NomiMalone Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 I think getting professional help is a great idea also. It's not pathetic or weak at all, in fact it takes guts and wisdom to seek help! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 26, 2013 Author Share Posted July 26, 2013 Thanks everyone for the kind words, i just didnt want to come across as weak. my two best friends are not in the country and the rest would only laugh so i have noone to talk to. Im going to make the appointment today for sometime next week hopefully.i just need something to calm me down and i cant stop thinking about her and worrying whats she doing and cant help but being upset when she doesnt make contact Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 26, 2013 Author Share Posted July 26, 2013 sorry everyone she is home today, and she hasnt made any contact since her drunken call, i think im going to text her and ask can we talk? i know yee will all think its a bad idea but that do i have to lose really. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 sorry everyone she is home today, and she hasnt made any contact since her drunken call, i think im going to text her and ask can we talk? i know yee will all think its a bad idea but that do i have to lose really. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You need to stop doing this s--t. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 What do you think it will accomplish to call her? The answer is nothing good, but think about this for yourself. What do you really hope to get from talking to her? Link to post Share on other sites
happydate Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 sorry everyone she is home today, and she hasnt made any contact since her drunken call, i think im going to text her and ask can we talk? i know yee will all think its a bad idea but that do i have to lose really. I read your original post and read all replies. You should listen to them cause they all come from wisdom. Don't call her mom, manipulate her etc trying to get your ex back. It doesn't work and it's plain childish. You're so young. You know what! When I was younger and dating, I was like you -- trying to get exes back or kept exes that weren't meant for me for years. We are all meant to get into trial relationships so we are prepared for "THE ONE". Lessons we learned from the first few girlfriends are to make us smarter and better to deal with "THE ONE". They are not meant to last forever. She's your trial run. Please don't spend too much time with a trial runner, cause you ain't going to get any younger dude. When you do get into your 40s, because all that time were spent, not by healing yourself and moving on, but by longing for your exes and trying to get back into failed relationships, all you are going to realize is your options for a 40 or 50 year old will be another 40 to 50 year old with so much nasty baggage they carry that you wished, you would have just next all your exes, heal and date new ones in the hopes that the one will be there. Don't waste your time. Your youth doesn't last. I'm speaking from experience and I hope you won't repeat what I've gone through myself. Link to post Share on other sites
NomiMalone Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 DO NOT call!!! No good will come out of breaking NC. I've read numerous posts on here in which people have said breaking NC takes them back to break up day #1 again. Its like taking 2 steps forward, 2 steps back. Delete her number and her email address. I know it's hard, but it will be for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 27, 2013 Author Share Posted July 27, 2013 i didnt contact her and im beginning to see she will never come back, i feel slighty better Link to post Share on other sites
NomiMalone Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 Well done! I know how excruciatingly difficult it is not to text/call. You should be proud of yourself, as you've just saved yourself a whole heap of further heartbreak! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 27, 2013 Author Share Posted July 27, 2013 thank you i was just feeling very weak and she probably would have ignored it anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 Good job. I know it's hard. You keep wanting to hold out hope that if you could just talk to the person, it could be like old times. It's better to accept that it's over than to call her and feel worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 27, 2013 Author Share Posted July 27, 2013 I didnt text her but i was talking to her friend heres the convo, make of it what you will: Me do you mind me asking will she ever talk to me again? i dont mind the drunk call. Friend: she just needs you to give her space, dont text her because she wants to be alone. Me: yup i know i just miss talking to her friend: I know that but you have to give her that Me: Ya i know just weird how she can be so cold Friend: if it doesnt happen neither of yee will be able to move on me: does she miss me? Her: im sure she does but she knows its for the best for now if yee two have some space Me: i know id just love to see her again, i know that wont happen. Her: just see what happens in time, just focus on yourself for now Me: I know just i love her for years, i know we were young, maybe she just needs to be single to know Her: seriously just take some time and give some space, den yee will both know. Good?Bad? Like a few responses. Link to post Share on other sites
LordSquidworth Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 hey everyone you all probably think im pathetic and weak but im going to go get some professional help. I just cant get my head round the situation and cant get how she can go without making any contact. Im in bed all day today crying all the time i cant stop, getting sick everytime i think of her and no appetite. Im usually a very strong person, so i dunno whats happening me, and im sorry for being such a wuss. Are you trying to contact her? That would probably be why. I'm going through my own situation. She asked for space/time. Took me a couple weeks to realize, you have to give them what they ask for. In the meantime, you have to fix yourself. I haven't read all your posts, just some at the beginning and end, but that's what you need to focus on. Yours said you guys were in a boring routine. So make yourself not boring. Don't chase after her, let her come to you while you focus on yourself. Go out, have fun, do things. Admit the old relationship is dead. You want the person. She broke up with you, so if you have any hope, she has to chase you. Guys in longer relationships tend to misplace their balls, so make sure to find them and re-attach them. The "let her come to you" line I got from an old lady I work for. Give her exactly what she wants. I went into NC for 1.5 weeks then sent her an apology email addressing every detail for why she broke up with me and worked on myself. Three weeks later, she calls me everyday. The only reaching out I've done is to send flowers once in awhile (I wasn't sweet enough, so it's a way to show I'm working on myself). One of your earlier posts said you guys were going to go on a date, but she felt "rushed." I've heard that line a few times, so even when she reaches out to me, I know when to say goodnight. I myself really don't like playing games, but she dumped you, and she's going to have to come back to you. The more you chase her, the farther she'll