Had the chat, agreed to be exclusive. How to manage next stage...

[allez102]

I believe she is doing the sensible thing. Her explanation of what she wants was option 2, but was happy to be exclusive me as she wanted it but so worried we couldn't be chilled and still take things slow. I told her I had nothing wrong with taking things slow. Yesteday a confirmed we bf/gf and not seeing anyone else. Just still along way to go and get to know each other more until we re full blown I guess. The labelling is annoying and does confuse things but it allows couples to break it down I guess.

 

My gut instinct is telling me you have nothing to be worried about here. Hope all goes well for you.

[d0nnivain]

NEXT STEPS...

 

Should we still speak everyday via text/phone/email?

Would it be wrong not to initiate if she doesnt for a day?

Do i send her messages in the morning wishing her a great day etc

Do i wait for her to say lets meet up baring in mind she wants to invest time into friends? I dont want to initiate and push meetups, but dont want to not see her for more than a week.

Do i keep comms lighthearted as it were in the early days of seeing her?

Do i just be normal self. Not needy, but caring and like to speak to her everyday. She is needy and has been for weeks, but only recently due to reasons above she has changed, so i just need to manage it appropriately.

 

Thank you

 

 

AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

There is nothing to manage. Just date her. Call when you like. Be real. Stop trying to orchestrate / plan everything. Go with the flow & love in the moment.

[ExpatInItaly]

AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

There is nothing to manage. Just date her. Call when you like. Be real. Stop trying to orchestrate / plan everything. Go with the flow & love in the moment.

 

This is excellent advice. OP, you need to unwind and enjoy it. Do what feels right.

[ap10]

OK people, so its been 6 days since the chat. Like i said in the initial post, things sparked we agreed to be exclusive. What happened next...

 

Monday (after our meet that night)

 

Text messages non stop, you could see we were in the moment back to normal. Kisses, cute, sexy all the flirting etc.

 

Tuesday

 

She txt first in the morning how i was after our night (we drank quite a bit) we continued emailing at work, not too much though, just keeping it casual. Few hours go by and she send me an email towards the end of the day saying 'You make me smile so much x' and i acknowledge and go back short and sweet. She text me later on at night and then messages stop, as we dont need to over do it.

 

Wednesday

Emailing again at work. We're being more casual, but flirting etc. Obviously more relaxed since our chat. Initiating is now 50/50, whereas most of the 2 months of seeing her it was her initiating.

 

Thursday

Emailing again at work, talking about going on holiday together sometime, not discussing when and then left it all night without a message. everything seems cool just not on top of eachother

 

Friday

Morning i email her telling her that i cant wait to see her next. She comes back imidiately and says 'i was just thinking about you. i wish i could see you this weekend! xx' We continue to chat and i tell her that if want to see this movie she has to get moving (film we want to see but havent gone yet). She says 'give me a date and lets go'. Told her i could do tonight or monday, she said lets do monday, but shes finishes work real late. She also said she wanted to see me sunday, but her and the house mates are having a party (didnt provide an invite to me, but its cool)

 

She was out with office last night (friday) and she calls me at 2am in the morning, whilst im asleep. I wake up to her missed call and a message from her friend on FB and her friend as also sent me fb friend request. They were both out together.

 

Saturday (today)

 

I call her about 10am she doesnt pick up, but returns the call at 11 (was asleep). We speak, laugh and joke as normal. She asks if i got the call and fb messages etc...laughing obviously. I was like yea i did. It was cool. She is out today at festival, i will be in a similar area. She initial said she and her friends might meet me and my friends, but then said they have afterparty to go to (but doesnt give location. She asks where i am going. I tell her we are not sure yet, but one of the location could be X. This turns out to be her afterparty location, which she just said she didnt know! Then shes like 'i dont want you to see me in a mess, dont go there'. I told her i dont know what we're doing and to relax. It's a festival, things get messy i get it. Been there and done it.

