Had the chat, agreed to be exclusive. How to manage next stage...

[ap10]

Wanted to thank everyone that has followed, messaged and gave advice on this post.

 

Almost two weeks now since i last saw her when she supposedly wanted me back and told me how much she missed me after wanting to call it off. She did this 12 hours before a 4 day festival trip. I told her to go have a great time and call me on her return. Silence.

 

I saw her for the last time in the same spot we first met on our date. Having enjoyed the few months we had apart from the last few weeks of her being completely messed up i decided to write her a nice/no hard feelings message. This was purely done because i wanted too and not because i wanted a reaction.

 

My message to her:

 

Hello (her name), haven't heard from you in a while. Hope you're well. I think we realise that we cared for each other very much, but things weren't going to work out. We had an awesome couple of months, although we never got to finish suits dvd. I'll be downloading that! I'm sure you can tell, there is no hard feelings from my end anyway. We shared some great moments in a short amount of time and friendships are what count - genuinely enjoyed it x

 

 

I sent this last night to her. She has seen the message and has decided not to come back yet and probably wont. As i said, i have no expectations, but a truly mature person would have replied with something however short the message was.

 

 

I have moved on from this and happy they i ended it on a good note. Would be great to hear loveshack users last thoughts.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

That's the classiest break-up letter I've ever read. Congratulations on handling a less than ideal situation with maturity and grace. OP, go to a nice watering hole and buy yourself a glass of whiskey. (Go for the good stuff---Booker's, Blanton's, Willett, etc. Ask for a splash of water instead of having it on the rocks; a really good place will give you an eyedropper.) Then sit back, enjoy your drink, and be happy.

 

You did the right thing, you should be proud. The next one's gonna realize how lucky she is.

[ap10]

That's the classiest break-up letter I've ever read. Congratulations on handling a less than ideal situation with maturity and grace. OP, go to a nice watering hole and buy yourself a glass of whiskey. (Go for the good stuff---Booker's, Blanton's, Willett, etc. Ask for a splash of water instead of having it on the rocks; a really good place will give you an eyedropper.) Then sit back, enjoy your drink, and be happy.

 

You did the right thing, you should be proud. The next one's gonna realize how lucky she is.

 

 

Thanks for your positive and meaningful feedback. She has finally responded with....

 

I had text her, but she decided to come back on whatsapp (chat app).

 

Hey

Figured its easier to speak on here

Thank you for your lovely message yesterday. I also had a lovely time with you and think for me it was just wrong timing. I’d like to stay friends too and hope that all is going well for you with the new job and things x

[johnson_j]

Just spent the last 30 minutes reading the whole script - sorry to hear it OP, but sounds like she is royally screwed in the head.

 

 

I'm guessing that your initial indifference early on lead her to try for you harder, and once she won you, she got bored and moved on, either to a new guy or some ex. (Don't ask me how I have experience with this).

 

 

As to the maturity, I think you showed a fair amount of it and that she was just so centered on HER WANTS and HER NEEDS and didn't seem too concerned about you. That whole thing about meeting up when you're 30 seconds away and she says YES NO YES NO YES NO YES would have driven me nuts and I would have left. (Easy to say when I'm not standing there but it's what I would have liked to have seen you done - just walk away at that point).

 

 

Some people just aren't mature and ready to be in relationships - they like the chasing, the attention, the desire for attention, giving sex because they think it will make the guy like them, and when the guy finally reciprocates they run for the hills. That's what she's done.

 

 

I suspect if she ever gets her head screwed on straight she'll reach back out to you. Kudos to you for handling things in a classy manner worth of a brag.

[ap10]

Just spent the last 30 minutes reading the whole script - sorry to hear it OP, but sounds like she is royally screwed in the head.

 

 

I'm guessing that your initial indifference early on lead her to try for you harder, and once she won you, she got bored and moved on, either to a new guy or some ex. (Don't ask me how I have experience with this).

 

 

As to the maturity, I think you showed a fair amount of it and that she was just so centered on HER WANTS and HER NEEDS and didn't seem too concerned about you. That whole thing about meeting up when you're 30 seconds away and she says YES NO YES NO YES NO YES would have driven me nuts and I would have left. (Easy to say when I'm not standing there but it's what I would have liked to have seen you done - just walk away at that point).

 

 

Some people just aren't mature and ready to be in relationships - they like the chasing, the attention, the desire for attention, giving sex because they think it will make the guy like them, and when the guy finally reciprocates they run for the hills. That's what she's done.

 

 

I suspect if she ever gets her head screwed on straight she'll reach back out to you. Kudos to you for handling things in a classy manner worth of a brag.

