Fiance left gave back ring

[Flabreakup]

Well I listened to that sermon and I don't know what person I am but I think that was meant for her to me. It was the one not treating her with the respect she deserved. I was the one getting drunk and stupid and I was the one that took all the nice things she did for granted and never wanted to to do the things she wanted to do. It was all about me and what I wanted and that was totally on me.

 

The ex did stick by me through some tough times and I did the same. It was just one to many straws that broke the camels back. I don't blame her at all. I wasn't a very good partner to her and she was always good to me. Not putting her on a pedestal but she truely was one of the good ones and I totally took it for granted. So I don't blame her for leaving me. If she didn't I wouldn't be going on two months sober. I wouldn't be treating people better and know the mistakes I made with her. I just made too many mistakes and I know they say people should stick by you that love you and she did probably longer than she should have. Deep down I really hope this was the eye opener that I needed and maybe somewhere down the line in the future for her and our Childs sake she finds it in herself to forgive my hurtful actions and try again. I know it's slim and I might not want to by then but it's really hard to give up on the real good ones in life.

 

ibe been in many relationships and I know a special person when I see them but I screwed it up so many times I'm really surprised it lasted as long as it did.

 

With that I know that I made my bed so now I have to sleep in it alone and deal with the repercussions of my actions. Whether we ever give it a chance again or not I'm going to be there for my daughter and continue to try to out myself first. I know no one will want me if I'm not happy with myself so that's goal number one. Unfortunately my heart love and hope are still there with her but I'm following the advise her and trying to move on the best I can without her right now.

 

I know she was texting her exes near the end and after the end and maybe even now but that was after I had done every stupid thing a person can do in a relationship other than lie or cheat which I never did. But if she was unhappy and I should have seen the signs I shiuld have gotten my act together much sooner than later. But hindsights a killer. I still love and care for my family and still dream of making it one day a reality but for now I'm on me and she is on her and we have to work together with the baby. I know many people have broke up and got make together months or years later after each has grown. I'm sure after dealing with me she won't out up with any bs from someone else and I'll know better how to treat someone Yiu really care about to not lose them again. I just hope I get a chance with my family or even a chance to start a new one. I do know the good ones are few and far between so neither is going to happen.

 

In the mean time I'm going to continue to try my harder set to move on in my life and business and take everything one day at a time. Only time will tell but I'm not jist gonna stop doing things I shiuld have all along. Something as simple as bringing coffee in the morning I never did before but should have. I know I could be nothing more than getting strung along but I really believe she is a better person than that. Of course I'm not being too nice and not at her every necking call but some little gestures that I didn't do before are just me being nice and she has been ok most days. Probably setting myself up for more heartache but the chance at my family again months or years from not is worth being at least respectful at the moment.

 

I feel better knowing I'm going things right now whether it helps with her or someone else it's time I treat people the way I would want to be treated.

 

A little hard on myself today but every time I look back I can't really think of any thing she's done to make my life difficult. It was always me and I have to live with that.

 

Still moving forward knowing life isn't over and I can make someone happy one day when I'm ready. A couple of ladies have already tried talking to me but I'm just not ready or interested and none come close to the ex. Hope I don't compare them all or it could be a lot time.

[ZiggyZoo]

Alright, you know I've been in your corner from the beginning. So this isn't meant to put you down or make you feel bad, but you've got to knock that crap off. Stop talking so badly about yourself. Yes, you had a drinking problem, and yes it may have contributed to the demise of your relatiionship. But your ex is is a manipulative, entitled user. She has got your thinking so twisted around that you've taken on all responsibility for her actions. You are NOT to blame for her unhappiness. You are not responsible for her happiness, either.

 

And no, she isn't one of the good ones either. You think it was just coincidence that she waited to leave you until after she finished nursing school? Hell no it wasn't. She had this all planned, to make it easier on her. Much easier to focus on moving forward with her life when she had live-in daycare and someone to help out around the house...she played you and she used you. She was in touch with her exs before she ended things with you and STILL kept you dangling while making plans with them. She even got her mom and friends in on it by making you feel like there was a chance if only you could do exactly what your ex wanted and not screw it up with your messy, neediness. That is not love from her.

 

You have come so far in the last what? Five weeks? I am enormously proud, and you should be too. Your ex doesn't deserve you. Not one little bit. Her way of dealing with a bad situation was to turn to another guy to distract her while using you to make the transistion easier. And your method of dealing is to make positive changes in your life and actively work at moving forward and improve yourself every damn day. It makes me crazy to hear you say that you don't deserve her, because you are so much beyond her, you just can't see it. I understand totally where you are now, trust me. But the fact is, you are actually better off without her. You're sober, working out, getting in touch with your feelings...did it ever occur to you that you may have been drinking because YOU were unhappy too? Missing her right now is a knee-jerk reaction to disliking change, and you'll outgrow it.

 

Man, listen, you need to get it out of your head that she is 100% still running the show. I read a few posts back that you were doing things her way because you felt that she was allowing you more time with your daughter than any courts would. This is so not true. You have just as much right to that little girl as she does. I'll say it again. You are her father, and you have just as much rights to see your daughter as her mother does. I was furious when I read about her little tantrum when you weren't able to take her to daycare. Time for your ex to realize that she chose to separate, and there are consequences. Namely, possibly having to go out of her way to make her life work now that she's single. She chose that, stop making it easier for her.

 

Ok, ok, rant over. I do sincerely hope that you don't take offense to anything I said. It just hurtsmy heart to see someone like you wasting so much energy on someone as worthless as your ex. I hope you listen to what I said about you, and really start to take some pride in what you're doing with yourself. Once you do, you can fully focus on what's best for the rest of your life. Now's not the time, but you'll meet someone who would never even CONSIDER cheating and manipulating you like she did. You deserve better...

 

Oh yeah, get a motorcycle! I couldn't agree with that more. And make it a Harley, that way when you're not riding it, maintaining it will occupy all the rest of your spare time. Zing! Haha! (I'm a BMW girl, all the way) But I think that would do you a world of good...

