Author Lovingme81 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 I haven't read all 15 pages but it sounds like he has NPD... these people are emotional vampires who cannot love others, but use them. They cannot change. . They are good at charming but are hollow shells. They attract high empathy individuals as we give them the benefit of the doubt..trust .me you feel *relieved once the habit/addiction phase of your attachment wears off... I had one that took me 12 years to finally realise the truth tgat was apparent to everyone else. After healing on my own for about 18 months I foubd a man who is concerned with showering me with kindness and affection.. at peace Thank you. I have never had such a difficult time moving on. It's literally a nightmare. I dream about him all night. I'm so upset. I feel like he broke me. I'm broken.
Fufu Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 If he broke you, he ain't for you. Take this as a blessing in disguise, you dodged a bullet. Help yourself by starting to think positively. eg: You have all the freedom in the world now. Just to share, I was single for 3 years. And before that, I drag being single, I also longed for someone's care and protection. (I'm not those strong and independent person and I am too very emotional) The break up from my ex was the heaviest blow in my life, it literally took my life away, draining my life energy day by day. The emotions you are feeling now, I would think it is pretty similar of what I went through 5 years ago. Every day was a nightmare, I cried myself to sleep, no mood for work, dreamt of him every night (which used to be a pleasant dream turned out to be nightmare).. My very first step of moving on was to gradually accepting the reality of this break up and started to do things I have never done before in my life. I wasn't close with my parents at all and because of this break up, I established a closer relationship with them. I picked up a new language, I made my life as new as refreshing as possible. At the end of the day, it's what you want to do for yourself. Either you want to remain stuck in this or you want to help yourself to get up and move on. In years to come when you look back to your life, you don't wanna have regrets.
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 If he broke you, he ain't for you. Take this as a blessing in disguise, you dodged a bullet. Help yourself by starting to think positively. eg: You have all the freedom in the world now. Just to share, I was single for 3 years. And before that, I drag being single, I also longed for someone's care and protection. (I'm not those strong and independent person and I am too very emotional) The break up from my ex was the heaviest blow in my life, it literally took my life away, draining my life energy day by day. The emotions you are feeling now, I would think it is pretty similar of what I went through 5 years ago. Every day was a nightmare, I cried myself to sleep, no mood for work, dreamt of him every night (which used to be a pleasant dream turned out to be nightmare).. My very first step of moving on was to gradually accepting the reality of this break up and started to do things I have never done before in my life. I wasn't close with my parents at all and because of this break up, I established a closer relationship with them. I picked up a new language, I made my life as new as refreshing as possible. At the end of the day, it's what you want to do for yourself. Either you want to remain stuck in this or you want to help yourself to get up and move on. In years to come when you look back to your life, you don't wanna have regrets. IDK What I'm gonna do. I don't want to be around my family right now.
Fufu Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 It's fine if you don't want to be with your family right now. The whole thingy is find something to do, keep yourself busy 1
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 It's fine if you don't want to be with your family right now. The whole thingy is find something to do, keep yourself busy I'm gonna keep trying. I just feel so drained you know. After working all day. I work full time and then coming home I just feel so drained. I gotta get used to being alone. I hate being single. I really honestly loved him and to think all this time he didn't love me and he can just move on. I'm disappointed in myself.
Fufu Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I'm gonna keep trying. I just feel so drained you know. After working all day. I work full time and then coming home I just feel so drained. I gotta get used to being alone. I hate being single. I really honestly loved him and to think all this time he didn't love me and he can just move on. I'm disappointed in myself. Yeap, keep the fighting spirit on. Don't be disappoint in yourself, you have done your part as a gf. It's his loss anyway. Put your love in him into yourself. Single ain't back. Looking back, I was proud of my single hood moment. Besides, you never know in time to come, you may meet someone who can make your heart melt all over again. For now, just sit back and relax, enjoy single hood for the moment.
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 Yeap, keep the fighting spirit on. Don't be disappoint in yourself, you have done your part as a gf. It's his loss anyway. Put your love in him into yourself. Single ain't back. Looking back, I was proud of my single hood moment. Besides, you never know in time to come, you may meet someone who can make your heart melt all over again. For now, just sit back and relax, enjoy single hood for the moment. what about at night? and in the morning. The middle of the day is bad enough imagining how they are out and living their live and happy while you are trying to recover. But at night, when you used to sleep in the bed together and waking up alone with no one there. I hate it.