 

Thanks for feedback. Appreciate that. Any reach out from her way will be handled as a mate. Im not one to say NEVER, but to be realistic with how i feel. We can be mates. Too many other fish in the sea

 

Our first date was a blind date via the tinder app. There was no hype to it and it was the most casual date. We wined and dined in a very nice place and ending up going to a rave. Not a typical first date story, but with no expectations and no strings attached we had good time. We were just MATES having fun until she pulled me in for a kiss at 2am after 6 hours of fun...Thats the moments you remember when dating and learning. Keep it casual and enjoy...but remember it takes two to keep it casual

[johnson_j]

Thanks for feedback. Appreciate that. Any reach out from her way will be handled as a mate. Im not one to say NEVER, but to be realistic with how i feel. We can be mates. Too many other fish in the sea

 

 

Why would you want to be her mate? You're a MAN. You have wants and needs too. She seemed to use you for when SHE needed something, affection, attention, everything. You don't have to be rude, but I just wouldn't reply to her for a while. Sure it might be considered a game or whatever, but she needs to understand that you have respect and boundaries. She probably thinks you're sitting around pining for her at this point.

[ap10]

Why would you want to be her mate? You're a MAN. You have wants and needs too. She seemed to use you for when SHE needed something, affection, attention, everything. You don't have to be rude, but I just wouldn't reply to her for a while. Sure it might be considered a game or whatever, but she needs to understand that you have respect and boundaries. She probably thinks you're sitting around pining for her at this point.

 

I wouldnt be initiating anything with her. Went i said mate, i mean if she reached out i would just chat and say hello like you would to a normal mate (close or not so close mate). Im talking about when a little bit of time has passed. Would you not respond at all?? i understand if she tried to contact me in the next few weeks that it would be wrong. Normally you need a couple months to pass move on and you can have a friendly chat. I doubt she will be in touch this time, she did it once and she saw that i did meet her, but my reaction was blunt, explaining things dont work like this. i doubt she would think she can pull me back in

[Versacehottie]

Wanted to thank everyone that has followed, messaged and gave advice on this post.

 

Almost two weeks now since i last saw her when she supposedly wanted me back and told me how much she missed me after wanting to call it off. She did this 12 hours before a 4 day festival trip. I told her to go have a great time and call me on her return. Silence.

 

I saw her for the last time in the same spot we first met on our date. Having enjoyed the few months we had apart from the last few weeks of her being completely messed up i decided to write her a nice/no hard feelings message. This was purely done because i wanted too and not because i wanted a reaction.

 

My message to her:

 

Hello (her name), haven't heard from you in a while. Hope you're well. I think we realise that we cared for each other very much, but things weren't going to work out. We had an awesome couple of months, although we never got to finish suits dvd. I'll be downloading that! I'm sure you can tell, there is no hard feelings from my end anyway. We shared some great moments in a short amount of time and friendships are what count - genuinely enjoyed it x

 

 

I sent this last night to her. She has seen the message and has decided not to come back yet and probably wont. As i said, i have no expectations, but a truly mature person would have replied with something however short the message was.

 

 

I have moved on from this and happy they i ended it on a good note. Would be great to hear loveshack users last thoughts.

 

Sorry to hear that things ended. I think you handled this ending really well. She doesn't sound like she is best place--timing-wise or maturity-wise to be a good relationship for you now. One never knows what the future will hold. If you take the lessons you experienced with this situation and the grace and self-confidence you exhibited in many instances along the way, I think you will have lots of success romantically. Also handling the end like you did is pretty freeing, isn't it? I hope the next amazing person is just around the corner for you! Let us know updates if they happen (i kinda think you haven't heard last from her although I would recommend that if you are ready to move on-you should do it! she isn't showing good behavior for a relationship in near future). I don't think I would be friends with her now. Maybe in future later when you honestly don't have feelings for her anymore. Good luck with everything!

[ap10]

Sorry to hear that things ended. I think you handled this ending really well. She doesn't sound like she is best place--timing-wise or maturity-wise to be a good relationship for you now. One never knows what the future will hold. If you take the lessons you experienced with this situation and the grace and self-confidence you exhibited in many instances along the way, I think you will have lots of success romantically. Also handling the end like you did is pretty freeing, isn't it? I hope the next amazing person is just around the corner for you! Let us know updates if they happen (i kinda think you haven't heard last from her although I would recommend that if you are ready to move on-you should do it! she isn't showing good behavior for a relationship in near future). I don't think I would be friends with her now. Maybe in future later when you honestly don't have feelings for her anymore. Good luck with everything!