[you must let it go]

listen to the words it can mean anything you do in life! your depressed, shes hurting you now, you are trying to fix it, but she is not willing to give it a 2nd chance so you got to "brush off the dust" and move on your hart is braking its killing you this could go on till you die? thats no way to live you have got to go no contact never see her ever, ever, ever, ever again!

 

you want to see the child pick her up from her mothers house, every time you see her you are getting a fix like a junkie would get high,(she is your pusher) its killing you slowly belive you me this will knock years ofF your life if you keep doing what you are doing GUARANTEED! 5 months in i could feel my self actually dying i lost my job no friends lived on next to no food or water never get out bed all day night 5 f**** months sat in front of the lap top looking for ways to win her back!

 

YOU WILL FIND LOVE AGAIN!!! she found you didnt she? LOOK YOU HAVE GOT TO MOVE ON. Its the end of the story for you to now. If I was you I just f*** off back home for a few months get your self as far away from all of this fix your self 1st then come back a better man and see your child because this is f**** your head up.

 

I hope you realy do win her back, but shes checked out months, years ago? she as her own place, new job, you know whats coming next dont be there to see it

[Toodaloo]

Alright, you know I've been in your corner from the beginning. So this isn't meant to put you down or make you feel bad, but you've got to knock that crap off. Stop talking so badly about yourself. Yes, you had a drinking problem, and yes it may have contributed to the demise of your relatiionship. But your ex is is a manipulative, entitled user. She has got your thinking so twisted around that you've taken on all responsibility for her actions. You are NOT to blame for her unhappiness. You are not responsible for her happiness, either.

 

And no, she isn't one of the good ones either. You think it was just coincidence that she waited to leave you until after she finished nursing school? Hell no it wasn't. She had this all planned, to make it easier on her. Much easier to focus on moving forward with her life when she had live-in daycare and someone to help out around the house...she played you and she used you. She was in touch with her exs before she ended things with you and STILL kept you dangling while making plans with them. She even got her mom and friends in on it by making you feel like there was a chance if only you could do exactly what your ex wanted and not screw it up with your messy, neediness. That is not love from her.

 

You have come so far in the last what? Five weeks? I am enormously proud, and you should be too. Your ex doesn't deserve you. Not one little bit. Her way of dealing with a bad situation was to turn to another guy to distract her while using you to make the transistion easier. And your method of dealing is to make positive changes in your life and actively work at moving forward and improve yourself every damn day. It makes me crazy to hear you say that you don't deserve her, because you are so much beyond her, you just can't see it. I understand totally where you are now, trust me. But the fact is, you are actually better off without her. You're sober, working out, getting in touch with your feelings...did it ever occur to you that you may have been drinking because YOU were unhappy too? Missing her right now is a knee-jerk reaction to disliking change, and you'll outgrow it.

 

Man, listen, you need to get it out of your head that she is 100% still running the show. I read a few posts back that you were doing things her way because you felt that she was allowing you more time with your daughter than any courts would. This is so not true. You have just as much right to that little girl as she does. I'll say it again. You are her father, and you have just as much rights to see your daughter as her mother does. I was furious when I read about her little tantrum when you weren't able to take her to daycare. Time for your ex to realize that she chose to separate, and there are consequences. Namely, possibly having to go out of her way to make her life work now that she's single. She chose that, stop making it easier for her.

 

Ok, ok, rant over. I do sincerely hope that you don't take offense to anything I said. It just hurtsmy heart to see someone like you wasting so much energy on someone as worthless as your ex. I hope you listen to what I said about you, and really start to take some pride in what you're doing with yourself. Once you do, you can fully focus on what's best for the rest of your life. Now's not the time, but you'll meet someone who would never even CONSIDER cheating and manipulating you like she did. You deserve better...

 

Oh yeah, get a motorcycle! I couldn't agree with that more. And make it a Harley, that way when you're not riding it, maintaining it will occupy all the rest of your spare time. Zing! Haha! (I'm a BMW girl, all the way) But I think that would do you a world of good...

 

Brian I am just quoting this in the hope you read it again the bold bits are really important.

 

Come on now. Big boy pants need to go on. No, your not a saint but actually she needs to start taking responsibility for her actions and doing something about it. So far she hasn't.

 

You, on the other hand have and you have gone out to improve yourself.

 

Speaks volumes to me.

 

So come on chin up chook. We are all rooting for you.

[Flabreakup]

Thanks everyone

 

I know I shouldn't put it all on me. Sometimes I do and sometimes I dont.

 

She finished school in August and took her test and failed twice so she could have left six months ago but said she was really trying to make it work for our family's sake. She left after a pretty big argument before she took the test for the third time so I really don't think that had much to do with it. Also she did ask me to slow down with the beer right before Christmas and I did for a week or so but went right back to drunk nights. Granted she never said get your stuff together or I'm leaving but did almost leave a few times just never actually did and me being the idiot I am thought she would never leave so that's on me. She told me she was emotionally drained from dealing with me for a while before she left but like you said I can't blame myself for everything.

 

This isn't the first relationship alcohol has ruined for me. But I'm putting my foot down and am now closing in on six weeks so I think I'm getting over the hump with it a little. Almost everyone in my family has had this problem. My mother who didn't raise me and had me at 15 is only 50 and isn't going to be around much longer because she drinks every single day. Luckily I had great grandparents but still followed the path of drinking.

 

I actually use to joke with the ex and tell her to get a good insurance policy on me because I'm not going to last long. So selfish for my daughter. Now she's my reason for being. It's like when she leaves the only thing I have is to wait to see her again. This is why the suggestion to leave for a while and go back home to my friends and family can't work. I barely know my mother and haven't seen my father since I was seven. He died last year and I could have cared less. I'm not leaving my daughter ever of my own free will. This is also why I want to have a real family with a white picket fence but I know it's not just my fault. There is plenty to go around.

