Had the chat, agreed to be exclusive. How to manage next stage...

[Gaeta]

ap10, just be yourself ok. Stop trying to manufacture this relationship.

 

Open up, express what you feel, express what you want, and let life unfold how it's suppose to. So what if she said that because she had a needy moment? Stop trying to figure out how she feels. Express how YOU feel and let the cards fall where they may. End of it. She stays good, she walks good. At least you will know where she and you stand.

[MidwestUSA]

Shall i say 'Whats this all about??'

 

Now you're right back to playing hard to get! Stop it!

[ap10]

Now you're right back to playing hard to get! Stop it!

 

oK guys. I will say

 

Why you missing me after our sunday convo? x

[Gaeta]

oK guys. I will say

 

Why you missing me after our sunday convo? x

 

*hitting head on keyboard*

 

Handle it as you see fit. Maybe you'll eventually learn. I am standing by for an update.

[CharlieFox]

Just go the Han Solo way and say "I know"...

[ap10]

*hitting head on keyboard*

 

Handle it as you see fit. Maybe you'll eventually learn. I am standing by for an update.

 

 

Message sent. if she really misses me she will respond. i will update IF i get a response

[martaldn]

*hitting head on keyboard*

 

.

 

hahahah!!

:laugh::laugh:

[Versacehottie]

She have now emailed me this morning:

 

'I miss you xx'

 

told you...i knew that wouldn't be the last you heard from her. She likes the push/pull. I think if you guys start dating it would be reasonable to expect more of this in your future. No judgement. Lots of people are like this--and it works.

 

I know you already texted her. I think part of what you said was fine. you should have said:

 

I miss you too but why are saying this after your decision on sunday.

 

Basically telling her that you still have feelings for her and putting her in her place if she is just jerking you around with her emotions. That in itself would be a pull back toward you since that works on those types of people, ie if she can jerk you around she'd be less interested and not likely to truly make a solid decision. So you got it half right. you missed the opportunity to be honest about your feelings, ie saying you missed her. Ok, let's see what happens. Good luck

[ap10]

told you...i knew that wouldn't be the last you heard from her. She likes the push/pull. I think if you guys start dating it would be reasonable to expect more of this in your future. No judgement. Lots of people are like this--and it works.

 

I know you already texted her. I think part of what you said was fine. you should have said:

 

I miss you too but why are saying this after your decision on sunday.

 

Basically telling her that you still have feelings for her and putting her in her place if she is just jerking you around with her emotions. That in itself would be a pull back toward you since that works on those types of people, ie if she can jerk you around she'd be less interested and not likely to truly make a solid decision. So you got it half right. you missed the opportunity to be honest about your feelings, ie saying you missed her. Ok, let's see what happens. Good luck

 

She hasnt come back yet. Do i follow up up with a second email and say.

 

...and i do miss you

[ap10]

told you...i knew that wouldn't be the last you heard from her. She likes the push/pull. I think if you guys start dating it would be reasonable to expect more of this in your future. No judgement. Lots of people are like this--and it works.

 

I know you already texted her. I think part of what you said was fine. you should have said:

 

I miss you too but why are saying this after your decision on sunday.

 

Basically telling her that you still have feelings for her and putting her in her place if she is just jerking you around with her emotions. That in itself would be a pull back toward you since that works on those types of people, ie if she can jerk you around she'd be less interested and not likely to truly make a solid decision. So you got it half right. you missed the opportunity to be honest about your feelings, ie saying you missed her. Ok, let's see what happens. Good luck

 

i followed up with a second email and said 'and yea i missed you too'.

[ap10]

Oh thanks... no need to be nasty AP! I do miss you, a lot! x

 

What do i say to this then?

[MidwestUSA]

She hasnt come back yet. Do i follow up up with a second email and say.

 

...and i do miss you

 

 

 

Well, wait. It's been all of a half hour! I have to ask, do you have OCD tendencies?

[Versacehottie]

hmmm, i would just leave it at this point and not say that. WHEN she gets back to you, sure fine to say something like that (well depending on what she says).

Honestly she is probably slightly freaking out and pissed because she thought what she said was sweet and nice (and that she would be able to get a good reaction from you). Via text the one you sent could come off as blunt and stubborn (without hearing your voice).

 

Some things are game playing, sure but this is a power play. Which is why i think you should have combined the sentence you said with i miss you too in moment of honesty and confidence. If you say it now after no response from her yet, it will be interpreted most likely as weakness. When she does get back to you, you can most definitely have an honest conversation of your real feelings in context.

 

But all that said, sometimes you just have to take a risk and lay it all on the table and there is no one perfect way to do it. My rec above is just what i believe is going on and longer term consequences of falling for her power play and emotional rollercoaster. If you reached out and said the "i miss you too" now, it could get the ball rolling again but it could be a short term thing. Another option is to let her know you miss her but that the back and forth doesn't work for you and basically she needs to deal with if you are going to date (worded better!).

 

But my best rec at this point is to wait for her response. She might say something out of anger--in which case you will have a chance to respond and clarify, missing her and your position on everything. Hang in there. This isn't over.

[ap10]

Well, wait. It's been all of a half hour! I have to ask, do you have OCD tendencies?

 

no i dont, i am just taking advice.

 

She came back immidiately after i wrote that.

[MidwestUSA]

Oh thanks... no need to be nasty AP! I do miss you, a lot! x

 

What do i say to this then?

 

'Well, let's get together and talk about it"

[ap10]

hmmm, i would just leave it at this point and not say that. WHEN she gets back to you, sure fine to say something like that (well depending on what she says).

