 years and nothing has changed.

Edited April 14, 2015 by Dork Vader

[BlauFrau]

I'm dating an ex model who also did a couple of porn films (all with same chick filmed same day). He actually has only been with 5 people including myself one friend, 2 girlfriends and a pornstar (which he regrets, it made him feel dirty) then me. He can't change his past and he regrets it and cries about it a lot. The fact that your guy still likes the strip club is unsettling.

 

Bottom line:cool:: My bf got tested before we slept together. He had gotten one std from the porn star but it was curable.

I would beware. It's not just like he tried out some dirty stuff, it was and maybe is his lifestyle. If you do proceed get him tested. No need getting herpes, hiv, etc.

Edited April 14, 2015 by BlauFrau

[SawtoothMars]

I have been to strip clubs too! with my mates in college, with my husband and his friends....someof the best clubs in Vancouver. I have known stripper and ex strippers (most coke heads but whatever). It's really not my opinions but the opinion of women who are looking for a solid relationship and husband. Sure anyone can give the benefit of a doubt and you know what good for them. Everyone can deserve a chance, but not everyone feels comfortable giving chances. So it's a 50/50. Not everyone is going to be OK with, while others can. There is no wrong or right, it's up to the OP to make that determination whether she wants to chance it or not.

And btw I like porn too

 

Smackie, this entire topic should be viewed in the exact same way as with women who sleep around.

 

You need to look at sex in terms of risk, and availability. For women it's riskier but MUCH more available. In fact pretty much anytime, anywhere, any guy available. With this in mind we look down on women who abuse this.

 

On the other hand the average guy has less risk in sex, but it's very difficult to get. He can of course short change this and forgo the difficulty by purchasing sex which increases risk.

 

It's virtually the same thing when viewed in these terms... which I would argue are the terms which are genetically dictated to us.

[xxoo]

Smackie, this entire topic should be viewed in the exact same way as with women who sleep around.

 

.

 

I view Women who sleep around the same way as I view men who sleep around.

 

Men who pay for sex are more analogous to women who charge for sex. Same mind set regarding sex and relationships.

[barcode88]

I view Women who sleep around the same way as I view men who sleep around.

 

Men who pay for sex are more analogous to women who charge for sex. Same mind set regarding sex and relationships.

 

Actually I'd say its more analogous to Women who troll the bars/clubs every weekend looking to hookup. The only difference is that when that Woman comes to Loveshack a few years later asking if it matters now that they want to settle down, everyone will tell her "Its in the past"

[SawtoothMars]

I view Women who sleep around the same way as I view men who sleep around.

Men who pay for sex are more analogous to women who charge for sex. Same mind set regarding sex and relationships.

 

That is not a good comparison. ANY woman can sleep around, and ANY guy can buy hookers.

 

Only a small portion of the male population (30%?) can sleep around!

 

Actually I'd say its more analogous to Women who troll the bars/clubs every weekend looking to hookup. The only difference is that when that Woman comes to Loveshack a few years later asking if it matters now that they want to settle down, everyone will tell her "Its in the past"

 

No, it's never in the past. It's part of who you are where you came from.

 

The journey matters. All the women on here who don't wish people to judge them for sleeping around are wrong... and generally hypocrites.

[elaine567]

Men who pay for sex are more analogous to women who charge for sex. Same mind set regarding sex and relationships.

 

Exactly, money is transacted for sex. It is a business deal between the two.

 

Women who go out merely looking for hookups are equivalent to men who are merely out looking for hook ups.

[xxoo]

Exactly, money is transacted for sex. It is a business deal between the two.

 

A man who pays for sex is a man who is ok with one sided pleasure. He either can not, or chooses not to, entice a woman to have mutually pleasurable sex with him, and instead trades money for sexual pleasure. He doesn't need to woman to enjoy it for him to enjoy it.

 

A woman who sells sex trades money for sexual pleasure. She doesn't need to enjoy it, she just needs to be paid for it.

 

Equivalent mindset, and far more disturbing to me than promiscuous sex for mutual pleasure. To be clear, I'm not against legal prostitution, I just wouldn't want to be with a man who chose it.