 

I am however trying to better myself now but for our relationship at the moment it's pretty much to little too late. I can't bring myself to lie and say I don't want another chance to have my daughter with me everyday and the ex back but I'm not begging or doing anything like that lately. I've read a lot on here and I'm going to be a man and see if she actually ever comes to me and says she's sorry for leaving me and wants to try again. Apparently that's the only thing that matters not the breadcrumbs.

 

Of course it does bother me that she was talking to guys within a few weeks of leaving and probably before but that's just not me. In just the five weeks since she left a few woman have actually given me there numbers but I'm just not ready for that yet. Which hurts even more because she is. The ex was single for three years before we met but that doesn't mean she didn't have any friendly nights if you catch my drift. Hurts knowing my daughter could be around that and I don't get to see her everyday like a real daddy. Just writing that last sentince but a tear in my eye for the first time in a few weeks. My heart still aches all the time for the things I could have should have and should not have been doing.

 

Letting go isn't easy but I am trying for the life of me I'm trying. It's the hardest thing and worst breakup I've ever had and with no friends and no bars it's even harder but I'll keep trucking along and doing what I can to get out of bed. She's enjoying her life I'm sure so why can't i. Whatever happens happens at this point I do realize that much. I'm just going to be the best me I can be and whether it's her or someone else hopefully love will come again. I've never had problems meeting people in bars or clubs or friends of friends so I don't know how it's going to happen down here but only time will tell.

 

Thanks again everyone and have a great weekend.

[Toodaloo]

Hi Brian

 

Sorry I didn't get a chance to reply yesterday.

 

You still do have a chance for the white picket fence dream. This is the end of a relationship not the end of the world. While you don't think your doing all that well you are actually doing fabulously.

 

In just 6 weeks you have sobered up, started getting fitter, started getting more independent and self sufficient. AND you have managed to do all of that in enormously difficult circumstances.

 

Time to start holding your head up high now! Time has come to start forgiving yourself and start looking after yourself.

 

Clearly you are not a pariah and are an attractive chap so when time comes you do not need to worry. For now just take your time to get over your hurt and really feel comfortable in your skin as you are now. The only thing you need to worry about at the moment is looking after yourself so you can look after your daughter.

 

Keep smiling. Have you started thinking about which bikes might be quite nice to own yet?

[Flabreakup]

I actually have started thinking about it. Might go one day this week to check some out. Pretty exited about it actually. Been about two years now that I sold the last one when the baby was just a few months old. Thought it was best at the time but I think now being happy in my own skin will be better for my daughter in the long run. On a strange side not the ex's ex that she went back to for a few months after her last relationship died in an a bike accident last year so I doubt she'd be very happy wth it. But I had one when we met and ever since I was you g it was always my favorite thing to do. And she didn't make me very happy this last month and a half so not my problem.

 

I'm sure I'm not anywhere close to over her. It's actually two am here and I have to get up at six to pick my daughter up but I'll have her all day for the next three days then all this coming weekend after that. Not sure why I can't sleep maybe because haven't seen the ex since Thursday. The longest so far but I must say every day since then has been better than the last. Today I was in a great mood all day. Had a good business day, went to the gym eat well.

 

I know it's very early and I'm probably lying to myself but I've been thinking more about the bad things of her and the texting her exs two weeks later and really not quite happy about it all. Starting to feel like an idiot for trying so hard to get her back knowing what I knew and of course the fact she left once and that's it. Actually feel kind of embarrassed a little. Haven't really texted or called and she has several times every day so far about one thing or another. Think she was not feeling well and just was lonely or something so not reading into it at all.

 

Don't know if it's a changing of the stages or I had a busy weekend but was pretty happy for the first time in a while. Listen to the radio for the first time and the sad songs didn't even bother me while the uplifting ones had me singing alone. Of course I was along in the work truck. May have just been a good day but it's a start I guess.

 

Thinking of taking the baby somewhere like Disney one day. Will be strange just the two of us but I have a season pass that's good til may so might as well. Definitely something we always did together and not sure if I'll save it for the weekend but it's my weekend and I'm jist happy to have my little one as free as I do.

 

I do wonder if I really am beginning to show indifference to her If she'd try to pull something with the baby but she know of needs me know that she's working and I love every minute with the little one so I don't mind much.

 

Still hurts to think of her with someone else but as strange it it seems it's hurting less at least for the moment that she's not with me. I'm feeling much better about myself and know she isn't the only fish in the sea. I looked at some of my exs facebook pages and was like Ive had love before. Not to be superficial they were all prettier but not near as down to earth or special to me as the ex but this last six weeks shows that nothing's a given even if it was ninety percent my own fault. I'm working on me and feeling good.

 

Maybe it's because I haven't seen her in four days and probably why I can't sleep right now so I'll let you know how I feel tomorrow after having to see her. I get why the no contact works best just not possiboe in my situation. Wish it was but that's life. Ups and downs. Coming more to terms with things by the day.

 

Thanks again!

[Toodaloo]

Well done!

 

You are getting there.

 

It is going to continue to hurt for a while and you are going to go through a whole weird range of emotions and feelings. Its a process and it just takes time. There are averages but there is nothing set in stone. None of us can say that in x amount of time you will start feeling Y but we can try to help you get through it as quickly and painlessly as possible. It is going to hurt but we can try and keep you going. We have all been there, we have all gone through the things that you have and now its time for us to "pay it forward" with the help we received.

 

Thats great that you are looking at bikes. Sad that someone died but death can happen at any time and its far better that you die happy and content than miserable. I don't really like them all that much myself (I can never get the things moving with the front wheel on the ground and it terrifies me as I keep going off the back end!) but I can understand the attraction as they do look fun! There are the big Harleys that are just raw power, and the speed bikes - let face it who wouldn't enjoy a bit of a thrill at going so fast! Gets your blood pumping and gives you some freedom. Go for it Brian. You will probably make more friends of your own as well, as you will have something to enjoy and talk about.

