It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Been thinking about you all day...they next while is going to suck donkey balls...it just will...so sorry. Just that I would tell myself take it one day at a time. Don't worry about what you can't control. I gave my friend this advice recently, I am recycling for you. Get up and get dressed everyday. Do something everyday, work, exercise, play with your kid...everyday, Go to bed and get up at the same time everyday. See a doctor to get RX stuff to help you if you need it. Eat small meals, drink water and not too much beer. Put one foot in front of the other .... everyday, pretty soon, you will notice the sun is shining, or the smell of the first fire in a fireplace, or the first snow (not sure where you live so insert regional weather change smell here), you will laugh at something and you will cry less, and you will realize you are getting better. Post, and we will talk you through it. Rev will tell you to get leopard print undies (or something) and you will get virtual anonymous hugs. ((Hugs)) IIWII 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RightThere Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 I'm just going to post it here so that I don't say it to my STBXW: A drunk and an old guy who can't even get it up. That is who you are leaving me for. I have no words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 I'm just going to post it here so that I don't say it to my STBXW: A drunk and an old guy who can't even get it up. That is who you are leaving me for. I have no words. Clearly she has no taste. Clearly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
revitup Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Rev will tell you to get leopard print undies (or something) and you will get virtual anonymous hugs. ((Hugs)) Nope.....Leopard Print Banana Hammock! Or Burger King Banana Hammock..."Home of the Whopper" on em'! Hang in there buddy- I have seen it go like this for years and then get really bad! No,you will start seeing results more and more-If you DECIDE to do so.I feel for you. REVITUP 3 Link to post Share on other sites
revitup Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 If it makes you feel any better,my STBXWW is probably WORSE than yours! I just don't care about looking for the bad stuff for fear of losing my own sanity! The nasty ones like this are very good at making you look bad!Don't sweat her bad choices-just do what you already know to do. REVITUP Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Hey RT, I'm just catching up on your situation. I am SO sorry you are having to endure this pain. I've been wrapped up in my own latest mini derailment with the STBXH. I did not always take good care of myself. I let myself go many years ago. What I have found lately is that I want to please myself. I want to be physically and mentally healthy. People assume it is because my marriage is over, so I'm getting ready to market myself again. Oh HELL no! I am rediscovering myself - parts of me that I stifled for the past 32 years to fit into his expectation of me. Every time (and I mean EVERY TIME) I feel down, I pick one thing that I want to do for myself and I promptly do it - whether it is treating myself to something, or reading a book I've always meant to read, or taking a drive to a park and walking on a nature trail. I don't know what men do to treat themselves, but I'm telling you, it is liberating to put yourself first once in awhile and do something nice for yourself. A tiny, tiny part of me feels selfish sometimes because it is out of character for me to put myself first, but then I usually see a post from beenkilled flash through my brain and I realize I am worthy! You verbalizing that she left YOU for a drunk and an impotent old man is a damn good start! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 While I was typing that last post, STBXH walked in my room and said "the A/C isn't working". In the past, I would have gone down to perform my little process of shutting down the thermostat, shutting off the breaker, waiting a minute, then powering it all up again - a process he's seen me do no less than 50 times, but can't seem to grasp it. This time I said "Oh good! The power bill will be less this month!! I was hoping my last power bill in this house would be less!" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RightThere Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 While I was typing that last post, STBXH walked in my room and said "the A/C isn't working". In the past, I would have gone down to perform my little process of shutting down the thermostat, shutting off the breaker, waiting a minute, then powering it all up again - a process he's seen me do no less than 50 times, but can't seem to grasp it. This time I said "Oh good! The power bill will be less this month!! I was hoping my last power bill in this house would be less!" Awesome. Tonight she was getting ready to go running. I've kept my conversation to a minimum. She started asking if I knew where the earbuds were. I'm sure I could have found them, but I just said "no". Reached out to a bunch of old friends tonight to tell them the news. Every one said "let me know of there is anything I can do". I told them I'll just need to get out of this house now and again and I'd be hitting them up. I'm about ready to cry some more, but I will get through this too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I think you are getting the right idea... One word answers are appropriate now. No need to fix a thing for her - she can figure things out herself. Have you moved money into your name only yet? Closed credit cards so you aren't any longer responsible for her spending...? Make an appointment with an attorney. It's time to start building your NEW life!!! You need to get moving! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RightThere Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 you will laugh at something and you will cry less, and you will realize you are getting better. I thought of this last night because it was my first reaction to laugh, and I haven't laughed in a while. My wife was out and I was putting away laundry. She's sleeping in the other room and I went in there to put away something. I saw that she had started a new diary. I figured, why not. A bunch of stuff but the part that caught my eye was "What if I'm pregnant? It's possible." So I quickly started doing some math in my head, and yeah, based on when we were having sex there is a chance. I talked to her about it this morning and it's something she is worried about now too. So she's off to the clinic today. Might be too early to get anything definitive, but I do not think I could make this stuff up if I wanted to. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I thought of this last night because it was my first reaction to laugh, and I haven't laughed in a while. My wife was out and I was putting away laundry. She's sleeping in the other room and I went in there to put away something. I saw that she had started a new diary. I figured, why not. A bunch of stuff but the part that caught my eye was "What if I'm pregnant? It's possible." So I quickly started doing some math in my head, and yeah, based on when we were having sex there is a chance. I talked to her about it this morning and it's something she is worried about now too. So she's off to the clinic today. Might be too early to get anything definitive, but I do not think I could make this stuff up if I wanted to. And IF she's pregnant - what IF it's not your child? If nothing else - a paternity test is in order once that's feasible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RightThere Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 And IF she's pregnant - what IF it's not your child? If nothing else - a paternity test is in order once that's feasible. It would be mine. The other guy currently in the picture had a vasectomy long ago. And timing wise, it would be me. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 It would be mine. The other guy currently in the picture had a vasectomy long ago. And timing wise, it would be me. That's a huge assumption. You believe everything others tell you? And who's to say your wife isn't capable of things she never intends to tell you. Paternity test IF she's pregnant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Holy cow. I agree with others....if she's pregnant you have to get a paternity test. If only to be sure....really sure...cause frankly with her history I would double check if she said the sky was blue. And for crying out loud Grasshopper, please listen to us this time? Please? So bike riding? Going good? Raining here today but have been seeing tons of bikers getting their bike on before winter. I live on a hill known for being a bikers challenge. So I see lots of bikers every day. What else are you doing today? Ps. I am going to tell you to stop doing her laundry. Yours, household, child laundry ok, but hers should be left for her to do, IIWII 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RightThere Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 Holy cow. Yeah. I know. This was not planned because I originally thought while we were having sex we were outside of the pregnancy window. Nothing yet to indicate one way or another, just the timing is a concern right now. What a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 So did you not notice that I was distracting you??? Come on....you can do it...talk about something non affair, non unplanned pregnancy....cut yourself some slack. I don't know football but I Google if you prefer... Iiwii Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Yeah. I know. This was not planned because I originally thought while we were having sex we were outside of the pregnancy window. Nothing yet to indicate one way or another, just the timing is a concern right now. What a mess. Doesn't change things all that much. If she's pregnant and she proves it's yours - you can be a parent to the child without being married to her. No sense in even considering staying married to someone who states that they intend to divorce you. The outcome is: You still agreed to divorce She may have another child with you She may have another child with someone else who is the father She may not be pregnant at all Just the fact that you may wonder is enough to understand she's not trust worthy. Have you filed for D yet? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RightThere Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 So did you not notice that I was distracting you??? Come on....you can do it...talk about something non affair, non unplanned pregnancy....cut yourself some slack. I did notice, but this will be on my mind for the coming days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RightThere Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 Just the fact that you may wonder is enough to understand she's not trust worthy. Have you filed for D yet? I don't actually wonder. But yes, my track record here is less than stellar. I have not filed yet. I was planning on using one lawyer, us agreeing to everything, and just separating to keep the legal fees low. Until this pregnancy thing is known, I've put a temp hold on it just because if she is, we'll need a new game plan. If she's not, I will initiate the divorce right away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RightThere Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 Just the fact that you may wonder is enough to understand she's not trust worthy. Have you filed for D yet? I don't wonder, just to be clear. But I know my track record here speaks for itself. Haven't started divorce yet. The plan was to use one lawyer, agree on our own to what we want, and have them file it to keep it cheap. If we start to disagree on things, then we'll get separate lawyers. But because of the possible pregnancy, I'm holding off. Because this is a huge issue that would change plans. If she's not, then I'll get moving on divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 But because of the possible pregnancy, I'm holding off. Because this is a huge issue that would change plans. How? Would you actually stay with her - for the next 20 years - because she was pregnant? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I don't wonder, just to be clear. But I know my track record here speaks for itself. Haven't started divorce yet. The plan was to use one lawyer, agree on our own to what we want, and have them file it to keep it cheap. If we start to disagree on things, then we'll get separate lawyers. But because of the possible pregnancy, I'm holding off. Because this is a huge issue that would change plans. If she's not, then I'll get moving on divorce. The fact that you don't wonder is concerning. You have a gal that's checked out of your M for a long while now - and you're going to assume if she's pregnant that it's yours? And you would actually stay married to a woman when she states clearly that she has no love for you and intends to divorce you? Possible pregnancy does NOT mean it is YOUR child! Ad even IF it is - no reason to raise a child within a loveless marriage - talk about showing the kid a bad example of love... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RightThere Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 How? Would you actually stay with her - for the next 20 years - because she was pregnant? Mr. Lucky During the pregnancy? Possibly. I honestly don't know right now. I can tell you I'm not making any long term plans right now. Just taking each day as it comes. Before this bit of news, I can tell you I had planned to get the legal proceedings rolling today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RightThere Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 The fact that you don't wonder is concerning. You have a gal that's checked out of your M for a long while now - and you're going to assume if she's pregnant that it's yours? And you would actually stay married to a woman when she states clearly that she has no love for you and intends to divorce you? Possible pregnancy does NOT mean it is YOUR child! Ad even IF it is - no reason to raise a child within a loveless marriage - talk about showing the kid a bad example of love... I know how this all looks. But if the manual is out there for this situation, I'm all for reading it. All I'm saying right now it that no one is getting kicked out until we know what is going on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I know how this all looks. But if the manual is out there for this situation, I'm all for reading it. All I'm saying right now it that no one is getting kicked out until we know what is going on. Lets be fair...you didn't plan to kick your W out. And IF you intend to know what's going on - get a paternity test as well as a polygraph. This woman has been blowing smoke up your a$$ for a long while...and you tend to believe what you want to believe - not what the evidence shows you. Get proof and evidence on everything - because she tends to with hold her truth from you unless she HAS TO give it. Link to post Share on other sites
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