Here goes

[RightThere]

she tends to with hold her truth from you unless she HAS TO give it.

 

I totally agree with you. I know she intends to leave me for this other current guy. And he is now in the loop on the possible pregnancy, which I'm sure he is telling my wife "of course I'll stay"

 

Doesn't matter. The only thing I'm planning for right now is to find out if she's pregnant. If no, then I know exactly what I'm doing.

 

If yes, I have not even contemplated what we'll do. I won't worry about "what if's" until I need to.

[RightThere]

I don't even know what to say (and you know how rare that is)

 

All I can do is just shake my head. I mean seriously...you just can't make this **** up!

 

Yeah. I know. I'm actually living this.

 

I'm estimating "know for sure day" is early next week.

 

And in case anyone is wondering, terminating is not an option (for both of us).

[revitup]

Yeah. I know. I'm actually living this.

 

I'm estimating "know for sure day" is early next week.

 

And in case anyone is wondering, terminating is not an option (for both of us).

 

Not to be funny but how do the OTHER GUYS feel about this?

 

If I were caught impregnating another man's wife and I thought the other man would go for anything,I would say "Not mine...I had a vasectomy".

 

Brother I mean this with all honesty-you are being played like a STRADIVARIUS!

 

Telling her to find her ear buds aside,what victory do you really see here? What makes you feel abused,anything? I made a fool out of myself because nobody else saw what I saw thus making me question myself and let the STBXWW off the hook too easy.You have people and FACTS screaming at you.

 

Go for it if your heart is there but know that your manhood is paying a great penalty for that decision.

 

I hope you the best.I'm out.

 

REVITUP

[RightThere]

what victory do you really see here?

 

I can tell you there is no "victory" scenario. There is just a bad situation, and a bad situation.

 

Go for it if your heart is there but know that your manhood is paying a great penalty for that decision.

REVITUP

 

Not sure what you mean by "go for it". I'm not going for anything. I'm waiting to find out some news. Based on that news I will need to decide what to do next.

[RightThere]

1) I don't think anyone here would suggest termination.

 

I just wanted to put that out there. Although I will say over the last 24 hours, the thought had entered my mind.

 

2) I have a sneaky suspicion that you may just be a teeny weeny hopeful that she is pregnant.

 

I won't lie. I'm 99% hopeful she is not. The 1% is just the thought of another child that enters my mind now and again, but I know this situation will just get more f****d up if she is.

 

Although a new baby might keep you two together for the time being........you will most likely be miserable in the end. Think about it, you'll never feel trust with her again and unfortunately trust his a huge issue in a marriage. Once broken it's pretty much an uphill battle.

 

I totally agree with you on this. Although I don't want to go too far down the "what if's" trail, it would be to help through the pregnancy, birth, and then we'd have to figure out what to do after that.

[Misadventure]

During the pregnancy? Possibly. I honestly don't know right now. I can tell you I'm not making any long term plans right now.

 

Just taking each day as it comes. Before this bit of news, I can tell you I had planned to get the legal proceedings rolling today.

 

RT, I am really sorry. No one can make this decision for you but you but realize you shouldn't be trapped in unhappiness and a land of no trust for many yrs to come..there are many options.

 

We are all here if you need to vent or tell us all to STFU. Do things at your OWN pace. But also go with your gut and brain. You should put YOU first as well, you can still be a father without having to be married.

 

You don't have to make any decision now but know we all care.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Any reason why you are not checking on pregnancy now? Why the wait?

 

Seems suspicious.

[RightThere]

Any reason why you are not checking on pregnancy now? Why the wait?

 

Seems suspicious.

 

Oh no. She is at the clinic right now. I think the earliest they can usually detect is 6 days early with a blood test. We're right there and drug store tests might not pick up anything.

 

But believe me. We are trying to find out.

[RightThere]

With all the chaos, I forgot to mention one other thing I found in the new diary.

 

Not only was my wife cheating on the other guy (short fat drunk guy) with another guy (old can't get it up guy) but he confessed that he was cheating on her too.

 

They are going to be soooooooo happy together.

[2sunny]

Even IF she's pregnant - YOU are crazy to think that your serial cheating wife may be carrying your child.

 

And don't mistake tests - the drug store version detects early! And I'd watch her take the pee test! She's made herself not one but believable.

[2sunny]

I'm beginning to wonder about who would put up with a woman such as her...

 

It just seems unbelievable unreasonable - no matter if you love someone or not - she's stated she doesn't want you - so what's the point in being with her? To be more miserable and unloved? To show kids how to stay married when there's no love?

 

It's a piss poor example to portray to kids.

[vla1120]

RT, none of this new information should change your course of action. Let me share with you a few "It's a Wonderful Life" scenarios, in case you are contemplating staying and wonder about the affect this might have on your children:

 

I have three daughters, 29, 24, and 17. Two of them have anorexia. I always blamed ballet, but they stopped dancing years ago, so their disorder has nothing to do with dance and everything to do with trying to be in control of something in their lives.

 

All three daughters are on anti-depressants and have been since they were in their early teens (if not earlier). My youngest has such severe anxiety, I keep a prescription of Ativan on hand for her in case she has an episode. These are bright, beautiful young women with so much to offer. They just don't realize it because of the chaos in which they were raised - because I stayed - because I was 7 months pregnant 17 years ago (almost to the day) when his affair with my best friend was revealed by my 5-yr-old daughter, at the time.