go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 27, 2013 Author Share Posted July 27, 2013 Are you trying to contact her? That would probably be why. I'm going through my own situation. She asked for space/time. Took me a couple weeks to realize, you have to give them what they ask for. In the meantime, you have to fix yourself. I haven't read all your posts, just some at the beginning and end, but that's what you need to focus on. Yours said you guys were in a boring routine. So make yourself not boring. Don't chase after her, let her come to you while you focus on yourself. Go out, have fun, do things. Admit the old relationship is dead. You want the person. She broke up with you, so if you have any hope, she has to chase you. Guys in longer relationships tend to misplace their balls, so make sure to find them and re-attach them. The "let her come to you" line I got from an old lady I work for. Give her exactly what she wants. I went into NC for 1.5 weeks then sent her an apology email addressing every detail for why she broke up with me and worked on myself. Three weeks later, she calls me everyday. The only reaching out I've done is to send flowers once in awhile (I wasn't sweet enough, so it's a way to show I'm working on myself). One of your earlier posts said you guys were going to go on a date, but she felt "rushed." I've heard that line a few times, so even when she reaches out to me, I know when to say goodnight. I myself really don't like playing games, but she dumped you, and she's going to have to come back to you. The more you chase her, the farther she'll go. thanks man, did she dump you? mine said she fell out of love but took it back when drunk. im trying give her space but she hasnt made any contact since that night which is over a week ago, do you think its possible to get her back? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 I didnt text her but i was talking to her friend heres the convo, make of it what you will: Me do you mind me asking will she ever talk to me again? i dont mind the drunk call. Friend: she just needs you to give her space, dont text her because she wants to be alone. Me: yup i know i just miss talking to her friend: I know that but you have to give her that Me: Ya i know just weird how she can be so cold Friend: if it doesnt happen neither of yee will be able to move on me: does she miss me? Her: im sure she does but she knows its for the best for now if yee two have some space Me: i know id just love to see her again, i know that wont happen. Her: just see what happens in time, just focus on yourself for now Me: I know just i love her for years, i know we were young, maybe she just needs to be single to know Her: seriously just take some time and give some space, den yee will both know. Good?Bad? Like a few responses. Not good. The friend is basically telling you to back off in a nice way. So back off. And don't talk about it with her friends anymore -- it's manipulative. Just change the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 If someone needs space, do not contact. She will not be ready to hear what you have to say if you do contact her. When she initiates contact, she is testing the waters. She is more emotionally ready to see you then. She may never contact you, and that is okay. You will have to live with that. Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 If you don't mind me asking, how old are you OP? You really do remind me of myself. I went through the same circular thoughts of "She'll never be back." and "Will she be back?" I stayed NC the entire time and was beaten senseless by the people here who talked me off the ledge multiple times. Now I'm not saying what happened to me will happen to you, but what I am saying is doing what I did will put you in the best situation for you. Worry about yourself! She may be back. My ex (well then ex) came back. I wasn't trying to have her come back. I'd gone NC and stayed it for a long time. Blocked her off the face of the earth. Was going to the gym, going to counseling, changed up my style, and as cliche as it is. I really was doing it for me. I always wanted to be with her, but was willing to accept the fact that if she didn't want to be with me. She wasn't going to be with me. Case closed. After enough time this was the reality I needed to accept. I learned a lot about relationships while out of mine that I feel much happier in the new relationship that we've started. She came to me and has had to prove she's worth the second chance I've given her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 well been a couple of days off this, im feeling much better and beginning to realise i did nothing wrong, not my fault she wants to go out and be single and young. The mornings are still hard, does everyone feel like that? my friends are around a lot more and we are hanging out a lot more, i just have been offered my dreamjob with one the biggest companies in the world and i was getting a bit of attention from a girl today! saw her family in the car today except for her, gave them a big wave and a smile. i know there is much darker days to come, but heres to a small victory. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xXCountryXx Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Success makes them jealous and regret more than space. I harassed you earlier, but work on improving you and you'll hook someone more worthy. Link to post Share on other sites
NomiMalone Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Good on you! It sounds like you have turned a corner. Keep doing what you're doing, and things will only get better in time, even with the inevitable ups and downs.* For me, evenings are the worst, as I'm too busy rushing around getting ready for work in the mornings to think! Congrats also on the dream job! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 Thanks everyone im elated about the job. Funnily the title of this thread was will space make he realize? its beginning to make me realize instead, if days keep going like they are, i dont think id even take her back if she came, no room at the moment! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Quick Update: Won BIG money today so happy out. caught a glimpse of her facebook by accident today when looking at a friend on his computer, hurt a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
jayhawk566 Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 Whatever hurt you doesn't matter right now. Let it go. Its no use to get upset about it. Won't change a thing. Stay away from FB as much as you can. I read through this and sounds like your doing better though. Good job! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted August 1, 2013 Author Share Posted August 1, 2013 thanks mate i have actually deleted my fb! its been two weeks no contact, and im feeling much better, if she comes back she does, if she doesnt there is a life to be lived and i wont waste it. i dont know if this high is only temperorary before a big low, but im liking it. i get to hang with my friends way more, get to watch and do what i want without being nagged, i miss the company though, but my thinking of her has gone down to maybe 20% of my day from 95% lol. Link to post Share on other sites
jayhawk566 Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 I'm struggling on not trying to think about her as much. I'm maybe at 80%. But I'm getting there, slowly haha... Link to post Share on other sites
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