ManyDissapoint Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Don't waste your time. He already has a lowered opinion of women, and treats them like objects of pleasure. You can't fix him.....move on. So by that logic current or former strippers are not datable? Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 (edited) Unfortunately countries like Germany where prostitution is legalised, the women are still pimped and trafficked with legalised brothels being mainly staffed by women who fled poverty in Eastern Europe or who have been trafficked, the law doesn't really protect them. They are employed on a room rental basis, which means they have to sleep with 6 men a night to break even, these brothels are highly profitable for those who own them, are "high class", but the women are not treated well. Everything you said is nonsense, actually you are probably writing based on DailyMail/Mirror/Sun chav BS. There maybe a few women that are pimped/trafficked but it's very rare, almost all do it by choice because they don't want to do any hard graft for low earnings. I don't pay for sex anymore but I did when I was younger and everytime I mentioned about doing another form of work the answer was always along the lines of "**** that ****" or "no thanks I'm great with this". In London that is also why the police take a laid back attitude towards it because when they do a raid they find that most if not all the women there were there by choice and there is actually nobody to be prosecuted. East European women are just as much protected by law, your citizenship doesn't waive your human rights. Prostitutes aren't 'employed' and they do not 'have to' sleep with men. Brothels don't make that much money, and neither do the women on an annual basis. Difference is the nightclub woman is not being pimped or sleeping with the guy out of financial desperation. She's sharing her body because she wants to. Prostitutes generally have pretty terrible stories and aren't getting sexual pleasure from being F'ed by random guys. Both are just as bad, I don't think people frown upon it because of the money. It's like talking about porn actresses and how it's legal because of the presence of a camera — who cares about the camera! Edited April 11, 2015 by wb1988 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 LS if full of threads of women saying the bad things they did in the past, and everyone says that "past is the past, it's none of his business". But unfortunately for men everyone is like "break up with him". This is the problem with getting advice on the internet, it's almost all exclusive of male-bashing feminist opinions. There is the big issue of how he actually views women here and that is what many are responding to. A man who is blind to the dire circumstances that lead many women into prostitution and stripping, is perhaps not a man who some women want to be with. Many men come on here and say they do not want to be with women who have "pasts", some are pretty graphic too in their condemnation, some men cannot even deal with a woman with a "past" full stop and want virgins. Everyone has their image of the partner they want to be with, here, many women have expressed the wish to pass on a prostitute user. That has nothing to do with feminism per se, that is personal preference. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Everything you said is nonsense, actually you are probably writing based on DailyMail/Mirror/Sun chav BS. There maybe a few women that are pimped/trafficked but it's very rare, almost all do it by choice because they don't want to do any hard graft for low earnings. I don't pay for sex anymore but I did when I was younger and everytime I mentioned about doing another form of work the answer was always along the lines of "**** that ****" or "no thanks I'm great with this". In London that is also why the police take a laid back attitude towards it because when they do a raid they find that most if not all the women there were there by choice and there is actually nobody to be prosecuted. East European women are just as much protected by law, your citizenship doesn't waive your human rights. Prostitutes aren't 'employed' and they do not 'have to' sleep with men. Brothels don't make that much money, and neither do the women on an annual basis. Both are just as bad, I don't think people frown upon it because of the money. It's like talking about porn actresses and how it's legal because of the presence of a camera — who cares about the camera! Everything you just said is more about your justification in sleeping with prostitutes, than the reality of life for a lot of these women. Your view is of UK prostitution and as I was talking about Germany, then your points are surely moot. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 You two sound very young. That being said , if these things bother you you should not be expected to just accept it going forward. Some men get upset about girlfriends with a very active sexual past. It's an individual thing. The important thing is that going forward , you have to decide if you want to be involved with a guy who regularly goes to strip clubs, spends a bunch of money making a fool of himself with women who can't stand him or his friends , and will not stop even though it bothers you. When you enter into an exclusive relationship with anyone SOME behaviors have to change . You need to stand up for yourself and decide what you will or will not accept. There are many fish in the sea and you sound too young to settle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 I FINALLY met a really sweet, smart funny guy and he likes me! The downside is he has admitted to being with prostitutes, hookers, escorts WHATEVER a time or 10 in the past. He's also a strip club aficionado. How far in the past? Was this just a phase and it's behind him? I would be more worried about his fascination with strip clubs as you talk about it in present tense. Without anymore information on him my mind goes to 'sex addiction'. He presents some of the symptoms. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 If it bothers you, it bothers you. There is no changing that. As has been said people draw their boundaries differently. If he's OK with his choices but you can't accept them move on However just because he did these things when he was single, doesn't mean he would be unfaithful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 One of my exes was into hookers. He wasn't very attracted to me so he continued to see hookers whilst with me:lmao: Here's hoping that your boyfriend is sufficiently attracted to you. Hookers are instant gratification and, while not all men who use hookers easily surcumb to temptation, I do wonder if they have less restraint. Since men who refuse to have to pay for sex generally felt that they would rather go out and get it the old fashioned way despite it taking longer than renting out a vagina. I am not keen to see a man who has seen hookers but it wouldn't be a deal breaker if they were OTHERWISE amazing..... ...I suppose:o Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 I told him that because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I have a hard time saying no or being harsh. He hasn't had many relationships and he's so enthusiastic to be dating me. I assumed his number was as low as mine until he told me. Is he an unwanted puppy that no girl could ever love? Maybe you are the only one that ever wanted to really be with him. If so then it would make sense he just turned to hookers because he gave up on finding a GF all together. If you want to make this work, you are going to have to be honest with him about how you feel, and then set boundaries with him about going to strip clubs etc. If he wants to date you he needs to change his lifestyle simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 I FINALLY met a really sweet, smart funny guy and he likes me! The downside is he has admitted to being with prostitutes, hookers, escorts WHATEVER a time or 10 in the past. He's also a strip club aficionado. I'm bummed. Like, really really bummed because I like him but...it just makes my skin crawl. He's been around. I have not. Is there a way I can reconcile myself to his past? We've kissed a few times and I can feel my attraction starting to slip. You can either accept him or leave. The fact that he has told you means he's fine with letting you go if you don't accept him as he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 LS if full of threads of women saying the bad things they did in the past, and everyone says that "past is the past, it's none of his business". But unfortunately for men everyone is like "break up with him". This is the problem with getting advice on the internet, it's almost all exclusive of male-bashing feminist opinions. LS is full of men who complain about a woman having had just about any amount of fun sexually, before they met him, or that women get to have more sex, and it isn't fair. We get to hear from men who prefer young women, and it goes on. This is something that goes against the OP's personal preferences. She's allowed to have them, too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 LS if full of threads of women saying the bad things they did in the past, and everyone says that "past is the past, it's none of his business". But unfortunately for men everyone is like "break up with him". This is the problem with getting advice on the internet, it's almost all exclusive of male-bashing feminist opinions. It's not just here, it's internet period. If you go to body builder or red pill or one of those, it's the opposite, it's dudes just bashing women. I can't for the life of me figure it out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 You have to have boundaries, so stop feeling bad about it, and please, please learn to say NO. Set standards and once you know they don't meet your minimum standards, send them on their way. If you can't bring yourself to say no, you will end up with someone who isn't who you wanted at all just by being tolerant and too wimpy to do anything about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 I was told on this website the past is the past Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 I've been letting this thread sit with me as I really didn't have a good answer how I'd react if I were in your shoes. Let's set aside the strip club issue and just focus on the hooker patronage. I have never been tempted in my life to see a prostitute. For me it just felt wrong. Wrong on the objectification of women ground for sure but that's not what I'm talking about. It felt Wrong for me because there was no seduction in it. No connection - even if only physical connection. It just seemed to be hollow. Friction. Meaningless. So ya, that idea never appealed to me. I guess I could never date a woman who was only interested in my status or money either. Probably a good thing. But would it be a deal breaker if the woman I was dating had seen a male prostitute in the past? My initial reaction was "hell yes!". But then I sat with it and I revised my answer to "it depends". Did she want to explore some aspects of her sexuality that she didn't feel comfortable exploring with a romantic interest? Ya, I could deal with that. Did she want to be with an accomplished lover after a stream of poor ones? Ok, I could see that too. Did she just want some sex on demand? Ya, not sure I'm cool with that one - far cheaper and easier to just get a FWB if you're a woman. Did she have a thing for paying guys for sex? Ya, definitely not cool with that. So I guess it depends. The sad thing about the OP is it sounds like the dude sees women as sexual objects. Strip clubs, hookers, ya. The guy sees it as a barter situation - you trade something (money, affection, attention) and expect sex in return. Probably not a healthy choice for a relationship built on trust, mutual respect and love. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EveAFlame Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 I was told on this website the past is the past I told you that? Or other people did? You mean people can have different thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas, morals, desires, standards, opinions, and lifestyle choices?! Frisky, Smackie, Preraph, yes I DO have boundary issues and problems saying no. It's gotten me into uncomfortable situations with overzealous men because I can't just turn someone down flat. It is something that was pointed out to me and the more I think about it, the more I see my dating issues have stemmed from it. The really pushy/creepy guys have tried to take advantage of me and I just get more and more hesitant about putting myself out there. Leigh, maybe that's what scares me. Being cheated on because he must really, really like hookers. I'm NOT experienced; I am enthusiastic and amorous and touchy-feely. But that might not be enough. From what I understand, he has one or two escorts that he's seen a few times. And I don't even know how many times he's been to the strip club. Again, deeply appreciate his honesty but it might just be too much of a history. Le sigh. We've been texting all day and he's rather anxious to meet up. I don't think he has much experience DATING, which I don't mind. However, he has lots of SEXUAL experience. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 I went to a prostitute once, for the experience, and I have to say she knew her job---she was totalitarian about safety. She was efficient, professional and courteous. It really was nothing like sex; more like a doctor's visit. Link to post Share on other sites
MoreFire Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 I m trying to figure out why on earth he would tell u that !thats his past ,we all have done things we re not proud of ,but to actually tell you all that is suicidal ! Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 (edited) Frisky, Smackie, Preraph, yes I DO have boundary issues and problems saying no. It's gotten me into uncomfortable situations with overzealous men because I can't just turn someone down flat. It is something that was pointed out to me and the more I think about it, the more I see my dating issues have stemmed from it. The really pushy/creepy guys have tried to take advantage of me and I just get more and more hesitant about putting myself out there. Leigh, maybe that's what scares me. Being cheated on because he must really, really like hookers. I'm NOT experienced; I am enthusiastic and amorous and touchy-feely. But that might not be enough. From what I understand, he has one or two escorts that he's seen a few times. And I don't even know how many times he's been to the strip club. Again, deeply appreciate his honesty but it might just be too much of a history. Le sigh. We've been texting all day and he's rather anxious to meet up. I don't think he has much experience DATING, which I don't mind. However, he has lots of SEXUAL experience. As regards the bolded parts. There is a bit of a contradiction. From what you said he has not seen that many escorts (preferred to build a rapour with a couple rather than seek new fresh women all the time) and has not visited them all that regularly - yet you say he has lots of experience with sex. I don't know why you come to that conclusion. I would say its the opposite. If most of his recent sex life has been with these women then I don't think you have to worry about the bar being set really high on sex and that you wont measure up with your enthusiasm & passion. Hookers don't treat clients like their bfs or a hot & hunky one nite stand guy. Its just a job for them, and I doubt very much he will be disappointed in the real deal loving gf sex with you. Its up to you though if his experience is a deal breaker, but I think some of your concern is off the mark. As an aside, lots of guys are not enthralled with weak willed women who end up with pushy/creepy guys because they didn't want to say no. Edited April 12, 2015 by ascendotum Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I guess I'm more liberal, but I don't mind as long as he's not doing those things while he's in a relationship. Dudes pay for sex all the time aka dates. Let's be real, many men are paying for a date primarily for the chance at having sex. I'd rather a man be honest about his desires. I doubt guy will penalize op for not being around enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 You don't need a guy who uses women like toys. Nobody does. Well, there goes most of the male population! Most guys are fine with having sex with someone in exchange for a lil money while emotional connection is nil. I guess dude's real crime was not taking her on a date and pretending like he wants to spend time with her. *shrug* 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I FINALLY met a really sweet, smart funny guy and he likes me! The downside is he has admitted to being with prostitutes, hookers, escorts WHATEVER a time or 10 in the past. He's also a strip club aficionado. How did this come up in conversation? I'm bummed. Like, really really bummed because I like him but...it just makes my skin crawl. He's been around. I have not. Is there a way I can reconcile myself to his past? We've kissed a few times and I can feel my attraction starting to slip. ^^^^this ^^^^ is very important. and is why you should not take this relationship any further. The fact he has been with hookers turns you off, it disgusts you, if you were honest. You, instead of enjoying sex with him, will mentally see him f*cking some hooker, wondering if she was better, hotter, sexier and also wondering if he went to hookers because "normal" sex just doesn't do it for him. You will also start to wonder if after a while of being with you, he will need his hooker "fix" and as hookers are always available, then that will make you paranoid. The stripper fixation he seems to have too, will make you insecure re your own body. All in all, a bad idea for you, to pursue this further. Some may be able to cope and put his hooker/stripper past into a box and never give it a second thought, I very much doubt that you could do that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NGC1300 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Don't waste your time. He already has a lowered opinion of women, and treats them like objects of pleasure. You can't fix him.....move on. I don't understand how you came to this conclusion. Would you rather he date and lead women on for his "pleasure"? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I don't understand how you came to this conclusion. Would you rather he date and lead women on for his "pleasure"? That would be a deal breaker too don't ya think? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Man bashing is not being a feminist....Man bashing is sexist. I hate it when people misuse the meaning behind what a true feminist is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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