Consolidated discussion - The Friend Zone

[USMCHokie]

I don't know. I think it's kind of like the "Nigerian Prince" scams. No one forces you to send them ten thousand dollars, but they shouldn't be asking (with an elaborate lie) for it in the first place.

 

Double blame.

 

Why not? For as much right as they have to ask, I have the same right to say no thanks.

 

That's probably the best response to the let's just be friends line. "No thanks." It's direct, honest, and courteous enough. I don't know why people get so spun up about this...

[fortyninethousand322]

Why not? For as much right as they have to ask, I have the same right to say no thanks.

 

That's probably the best response to the let's just be friends line. "No thanks." It's direct, honest, and courteous enough. I don't know why people get so spun up about this...

 

I think it displays moral bankruptcy. If you concoct an elaborate hoax to scam someone out of lots of money it's wrong. I wouldn't do it, and I would look down upon anyone who did.

 

Not all friendzoning is like that though. Some friendzoning is just one person has romantic feelings and the other has only platonic feelings and it's never going to change. Another kind (which is analogous to the Nigerian Princes) is when one party deliberately uses the supposed "friendship" and the other parties feelings to curry favors or gifts or other things.

 

Doesn't absolve the party who gives those things, but it doesn't absolve the party who asks either...

[USMCHokie]

Doesn't absolve the party who gives those things, but it doesn't absolve the party who asks either...

 

I can certainly see how it can be a manipulative tactic used by one party to gain favors from the other party; and it's all the more reason to not associate with that party. There is evil in the world; that will never go away. The best thing you can do is simply avoid it.

[Mme. Chaucer]

You deny it because women are rarely put in the friendzone. It happens almost exclusively to guys.

 

It certainly exists.

 

You know what? It happens, but it's not really a thing. But you fellows on the Interwebs have made it into one. And you keep supporting and increasing this mythology. I guess the reason is to, once again, blame girls or the world at large for your struggles in your personal lives.

 

Whatever "it" is, it happens to girls plenty. Have you ever heard the cliche, "one of the boys"? That is a classic. It refers to girls who like boys but who are always regarded as a buddy rather than a potential romantic interest. This wasn't just in the "olden days." It's now. Like the lyrics in this Katy Perry song:

 

Cause I don't wanna be one of the boys, one of your guys

Just give me a chance to prove to you tonight

That I just wanna be your homecoming queen

Pin-up poster dream, not one of the boys

 

I wanna be a flower, not a dirty weed

I wanna smell like roses, not a baseball team

And I swear maybe one day

You're gonna wanna make out, make out, make out with me

 

Of course, you won't acknowledge that it's not something girls "DO" to boys, but simply a situation where a person wants a romantic liaison with somebody who's not interested, because you guys are so attached to having excuses and blaming.

 

It's super annoying, but the bottom line is that you are ALL sabotaging your chances of getting anywhere besides where you are right now when you buy into your stories.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Whatever "it" is, it happens to girls plenty. Have you ever heard the cliche, "one of the boys"? That is a classic. It refers to girls who like boys but who are always regarded as a buddy rather than a potential romantic interest.

 

Pretty funny how the last woman who said that to me I pretty much fell in love with and she rejected me hard. True story.

 

What she said, verbatim "That's why no boys like me. I'm one of the guys."

 

What she meant, "No super hot guys like me and will treat me nice. You and the other guys I rejected this year don't really count as men."

[Els]

Pretty funny how the last woman who said that to me I pretty much fell in love with and she rejected me hard. True story.

 

What she said, verbatim "That's why no boys like me. I'm one of the guys."

 

What she meant, "No super hot guys like me and will treat me nice. You and the other guys I rejected this year don't really count as men."

 

Yes, because the ONLY reason ANYONE would reject you was because they were holding out for a 'super hot guy'...

 

Most of the men who have complained about the friendzone have rejected girls' advances as well. Because they were too old/fat/loud/etc.

 

Really just sounds like another twist to the 'My preferences are okay but everyone else's is unrealistic' dead horse...

[Mme. Chaucer]

Pretty funny how the last woman who said that to me I pretty much fell in love with and she rejected me hard. True story.

 

What she said, verbatim "That's why no boys like me. I'm one of the guys."