Fufu Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Trust me, you would rather wait for a guy who treats you well than be with someone who don't even show you any basic respect. It doesn't matter how is he living his life right now. Be glad, you are outta this messed up relationship. Night time could be somewhat frustrating, however, you have the power to make the change. Perhaps, you may want to grab a book, anything that is funny or inspirational books. Read a few pages or chapters before turning in, that keeps you from over thinking. In the morning when you wake up, you may wish to write some positive quotes near your bed, so the first thing you see should be something that is positive and helps you moving on. 1
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 Trust me, you would rather wait for a guy who treats you well than be with someone who don't even show you any basic respect. It doesn't matter how is he living his life right now. Be glad, you are outta this messed up relationship. Night time could be somewhat frustrating, however, you have the power to make the change. Perhaps, you may want to grab a book, anything that is funny or inspirational books. Read a few pages or chapters before turning in, that keeps you from over thinking. In the morning when you wake up, you may wish to write some positive quotes near your bed, so the first thing you see should be something that is positive and helps you moving on. thank you , I will try these things tonight. I appreciate your help, thanks for being a friend even though you don't know me. I appreciate it a lot.
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Yesterday afternoon I unblocked him. I sat there all day working and wishing he would call, of course he didn't. When I got home from work I cried and then tried to watch tv. I then re blocked his number. I couldn't get interested in any of the tv shows on Netflix, Hulu, Amazon. I don't have cable because I am trying to budget my money. I didn't want to eat anything. I went to bed and dreamed that I was happy. I dreamed that I was outgoing and that I had money and that I was getting my nails done and just happy. I woke up super sad, I cried and then I got out of bed and got in the shower. I read a post on here that someones girlfriend broke nc to see how they were doing. I remember when we first broke up he texted to see how I was doing and right away I texted that I was okay. He said that he was okay too but of course I was hoping he missed me. I guess that was breadcrumbs. I thought about what if he really wanted to get back together but I blocked him. The other post said that he would show up or do something else. It made me sad. He won't come back. He won't try and I was nothing to him. I'm at work now. I'm trying to stay put together I want to fall apart.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Think about all the people who are there for you no matter what. People that will lend a hand when you fall down. You're focusing on one person that abandoned ship, the one who pushed you to the dirt to begin with.
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I'm trying not to care for him. I would give all the money in my bank account to not care or feel anything for him anymore. All I can do is keep trying and I don't want to.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I'm trying not to care for him. I would give all the money in my bank account to not care or feel anything for him anymore. All I can do is keep trying and I don't want to. There's your first hurdle... getting to the point where you WANT to let go. Sadly, there isn't really any steps to achieve that goal. Basically just keep trying and after your emotions tear away at your mind and body enough, you'll get there.
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 There's your first hurdle... getting to the point where you WANT to let go. Sadly, there isn't really any steps to achieve that goal. Basically just keep trying and after your emotions tear away at your mind and body enough, you'll get there. Yes its hard. Its hard to trust. I gave him so much of me and he just walks away. How could you love someone so much and then they don't love you and just walk away? What type of person does that. I stuck around with no I love you's no meeting the parents and gets to pop up at my house and ask me out last minute and then he ALSO gets to walk away and be happy. What kind of world is this? I hate living on this planet. I probably sound dramatic but I swear to God I hate living here.
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 ****ty things like this always happen to me. My last boyfriend dumped me on Christmas eve after I was waiting on him to come back for 3 MONTHS, He had to tour with and he said he loved me and that he wanted me to please be with him, he then took a job in Europe for 3 months and I waited on him, he came back and broke up with me over the phone on CHRISTMAS EVE. I always get treated like ****!
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I ****ing hate dating, then the boyfriend before me, I was with him for 6 years and he was a complete DOUCHEBAG he dumped me and then married someone straight away. They got a divorce after 4 months but still. You are with me for 6 years and then you marry someone you meet straight away? People think things will get better, it doesn't get better it just keeps getting worse.