Honestly she is probably slightly freaking out and pissed because she thought what she said was sweet and nice (and that she would be able to get a good reaction from you). Via text the one you sent could come off as blunt and stubborn (without hearing your voice).

 

Some things are game playing, sure but this is a power play. Which is why i think you should have combined the sentence you said with i miss you too in moment of honesty and confidence. If you say it now after no response from her yet, it will be interpreted most likely as weakness. When she does get back to you, you can most definitely have an honest conversation of your real feelings in context.

 

But all that said, sometimes you just have to take a risk and lay it all on the table and there is no one perfect way to do it. My rec above is just what i believe is going on and longer term consequences of falling for her power play and emotional rollercoaster. If you reached out and said the "i miss you too" now, it could get the ball rolling again but it could be a short term thing. Another option is to let her know you miss her but that the back and forth doesn't work for you and basically she needs to deal with if you are going to date (worded better!).

 

But my best rec at this point is to wait for her response. She might say something out of anger--in which case you will have a chance to respond and clarify, missing her and your position on everything. Hang in there. This isn't over.

 

Shes replied now. Probably during you writing this.

 

So midwest says to email and say 'well lets get together and talk about it'

 

What do you think?

[Versacehottie]

see i told you, she would interpret as blunt/nasty. Yeah, some version of well let's get together and sort out or do you want to figure it out? I'm not great with words but yeah that's the gist of it.

[ap10]

see i told you, she would interpret as blunt/nasty. Yeah, some version of well let's get together and sort out or do you want to figure it out? I'm not great with words but yeah that's the gist of it.

 

I have responded...

 

Let’s get together and talk about it then or did you want to figure it out? Just need to be clear with each other babe x

 

I dunno guys...i really dont trust her intentions here

[Versacehottie]

well she is showing you who she is. Not as a bad thing, just that she has a variety of emotions. What's great about these sorts of people is they are usually more affectionate, get closer easier and are just more passionate in general--it's exactly what is difficult about them too! But it is exactly what draws you to her. Just see what happens. You're in it now. You like her a lot so might as well see where it takes you. Ignoring your feelings isn't going to help either. Good luck

[Gaeta]

I have responded...

 

Let’s get together and talk about it then or did you want to figure it out? Just need to be clear with each other babe x

 

I dunno guys...i really dont trust her intentions here

 

That is why you are meeting. Both of you should drop this game playing. You go there and talk about the real things. Stop anticipating what she will think if you say this or that. Just be yourself and truthful. If she wants to play games then you can leave her playing games on her own.

[ap10]

Me:Let's get together and talk about it then or did you want to figure it out? Just need to be clear with each other babe x

 

Her: I definitely want to see you monkey and you know me, I don't really do talking about feelings...! x

 

Me: I know babe. We will need to have a chat tho.How you gona see me? x

 

Her: I'm away now until Monday monkey, so next week some time? xx I'm away now until Monday monkey, so next week some time? xx

 

Me: Ok yea thats cool x

 

So yea as i already knew, she is going away to a festival for 4 days. Why would she do this now and express nothing and say she doesnt like expressing feelings. Like why should i wait around because she wants to definitely see me 'sometime' next week?

[Eivuwan]

Argghh, OP you just don't get it. You need to stop worrying about your ego or the games won't stop. Stop worrying about getting hurt. If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out. It doesn't mean anything about you as a person. If you can have that mentality about relationships, they will go a lot smoother and there would be less anxiety. I also want to hit my head against the keyboard because you are still over-analyzing every situation and playing games. Do you really want this entire relationship to be this anxiety provoking and stressful or do you want it to be natural and comfortable?

[Eivuwan]

 

So yea as i already knew, she is going away to a festival for 4 days. Why would she do this now and express nothing and say she doesnt like expressing feelings. Like why should i wait around because she wants to definitely see me 'sometime' next week?

 

Don't you see what's happening? When she initiates you start doubting her and thinking about pulling away? Do you want to chase each other for the entire relationship and never feel secure with each other? I thought you wanted her back and now you don't?

 

Edit: And once again, we can't read her mind. Stop asking us about what she's thinking.

[Gaeta]

Me:Let's get together and talk about it then or did you want to figure it out? Just need to be clear with each other babe x

 

Her: I definitely want to see you monkey and you know me, I don't really do talking about feelings...! x

 

Me: I know babe. We will need to have a chat tho.How you gona see me? x

 

Her: I'm away now until Monday monkey, so next week some time? xx I'm away now until Monday monkey, so next week some time? xx

 

Me: Ok yea thats cool x

 

So yea as i already knew, she is going away to a festival for 4 days. Why would she do this now and express nothing and say she doesnt like expressing feelings. Like why should i wait around because she wants to definitely see me 'sometime' next week?

 

 

She is away, what did you want her to do or say? She said 'some time next week' to be considerate of your time as well. It was up to you to jump in and say 'you come back Monday I will let you rest, about Tuesday evening?'. Instead you went 'cool' you created this uncertainty yourself.

 

On a side note, I am dying to ask you something, just by curiosity. In what language 'monkey' is a term of endearment?

[ap10]

She is away, what did you want her to do or say? She said 'some time next week' to be considerate of your time as well. It was up to you to jump in and say 'you come back Monday I will let you rest, about Tuesday evening?'. Instead you went 'cool' you created this uncertainty yourself.

 

On a side note, I am dying to ask you something, just by curiosity. In what language 'monkey' is a term of endearment?

 

 

This one made me laugh. It's a pet name. She's been calling me that since day 1. I am currently near her office with mates. Told her I can see if she likes and has time after work. She's said ok. If not tonight I will see her next week.