 

Life moves in cycles. We have good times and bad. You are doing extraordinarily well because you still are seeing all the good things in your daughter. Its brilliant that you are going to use up that pass. Its fantastic that you are thinking of fun things to do with her. Its so positive despite all the messed up feelings you are going through. You have gone how long sober now? Just a short time ago it wasn't so long and now its getting to be as though it wasn't there at all! Its brilliant. I really am as pleased as punch that things are starting to get a bit better for you and you can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Keep going! You will have more good days. You will probably have a few bad ones and indifferent ones thrown in there too. But keep going forward.

 

Have a good day when you wake up!

[Flabreakup]

Thanks again as usual for putting a smile on my face.

 

By the time you wrote that I was already out the door. Picked up the baby from the ex's house at six and took her to breakfast before dropping her off at daycare. I'll pick her up at two then the ex will come get her at eight. Have to do this everyday the ex will be working since she'll always start at seven. She does three twelve hour shifts as a nurse at a hospital. I really don't have to but there's no one at the day care til seven and that's when the ex starts work. I could make it her problem but just seeing my baby for an hour before daycare is reason enough. I think taking her to breakfast before calms her down a little too because she still gets upset and cries when I drop her off but it's only the second week so hopefully she'll start to get use to it.

 

We actually live in the horse capital of the south here in Florida and there's a big show coming up with stuff for kids to do and jumping things. I've never been to one but she loves animals so I'm going to do that on Saturday with her. Love having things to look forward too with her.

 

Strangely enough when I kicked her up this morning I really didn't even pay attention to the ex and didn't get the usual heartache or anxious feeling I have since the breakup. Maybe anther good day but it's early so we'll see. Have a aa meeting at twelve gym at one and baby at two so lots to do this afternoon. Only three hours sleep last night so I'm going to take a quick nap before heading out again. One of the pluses of having a home based business. If I get a service call no nap but I'll be happy either way.

 

I've always had the fast sport bike type. One reason I got rid of it when the baby came was because I am addicted to the speed of them. It was nothing for me to hit 150 mph until the front wheel would start to come off the ground and I had to slow down. More than once I was in close calls and even dumb enough to do stupid things on them after drinking.

 

Can't believe I waited to 35 to stop. Found out just yesterday my mother is doing really bad physically and mentally from drinking heavily every single day. She's only fifty and doctors have told her she's not going to love much longer if she doesn't stop very soon. I've only seen her maybe ten times in the last twenty years or so but still feel really bad about it. However it is showing me that I just can't ever do it again or I'll be in the same boat and I want to see my daughter grow up and really do still want more children of my own. For me it's been since February 1st so a little over a month and a half. I can honestly say I haven't remotely had the urge even though I've been to a few bars just to watch a game or something.

 

I'm thinking Harley type but I did see some triumphs I might test ride too. Everyone around here has sport or Harley so I'd like to be a little different. And the cruiser type doesn't go near as fast so that's what I'm leaning on. At this point in my life not need to push limits I e already pushed. Just want to sit back and enjoy the country side rides. There's loots of charity rides and stuff like that so it probably would be a good way to meet people. Have a few things to get first such as furniture she took but hooefully in a few months. It's already 85 degrees here everyday so don't want to wait too long.

 

Just realized I've been saying ex a lot more than her. Guess it is sinking in and maybe a little acceptance. I'm sure there will be bad days ahead but I'm enjoying the good ones while they last.

 

How are things in your neck of the woods these days? You probably know more than most people about my inner most feelings and I don't know much about what your going through at the moment. I recall something about a date last week maybe? I think I'll try to post a little more on other newer people here to give them what little advise I have through the first month and a half.

 

Thanks again. Brian

[Toodaloo]

Again your welcome Brian. When I came here last year I was messed up and getting into a really bad way. The folks on LS really gave me a kick up the back side and helped no end. When you are going through stuff like this its hard to see the wood for the trees and you end up with so much rushing round in your head that you loose a grip on reality sometimes. It all just becomes a mush of emotions and pain. Thats when an outsider can really help bring back the perspective.

 

I know so little about bikes I am afraid, but the Triumph sounds really good. A chap I used to do charity work with had a really old one with a side car he did up and he would potter about the airfield on it.

 

I have other friends who are into the speed bikes and regularly get together to book up the local race track so they can "play" for a while (most have managed to lose their licences after playing on the roads and getting carried away) and one of my bosses has a limited edition Harley... All I know is that its purple and he loves it... couldn't tell you anything else!

 

My brother is (or was until recently) very into motorcross and eduro racing. I love going out to watch him and cheer him on. Like you its taken a back step for him recently.

 

You can enjoy looking about and making your mind up while you save and sort out furniture etc. Then be good to go when you find something you really like.

 

Whats on with me? Well to show you how times change... Around this time last year I was dead, my ex didn't bother to hang around and ran off to play paintball games while doctors revived me. I had lost all hope, felt worthless and none of us expected me to make it to the end of last year I was so ill.

 

Now I am at work waiting for a call from my brother to tell me my niece has finally arrived in the world and I can go and hug her. My health is fantastic, improves all the time and I can run again, I hike for miles with my dogs. I have just started to think about and actually go on dates again and this time I feel more empowered and more comfortable to make better choices. I laugh easily and walk around with a smile on my face. I look forward to tomorrow and enjoy most days. I am discovering music and film and thinking about taking up dancing again. I used to be really good at dancing. Life is good.

 

You are younger than me. So you see its not the end. Its just the beginning.

[ZiggyZoo]

So glad to hear that you're making some progress with being able to be around your ex! That's what time does, takes the sting out of having to see someone you're trying to get over. It'll all be fine, little by little. But I'm so glad that you're where you are. The early depressed, not able to do anything stage is the worst.