[LookAtThisPOst]

An ONS is just as bad as sleeping with a hooker, the only difference is...with ONS, there a dinner and a movie was paid for (bartering, sometimes women do this if a guy fixes their car or something), with a hooker, it was an exchange of cash.

 

That's pretty much the only difference.

 

 

Oh yes, I am not saying those 20 interactions were all quality, but they are connections of some sort, that do not involve a direct money transaction.

He is capable as I said at some level of taking a women to bed. A man with a complete sexual history of 20 ONSs is not necessarily a good bet either, I agree.

 

I do think this romantic notion of this lovely "isolated" man needing a bit of affection from a prostitute à la Pretty Woman, is not really the reality of the sex industry though.

[123321]

Men who pay for sex are more analogous to women who charge for sex. Same mind set regarding sex and relationships.

 

In that they don't conflate the two, maybe so.

 

I actually don't see how that's different from a girl he picked up in a bar for "free", so maybe you only have sex in a committed loving relationship, and only want to date people who do the same, OK fine, I can respect that. To draw an artificial distinction between a guy who hooks up with women by whatever means he decides are appropriate, and a guy who does essentially the same thing by reaching a well understood and mutually agreed to set of conditions is frankly wrong.

 

Having said THAT, I would be concerned with anyone who thought that it was OK to flaunt the law with regularity, so if he was doing this someplace where his acts were illegal that's (IMO) a very legit red flag.

[wb1988]

Yeah I would never look down on anyone for Escorting or using Escorts, but this guy is trying to haggle with them and treat them for less than they're worth, that I can't stomach...

 

I think what I tried to write came off wrong. I haggle (fully knowing that I'll pay full price anyway), get the price down and then pay full price — it's just nice to know that she would have done it for cheaper. The whole thing is done over laughs & giggles, the fact that they don't have a problem with making out, doing oral without protection and etc means that she's not exactly boing a complete 'john' (contrary to what you see on TV almost all johns get BJs with a condom on, HJs though gloves and absolutely no making out). The hookers that I've been with are all in the 20-28yo range, some I've met through friends or friends at house parties — they might not be penthouse quality but they are attractive college looking types.

 

Difference with guys and hookers is that guys want the sex, hookers don't want it but do it for the money (that is where all the stigma comes from). When I haggle it's my way of verifying that she's at least a little attracted to me otherwise she'd say no to anything less. I would never sleep with any woman (hooker or otherwise) that I didn't think was at least slightly attracted to me. Do you get it now, do you get how haggling is actually a nice thing to do (if you really think about it)?

 

Plus it has NOTHING to do with OP, i seriously have no idea what that guy was talking about or why, I can only guess that a lot of his ex girlfriends have withheld sex from him and he is taking it out on OP and anyone else "with a vagina"

 

OP is writing about her bf that's been with hookers and I'm a guy thats been with hookers so I can relate from the other end. OP sounds like she's around my age (20's or 30's) and the guy sounds attractive (not a fat ugly balding old man, the typical john) so thats why I chimed in.

Edited April 14, 2015 by wb1988

[wb1988]

Don't waste your time. He already has a lowered opinion of women, and treats them like objects of pleasure. You can't fix him.....move on.

 

I guarantee you that every guy has thought about fking a hooker, the reason why most never do is because they don't have the confidence to try, haven't got enough numbers under their belt (I only saw my first hooker after I slept with several bfs), wouldn't be able to keep up with the pace (they need the whole dating experience to get it up) or are just cheap as fk.

 

OP, dating a guy that's been with hookers means that he is none of the above. The moment a guy approaches a hooker for the first time is the moment when he sees women as true equals, not on a pedestal but rather on the same level as your own. Anyway this is my last post on this, I know that the feminists want guys that are doormat material.

Edited April 14, 2015 by wb1988

[elaine567]

I think what I tried to write came off wrong. I haggle (fully knowing that I'll pay full price anyway), get the price down and then pay full price — it's just nice to know that she would have done it for cheaper. The whole thing is done over laughs & giggles, the fact that they don't have a problem with making out, doing oral without protection and etc means that she's not exactly boing a complete 'john'.