 

Thanks for the feedback. I did feel good after i sent it. It was mature for her to respond, or nice however you want to view it. I have moved on. I think in this situation, it is best to leave things for a while if you wanted to even try speaking as mate. I have already moved on and dating others, as you do.

 

The main lesson i learned from this was to never be pulled in by a female who is emotionally messed up. I kept it very casual for 2 months and she went all emotional making me feel guilty for not responding to her feelings fully and wanted things to happen fast in terms of sex/commitment and when i gave in....then she knew she had me! Dont let this happen!

[Andy_K]

The main lesson i learned from this was to never be pulled in by a female who is emotionally messed up. I kept it very casual for 2 months and she went all emotional making me feel guilty for not responding to her feelings fully and wanted things to happen fast in terms of sex/commitment and when i gave in....then she knew she had me! Dont let this happen!

 

There is no way to win with these types, which is why I recommended leaving once it was clear that's they way she was. You can only maintain things by playing the game until she eventually grows out of it, which could take years or never. If a girl is emotionally immature, look elsewhere no matter how great she seems.

[todreaminblue]

Should we still speak everyday via text/phone/email?

 

 

why not take it one day at a time no pressure or expectation other than what feels right to do......

 

 

 

Would it be wrong not to initiate if she doesnt for a day?

 

if you have a feeling something isnt right why not text and say hey how you feelin today? wait for a reply.....if she says hi back i dont feel so good ..or even i fel great guess what?...ask her if she wants to talk and give her a call if she does....if she doesnt let her know you are there if she needs to talk or share..... no pressure .....

 

 

Do i send her messages in the morning wishing her a great day etc

 

 

i think this is a sweet idea i am sure she will let you know if she prefer you not......most women who care wouldnt mind....

 

 

 

Do i wait for her to say lets meet up baring in mind she wants to invest time into friends? I dont want to initiate and push meetups, but dont want to not see her for more than a week.

 

 

when you want to meet say so...friends are important but so are you and so is she let her know you care...

 

 

 

Do i keep comms lighthearted as it were in the early days of seeing her?

 

 

you do what comes natural to you dont force something you dont feel or dont want to do dont be different be true to who you are.....get to know her and her comm style it will become easier.....

 

 

 

 

Do i just be normal self. Not needy, but caring and like to speak to her everyday. She is needy and has been for weeks, but only recently due to reasons above she has changed, so i just need to manage it appropriately.

 

 

she will let you know if you are communicating enough if she needs you do you want to be there if it is yes be there....be true to who you are let the rest fall in to place..text when you feel you need to, dont text when you dont feel a real desire to text...be true to you...and if she gets on with that person it wont fail......i wish you well....deb

[ap10]

Hi all,

 

2 weeks now since we left it on a good note via text.

 

She has just TEXT me saying 'Hey special face. I was just listening to a song and it made me think of you . I hope you're well x'

 

Guys, i am totally in friend zone in my mind, so i assume it is normal for me to go back in a nice matey way? BUT i just have this feeling shes after something again. The whole song reminds me of you bit etc :-/

[Andy_K]

Just be friendly. Essentially no point second guessing her intentions now anyway, so if you're fine with staying in touch on good terms then do so.

[ap10]

Just be friendly. Essentially no point second guessing her intentions now anyway, so if you're fine with staying in touch on good terms then do so.

 

Cheers Andy. Was hoping you would come back on this.

[ap10]

Just be friendly. Essentially no point second guessing her intentions now anyway, so if you're fine with staying in touch on good terms then do so.

 

Dropped her a message back when i got in from the office. I was friendly and messsaged her like you would do to a friend/mate. Asked her how she was and if work was going gd etc. Didnt refer to th song she spoke about and didnt talk about myself apart from that i'm good and that my new job is going well.

 

She hasnt responded. In-maturity coming through again...

 

For the benefit of future readers...

 

When you end things on good terms and you are happy to be mates, you would normally let some time go by before you say hello again. Its been 2/3 weeks since we ended things and she sends me a message about a song she is listening too and how it reminds her of me and that she hopes my job is going well. Thse can be signs that she still has feelings for me, hence why she hasnt responded back to my short friendly message. In this situation you leave it as you would with any other friend. I guarantee she will come back again, but is testing the waters. Funny that this happens after ive had a massive weekend partying (she can see this on social media) and now she wants to contact. Usual stuff again....

 

Shes looking to see if im still around, available to contact and maintaining the connection. Possibly even waiting for me to tell her ive missed her. Thats not happening...

 

Note: I will continue to provide updates on this and would still be great to see responses as i think the thread has been very popular and will be useful for future readers.