 

I'd advise you again (trying not to nag, I'm a bossy mom and can't help it sometimes) to get ahold of Friend of the Court down there and get the child support and visitation figured out. The sooner they have a record that you're paying the better. And it avoids a lot of "he said, she said" if it does get nasty with your ex. Same with visitation, once that's established legally, she can't keep you from seeing your daughter without potentially going to jail. I'm not saying that she will, but there's a good chance that your ex is going to get irritated with your new attitude towards her. She may try to withhold visitation. Just protect yourself is all.

 

And Triumph does make a really nice Scrambler. My ex ex has one, and we would go everywhere on that thing. It is comfortable enough for longer rides, and he would take it off-road too. Nice and peppy. There's been a huge recall on Triumph's...gears? Something in the transmission I think, I didn't read the whole article. So you may luck into getting a free brand new component there. I like Triumphs, they have that neat retro cafe-racer vibe going on.

 

I'm so glad that YOU'RE doing so much better too, Toodaloo! What a kick in the head, for your ex to act like that. I can't believe how rotten people can be. But you know what? It just makes us stronger, to look back on all we've been through. I owe a lot of my current optimistic and confident attitude towards getting over my latest ex to the strength I gained in my past heartbreaks. And I'd much rather be the one getting hurt, than the one who is able to do it to someone else. But anyway, congratulations on your niece! I'm due with mine in early June, and his arrival is really something I'm looking forward to.

[Toodaloo]

I'm so glad that YOU'RE doing so much better too, Toodaloo! What a kick in the head, for your ex to act like that. I can't believe how rotten people can be. But you know what? It just makes us stronger, to look back on all we've been through. I owe a lot of my current optimistic and confident attitude towards getting over my latest ex to the strength I gained in my past heartbreaks. And I'd much rather be the one getting hurt, than the one who is able to do it to someone else. But anyway, congratulations on your niece! I'm due with mine in early June, and his arrival is really something I'm looking forward to.

 

Agh he should have been out the door years before he was. It wasn't all that upsetting because time and time again he had shown me that he didn't give a damn about me. So to be honest it was just expected. When I got out of hospital the house was trashed, he has a go at me because I didn't get his gear cleaned up quickly enough and he had to do a load of it himself... it was just the way it was. I was stupid for putting up with it. I wasn't all that upset about it to be honest.

 

But then along came a friend who had been separated for several months. One thing lead to another and for the first time in a very long time I actually felt cared for. Completely screwed me up. I was a driveling mess when I first posted on here asking for help.

 

I was FAR worse and far more hysterical than you Brian so really don't worry!!!

[Toodaloo]

How are you doing today Brian? Ok?

[Flabreakup]

Hi Toodaloo

I can't believe someone could be so heartless let alone a significant other. Great to hear your healthy and doing well though. I guess sometimes we really don't know the people we'll with or are just blind to the negatives because we love them so much.

 

I'm having a good day so far. Got a lot of sleep last night. Went to pick my daughter up this morning at 6am due to the ex's work and will do so again tomorrow. Shes staying the day with me though instead of going to day care so that's nice. Yesterday was a great business day and kept busy for the most part.

Even picked my daughter up and she goes with me on some service calls and loves to ride in daddy's truck as she calls it.

 

Ex came to pick up the baby a little late yesterday after her first day as an RN on the hospital floor. She was so excited to tell me about her day but I acted a little indifferent so she left pretty quickly. She told me her mother wants to pick the baby up from daycare on Wednesday afternoon and while she was here I said ok. But a few minutes after she left I was thinking why should her mom be taking my time away. I'm the one getting up at 5:30 am to go get the baby on the ex's work days which I really don't have to do but don't mind because I get to see her. So I ended up calling a few minutes after she left and told her this and she said it wouldn't be a regular thing and It was up to me. Khloe loves her nanna so I said ok just lets not make it a regular thing. Then she started telling me all about her day and I felt bad for acting indifferent earlier so I let her go on and on for about a half hour and told her I had to go.

 

I know I shouldn't be mean or to nice but I do still care for her and I'm not falling for it but since I stopped bringing up relationship stuff she has called or text and wanted to talk almost everyday. I know I'm not going to be plan B but sometimes I do think things could have happened for a reason. If she never left I would have never seen my many relationship mistakes I've done for years and certainly wouldn't have quit drinking or starting working out again so that hope does creep in every once in a while but I think we have to be apart now and see what happens months or longer from now. Who wouldn't want there daughter and family back. But again I'm not plan b so if or when she starts seeing someone I truely think I won't want anything with her again. Just the old fashion me. I can understand leaving and seeing what heppens after some time because I would have left me too but getting with someone else would ruin my thoughts of her. In telling me about her day she went out of the way to mention that her new work friend is gay and she wasn't talking too or seeing anyone now. Of course she told me that after the breakup too but we all know that was true. After four years and even after leaving me I had nothing but the utmost trust for her but after seeing those texts that day I just really don't know if I could trust her again if it did come to that. Would it be worth being with someone you don't fully trust just for the sake of having your daughter every day? I kinda don't think so. Sorry just my thoughts for the day coming out here. I write exactly what I'm thinking good or bad.

 

With that today so going well. As you can see above I still have a lot of work to do and thoughts to process but overall no more real chest pain heartache type stuff still for the last five days or so. I think it has more to do with how I feel about myself than what I'm feeling about her.

 

Reading some of these stories and my own words a month ago makes me feel lucky for where I am at the moment. Even though my family dream is on hold its not over as I thought. I'm getting in the best shape since my late teens, haven't been a drunk for the first time since early twenties, have a nice home with a successful small business. I really am happy at moments just to sit outside and enjoy the day sometimes. Out of my friends, which is the one thing I'm missing down here, I was always the confident making all the plans guy. Living a thousand miles from friends and family I definitely lost that in me. Staying home for a year and half to watch the baby while the ex was in school didn't help that cut off feeling either.

 

Still have tons of work ahead and lots to get through but hopeful for the future instead of dreading it like just a few weeks ago. As I said maybe this was meant to happen.