 

She is off to ibiza for a hen party on wednesday. I told her lets spend the night together before she goes away. She says thats going to be difficult. So we're supposed to be meeting on monday. I told her lets cancel this as its going to be late. Told her i could see her tomorrow round her for the party, she said ok come round for that. She said i couldnt stay though! Phone call ends nice as normal.

 

She send me a message after. Just general chit chat about feeling crap from drinking too much last night. I was out and didnt respond. She then sends another message later on asking what me and the guys decided to do later on tonight. Told her we are going with the flow meeting a crowd of friends. Shes obviously hung up on me seeing her in a state later on. She send me a photo of her showing me what she looks like and then i jokingly flirt and leave it at that.

 

Conclusion

We had the chat, got really close agreed to be exclusive based on the things in the inital post. The week has been fine, some emotional messages expressing feelings, but keeping it casual. No eager or neediness to meet up ASAP, but stating we wished we could see eachother (especially from her message on friday). Today shes avoiding/or doesnt want me to see her in a state not sure. I know she gets into a state as we similar convos at the start of the dating period where she said similar things (i would hate you to see me in the festival state etc). Sunday - she didnt initially invite me over to her party, but was happy for me to come over when i said that would be better for me to see her before ibiza.

 

So im getting some mixed signals here. This is a girl that was needy for most of our dating period 2 months and gave herself to me easily, and we have done everything a bf/gf. Our exclusive chat was good and allowed us to understand each other that we are happy with that, but not bothered if we dont see each other 1 week etc and that we dont pressure the relationship, but still express our feelings and get to know each other. My problem is that she is going away on holiday and will be away the week after again. Yes she is interacting and expressing feelings, but no eagerness to see me. Im cool and not reacting to it, but i want to understand if she is doing this TEST me early in this exclusive period or if she is playing games (if she is i think she will cave in as she has never done it till now) i think friends are feeding her info, which is expected.

 

Whats you're views? One of the lat posts said to give her time and believe what she said in your exclusive chat. She showed me all the right signs, wasn't faking it. In time she will be yours if you just keep calm.

 

Thanks

[GemmaUK]

Good grief!

 

Stop analysing!

 

She has a whole new life that she needs to spend some time on. It's a whole new adjustment for her. She needs some new friends..it's perfectly normal.

 

It doesn't mean she can't also have a relationship but heck you need to chill out!

 

I was going to post 'You'll smother her if you're not careful!' but honestly it sounds like you may already be doing that so she is pulling away.

Self fulling prophecy time....

[ap10]

Good grief!

 

Stop analysing!

 

She has a whole new life that she needs to spend some time on. It's a whole new adjustment for her. She needs some new friends..it's perfectly normal.

 

It doesn't mean she can't also have a relationship but heck you need to chill out!

 

I was going to post 'You'll smother her if you're not careful!' but honestly it sounds like you may already be doing that so she is pulling away.

Self fulling prophecy time....

 

Thanks for the response. Can you give an example of when i have smothered her?

 

I think im better of just doing what i did in first two months. Sitting back and let come on to me as she did.

[GemmaUK]

Thanks for the response. Can you give an example of when i have smothered her?

 

I think im better of just doing what i did in first two months. Sitting back and let come on to me as she did.

 

I didn't say that you had but you might have just by how you are behaving with her.

If you are analysing like this all the time it will be apparent in the way you are, body language, micro expressions, tone, everything.

[Versacehottie]

i don't think you've smothered her--yet. Just be careful because it's touchy subject to her. Meaning she was worried about creating her own life with friends, so you have to let her do that. Summer is a busy time and sounds like she has a fair amount going on. Just go with the flow. See her monday if the timing works out otherwise just let it be until she is back from spain.

 

If she has good intentions (i think she does), absence makes the heart grow fonder. If she is wishy-washy, unsure (i don't think she is), there's nothing you can do to change her state of mind nor would you want to. You're fine. Just enjoy it. Do stuff with your friends.

[ap10]

i don't think you've smothered her--yet. Just be careful because it's touchy subject to her. Meaning she was worried about creating her own life with friends, so you have to let her do that. Summer is a busy time and sounds like she has a fair amount going on. Just go with the flow. See her monday if the timing works out otherwise just let it be until she is back from spain.

