Consolidated discussion - The Friend Zone

[USMCHokie]

It served me that I've learned to be less clingy, etc etc etc with boys from then on. I thought this kind of thing happened to everyone and it was part of the learning experience?

 

Rejection and failure is an essential part of life (not just in dating). If you never fail, you are only setting yourself up for an epic failure...

[Emilia]

How would you feel if that happened to you every year or two with just about no success to temper it?

I would feel that I was bad at reading others' signs and building a rapport with the opposite sex.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Have you never rebuffed a girl's advances, ever? Not even the 200-lbs girl or the woman 20 years older than you?

 

 

Never in my life. Not a once.

 

It's probably why I am the way I am.

[joystickd]

I don't blame him. It wasn't really under his control. Yeah, the 'no girls like me' part was just blind and crappy, but it wasn't his fault that he wasn't interested in me.

 

The funny thing is that he hasn't had a single gf since then, and that was 10 years ago. On the other hand, I moved on after the final rejection and met guys, much more compatible guys, who reciprocated my interest.

 

So I guess sometimes what goes around comes around.

From about middle school to about 25 I got constantly rejected. I had the "no girls like me" feeling. I rejected women. I mean when you are in that space it's a big blow to have someone you have absolutely no desire in dating show interest in you. It's like damn I just can't win!! It didn't end for me until I lost my virginity to a married woman.

[freetolove]

sometimes, other times, they have a ugly personality, they're annoying, broke or irresponsible. attractive ones who can't get their ***** together bounce from girl to girl but won't be able to maintain a relationship

[Els]

Same thing happened to me when I was 17. He was very cruel I suppose with hindsight, I kept phoning him up and he told me one day to stop calling him and put the phone down on me. That was it.

 

It served me that I've learned to be less clingy, etc etc etc with boys from then on. I thought this kind of thing happened to everyone and it was part of the learning experience?

 

Yeah, I thought so too. It boggles the mind how some people assume that rejection is something that only males face. Most girls I know have been rejected by a guy they liked at least once in their life.

 

I definitely learned a lot from my experience, too.

 

Never in my life. Not a once.

 

It's probably why I am the way I am.

 

Would it really help if there was a 200-lbs woman or 50-yo woman interested in you?

[JuneJulySeptember]

I would feel that I was bad at reading others' signs and building a rapport with the opposite sex.

 

I've figured out the solution to the first problem. I just ignore all signals. Problem solved.

 

As far as the second one, 'rapport' means nothing without looks, so what's really the point? BTW, I think you'd be shocked if you met me in person (or make that talked to me over the phone).

 

Would it really help if there was a 200-lbs woman or 50-yo woman interested in you?

 

If said woman thought I was hot and meant it?

 

Yes. It definitely would have. But it's too late now. My looks are already on the decline. If that's possible.

[joystickd]

Yeah, I thought so too. It boggles the mind how some people assume that rejection is something that only males face. Most girls I know have been rejected by a guy they liked at least once in their life.

 

I definitely learned a lot from my experience, too.

 

 

 

Would it really help if there was a 200-lbs woman or 50-yo woman interested in you?

I think most men understand women get rejected. I know for some men it becomes an issue when the rejection is constant especially when you make an effort to change things to make yourself more desirable.

 

I have a 50 year old FWB now.

Why is it a problem for the guy that gets rejected to reject a woman he doesn't see as attractive? If the situation was reversed would you rejected someone you were not attracted to

[Els]

Well, then I'm genuinely sorry to hear that, JJS. But I believe that we all get our lucky breaks, some time or another. You haven't lived all that long.

 

Why is it a problem for the guy that gets rejected to reject a woman he doesn't see as attractive? If the situation was reversed would you rejected someone you were not attracted to

 

I already said that this is not a problem, and in fact pointed out why it was not a problem... And yes, I have also been in the situation, rejecting someone while crushing on another, although I wasn't so brazen as to say 'no boys like me' when I was in it. I am still glad I did not 'give the interested guy a chance' - it would not have been fair to me or him.

[joystickd]

Well, then I'm genuinely sorry to hear that, JJS. But I believe that we all get our lucky breaks, some time or another. You haven't lived all that long.

 

 

 

I already said that this is not a problem, and in fact pointed out why it was not a problem... And yes, I have also been in the situation, rejecting someone while crushing on another, although I wasn't so brazen as to say 'no boys like me' when I was in it. I am still glad I did not 'give the interested guy a chance' - it would not have been fair to me or him.

My situation has greatly improved over the past five years. My only issue now is I seem to attract women already in relationships or in the 40-55 range. I run into a lot of BS with single women in the 20-40 range.

[MoreThanThat]

A few posts in this thread made reference to FWB situations and the (false) assumption that the women seem to be secretly hoping for more at some point. This is absolutely false.

 

I'm a highly sexual person and although I pretty well go from one long-term relationship to another, I've had a few fwb situations with exes in the interim periods. I'm in one now. I definitely did not want more in any of these cases. We'd tried and things ended because I didn't get what I wanted. That doesn't mean the sex wasn't great!

 

Many female friends of mine are the same. We'd much rather do this to have our needs met than ONS.

[Els]

My situation has greatly improved over the past five years.

 

Yeah, ditto. Mine improved when I started going out more.

 

A few posts in this thread made reference to FWB situations and the (false) assumption that the women seem to be secretly hoping for more at some point. This is absolutely false.

 

It's a false assumption that ALL women are, but absolutely true that SOME women are. A short glance through this forum will provide some empirical evidence.

[MoreThanThat]

 

It's a false assumption that ALL women are, but absolutely true that SOME women are. A short glance through this forum will provide some empirical evidence.