 

On a funny side note a friend from back home that rents my old house from me called this morning and ten and said he was going into work late because he was too hungover from drinking, on a Monday night. I thought wow how good it feels to have not felt like that in a while.

 

Yea sometimes I ramble but LS and the wonder people here from positive to negative have been nothing short of awesome and definitely makes this breakup stuff easier.

 

Thank you

[Flabreakup]

Ziggy

I did forget to mention the court stuff. I'm somewhat hesitant to go the legal route at the moment. In the state of Florida a guy almost always gets one day a week and every other weekend. That's 8 days a month. Right now We're about fifty fifty so I really don't want to rock the boat if I don't have too.

 

On the other side I do have a note book that I write every single day, time and for how long I have her. So iif it ever came to it or whatever I show that to a judge and they will see I have had her half the time so it would greatly increase my chances of getting more than just 8 days. I also keep all receipts for things I pay for and I pay for the daycare with a check so proof again. What I'm spending is probably more than twice what any court would order so I don't think she wants to rock the boat either.

 

Definitely covering my you know what.

[Toodaloo]

Hi Toodaloo

I can't believe someone could be so heartless let alone a significant other. Great to hear your healthy and doing well though. I guess sometimes we really don't know the people we'll with or are just blind to the negatives because we love them so much.

 

Thats the thing though... When you are in that much denial you "forget" to remember that you don't love them at all either... I can honestly, hand on heart say that I did not love my ex. I used to be glad when I saw his stuffing his face on fattening food... I figured he would keel over and leave me to be free. I wanted him gone. I was just at too low a point to do it. I didn't want to hurt him but if he hurt himself who was I to complain? Terrible isn't it. I used to feel physically sick when he was around. The stress was unbearable.

 

Don't ever do the "denial thing" Brian - its really destructive!

 

Having said that I think you are doing brilliantly. You have your feet on the ground, your eyes wide open. Well done you.

 

It is starting to get better. You can see it happening as each day goes by. pretty soon you will feel much happier.

 

The reason why she wants to talk is because she knows you are moving away from her and rebuilding your life. She is seeing that you are very much stronger than she gave you credit for. She is coming to see that she took you for granted and there are other ways in which you could have solved your problems... Your boundaries that you have put up are making you attractive.

 

Suggest you keep them there not because it will bring her back but because they are doing you the world of good and really helping you move forward. And keep covering your backside even if you think everything is great and going wonderfully. Things can blow up at any time, for no reason.

 

I have a feeling that this break up could actually be the best thing thats ever happened to you. I think you are going to end up a much happier man with a gorgeous daughter who adores him. Life is going to be good.

[Flabreakup]

Morning. Well here anyway.

I wonder if my ex felt the same way about me that you felt about yours near the end at the very least. I wasn't a good partner but only see that now. I do try not to do the denial thing but there is no denying the fact I was the way I was. At the same time I would like to think I was or am worth more that what happened with everything.

 

Picked my daughter up for the ex this morning and took her to breakfast before daycare. Even took her to the gym last night with me for the first time. They have a little kids room there with a girl that stays with them and she had a blast. She still cries going to daycare but didn't at the gym. Strange I guess to me but at least I know now I can take her there and she'll have fun.

 

Not heartbroken or terrible like over a week ago but definitely a little sad this morning. I'm not going to see her til Saturday and here it is about eight am and I've really got my much to do today til later.

 

When the ex came over yesterday to pick the baby up she was pretty late again and had stopped for fast food. She asked if she could eat here so it wouldn't be cold by the time she got home. Me being too nice as usual said sure. But I did sit in another room not like before when I was trying to get her back sitting right next to her. I guess she had a bad day at the hospital and was telling me about it while she ate. Didn't stay long just ate and left with the baby.

 

Definitely not feeling as good as the last four days. Thinking about what she's going to do with the next three days off and the two nights while I have the baby. Yesterday I had an urge to talk about the relationship. After having a great four days I wanted to tell her that I'm not a plan B and I don't mind time apart but if that includes you seeking out other men I'm completely done and want nothing to do with you. But I didn't say a word. She's moved out and was already talking to people a few weeks later so I thought it would be pointless. Of course she said it was only talk but Her actions tell me what I already need to know. I guess she is still in my head and running around there causing me to think of things. Just have to remember to keep my mouth shut and worry about the baby and I.

 

Wow while I was writing this my brother text me and said my sisters boyfriend passed away last night. Met him once and seems nice. He had two kids. I'll call her a little later. Just goes to show don't waste the time we have because it can come to an end very quickly. He couldn't have been much older than 40 or so. No idea what happened but gotta run.

 

Have a good day

[BC1980]

You don't need to tell her you're not a plan B. It's much stronger to show her with your actions. If she solicited the information, that's fine. But don't ever volunteer that. Believe it or not, the most power you will ever have is through silence and actions.

[Toodaloo]

I wonder if my ex felt the same way about me that you felt about yours near the end at the very least. I wasn't a good partner but only see that now. I do try not to do the denial thing but there is no denying the fact I was the way I was. At the same time I would like to think I was or am worth more that what happened with everything.

 

Hi ya

 

Well I can tell you now that I doubt very much that she did. I was very indifferent to my ex and while fear of being alone made me contact him a couple of times it was no more than that. i don't care if I do or don't see him again. He just means nothing...

 

Regardless of how she feels you are proving that you are worth more by sorting yourself out and being a great Dad and a rock solid man. The proof is in the pudding as we say over here. You are the pudding!

 

I agree totally with BC. There is no point in your discussing it with her. She will only use it as an excuse to "use" you for attention and validation. Who cares what she does? She will probably want you to think that she is out gallivanting, but in reality she will probably be sat at home watching TV in her comfey PJ's... Even if she does thank God your not involved and picking up any nasties she brings home!

