Had the chat, agreed to be exclusive. How to manage next stage...

[Versacehottie]

I have to be honest--she is really a push pull type!! What is this "I don't do feelings bs". She is the one who regard out twice with stuff including "I miss u!!" Which is definitely feelings. I feel like my response is coming too late but I would definitely give it those 4 days at least til you seer each other to talk. If she's playing games, to see her too soon won't be productive. From everything u have said to us about her--she is a very feelings oriented girl!!!

 

Be honest of course but I do sense with that comment that she is jerking you around some!! I'm angry on u behalf. It was funny coming from her but not funny if you're in the middle of it. She is sounding like she wants to be put on a pedestal at the moment. I'd give her one chance to get real at this meet up and then move on for time being since at that point I'd take her at her word that she is not in place to be in a relationship. Good luck

[ap10]

So she called me and i met her for 20 minutes. Walked over to and she pulled me in for the kiss. Then I asked her what's going on. She told me she missed me a lot and the same things as before. She's doesn't know where her head is and that she doesn't want to lose me. I told her she can't do this and think I'm going to stick around waiting. She said she knows that.

 

So I asked her to explain why her heart is in it but her mind is saying something else. She said that 3 weeks ago when I was with her and her mates I was quiet for a bit and all get friends asked if anything was wrong with me. Her best friend also was one of these people. She said this messed with her head. Her mind is asking whether she can see herself with me for the rest of her life. I explained that she needs to deal with this. Told her she will out pressure on herself. Told her i already said that I liked her and want things to grow but this will just bing us back to the problems.

 

She then said that she does want to see me and wants to see me next week again and that her missing me proved she wants to me be with me.

 

I walk her to the station and as a joke say 'so are you up for going out on this excursion, or shall I take someone else?! (which I already booked for us in a few weeks and she knows about it)

 

Then she blew it and said she can't believe I just said that. She said take someone else then. I told her to calm down and it was a joke. Told her what does she expect after what she's been doing. I said sorry and told her the only person I want to take is her and she knows that. All felt sour in the end. My fault. Saying goodbye and said do you still want to see me. She said yes i do next week, but what you said was stupid. I felt good and now you said that. We said goodbye kissed and I told her to text me when she's home.

 

So the last five minutes were silly, but I'm not gona beat myself about that as she has messed around in enough herself with all her decisions. Probably trying to throw some of the guilt on me by my silly comment. I won't be getting in touch as she will be at festival for the next four days. I will speak to her next week.

[veggirl]

Just stay broken up. There's no ease or fluidity to this relationship, it's all just hurt feelings, walking on eggshells, plotting and game playing. Neither of you sound ready for an adult relationship tbh. You guys don't gel the way people in good Rs should. The beginning should be fun and easy not fill of break ups and make ups and games.

[Gaeta]

So I asked her to explain why her heart is in it but her mind is saying something else. She said that 3 weeks ago when I was with her and her mates I was quiet for a bit and all get friends asked if anything was wrong with me. Her best friend also was one of these people. She said this messed with her head.

 

So her and her friends talked about you? and that has her question her feelings for you?

[ap10]

So her and her friends talked about you? and that has her question her feelings for you?

 

She said that's what caused her to think about relationship, but she wants me and like me. She said her friends love me, but one if them saying you guys are quite different cause this to play on her mind.

 

I definitely agree with previous post too. Everything was building up very nice until she withdrew 3 weeks ago due to the above event. This whole coming back in and out is rubbish.

 

She didn't text me when she got home. I texted her and I got a 'yea' then I asked her if she's excited about tomorrow and no reply. Best to just be done with this relationship. Her words tonight shows that her heart wants it but get mind is not in it and for the most ridiculous reason

[Eivuwan]

Kind of lame to be this easily influenced by her friends and their complaint was that you were too quiet lol.

[Gaeta]

I'm sorry ap10, if her mind is so malleable she's too immature for a relationship.

[ap10]

She replied late las night whilst i was asleep.

 

Her: Yea i am really excited about the trip

Her: You upset me earlier

 

This morning

 

Me: I know, i regret that. Have a great time away. Call me on Monday and will take things from there. Have a safe trip x

 

Her: Thanks bubby x

 

I will not be contact her. She broke up with me, 3 days later she wanted told she missed me and wants me. Still very unclear with why this happened apart from two things. Her mind cant see a future together based on a weekend with her friends where a close friend who loves me told her we are two different people, but being away for 3 days knowing we were finished made her realised how much she misses me and likes me.

 

Next week will be the final straw for us. Either we pick up or i will break up with her this time.

Edited July 24, 2014 by ap10

[ExpatInItaly]

She replied late las night whilst i was asleep.

 

Her: Yea i am really excited about the trip

Her: You upset me earlier

 

This morning

 

Me: I know, i regret that. Have a great time away. Call me on Monday and will take things from there. Have a safe trip x

 

Her: Thanks bubby x

 

I will not be contact her. She broke up with me, 3 days later she wanted told she missed me and wants me. Still very unclear with why this happened apart from two things. Her mind cant see a future together based on a weekend with her friends where a close friend who loves me told her we are two different people, but being away for 3 days knowing we were finished made her realised how much she misses me and likes me.