 

If she has good intentions (i think she does), absence makes the heart grow fonder. If she is wishy-washy, unsure (i don't think she is), there's nothing you can do to change her state of mind nor would you want to. You're fine. Just enjoy it. Do stuff with your friends.

 

Appreciate that. Others have told me the same, but its just difficult to understand when some changes all of a sudden. I have been with many women and normally i would walk away and move on. However i like her alot, hence why i have used this website for the first time!

[ap10]

i don't think you've smothered her--yet. Just be careful because it's touchy subject to her. Meaning she was worried about creating her own life with friends, so you have to let her do that. Summer is a busy time and sounds like she has a fair amount going on. Just go with the flow. See her monday if the timing works out otherwise just let it be until she is back from spain.

 

If she has good intentions (i think she does), absence makes the heart grow fonder. If she is wishy-washy, unsure (i don't think she is), there's nothing you can do to change her state of mind nor would you want to. You're fine. Just enjoy it. Do stuff with your friends.

 

Although, do you know why she would be avoiding me staying at hers tomorrow? Is this so avoids getting too emotionally connected with me again?

[Versacehottie]

I don't think she's changed from what you have said--though I know if you are looking for it or sensitive about it on your end everything can start to feel like that. I think it's a busier week than normal and she is trying to make a solid friend life for herself like you guys talked about and take that space. Actually I would have a lot of respect for her for not caving and just being clingy as soon as she got you to commit. She sounds like she is a great catch from what you posted here. And all the things she is doing will set you guys up for longer term success.

 

Like I said before, I don't think it will take much more than a month for her to feel settled--with the house move, some new friends in rotation. Especially if you prove that this pace is fine with you. One of you will want to ramp it up. Because of how that convo went down, you have to let her be the one to do it. In a way make her come to you as you said--act fine with the pace. But I wouldn't do it in retaliation--your email/text/outings are going well at this pace so be receptive and fun. That always works.

 

Perhaps thinking about the reasons why this pace is good for YOU will help you be more comfortable with it. It's good trust.

[ap10]

I don't think she's changed from what you have said--though I know if you are looking for it or sensitive about it on your end everything can start to feel like that. I think it's a busier week than normal and she is trying to make a solid friend life for herself like you guys talked about and take that space. Actually I would have a lot of respect for her for not caving and just being clingy as soon as she got you to commit. She sounds like she is a great catch from what you posted here. And all the things she is doing will set you guys up for longer term success.

 

Like I said before, I don't think it will take much more than a month for her to feel settled--with the house move, some new friends in rotation. Especially if you prove that this pace is fine with you. One of you will want to ramp it up. Because of how that convo went down, you have to let her be the one to do it. In a way make her come to you as you said--act fine with the pace. But I wouldn't do it in retaliation--your email/text/outings are going well at this pace so be receptive and fun. That always works.

 

Perhaps thinking about the reasons why this pace is good for YOU will help you be more comfortable with it. It's good trust.

 

Thanks for that. Will take it easy and go with it. As I said supposed to be going to gets tomorrow, but I will let her get in touch as a reminder. Take it as it comes and give the space we agreed on

[ap10]

I don't think she's changed from what you have said--though I know if you are looking for it or sensitive about it on your end everything can start to feel like that. I think it's a busier week than normal and she is trying to make a solid friend life for herself like you guys talked about and take that space. Actually I would have a lot of respect for her for not caving and just being clingy as soon as she got you to commit. She sounds like she is a great catch from what you posted here. And all the things she is doing will set you guys up for longer term success.

 

Like I said before, I don't think it will take much more than a month for her to feel settled--with the house move, some new friends in rotation. Especially if you prove that this pace is fine with you. One of you will want to ramp it up. Because of how that convo went down, you have to let her be the one to do it. In a way make her come to you as you said--act fine with the pace. But I wouldn't do it in retaliation--your email/text/outings are going well at this pace so be receptive and fun. That always works.