 

Yes - that was what I meant.

[joystickd]

A few posts in this thread made reference to FWB situations and the (false) assumption that the women seem to be secretly hoping for more at some point. This is absolutely false.

 

I'm a highly sexual person and although I pretty well go from one long-term relationship to another, I've had a few fwb situations with exes in the interim periods. I'm in one now. I definitely did not want more in any of these cases. We'd tried and things ended because I didn't get what I wanted. That doesn't mean the sex wasn't great!

 

Many female friends of mine are the same. We'd much rather do this to have our needs met than ONS.

No. It was mentioned in the context of having to settle for it because the person you were interest in potentially having more with only wanted that.

[SteveC80]

To emphasize his perception of how important looks are in dating.

 

Which was the point of the thread,guys beat themslves up too much on what they could have done differently when reality probably is they just arent good looking to most of these women

[Mme. Chaucer]

Which was the point of the thread,guys beat themslves up too much on what they could have done differently

 

That is true. People don't need to "do" differently, except for try to take action and live a good life. They have to "be" who they are. If somebody doesn't go for that, sais la vie. Even though it still hurts to be rejected.

 

when reality probably is they just arent good looking to most of these women

 

That is false; in most cases women aren't choosing exclusively by looks. No matter how many times you insist that we are. You really don't know.

[Treasa]

I friendzone guys who I want to keep as friends. For example, off the top of my head I can think of two SUPER HOT guys I am good friends with. One is 6'5", hot, used to be a semi-pro wrestler, and has a voice that would make most women swoon. I'm also very good friends with his soon-to-be wife. I've never, ever thought of him in any way except as a friend, and that wouldn't change even if he were single. He's just lacking certain elements that would make me want to be with him.

 

Same thing for the other guy, who has been a good friend of mine for 15 years. Also tall, 6'3", 5th degree black belt in two different martial arts, funny and very handsome, and...he's my brother. He always will be. I'll never look at him in any other way. Right now I'm talking him through another breakup. I'm not flirting with him at all. He's just my friend.

 

I've fallen head over heels for guys that other people have flat-out said were ugly, but there was something about them that got me all hot and bothered.

 

Attraction is important, yes, but it's not standard looks that cause someone to have attraction.

 

I'd never tell someone else what they are attracted to, so I think it's laughable that anyone thinks they know better than I do what I'm attracted to.

 

Celebrities I am not attracted to: Ryan Gosling, Zac Efron, Hugh Jackman, Brad Pitt, etc.

 

Celebrities I would do in a HEARTBEAT if I could: Peter Dinklage.

[Enthrone Darkness]

Men get friendzoned when they aren't men. Men don't grovel, or beg, or plead. Men are not white knights. Being a man is an art. It's being dominant. It's displaying power. The perception of power is very important. If you get friendzoned, it's not because you're strictly unattractive.

 

We've all seen the troll with the hot chick. Stop being a bunch of pu**ies, rolling out the red carpet for every chick that displays an ounce of interest, and man up.

[ChessPieceFace]

A lot of times if a guy gets "friendzoned" its overanalyzed to death.From the guys appproach or whter or not he wasnt agressive enough etc the bottom line is 99% of the time its because you werent good looking enough to the women.

 

Yep, 99% is due to looks. Also, 105% of statistics are made up on the spot.

[Treasa]

Yep, 99% is due to looks. Also, 105% of statistics are made up on the spot.

 

*giggles.*

[joystickd]

Men get friendzoned when they aren't men. Men don't grovel, or beg, or plead. Men are not white knights. Being a man is an art. It's being dominant. It's displaying power. The perception of power is very important. If you get friendzoned, it's not because you're strictly unattractive.

 

We've all seen the troll with the hot chick. Stop being a bunch of pu**ies, rolling out the red carpet for every chick that displays an ounce of interest, and man up.

I know for a long time I got friendzoned because I was thought of as a nerd. I had to destroy that image to find any success. Right here though is some good points

[Els]

 

Women want an alpha male, a head to be equal in leadership and companionship. Not an indecisive, insecure, grovelling door mat.

 

Wow, I had no idea that the male population is divided strictly between 'alpha male bad boys' who don't give a crap about a woman, and 'indecisive, insecure, grovelling doormats'. Clearly it's impossible to be an individual who is capable of respect and love, and yet doesn't grovel in insecurity. Who knew?

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Celebrities I would do in a HEARTBEAT if I could: Peter Dinklage.

 

Peter Dinklage is actually a handsome guy. Lots of girls like him. I have no doubt that he'd do better than me if he were a normal Joe with a normal job like me. Which is not to say he still wouldn't have it very tough.

 

I have seen in pics and videos some little women that are very pretty. I would definitely date them.

[crederer]

Some of the responses on here are kind of ridiculous. If some of you people believe all this shallow stuff that's being said, it's probably got more to do with your attitude than anything else.

 

Like jeeze....some girls aren't going to be into you for one reason or another. Let's put our big boy pants on and keep on rolling. Don't put all women into one category. Yes, for some women, it may be due to shallowness. For many, it has nothing to do with shallow, they just aren't into you.

[joystickd]

 

 

1)A guy who just tries to be "nice" to try to win over a girl. This is a person who is not genuine, who is insecure, who is needy, etc... All the traits you don't want

 

 

How do we know he is nice just to win over the woman? It's easy to say because someone got mad because that their time was wasted that they are not genuine. Imagine being a genuine nice guy and being rejected constantly. You do everything for the woman you are trying to win over. How would you feel after some rejections? It's easy on here to say "Brush it off and move on". The thing is a lot of nice guys are seen as not genuine because they have a moment of weakness and get angry after being frustrated with their situation for so long.