 

Next week will be the final straw for us. Either we pick up or i will break up with her this time.

 

How is that possible when she already broke up with you? There's nothing to break up this time.

 

I agree with the others. There is too much drama for such a short relationship. I don't think you're all that compatible. If you were, you'd be together. Not pushing-pulling. Time to move on, in my opinion.

[ap10]

How is that possible when she already broke up with you? There's nothing to break up this time.

 

I agree with the others. There is too much drama for such a short relationship. I don't think you're all that compatible. If you were, you'd be together. Not pushing-pulling. Time to move on, in my opinion.

 

Basically dont bother pursuing it...

[Diezel]

Take a buddy of yours on this excursion instead of her.

It'll be a better investment of time and money.

 

This chick is just nuts.

Maybe I just lack reading comprehension... but she happened to break up with you right before she was going away for 4 days?

 

Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady.

[ap10]

Take a buddy of yours on this excursion instead of her.

It'll be a better investment of time and money.

 

This chick is just nuts.

Maybe I just lack reading comprehension... but she happened to break up with you right before she was going away for 4 days?

 

Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady.

 

 

For sure.

 

If we meet next week before the excursion i will be very casual but clear with her. She has to really want it or leave it and we part ways.

[ap10]

Ok so she has returned from her 4 day music festival this morning/afternoon as photos have gone up on facebook and instagram a few hours back.

 

Told her to call me monday when shes back, so ball is in her court. Havent heard from her yet.

 

HOWEVER, there is two photos with a guy. One is a selfie of them two with a caption 'cuties' and then another group photo, which she has then ropped to show her and the guy with a caption 'met the most amazing people at the festival' and then her friend who was with her has commented 'cheeekyyy!'. All a bit annoying, but again it could all be nothing more than photo's, but she knows i will see this stuff. So again shes playing like a single girl, but telling me before going to a festival that she wants to be with me.

 

This is why i will not be contacting her unless she does. She didnt have to crop a damn photo of 4 people and keep the guy in it. Nothing bad in the photo, everyone is mutual you can tell, but then a selfie with the guy with a caption 'cuties'? Losing all respect for her.

[Andy_K]

She sounds a bit immature and self-focused to be honest.

 

What has she done in the time you were together that shows she genuinely cares about your feelings, that she wants to make you happy? And how much of it has just been about how she feels when she's with you, how you make her feel, what she wants/likes/needs?

[ap10]

She sounds a bit immature and self-focused to be honest.

 

What has she done in the time you were together that shows she genuinely cares about your feelings, that she wants to make you happy? And how much of it has just been about how she feels when she's with you, how you make her feel, what she wants/likes/needs?

 

You're right Andy. Im done with this. 9pm here now and still no call from her. I guess her selfish ways will probably result in a call tomorrow when she FEELS like it, but right now from what i see on social media...she's lost herself in the whole 4 day festival. Looks like she changed identitiy whilst she was there. Could have met this guy too. BUT i'm good. If she calls, i'm dealing with this as if it were day1.

 

No normal personal calls it off, then within 3 days wants you back again, but sounds all confused and does this before a 4 day holiday and on your return you post photos with guys and $hit. Time to get real from my end. Been analysing the crap out of this for nothing.

[ap10]

She sounds a bit immature and self-focused to be honest.

 

What has she done in the time you were together that shows she genuinely cares about your feelings, that she wants to make you happy? And how much of it has just been about how she feels when she's with you, how you make her feel, what she wants/likes/needs?

 

Andy, you and a few others have been following this post since day 1. You know what happened last week. Her wanting me back and then me telling her to call on monday and that she knows i have tickets for an excursion this friday.

 

Still no call/text/email from her since shes been back from the festival (3rd day). I do miss her, but adament to not break the NC rule. Although i cant help but think about it. I have seen on a fb post saying that she is going to be going home away from London on friday meaning she hasnt even contacted to even put closure or say she wont be making friday. Yes i made a stupid comment last wednesday after she told me she wanted me back, by asking her 'whether she was coming or if i should take someone else' (as a way to show i was p'd off with her. This upset her...

 

She insisted on seeing me and wanted me back last week, hours before she went on a festival trip. She returns and we are in silence mode. She may have met someone who knows, but would she stay quiet?

 

Does everyone still advise no contact? I am already planning to take my cousin on the excursion.

 

Sorry guys...yes she has been twisted in the way shes been with me, but i know how kind and sweet she is and good of a time we had for just over 2 months and even in the last month when together we were so CLOSE. Its just annoying

[Andy_K]

Does everyone still advise no contact? I am already planning to take my cousin on the excursion.