 

Perhaps thinking about the reasons why this pace is good for YOU will help you be more comfortable with it. It's good trust.

 

Would appreciate you're thoughts on my new update post below?

 

Many thanks.

Edited July 15, 2014 by ap10

[ap10]

So we both went out partying on saturday night into sunday morning. At 5am in the morning I was drunk and called her. No pick up, but no biggy. (found out later she was still out partying with the girls)

 

As discussed with her on the saturday she said she would let me know what time she would be home on sunday from her friends so that I could go to hers for the World Cup party. Around 11am sunday few photos go up of my night and her own night on Facebook. I was busy on sunday, but could still spare a couple hours to go round to hers. I didn't get a call all day!

 

I hadn't contacted her.

 

Monday morning

Starting my new job today. I get a text from her in the morning saying 'good luck today' I reply with 'thanks'. We don't normally text so plain. She then replies back and says 'is everything ok? I didn't hear from you yesterday?' I told her all was fine and that I was out all day and asked how she was. She blanked me. Sounds like she was angry at something. I emailed her few hours later at work and I got a reply saying... 'I was kinda waiting for you to text yesterday. It was my only day to meet you and I can't meet tonight etc'. She then send another email saying 'I respect that I'm not making things easy for you with my busy schedule, but I wanted to see you yesterday. You would have made my happy if you texted. Few emails back and forth and I'm not reacting to It or getting angry, but telling her I genuinely was busy, but the problem is she said she was going to send me a text about the time for sunday. I already know how busy she is so I was being chilled and doing my own thing.

 

Emails continue and then we decide to meet after work to say go for 5 minutes. She's not letting it go about me not messaging her on Sunday. We are both working in the same city so it's convenient to meet (10 mins from each other). I get of the tube/metro and get a message saying 'I'm still shopping and havent found nothing so just head Home x' I call her and tell her I am 30 seconds away. She then says she feels like crap and looks really bad and doesn't feel good. I told her to relax. I told her I hadn't insisted on any meet up so far and now that I am 30 seconds away it to would be silly not to say hi before she goes to Ibiza. After a minute of yes no yes no I said don't worry ill head home.

 

Five minutes later I get a message 'please don't be mad at me ' then another message 'ahhh I feel bad now' 'you little $hit ' and then she calls me. I called her back and said what's up. She said come and see me. I ended up seeing her and I said do you want to get a coffee or something she said ok we ended up sitting for two hours drinking wine. Everything was normal, body language was was normal, our eye contact, touching all that fine. I could clearly see that she was really tired from the weekend and she told me she felt a little ill, not happy with her body and all this Ibiza and then a trip again next week was like too much going on and she needed a rest and it was getting to her. She said she was so angry yesterday because I didn't get in touch. We spoke it out and said it wasn't a big deal. We already said we were exclusive but wanted to be chilled about things. This contradicted it but I didn't really say much.

 

As we were walking to station holding hands (she initiated again tonight) she said she couldn't sleep much last night. Then she said she thought I went out partying met someone and forgot about her as I didn't message. I just shook my head and told her to stop being silly. Kissed her goodnight and arranged to see her on Sunday after Ibiza.

 

So was this the main issue? Was she playing hard to get and then as soon as I'm out for a night and then no text for a day she begins to wonder where I am and why I haven't called.

 

What's your thoughts on this? Why is she acting like this? Is she really trying to play hard to get, but is so bad at it? Or is just the busy schedule taking it's toll? If i go quiet it annoys her, but at the same time i am also being careful not to be over the top (not that this bothers me as i was never over the top throughout seeing her. She was always the one trying to get my attention)

 

Or is she insecure and has trust issues?

Edited July 15, 2014 by ap10

[Andy_K]

What are you playing at? You're trying way too hard to be cool, and you're not being remotely honest with her about your feelings.

 

She said she was upset you didn't get in touch on the Sunday. You tell US you were expecting her to contact you, but you tell HER you were busy and it's no big deal?

