Jrnameloc Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 your right i have to accept we are no more, i just really dont want to leave it on this bad terms, do you think she will forive what i said earlier on? How long have you been in NC now? I suppose i ended a relationship with a really nice girl for this realtionship, just have regrets at the moment. Wish I could answer that question for you, but I am not her, so I can't really assume anything where she is concerned. Guess it just depends on what kind of person she is and if she wants to carry that unforgiveness around with her. Can tell you from experience that when my ex and I tried to communicate right after the initial breakup it was ugly. Emotions were flared and we had no patience with each other. I highly suggest that you just go NC for a while and see how you feel afterwards. Time away really makes you see things more clearly, well it did for me. I really thought my ex was sunshine and roses, but over a year later I remember him more as thorns and thunderstorms. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 Since Dec 2012...I was a wreck in January..Ive been totally over it for a few months now..I can sit and watch her blow a guy in Macys window and I woudnt care one bit..I took control..I am better than she is...eff her. Now she is trying to get back..She is being coy about it now..Its a matter of time when she is going to get hysterical or crazy..I dont hate her, I do wish her all the best..in a way I am glad she "set me free"..I have met some great women that really outshine her since then and while I am not looking for anything serious now its been smooth sailing.. You'll get there, but you have to let go..She is just a woman..They all have tits and a pussy. I am not saying thats all you look for in a woman, but I think a lot of guys get hung up on this and make their exes look like Wonder Woman or something. TFY Congrats mate, that is such a long time. Why is it the dumper always seems to come back when the other person moves on? Did you think she would ever come back? yup i think im idolizing her a little bit, she had her flaws like everyone else, there is another girl who could be interested, should i consider it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 Wish I could answer that question for you, but I am not her, so I can't really assume anything where she is concerned. Guess it just depends on what kind of person she is and if she wants to carry that unforgiveness around with her. Can tell you from experience that when my ex and I tried to communicate right after the initial breakup it was ugly. Emotions were flared and we had no patience with each other. I highly suggest that you just go NC for a while and see how you feel afterwards. Time away really makes you see things more clearly, well it did for me. I really thought my ex was sunshine and roses, but over a year later I remember him more as thorns and thunderstorms. :-) Yes your right, she is a hot headed individual and very cold, so id say after a few weeks she will be over it. I get you, it seems to be going fine then one sentence and bang she ends up giving out and stop talking to me then. Ya everyone is advising time as a great healer, i do feel better than last month, but would still do anything to make it work. there is another girl who could be interested, should i consider it? does none of you miss him no? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 Im very sorry, your words have been a huge help to me, im sorry if it doesnt feel like that. I just dont want her to hate me, maybe she will calm down in a few weeks and forget about it. I'm gonna try no contact for two months and take small steps at a time. maybe should just get another girl. Don't put a time limit on it. Just go NC until you are settled down and can handle any sort of communication without freaking out or overanalyzing. It will probably take far longer than two months. But you need to stop being in contact immediately. Every time you contact, you get further down in this cycle of s--t you are in. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 This is so drama filled. The best thing is just to cut it off, so you don't even worry about how to respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 Don't put a time limit on it. Just go NC until you are settled down and can handle any sort of communication without freaking out or overanalyzing. It will probably take far longer than two months. But you need to stop being in contact immediately. Every time you contact, you get further down in this cycle of s--t you are in. ya your right im going to go as long as possible with two months being a minimum, id love to talk to her again someday, she was a really big positive in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 This is so drama filled. The best thing is just to cut it off, so you don't even worry about how to respond. yup correct im nt gonna talk to her again unless there the words i want to hear or that im over her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 Two really good friends got back with their exs after two and six months yesterday. Suppose it fills me with false hope. Its 4 days NC and i do feel better but mornings are just so tough. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Getting back together and staying back together are two different things. Remember that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 Getting back together and staying back together are two different things. Remember that. Yup agreed, i think the couple that waited 6 months will though, wouldnt have much hope for the two month one lol Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 ya your right im going to go as long as possible with two months being a minimum, id love to talk to her again someday, she was a really big positive in my life. The only confident time limit to NC is indefinite. There is no magical time limit. Go NC "until you are ready for communication." I have some serious issues with NC and how it is encouraged to be used on LS. For healing, absolutely, but people have all kinds of other reasons to go NC that just seems counter-intuitive (a personal story in the making). Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 The only confident time limit to NC is indefinite. There is no magical time limit. Go NC "until you are ready for communication." I have some serious issues with NC and how it is encouraged to be used on LS. For healing, absolutely, but people have all kinds of other reasons to go NC that just seems counter-intuitive (a personal story in the making). Take care. Yup your right, im on 4 days now but finding it really tough. I get you, people using it to win her back, i wish you the best of luck with your story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 she texted me there but im going to ignore it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 she texted me there but im going to ignore it. Now you're learning. Good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 Now you're learning. Good for you. Thanks mate, she can go away and her guilty conscience, if she wants me she knows how! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 15, 2013 Author Share Posted July 15, 2013 6 days NC, going to a concert tonight that she bought the tickets for me for my birthday, ugh Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2013 Share Posted July 15, 2013 6 days NC, going to a concert tonight that she bought the tickets for me for my birthday, ugh Bring a friend, have a good time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 15, 2013 Author Share Posted July 15, 2013 thanks you are right, i went and although it was brilliant, it was full of couples. i dont know what was wrong with me, became really emotional because wanted her there, then our song came on and it hurt really badly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 16, 2013 Author Share Posted July 16, 2013 howver its a week NC now and getting much easier to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 everyone knows mt story, BU about 5 weeks now, just after getting a text from her, "i miss you" what do i say? Link to post Share on other sites
AllTooWell Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 (edited) nothing. that's a breadcrumb! Unless she is saying "I ****ed up and I want you back" she is just messing with you. She JUST wants the ego boost of knowing you miss her too. If you reply it will set you back, and she has no intention of getting back with you. Delete it, turn your phone off, go for a run. Do NOT reply!! I'm reading your other thread now just to make sure that this is what you should do, and so far I still believe it is. She chose to go off and have fun being single. This was her decision, she has to live with it. Sucks that she misses you, maybe she should've thought of that before. I know it's really hard especially when you still love and care for her, but the longer period of NC you have the better chance of reconciliation. Keep ignoring until she comes right out and says she wants you back. Edited July 17, 2013 by AllTooWell 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 nothing. that's a breadcrumb! Unless she is saying "I ****ed up and I want you back" she is just messing with you. She JUST wants the ego boost of knowing you miss her too. If you reply it will set you back, and she has no intention of getting back with you. Delete it, turn your phone off, go for a run. Do NOT reply!! thanks mate i didnt reply, never thought she would play games Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 18, 2013 Author Share Posted July 18, 2013 she rang, i answered, she told me she loves me, always has, was just annoyed with me, misses me and has been so depressed last few weeks, and wants to meet tomorrow to fix things, im gonna get my heart broken again tomorrow arent i? Link to post Share on other sites
justletgo07 Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 thanks mate i didnt reply, never thought she would play games I don't think it has to be spun into something devious or manipulative. I don't think she's "playing games." She may, very simply, just miss you. You were a big part of each others' lives, and I imagine that the fact you're not there anymore is hard. "Breadcrumbs," as they are called, are not always some intentional, well-thought-out attempt at an ego boost. Dumpers are human too, and they have feelings and weak moments just like anyone else. The thing that makes it hard is what it means and what it doesn't mean. You can take her text at face value: she misses you. I don't doubt that she does. What I doubt is that she has changed her mind. If you text her back, she will likely feel relieved, especially if you reciprocate. It will remove the emotional distraction she is experiencing from missing you, and she'll likely feel better about going back to whatever she was doing before. In doing so, is she intentionally trying to keep you on the hook/back burner? Not necessarily. She's likely thinking more immediate: "I miss him. I hope he misses me too. I'll tell him I miss him and see if his response makes me feel better." Your decision on this should not be based on what it means or doesn't mean, but what you want and what you can handle. Can you respond and just let it be what it'll be? If you respond and you get to talking, are you prepared for her to share some sort of new life detail that will make you jealous or hurt your feelings? Are you ready to hear that she is, for the most part, perfectly dandy without you and feels good about her decision? Just wanted to provide a another perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
justletgo07 Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 she rang, i answered, she told me she loves me, always has, was just annoyed with me, misses me and has been so depressed last few weeks, and wants to meet tomorrow to fix things, im gonna get my heart broken again tomorrow arent i? I think you should ask her why, and ask her what has changed. I think you should tell her that you're not interested in going through this process again, so you'd like to know why she thinks you won't. You have the opportunity to set things at your pace. If she doesn't like it, you'll be no worse off than you are now. Link to post Share on other sites
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