 

Generally I'm not a fan of going 'no contact'... Adults shouldn't need to play games or use training rules like that. But I do think you have nothing to gain from contacting her. It seems she has done plenty of late to demonstrate a lack of respect or care for your feelings and you deserve better than that. If she reaches out first then by all means talk to her and see where she's at, but no chasing her now. She's made her choices and it's not your job to try to talk her out of them.

[Diezel]

Looks like she changed identitiy whilst she was there. Could have met this guy too. BUT i'm good. If she calls, i'm dealing with this as if it were day1.

 

No normal personal calls it off, then within 3 days wants you back again, but sounds all confused and does this before a 4 day holiday and on your return you post photos with guys and $hit. Time to get real from my end. Been analysing the crap out of this for nothing.

 

It is of the utmost importance for you to understand that she did NOT change identities while she was there. That's the REAL her and the fake her was whatever she showed you.

 

What you are missing is a farce, a sham, and a mockery of a real person.

 

Her plan all along was to do exactly this with you and be free and clear to go roam with other guys at the festival.

 

The only reason you definitely should keep NC is because this woman is no good for you and no good in general. You'd have a much better time something new with someone else than trying to recover this relationship, specially with someone who has no interest in doing so with you.

[ap10]

Generally I'm not a fan of going 'no contact'... Adults shouldn't need to play games or use training rules like that. But I do think you have nothing to gain from contacting her. It seems she has done plenty of late to demonstrate a lack of respect or care for your feelings and you deserve better than that. If she reaches out first then by all means talk to her and see where she's at, but no chasing her now. She's made her choices and it's not your job to try to talk her out of them.

 

 

Cheers Andy. It has made me very angry. Like how can someone act like she has in the last 10 days. Break up, want me back, then no conact...ridicilous. All you have to do is explain yourself properly

[ap10]

It is of the utmost importance for you to understand that she did NOT change identities while she was there. That's the REAL her and the fake her was whatever she showed you.

 

What you are missing is a farce, a sham, and a mockery of a real person.

 

Her plan all along was to do exactly this with you and be free and clear to go roam with other guys at the festival.

 

The only reason you definitely should keep NC is because this woman is no good for you and no good in general. You'd have a much better time something new with someone else than trying to recover this relationship, specially with someone who has no interest in doing so with you.

 

I don’t agree with you totally on this. I spent 3 to 4 days a week with this person for two months. We spoke about likes and dislikes. I knew she like to go festivals, she told me she had loads of male friends, she knew i didn’t have a problem with that etc. When i say she changed identity...i meant it looks like she was in her holiday mode, came back and was spreading her happiness on social media, but in a very LOUD way. Kind of what girls do when their guy pi$$es them off or if you’re going through cooling period etc. I do think you’re right that she went to the festival and acted what she is really like, but that is when she is at a festival. When i go on vacation i go wild too, but when im home in London you live more of a balanced lifestyle due to work etc.

[ap10]

So it’s been 5 days since shes back and i haven’t heard from her. Over a week since we last spoke. Yes she may be waiting for me to contact as she has done this before when i told her to calll me on a particular a day. That time i got the blame and that she was annoyed at me for not calling her. Last time i saw her, i upset her and she told me again that i upset her in the last text.

 

I want to contact her, but not sure if i should just leave it so we can have the space and see what happens after a couple weeks. I am not that bothered about being in a serious relationship, but was having fun with this girl when things were cool in the first 2 months (we spent a lot of time with each other). I know a lot of advice is just to leave it, but is there any advice on contacting her or if she is waiting for me to call like she did before.

[Diezel]

Seriously, just leave it. Your relationship will NOT get back to those first 2 months. If she were that high interest, don't you think she would have called you by now? Or texted?

 

And of course she shifted the blame to you last time. The time it takes her to put up a post on social media is more than the time it takes to text you a "Hi" at least.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if both of you have greatly varying opinions on what your "relationship" is right now. Apparently you seem to think you might be in one, she probably thinks differently.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think she's done, OP. If I were really interested in a guy, I wouldn't leave it for 5 days with zero contact. I'm not sure what you would say if you contacted her? Sounds to me like she's lost interest over the past few weeks.

 

For whatever reason, this seems to have come to an end. Only 2 months in and such rough waters already indicate an incompatibility.

[Andy_K]

Even if she comes back, I think you should run a mile. To be quite honest she sounds like the typical immature twenty something who doesn't really know what she wants, follows her emotions like a kitten chasing a ball of wool, is easily distracted by something new and shiny, and pays little attention to anything or anyone outside her own immediate bubble. Remind yourself this every time you find yourself thinking about her.

[ap10]

Seriously, just leave it. Your relationship will NOT get back to those first 2 months. If she were that high interest, don't you think she would have called you by now? Or texted?

 

And of course she shifted the blame to you last time. The time it takes her to put up a post on social media is more than the time it takes to text you a "Hi" at least.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if both of you have greatly varying opinions on what your "relationship" is right now. Apparently you seem to think you might be in one, she probably thinks differently.

 

We were never in a actual committed relationship. Thought we took steps into that when we went exclusive, but that didnt grow any further. I guess all im thinking is there hope to keep things kicking along.