 

Instead you should have told her you were feeling the same way she was - waiting for a text or call that never came, and a bit upset that you didn't get to see each other. Then you could share the blame and both have a laugh about how rubbish you are at communicating, but at least know you're both on the same page.

 

You need to open up more before you cause more problems.

[darkmoon]

i find her confusing...i see a mixed message

 

to her, 100% committment is taboo as she likes to do her own thing but you are expected to be there on her behest, she wants freedom, some anyway, while you are not sure how to keep in her good books as such freedom as you took on sunday to her are objectionable

 

why are you letting her do this?

[ap10]

What are you playing at? You're trying way too hard to be cool, and you're not being remotely honest with her about your feelings.

 

She said she was upset you didn't get in touch on the Sunday. You tell US you were expecting her to contact you, but you tell HER you were busy and it's no big deal?

 

Instead you should have told her you were feeling the same way she was - waiting for a text or call that never came, and a bit upset that you didn't get to see each other. Then you could share the blame and both have a laugh about how rubbish you are at communicating, but at least know you're both on the same page.

 

You need to open up more before you cause more problems.

 

Fair enough i could have said that you are right. Although Andy, i am reluctant to express any more as i already told her i wanted to be exclusive (i think you already my first post for this thread). You know that we both agreed and wanted to be exclusive, but wanted to take it easy and not get carried away. As you know 2 months of the relationship was non-stop her being needy and me being cool.

 

I want to understand if she really doesnt want to take it easy or if she is doing this to see my reaction and see if im gona walk away or express my feelings even more.

 

For example. During our evening i told her i missed her, and as usual she smiled and look into my eyes knowing she was happy i said that. At the end of the the night i told her to message me when shes home. Didnt get one, so i thought i would drop her a line. She replied with 'yeah '. It seems as if she is emotionally unavailable or she is being very distant at times, but then SO CLOSE at times.

 

Some of her actions show lack of interest (im sure mine do aswell), but then at times she just OPENS up and caves in, like her anger yesterday for me not texting. Like im confused. I want to just leave it and not even contact her until sunday, but i guess that would wrong.

 

Your thoughts would be appreciated Andy

[ap10]

i find her confusing...i see a mixed message

 

to her, 100% committment is taboo as she likes to do her own thing but you are expected to be there on her behest, she wants freedom, some anyway, while you are not sure how to keep in her good books as such freedom as you took on sunday to her are objectionable

 

why are you letting her do this?

 

 

Yea i agree with you. We had the exclusive chat (as per my first post of this thread). We agreed on everything. She is going through a time where we wont be seeing eachother all the time, the house move, holiday and then another holiday. However in these times you would expect some excitement in our texting, phone calls etc. This has gone, but when we meet up face to face everything is perfect.

 

As its been one week since the chat i am letting it go. However in 2 weeks when all holidays and parties are over i will let her know that her actions are not normal if you want to take steps in the relationship. She told me last night that her friends are adding me on FB as she has told them about our exclusive chat and that we are official.

 

I just dont know whether to say good morning, good night or say nothing right now. BUT when i dont say nothing it comes off NOT normal?!

[darkmoon]

Yea i agree with you. We had the exclusive chat (as per my first post of this thread). We agreed on everything. She is going through a time where we wont be seeing eachother all the time, the house move, holiday and then another holiday. However in these times you would expect some excitement in our texting, phone calls etc. This has gone, but when we meet up face to face everything is perfect.

 

As its been one week since the chat i am letting it go. However in 2 weeks when all holidays and parties are over i will let her know that her actions are not normal if you want to take steps in the relationship. She told me last night that her friends are adding me on FB as she has told them about our exclusive chat and that we are official.

 

I just dont know whether to say good morning, good night or say nothing right now. BUT when i dont say nothing it comes off NOT normal?!