 

Difference with guys and hookers is that guys want the sex, hookers don't want it but do it for the money. When I haggle it's my way of verifying that she's at least a little attracted to me otherwise she'd say no to anything less. I would never sleep with any woman (hooker or otherwise) that I didn't think was attracted to me. Do you get it now, do you get how haggling is actually a nice thing to do (if you really think about it)

 

OP is writing about her bf that's been with hookers, I'm a guy thats been with hookers so I can relate from the other end.

 

Are you nuts, she just wants/needs the money, she would do it for 10$ if she had to.

This is classic abuse of power, you make her grovel and accept the lower figure, then you give her the full amount, that stokes your ego, makes YOU feel good and somehow benevolent even, and makes her feel very inferior, makes her feel like rubbish, and she will hate you for it.

She knows by haggling, you have her over a barrel, and she will have to do it for the smaller figure and that will upset her. The fact you then pay her more, makes her feel even worse, as you have all the power and she is just some ho to you. You have no respect for her whatsoever, you took her worth down to a low value and then laughed at her and paid her the full amount.

It is not a joke to her, she will resent every second she has to be with you, after that performance.

 

Attracted to you, are you having a laugh?

[BlueIris]

So long as pimping and white slavery aren’t involved, I don’t have a problem with prostitution. For autonomous prostitutes, sex is just work and there are men who want NSA sex. So I see nothing wrong with a sex for money contract, whether they’re sugar babies or call girls or at Mustang Ranch. (does that still exist?) And I wouldn’t hold it against the guy. Either sex is “just sex” or it’s not.

 

I’d respect that more than some of the other extremes- lying and manipulating to get a woman to have sex with him, believing they’re owed sex if they buy someone dinner or give gifts, or preferring pick-ups and hook-ups better because they ALSO want to think she likes him or finds him attractive. It's all the same intention. I think.

 

I still can’t figure out why liquor and guns are ok to sell, but pot and sex aren’t.

[xxoo]

I guarantee you that every guy has thought about fking a hooker, the reason why most never do is because they don't have the confidence to try, haven't got enough numbers under their belt (I only saw my first hooker after I slept with several bfs), wouldn't be able to keep up with the pace (they need the whole dating experience to get it up) or are just cheap as fk.

 

Or because they could actually have sex with women they want to have sex with without paying, and enjoy sex most when they are giving pleasure to a woman.

[SawtoothMars]

Exactly, money is transacted for sex. It is a business deal between the two.

Women who go out merely looking for hookups are equivalent to men who are merely out looking for hook ups.

 

This is incorrect thinking. It may seem logical, but you are failing to take into account the ease at which sex is obtained for a particular person. That makes all the difference in the world.

 

Ask yourself this... Do these guys WANT to pay $$$ for sex? Or... would they rather meet a woman at a bar? The answer is pretty clear if you put your mind to it!

 

A man who pays for sex is a man who is ok with one sided pleasure. He either can not, or chooses not to, entice a woman to have mutually pleasurable sex with him, and instead trades money for sexual pleasure. He doesn't need to woman to enjoy it for him to enjoy it.

A woman who sells sex trades money for sexual pleasure. She doesn't need to enjoy it, she just needs to be paid for it.

Equivalent mindset, and far more disturbing to me than promiscuous sex for mutual pleasure. To be clear, I'm not against legal prostitution, I just wouldn't want to be with a man who chose it.

 

I'm not entirely sure that is true. Even in porn... men are generally turned on by women enjoying sex with them. This kind of thinking is a epic failure in understanding men.

[wb1988]

Or because they could actually have sex with women they want to have sex with without paying, and enjoy sex most when they are giving pleasure to a woman.

 

Thats all BS, stuff that guys like low number say (I myself did as well before!). If you ask any guy that's been with many women (30+), he wouldn't have an issue with hookers. Like I said before, I totally get why male celebs still pay for sex even though they could get it for free.

 

Oh no I said my last post was the last on this. Ok this is my final last