 

I am so sorry to hear about your sisters boyfriend. Life can be taken from us in a moment. So come on up you get and live yours while you can and enjoy that daughter of yours. She sounds like an absolute skootch (gorgeous) and I am really pleased that you have her around to cheer you up so much.

[Flabreakup]

Yea after thinking about it yesterday I felt it really wasn't needed to bring up relationship stuff. It's been over a week and half since I have and I already feel a lot better and much more in control.

 

I wish I could say I don't think about what she's doing from time to time particularly when she's not at work but its more of a moment here and there instead of an obsession like a month ago.

 

So i found out that my sister and her ex where both doing drugs and drinking like crazy lately and he hit her often so might have something to do with it. My mother sister and brother all live in the Boston area and they make my old drinking days look like child's play. Even though we all have the same mother and father my mother was only 15 when she had me so I stayed with the grandparents. Then exactly one year later my mother had my sister. We have the same birthday but I'm a year older. She kept my sister but I stayed with the grandparents. Then five more years later my brother came. They all moved to Puerto Rico for 15 years or so while I stayed back with the grandparents. Who both worked and lived in a good town so I finished school and while my brother and sister were raised by people who never worked or did anything other than get drunk every single day since I can remember. Neither finished even high school. So In A way I consider myself lucky there to have great grandparents who at there age didn't have to do what they did. They actually raised me the old fashion way which was good and a little tough love but only when I really deserved it.

 

Even though it's only been a short time the ex really is on my mind less and less every day it feels. A little more yesterday but feeling good today.

 

So yesterday I did about the dumbest thing possible. I was out on a service call and stopped for fuel. Here 95 % of vehicles us regular gasoline and only some work trucks use diesel. Well of course I wasn't paying attention and put gas in my diesel truck. Didn't realize it till it started acting funny. Luckily I realized it pretty quickly and drained the tank of 38 gallons and refilled with diesel so no harm and a mechanic friend took the old fuel for free so only cost me $100 of fuel to replace. Could have blown the engine and would have had to get new truck or new engine so close one. I guess my mind still isn't working at 100% so really have to start paying more attention. Now I almost think my good moods and loud music these last few days have been more distracting. Need to get that even keel back.

 

So the ex did call me again last night right after she left work. Don't know why I would be the first person she calls as she's leaving the parking garage. I didn't have the baby and don't til Saturday but she started telling me about her day and how long it's was. Well I was in the middle of working the truck so told her I had to go and havent bothered to call or text back. She still has a bunch of small stuff here since moving two weeks ago but hasn't mentioned picking it up. Maybe ten of twelve boxes or stuff and a tv stand. Since I have a truck she may be waiting for me to offer to bring it over but I haven't. My kissing butt stage is done but if she asks I would just because that's who I am. I believe in a little karma. I gave a guy a jump start a few days ago and he offered me money but I said no. Low and behold business has been great and I thought my truck had a really serious problem but was just something minor.

 

 

Well it's almost 9am and nothing much to do today. hopefully some work or maybe get the truck washed. Been a little while. Or just thought of a haircut and pick the baby up some nice new clothes. Guess I'll think of something.

 

Thanks, it kind of freeing to write about my last day or today and then go back and see what I actually did. Maybe I should start a daily journal or something. I guess this site is kind of like that but the more I get away from relationship stuff the more it seems what I write doesn't belong here. Even though she is on mind every day and I'm far far from over anything Its just not debilitating like just a few weeks ago.

 

Well hope everyone has or is having a great day!

Edited March 19, 2015 by Flabreakup

[BC1980]

I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm glad you had a ready made excuse not to talk to her after work. I used to do stuff like that with my ex. I would take his calls, and he just wanted to talk about the day. But it made me angry months later when I realized he was just stringing me along. So I wouldn't answer her calls unless you have your daughter with you. Let it go to voicemail, and she can leave you a message if you has something to say.Journaling is great too. I've written several unsent letters to my ex, and they really helped me figure out exactly what I was feeling.

Edited March 19, 2015 by BC1980

[NopeNah]

Yea after thinking about it yesterday I felt it really wasn't needed to bring up relationship stuff. It's been over a week and half since I have and I already feel a lot better and much more in control.

 

I wish I could say I don't think about what she's doing from time to time particularly when she's not at work but its more of a moment here and there instead of an obsession like a month ago.

 

So i found out that my sister and her ex where both doing drugs and drinking like crazy lately and he hit her often so might have something to do with it. My mother sister and brother all live in the Boston area and they make my old drinking days look like child's play. Even though we all have the same mother and father my mother was only 15 when she had me so I stayed with the grandparents. Then exactly one year later my mother had my sister. We have the same birthday but I'm a year older. She kept my sister but I stayed with the grandparents. Then five more years later my brother came. They all moved to Puerto Rico for 15 years or so while I stayed back with the grandparents. Who both worked and lived in a good town so I finished school and while my brother and sister were raised by people who never worked or did anything other than get drunk every single day since I can remember. Neither finished even high school. So In A way I consider myself lucky there to have great grandparents who at there age didn't have to do what they did. They actually raised me the old fashion way which was good and a little tough love but only when I really deserved it.

 

Even though it's only been a short time the ex really is on my mind less and less every day it feels. A little more yesterday but feeling good today.

 

So yesterday I did about the dumbest thing possible. I was out on a service call and stopped for fuel. Here 95 % of vehicles us regular gasoline and only some work trucks use diesel. Well of course I wasn't paying attention and put gas in my diesel truck. Didn't realize it till it started acting funny. Luckily I realized it pretty quickly and drained the tank of 38 gallons and refilled with diesel so no harm and a mechanic friend took the old fuel for free so only cost me $100 of fuel to replace. Could have blown the engine and would have had to get new truck or new engine so close one. I guess my mind still isn't working at 100% so really have to start paying more attention. Now I almost think my good moods and loud music these last few days have been more distracting. Need to get that even keel back.