 

What she meant, "No super hot guys like me and will treat me nice. You and the other guys I rejected this year don't really count as men."

 

Probably, what she meant was, "the guys I like never like me."

 

The whole part about you and the other guys not counting as men? The "super hot guys"? You made that up. What is the point in doing that?

[USMCHokie]

The whole part about you and the other guys not counting as men? The "super hot guys"? You made that up. What is the point in doing that?

 

To emphasize his perception of how important looks are in dating.

[Titania22]

So if a guy is in the fz and she IS attracted to him that would mean there's something about his personality that turns her off. So if there's something about his personality that she doesn't like why would she even stay friends?

Most people have average personalities. I'd say I have a slightly above average personality, factoring in depth and humor. I know men with less personality and more personality than I do who have gf's. Looks are very important to women, they just aren't "allowed" to say it.

 

The answer to this, is that there is a difference between what i will accept in a friend and what i will accept in a lover. For example with my smoking and drug use example, i don't have to make out with my friends, or necessarily even meet them ever, because most of my friends are through online gaming. So I can very easily only interract with them when they aren't doing those things or when those things aren't having an adverse reaction to my experience. It's very easy for me to just say, 'I have to go', if I am getting annoyed by there behaviour.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Probably, what she meant was, "the guys I like never like me."

 

The whole part about you and the other guys not counting as men? The "super hot guys"? You made that up. What is the point in doing that?

 

The POINT is that it's bad taste to whine about how bad your luck is when you are rejecting other people.

 

When a woman says that "She's just one of the boys. No boys like me." but she's rejecting men, you don't think that's disrespectful to the men she's rejecting.

[Els]

The answer to this, is that there is a difference between what i will accept in a friend and what i will accept in a lover. For example with my smoking and drug use example, i don't have to make out with my friends, or necessarily even meet them ever, because most of my friends are through online gaming. So I can very easily only interract with them when they aren't doing those things or when those things aren't having an adverse reaction to my experience. It's very easy for me to just say, 'I have to go', if I am getting annoyed by there behaviour.

 

Pretty much.

 

Some of my male friends are (or would be) awful bfs in my opinion. Pick one: They constantly talk about other women while in a R, or apply double standards to women they are in relationships with, or can't do any housework if their life depended on it, or have failed several consecutive years in college, or smoke, or don't believe in marriage, or... Well you get the drift.

 

But you don't have to deal with all that when you're friends with someone. My friend can sleep around with women all he likes while claiming he wants a virgin bride. Doesn't bother me. If he was my bf? He'd be left at the far end of a dust trail.

 

Honestly, to the people asking SJC's question: Don't you folk have ANY more requirements for a gf than a friend? Really, not at all? Let's assume you're a believer in marriage or at least LTRs. This person is supposed to be a potential LIFE partner. And you only impose the same personality requirements on them that you do on a friend?

 

I'm mind-boggled.

[Els]

The POINT is that it's bad taste to whine about how bad your luck is when you are rejecting other people.

 

You need to copy and paste this on literally all the complaining threads around here, then, if you don't want to be a bloody hypocrite. Because even SD rejected an obese girl recently.

[joystickd]

That's not really true, JS. Sometimes, it's worthwhile to "accept friendship." I hope you can distinguish between a person who just wants to be around guys who are mooning over her for an ego boost, and someone who you'd value in your life, and who'd value you in hers, but just not in a sexual or romantic way.

 

It bums me out, reading all this crap about the stupid "friend zone." I deny its existence!

I had a real bad experience attempting to be friends with someone I was interested in more. Considering the area I'm most of the women use it as an ego boost to have guy they have told "let's just be friends" hanging around. It's just a personal rule of mine now for it to be either you are interested in me or nothing at all. I have learned that once I have an interest in someone it's best for me not to settle for friendship as the consolation prize.

 

I do have female friends but they were women I have never thought of in an interest more than friendship.

[JuneJulySeptember]

You need to copy and paste this on literally all the complaining threads around here, then, if you don't want to be a bloody hypocrite. Because even SD rejected an obese girl recently.

 

Go for it.

 

Knock your socks off.

 

And while your at it, put yourself in the shoes of liking some guy a ton, and then him rejecting you, and then him saying "No girls like me."