 

All three daughters have had very dysfunctional relationships with guys. They wouldn't know a decent guy if one was dropped in their lap. In fact, many have - those are the guys they kick to the curb because they are "too nice" and "pushovers". Why is this? Because I LET them grow up in a chaotic household where they watched their father verbally abuse and belittle me. They grew up thinking that is what a relationship should be.

 

If you won't get the hell out for yourself, think of what your children are being exposed to. It's better to be a single parent in a stable household than married parents in a household full of chaos, resentment, and uncertainty. Trust me on this, RT.

Edited September 11, 2013 by vla1120

[2sunny]

Is she pregnant?

[Mr. Lucky]

Oh no. She is at the clinic right now. I think the earliest they can usually detect is 6 days early with a blood test. We're right there and drug store tests might not pick up anything.

 

But believe me. We are trying to find out.

Have you asked her what she plans to - living space wise, relationship wise, etc. - if pregnant with your child?

 

Mr. Lucky

[2sunny]

Have you asked her what she plans to - living space wise, relationship wise, etc. - if pregnant with your child?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Or another man's child? It could actually be a number of men who COULD be the father...

 

But I'm getting the feeling this H will stay no matter what her situation is - as long as there is some reason to have her stay with him.

[RightThere]

Is she pregnant?

 

So far, negative. But won't know for sure until early next week (hopefully).

[RightThere]

Have you asked her what she plans to - living space wise, relationship wise, etc. - if pregnant with your child?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

We're not even going down that road yet. Some thoughts go through my mind on it but I'm definitely making sure that I don't get too deep in thought until we know.

[RightThere]

But I'm getting the feeling this H will stay no matter what her situation is - as long as there is some reason to have her stay with him.

 

I once was blind, but my eyes are open wide now.

 

We are not going to stay married. Regardless.

[RightThere]

As for a formal update.

 

So far negative on the pregnancy. However it's still early and I probably won't know anything until next week (hopefully early next week).

 

And I am done with her. It's taken me too long, but I can now see all of the lies she's put forward. In the two months since she wanted to separate, I know of only two days (and that's probably a stretch) where she was actually committed to working things out and getting rid of these other guys.

 

But the rest was all a crock. Her and her current guy are all ready to move in together, be in love, and I could care less. It is a train wreck of epic proportions and I will just run away.

 

We had our last counselling session last night. She wanted to have it to kind of mediate us and get advice on what to talk about with our daughter. She's also wanting to "introduce" this new guy into our daughter's life and wanted advice on how to handle that. She knows that it is way to early for that and should do it very slowly over time. If that happens, I don't know, but that is out of my control.

 

It's funny because what she is doing is a carbon copy of what her mother did to her. And neither of them can see it. I'm not even interested in pointing it out to her because I don't care. I'll just be involved in my daughter's life and see how it goes.

 

We've opted for a mediator instead of lawyers initially. Much cheaper to start and I think we pretty much agree on most things how to separate.

 

Going to see a family doctor today, get a sleeping aid (it's been pretty bad the last few days) and set up individual counselling for this week as well.

[Misadventure]

I'll just be involved in my daughter's life and see how it goes.

 

We've opted for a mediator instead of lawyers initially. Much cheaper to start and I think we pretty much agree on most things how to separate.

 

Going to see a family doctor today, get a sleeping aid (it's been pretty bad the last few days) and set up individual counseling for this week as well.

 

I think this is a good idea. I am so very sorry you are going through this.

 

But you deserve way better, and yeah, counseling just for you will help.

 

There is a natural vitamin/herbal sleep aid from Andrew Lessman called night time pm.. it helps and its all natural. Works pretty good without a groggy feeling in the morning.

[2sunny]

I'm sorry for your realization.

 

It's been obvious she wasn't working on the M - and trying to get you to see that has been a challenge.

 

I hope you will take action to move forward from her mess. When you start doing that - is when you will rest easier.

 

Get the D filed. She wants that D? Make her move TODAY!

[RightThere]

I'm sorry for your realization.

 

It's been obvious she wasn't working on the M - and trying to get you to see that has been a challenge.

 

I hope you will take action to move forward from her mess. When you start doing that - is when you will rest easier.

 

Get the D filed. She wants that D? Make her move TODAY!

 

Yeah. It's been a joke and I was just getting a smoke and mirrors show thinking I knew what was going on.

 

Not filing divorce yet. We're going to go through a mediation first to try and keep this cheap and quick.

 

I've already started severing any joint accounts, etc.

[Mr. Lucky]

We had our last counselling session last night. She wanted to have it to kind of mediate us and get advice on what to talk about with our daughter. She's also wanting to "introduce" this new guy into our daughter's life and wanted advice on how to handle that. She knows that it is way to early for that and should do it very slowly over time. If that happens, I don't know, but that is out of my control.

Ugh. She used your last counseling session to discuss smoothly transitioning to her relationship with the OM?

 

Look up the word "Cold" in the dictionary, her picture will be there...

 

Mr. Lucky

[2sunny]

She wants out - why not make her move today?

[RightThere]

Ugh. She used your last counseling session to discuss smoothly transitioning to her relationship with the OM?

 

Yeah. I know.

 

I'm playing it cool for now, but I could see the expression on our counselor's face. "Are you out of your f*****g mind?"

 

This new relationship has disaster written all over it. He left his wife for my soon-to-be-ex-wife. He is a short, fat, drunk loser. Even when they first got together, my wife told me he said to her "I don't want kids". And now he's ready to take in a 4 year old and a possible baby that's not his?

 

It's not an if, but a when this goes off the rails.