 

So the ex did call me again last night right after she left work. Don't know why I would be the first person she calls as she's leaving the parking garage. I didn't have the baby and don't til Saturday but she started telling me about her day and how long it's was. Well I was in the middle of working the truck so told her I had to go and havent bothered to call or text back. She still has a bunch of small stuff here since moving two weeks ago but hasn't mentioned picking it up. Maybe ten of twelve boxes or stuff and a tv stand. Since I have a truck she may be waiting for me to offer to bring it over but I haven't. My kissing butt stage is done but if she asks I would just because that's who I am. I believe in a little karma. I gave a guy a jump start a few days ago and he offered me money but I said no. Low and behold business has been great and I thought my truck had a really serious problem but was just something minor.

 

 

Well it's almost 9am and nothing much to do today. hopefully some work or maybe get the truck washed. Been a little while. Or just thought of a haircut and pick the baby up some nice new clothes. Guess I'll think of something.

 

Thanks, it kind of freeing to write about my last day or today and then go back and see what I actually did. Maybe I should start a daily journal or something. I guess this site is kind of like that but the more I get away from relationship stuff the more it seems what I write doesn't belong here. Even though she is on mind every day and I'm far far from over anything Its just not debilitating like just a few weeks ago.

 

Well hope everyone has or is having a great day!

 

Yeah...Gas in a diesel isn't good! Glad you're feeling better,man!

[Toodaloo]

Yeah...Gas in a diesel isn't good! Glad you're feeling better,man!

 

Not as bad as the other way though!

 

Not that I now buy only diesel cars so I don't put the wrong fuel in...

 

Its great to hear you getting stronger each day and recovering. Its great to see and watch. Just think in a few months time you will be out on your bike, wind blowing in your face, with a smile. You will be checking the oil on your truck and your little girl will be helping...

 

Yep I can see good times.

 

Sorry to hear that your brother and sister had hard times. Perhaps they can look to you as an example and try to sort themselves out.

[Flabreakup]

Yea it kind of seems like stringing along or she just doesn't have anyone else to talk about her day when her mom is busy. Although shes quite attractive so I would imagine she's not having trouble finding someone to listen if she wanted too. Just not sure why she would want it to be me. And getting more and more to the point that I don't care. Well, as much anyway. I do miss having someone to tell my exciting news too or news that was exciting to me and that's happened in my day that I thought were interesting. She use to listen to me but I unfortunately didn't pay as much attention to her. One of my many mistakes that I've noted for future reference. I'm not blaming only myself but the little things like that matter and I didn't see it at the time.

 

So my service truck is fine thank goodness. Did take to get it all waxed up, oil and all filters changed. Cleaned the inside up and put my favorite air freshener in. It's the same sent my grandparents used when I was a kid and always brings back good memories. It's actually hard to find so when I do I buy a bunch of them little tree scent things. It's the bouquet one. The ex never liked it but oh well. I've probably got one of the cleanest work trucks you'll ever see. I'm kind of a neat freak like that. Always have been and the ex sure wasn't. Another little issue we had that seems minor now but my complaining about things always being a mess didn't help. I did try to pick things up myself but should have probably not made a big deal out of it. Like our dining room table always had piles of stuff on. I forgot what color the table even was for a while. We never ate there because of it. My grandparents us to make me vacuum and dust with pledge of old English everyday as a kid for my chores. But like I said complaining did t help. I should have just led by example. I think I expected too much and should have been a better team player instead of sitting around nagging. No one likes to be nagged and I definitely did. Live and learn I guess.

 

So woke up early today again. Crazy to think I get up at five or six now with no problem. When I moved to Florida and watched the baby for almost two years and really drank often noon was about average. Then I still would just take care of the baby and lounge around. Now keep in mind I worked from the day after I graduated high school til I moved here with maybe a week or two off for vacation or switching jobs. So sitting around was not me at all and probably didn't help my situation. Not an excuse but true just the same. I could have started some kind of work from home thing but spent my savings instead because was usually too hungover to have proper motivation.

 

So this morning I'm not feeling too hot. Throat is a little sore and a little difficulty breathing like bronchitis or something. I don't think siphoning gas/diesel through a hose a couple times and getting the fumes in my lungs and all over me helped. Had to get it out somehow though. Might give it a few days and see the doc Monday if not feeling better.

 

So I probably did something a little impulsive yesterday and got a pretty big tattoo on my upper arm. I've been thinking about it before the breakup but I only had one before. Wish I could show a pic but it goes from shoulder to elbow and says " A daughter holds your hand for awhile but holds your heart forever" then there's a pic of her holding my index finger. And her name below the pic. It was actually copied from a photo I took so it's really our hands. Just noticed a place while driving down the road stopped and three hours of pain later and it looks really great. Well, let's see what adventures await today.

 

Everyone have a great weekend and thanks for listening again. Stronger by the day!

[Toodaloo]

Hi ya

 

Sounds like you are doing brilliantly. Well done you. I am not into tatoos myself but your new one sounds lovely. I am also liking that you are doing things like getting the air freshener you like in your truck. Things like that actually mean a lot. Happy memories are the best and can cheer you up.

 

My car is a tip at the moment... Its a cross between rally car and feed room! I must do it again and try and keep on top of it.

 

As for you doing all the tidying. Been there, done that, enough to drive you insane. You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to be able to eat meals at the dinning room table.

 

Well I have had a lovely weekend but also a bit of a sucky weekend. Ying and yang. Spent a lovely few hours with my new niece and had a lovely evening with some friends. Unfortunately its the separated guy I was messed up over last year and its all gone back to square one. Well not quite square one but it feels like it. I just miss him terribly. He was cheeky and grabbed my bottom while the children were distracted. He was grinning like an idiot and being silly. I had that old familiar sick feeling in my stomach...

 

Still I know what to do and so I will get on with it again. All will be fine. By this time next week I will be wondering what all the fuss was about.

 

Hope you had a good weekend!

 

Keep going Brian - it does get better. It keeps getting better.