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 and guess what else. My ex that dumped me on Christmas Eve begged, pleaded, sent me flowers and said he made the BIGGEST mistake in his life letting me go. He said he wanted to marry me, he said he couldn't live without me so I took him back and guess what he did. He dumped me again. So it doesn't matter. All relationship are ****.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 and guess what else. My ex that dumped me on Christmas Eve begged, pleaded, sent me flowers and said he made the BIGGEST mistake in his life letting me go. He said he wanted to marry me, he said he couldn't live without me so I took him back and guess what he did. He dumped me again. So it doesn't matter. All relationship are ****. All relationships are ****, except the one that lasts. Welcome to my dark but realistic mindset. This is why everyone should walk around with a significant other resume. So you can look at their qualifications and kindly tell them "you're unqualified, don't waste my time." 3
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 All relationships are ****, except the one that lasts. Welcome to my dark but realistic mindset. This is why everyone should walk around with a significant other resume. So you can look at their qualifications and kindly tell them "you're unqualified, don't waste my time." lol thank you for reading my venting. I had to vent. I wish everyone had a sign on their forhead stating if they suck or not.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 lol thank you for reading my venting. I had to vent. I wish everyone had a sign on their forhead stating if they suck or not. This is one of the few threads I actively keep up to date on, so... you're welcome? I feel that your venting voices a lot of concerns that many other people have in their life. Whether it be at one point in their life, a recurring thing, or long term. Our brain has a tendency to think of the worst scenario possible and then think of a scenario 100x worse than that. 2
Author Lovingme81 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I honestly appreciate you checking in on this post! Its kinda amazing that strangers on the internet care more about you then people in your actual life sometimes. 2
hestheone66 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 and guess what else. My ex that dumped me on Christmas Eve begged, pleaded, sent me flowers and said he made the BIGGEST mistake in his life letting me go. He said he wanted to marry me, he said he couldn't live without me so I took him back and guess what he did. He dumped me again. So it doesn't matter. All relationship are ****. Someone once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing (eg waiting around for some one who hasnt made you a priority) over again and each time expecting a different outcome... seems like you were just wishful thinking. I also think this has scarred your self esteem setting you up to accept more poor treatment. .. please get some Personal development course or counseling to help you stop attracting douchbags into your life 2
BC1980 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 lol thank you for reading my venting. I had to vent. I wish everyone had a sign on their forhead stating if they suck or not. You can usually figure it out pretty quickly. Doing something about it is the problem and why this forum exists. 1
Author Lovingme81 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 This is everything that has happened since I last posted I broke down and contacted my ex. I called, he answered. We talked and he said he missed me a lot and I told him I missed him too. He told me we should talk about all of the things we didn't like about our relationship and we wrote a list. My list included the not meeting of the parents, and the not saying I love you and the not spending much time together that was planned etc. We talked things through and he gave me a lot of reasons why things were the way they were and they weren't bad or stupid reasons so we decided to try and work things out. We decided to reconcile. 2 of the issues he said that weighed heavily on him was that I had a very bad temper and flipped out a lot. Another one was that I didn't trust him. I told him that I have always had a bad temper but its no excuse and I honestly have been working on it and it also had to do with the way things were with us..same with the trust. I didn't trust him because of the not meeting family and the not saying he loved me. A week ago we made plans to meet up on Wednesday April 29th . He said he would be leaving his job at around 7pm and we would meet up for dinner. Well he left way later than he said he was and I was waiting for a LOONG TIME and I was tired because I was at work all day. Finally he showed up at around 9:30, the commute is far so I guess thats normal. Then when we got to the restaurant finally he seemed SUPER tired. I tried to make conversation and I said something and he said I grossed him out and so he didn't even touch his food. He said his OCD was really bad and what I had said grossed him out. It made me feel SUPER GUILTY. I don't even want to say what I told him because it was something stupid that I heard a looong time ago and it was supposed to be a joke but I guess it was gross and I was tired and I judged it wrong? Who knows. Anyway it upset me so I got quiet and wasn't really talking because I wanted to avoid an argument. He was being nice but I was being distant and quiet. Then when we got back I tried to talk to him because honestly I was still feeling some hurt from us breaking up and just the night being ruined and he REALLY didn't want to talk. I got even more upset because he didn't want to talk..I don't know maybe we were both tired? Well anyway he was going to sleep on the couch but I told him to come sleep in the bed next to me, we did not have sex. Then he left for work the next morning at 4am. That was the last time I heard from him. He says he had to go away for drill weekend which is a military thing where they go away for the weekend but that was LAST WEEKEND. So did he just say screw it...that he doesn't want to work it out anymore? I have called him and texted him all week and just today I get a text saying "I'm ok" So I don't know if this is work keeping him away because the military is demanding or if I'm being blown off. I guess I won't be able to find out.
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