 

so have a regular meeting slot, friday thru to sunday morning, saturday til monday, idk, sundays only, i would offer her either a one or two day choice, she can set the pace

 

and have mutal agreed good nights or mornings greetings, or regular midweek chats on skype maybe

 

i know this all sounds like it lacks spontenaiety, but you avoid misunderstings, and i might add, dramas, i can not see that the problems she brings up are brought up in an emtional torrent, good luck with that, sorry

[Andy_K]

Fair enough i could have said that you are right. Although Andy, i am reluctant to express any more as i already told her i wanted to be exclusive (i think you already my first post for this thread). You know that we both agreed and wanted to be exclusive, but wanted to take it easy and not get carried away. As you know 2 months of the relationship was non-stop her being needy and me being cool.

 

I want to understand if she really doesnt want to take it easy or if she is doing this to see my reaction and see if im gona walk away or express my feelings even more.

 

For example. During our evening i told her i missed her, and as usual she smiled and look into my eyes knowing she was happy i said that. At the end of the the night i told her to message me when shes home. Didnt get one, so i thought i would drop her a line. She replied with 'yeah '. It seems as if she is emotionally unavailable or she is being very distant at times, but then SO CLOSE at times.

 

Some of her actions show lack of interest (im sure mine do aswell), but then at times she just OPENS up and caves in, like her anger yesterday for me not texting. Like im confused. I want to just leave it and not even contact her until sunday, but i guess that would wrong.

 

Your thoughts would be appreciated Andy

 

Her words, for the most part, are chosen carefully. There is a very good chance she tries to tailor what she says and does to match what she thinks you want. Start paying less attention to what she says, and more attention to how she feels.

 

Start thinking like a girl!

 

For example, do you think she was mad you didn't text her on Sunday? No, not quite - she was actually mad that you didn't care enough about seeing her or hearing from her to text her that day. That's what was going on in her head, and that's why telling her you didn't because you were busy still left her angry. It's why explaining that you were thinking the same as her might have diffused it.

 

For every crazy irrational thought and question about her behaviour that pops into your head, she probably has a dozen about yours

[ap10]

Her words, for the most part, are chosen carefully. There is a very good chance she tries to tailor what she says and does to match what she thinks you want. Start paying less attention to what she says, and more attention to how she feels.

 

Start thinking like a girl!

 

For example, do you think she was mad you didn't text her on Sunday? No, not quite - she was actually mad that you didn't care enough about seeing her or hearing from her to text her that day. That's what was going on in her head, and that's why telling her you didn't because you were busy still left her angry. It's why explaining that you were thinking the same as her might have diffused it.

 

For every crazy irrational thought and question about her behaviour that pops into your head, she probably has a dozen about yours

 

Thanks Andy.

 

So do you think this girl is most likely not playing a game? Her actions are telling me NO. Ive date many girls before and i know the signs of not interested or seeing someone else. She would avoid holding hands, she wouldnt talk about the future (which we did yesterday), she wouldnt accept to see me on sunday, she wouldnt look into my eyes the way she does and so on.

 

I have always been in cool in this relationship, but now i told her i wanted to take the next step, i would love to send her a note in the morning or night. I mean i did this on friday morning last week and she gave me as good as i gave her.

 

Shall i drop her something sweet now at work via email?

[ap10]

Thanks Andy.

 

So do you think this girl is most likely not playing a game? Her actions are telling me NO. Ive date many girls before and i know the signs of not interested or seeing someone else. She would avoid holding hands, she wouldnt talk about the future (which we did yesterday), she wouldnt accept to see me on sunday, she wouldnt look into my eyes the way she does and so on.

 

I have always been in cool in this relationship, but now i told her i wanted to take the next step, i would love to send her a note in the morning or night. I mean i did this on friday morning last week and she gave me as good as i gave her.

 

Shall i drop her something sweet now at work via email?

 

Anymore opinions on my post?

 

Thanks

[Andy_K]

It sounds like she's genuinely into you. I don't think you have much to worry about.

 

It's likely you'll have to take all the steps towards wherever you want things to go between the two of you, so just test the waters every now and then and escalate things. If you want to send her something that you think will put a smile on her face, go for it. The best time to do things is face to face though, so you can get a much better feel for her reaction, so save the more important stuff for then.

