Consolidated discussion - The Friend Zone

[William]

Bumping this up for further interest, reading and comment

[Revolver]

The hate for the friendzone is all about sex. There's a reason why you never ever ever hear a guy complain about being a friends with benefit.

[RonaldS]

I am friends with a ton of women, many of whom are super attractive. I don't try to hook up with them, they don't try to hook up with me....for whatever reason.

 

That's not to say that under certain circumstances, I wouldn't bang one of them. Or even date one of them. But for whatever reason, those circumstances don't exist, so I don't worry about it or hope for things to someday be different. I just enjoy their friendship and am happy to have those people into life.

 

Here's an example: I have a friend who is a very cute, very sexy, very intelligent woman. She's a bit younger than me, but we still get along really well. I totally, totally want her. But at some point early on, I drew a line in the sand and categorized her as a friend. Not really sure why....it's just how I viewed her.

 

I always sensed that she was attracted to me, and even though we met up a number of times and hung out, I never even hinted at attraction or tried anything. Then one night we were texting and she was drunk and started asking me if I was attracted to her, and telling me she was really attracted to me.

 

Jackpot, right?

 

As much as I wanted to say, 'Sit tight...I'll be there in 15', I just told her that even though I am attracted to her, I view her as a friend. And that was that. We're still friends, and it's not awkward.

 

It is possible to be friends with people you want or like. It's called 'establishing boundaries'. It's also important to remember that just because you like somebody, they don't owe you any kind of reciprocity. It's pretty juvenile to exterminate a friendship with somebody (and probably hurt that person) just because you lack the emotional maturity to just be a friend and respect a boundary.

 

My favorite thing to read on LS is stories about dudes 'getting even' with women by cutting them out of their lives because they couldn't have a relationship with them. Yep....sweet move! You sure showed her!

[somedude81]

Which was the point of the thread,guys beat themslves up too much on what they could have done differently when reality probably is they just arent good looking to most of these women

 

I'd wager that the vast majority of my dating problems are because of my appearance. If I was taller and more attractive, I'm pretty sure that I would have been able to date every single girl that has ever friendzoned me.

 

Girls don't want to settle for me. I get that. But knowing what is happening doesn't make it feel any better.

 

Women, just like men want to be physically attracted to somebody before they have sex.

 

In the end, the only thing a less attractive guy can do is keep trying with women, and hope he wins the lottery.

 

I actually did win the lottery, took me to 31 to do it. But then the man took my winnings.

[hasaquestion]

I'd wager that the vast majority of my dating problems are because of my appearance. If I was taller and more attractive, I'm pretty sure that I would have been able to date every single girl that has ever friendzoned me.

 

Girls don't want to settle for me. I get that. But knowing what is happening doesn't make it feel any better.

 

Women, just like men want to be physically attracted to somebody before they have sex.

 

In the end, the only thing a less attractive guy can do is keep trying with women, and hope he wins the lottery.

 

I actually did win the lottery, took me to 31 to do it. But then the man took my winnings.

 

Women are not attracted to you because of YOU. That is the summation of your looks, your attitude, your social behavior, your body language, your status indicators....

 

Yes, some men can walk into the room and drop panties. They are a minority. Big deal.

 

The majority of men AREN'T attractive. Are the majority of men single and lonely? No they find other ways to make it work. Attitude, social skills, social status, physical demeanor, finding the people who suit them, and... personality.

 

I don't understand why you refuse to work with what you do have.

[joystickd]

I'd wager that the vast majority of my dating problems are because of my appearance. If I was taller and more attractive, I'm pretty sure that I would have been able to date every single girl that has ever friendzoned me.

 

Girls don't want to settle for me. I get that. But knowing what is happening doesn't make it feel any better.

 

Women, just like men want to be physically attracted to somebody before they have sex.

 

In the end, the only thing a less attractive guy can do is keep trying with women, and hope he wins the lottery.

 

I actually did win the lottery, took me to 31 to do it. But then the man took my winnings.

Looks matter but not as much as it does to men. Trust me there are some godzillas and gorillas out here with hot women. It happens, but they have personality to compensate for it. I have a friend that is short and he was getting women. He had the personality and dressed well. Now he is married and his wife is smoking hot

[somedude81]

Women are not attracted to you because of YOU. That is the summation of your looks, your attitude, your social behavior, your body language, your status indicators....

 

Yes, some men can walk into the room and drop panties. They are a minority. Big deal.

 

The majority of men AREN'T attractive. Are the majority of men single and lonely? No they find other ways to make it work. Attitude, social skills, social status, physical demeanor, finding the people who suit them, and... personality.

 

I don't understand why you refuse to work with what you do have.

 

The majority of men are at least average. As 5'6 white guy, I'm not average. Because of that, I have to make up for my appearance with the other things you mentioned. And since I got my first GF at 31, and was only with her for six months until she dumped me, that shows how affective I've been with making up for what I lack.

[hasaquestion]

The majority of men are at least average. As 5'6 white guy, I'm not average. Because of that, I have to make up for my appearance with the other things you mentioned. And since I got my first GF at 31, and was only with her for six months until she dumped me, that shows how affective I've been with making up for what I lack.

 

So what if you're not average? That's no excuse to be single.

 

Being 5'6" and white is a valid excuse that you couldn't get in some sorority girl who wears size zero? Sure I'll buy that. But its not an excuse to struggle with women period.

 

You make it sound like romantic fulfillment is some kind privilege of the beautiful. When its completely untrue.

 

I'd guess about 50% of the people I know are in relationships. All my friends are, many of my acquaintances, etc. Then you account for the FWBs and people who are single but getting some whenever they can, that's another 20%. That's 70% who are receiving female attention at any given time.

 

Are all those people beautiful GQ models, who have been charmed by the creator with the ability to wink and smile and moisten panties? Of course not.

 

The problem is your underlying assumption, is that your looks are the big thing holding you back. After reading a million of your posts at this point, and seeing the two pictures you posted, I don't think that's really the case.

[joystickd]

The majority of men are at least average. As 5'6 white guy, I'm not average. Because of that, I have to make up for my appearance with the other things you mentioned. And since I got my first GF at 31, and was only with her for six months until she dumped me, that shows how affective I've been with making up for what I lack.

My buddy is 5'4" he never had trouble