 

BTW, I have condemned men here the same for being shallow. You just see what you want to see.

[Els]

And while your at it, put yourself in the shoes of liking some guy a ton, and then him rejecting you, and then him saying "No girls like me."

 

Why would I need to put myself in those shoes? I've been in them. It's okay, it happens. People only see what they want to see, as you said. The same goes for both genders.

 

BTW, I have condemned men here the same for being shallow. You just see what you want to see.

 

A quick glance through your posting history confirms otherwise.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Why would I need to put myself in those shoes? I've been in them. It's okay, it happens. People only see what they want to see, as you said. The same goes for both genders.

 

Oh yea?

 

Specifics.

 

How long ago? How much did you like him? How badly did he reject you and what did he say to disrespect you?

[Els]

Oh yea?

 

Specifics.

 

How long ago? How much did you like him? How badly did he reject you and what did he say to disrespect you?

 

I was 16, and I crushed on him for a year. That possibly explains how much I liked him.

 

Does it matter whether or not he was cruel, other than he complained to me multiple times that no girls liked him? I did not think we were talking about methods of rejection here, simply the dynamic of a person rejecting someone while claiming that nobody liked him/her.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I was 16, and I crushed on him for a year. That possibly explains how much I liked him.

 

Does it matter whether or not he was cruel, other than he complained to me multiple times that no girls liked him? I did not think we were talking about methods of rejection here, simply the dynamic of a person rejecting someone while claiming that nobody liked him/her.

 

Right. It was bad taste of him, and it was bad taste of the woman who did it to me.

 

I f@cking see these things because they ALL have happened to me. So I make sure I will never do them to anybody else.

[USMCHokie]

I was 16, and I crushed on him for a year. That possibly explains how much I liked him.

 

Does it matter whether or not he was cruel, other than he complained to me multiple times that no girls liked him? I did not think we were talking about methods of rejection here, simply the dynamic of a person rejecting someone while claiming that nobody liked him/her.

 

Did he know you liked him and affirmatively rebuffed your advances...?

[Els]

Right. It was bad taste of him, and it was bad taste of the woman who did it to me.

 

I f@cking see these things because they ALL have happened to me. So I make sure I will never do them to anybody else.

 

I don't blame him. It wasn't really under his control. Yeah, the 'no girls like me' part was just blind and crappy, but it wasn't his fault that he wasn't interested in me.

 

The funny thing is that he hasn't had a single gf since then, and that was 10 years ago. On the other hand, I moved on after the final rejection and met guys, much more compatible guys, who reciprocated my interest.

 

So I guess sometimes what goes around comes around.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I was 16, and I crushed on him for a year. That possibly explains how much I liked him.

 

Does it matter whether or not he was cruel, other than he complained to me multiple times that no girls liked him? I did not think we were talking about methods of rejection here, simply the dynamic of a person rejecting someone while claiming that nobody liked him/her.

 

BTW, just a side note.

 

I'm guessing that was a long time ago for you. I'm aware that most women, very cute ones even get rejected badly when they are in their teens.

 

How would you feel if that happened to you every year or two with just about no success to temper it?

[Els]

Did he know you liked him and affirmatively rebuffed your advances...?

 

Yep.

 

(10 ch)

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

So I guess sometimes what goes around comes around.

 

No it doesn't.

 

Ever.

[Els]

BTW, just a side note.

 

I'm guessing that was a long time ago for you. I'm aware that most women, very cute ones even get rejected badly when they are in their teens.

 

How would you feel if that happened to you every year or two with just about no success to temper it?

 

Well, see, this is probably what guy-who-rejected-me-at-16 thinks. He doesn't see the fact that he rejected me at all. All he sees are the girls who rejected him.

 

Have you never rebuffed a girl's advances, ever? Not even the 200-lbs girl or the woman 20 years older than you?

 

Yes, extreme examples, but lack of attraction is lack of attraction.

[Emilia]

Did he know you liked him and affirmatively rebuffed your advances...?

Same thing happened to me when I was 17. He was very cruel I suppose with hindsight, I kept phoning him up and he told me one day to stop calling him and put the phone down on me. That was it.

 

It served me that I've learned to be less clingy, etc etc etc with boys from then on. I thought this kind of thing happened to everyone and it was part of the learning experience?