 

There are a few more subtle things you can do as well. Like the way you phrase things... Saying every now and then "I'd like to see you on xxx" is a bit different to "are you free on xxx?"

[ap10]

It sounds like she's genuinely into you. I don't think you have much to worry about.

 

It's likely you'll have to take all the steps towards wherever you want things to go between the two of you, so just test the waters every now and then and escalate things. If you want to send her something that you think will put a smile on her face, go for it. The best time to do things is face to face though, so you can get a much better feel for her reaction, so save the more important stuff for then.

 

There are a few more subtle things you can do as well. Like the way you phrase things... Saying every now and then "I'd like to see you on xxx" is a bit different to "are you free on xxx?"

 

 

Cheers Andy. I sent her an short and sweet email at work, but i think shes ignoring. Definitely still annoyed. I guess her worries about me seeing someone else has not gone away. I dont normally do this, but i have had some flowers sent to the office with a sorry message and wishing her a great holiday. (she goes away in the morning). I guess if she doesnt even respond to this then i can start to tone it down completely. Although it seems like she wouldnt want me to do that.

[ap10]

It sounds like she's genuinely into you. I don't think you have much to worry about.

 

It's likely you'll have to take all the steps towards wherever you want things to go between the two of you, so just test the waters every now and then and escalate things. If you want to send her something that you think will put a smile on her face, go for it. The best time to do things is face to face though, so you can get a much better feel for her reaction, so save the more important stuff for then.

 

There are a few more subtle things you can do as well. Like the way you phrase things... Saying every now and then "I'd like to see you on xxx" is a bit different to "are you free on xxx?"

 

 

So she got the flowers. I received an email from her straight away.

 

Her: 'They are the cutest thing in the world thank you! I am blushing at work! xxxxx You are the cutest xxx

 

 

I was out in the evening and night, but dropped her a goodnight message telling her i would call before she catches her plan tomorrow.

 

I texted in the morning asking if she was awake, she reponded 'Hello love ' - shes only recently started calling me 'love'. Not sure if i i like it.

 

Anyway, called her and she picked up straight away, eating her breakfast getting ready to go away. We had a nice chat. Speaking on the phone with her baby voice as usual. Wished her a great holiday and said i'll call her on Sunday morning.

 

Conclusion: Her actions when with her still show shes fully into me, her emails when i initiate this week still show shes into me, but the mixed signals are still very annoying and the real girl i know who was all over me in the first 8 weeks is not there. We are aware why and that shes going through a stressful time and has holidays. I just want to understand if she is simply doing this because: 1)shes stressed/needs to invest more time in her new house/friends as discussed in our chat when we became exclusive 2) to play hard to get and treat me like i did in the early days of dating 'hot and cold' testing whether i will stick around or 3) is there something else causing it, someone else lingering?

 

Us having the exclusive chat and acting the way we do when face to face doesnt really lead to option 3, it's simply when we are not together that communication is dry one day and then up the next day....its as if we are distant or she is waiting for me to initiate all the time in the recent week. How much time do i give her until i tell her that her mixed signals do not fit in us being exclusive and taking the next step in weeks to come. Its only been 10 days since we had the exclusive chat so i know its early. I know she has 2 trips in 10 days to get over and the summer period is busy. I am also busy, but i have taken the natural step to invest more into her after a 3 months of seeing her. She invested everything in first 2 months and then her personal life or insecurity caused her to reduce this. Shes just emotionally unavailable at times, but then holds my hand and clenches so hard not to let go when walking down a city road.

 

Is this just her going through the motions, knowing she invested so much, let hear guard down so much (and i didnt) then as soon as i give her that comfort she begins to lift her guard and TEST, but give off a vibe where she is sometimes so CLOSE to me, but then when im not with her, still always contactable and responsive, but feels distant? AND when i go out with my friends and dont contact the next day, she gets angry and thinks i might have met someone else!?! Surely when you go exclusive things should naturally get better? its as if she doesn't believe/trust me

Edited July 16, 2014 by ap10