Why do older guys go for the much younger girl?

[udolipixie]

But that's not true. Men's sperm begins to decline by 30.

The quantity begins to decline the quality already began declining at 23.

Many people are under the false impression that reproduction declines in the 30s but in both genders on average it begins at 23. These impressions can be listed with some Reproductive Biology and Endocrinology studies and statistics or reading some research by fertility doctors specifically fertility preservation.

 

The same biological pitfalls that come to women, come to men.

In a sense. Generally women lose quantity then quality & men lose quality then quantity.

 

Look. No one is saying women remain young forever. But we really need to wake up about how men age. Holding ideals about how men don't age and how his sperm is "healthy" most of his life is only going to be detrimental to that man's kids.

I think the impression that men can have kids at such old ages has many automatically assuming the children will be healthy. I don't think many tend to think about unhealthy children. Plus many guys tend to counterbalance their defective sperm with healthy eggs from a young woman.

Edited March 28, 2012 by udolipixie

[Oxy Moronovich]

There is really no mystery as to why aging men go for younger women. Youth is very attractive. I would say that women are attracted to younger men for that matter for the same reasons men are - they look good and virile. I think that most women are more realistic about age differences over a certain number and try to mate with a man closer to their age. I also don't think that most women care who a man dates or desires as long as he is respectful and doesn't purposely try to put down others who are not in his desired age range. Those that do seem to be coming from a place of bitterness perhaps because of being rejected by women earlier in their life and wanting to inflict pain to make themselves feel better. It's really kind of sad.

If you look at the original post, you'll see it's more of a rant than a genuine desire to know why. Here's the OP:

 

I just started recently on the dating sites. What I am finding the most frustrating is the guys on there who are my age (38) wont even have a look at me - they all want the 20yr olds. BTW I dont look my age in the least bit - I could pass for late 20's early 30's. On that note too - I get like 50yr old & 60yr old men messaging me!!! Really!! Why would I want to go out with someone who could be my father? Its just so frustrating - what goes through your guys minds? Do you really think you have a chance? I am in in no way looking for a sugar daddy - I just want to meet someone close to my age (I would entertain 6-7 years older or younger than me) I just wanted some insight as I am new to the online dating world after being recently divorced after 17yrs of marriage.

 

The problem is many older women don't like the idea men their age are going for younger women. They've already passed judgment on men who do this. But still they ask men to explain themselves. Nevertheless, deep down, these women are going to be scornful of any answer guys give because they are opposed to it.

 

It's interesting how so many women keep ignoring my question: You think it should be legal for men to date much younger women, but you don't want them to do it anyway. Why is do you think it should be legal but taboo?

[udolipixie]

It's interesting how so many women keep ignoring my question: You think it should be legal for men to date much younger women, but you don't want them to do it anyway. Why is do you think it should be legal but taboo?

Many may have ignored however some have answered with they don't find it wrong or taboo but would prefer if guys not be disrespectful, insulting, or degrading to older women as if when she ages she's of less value as a human being.

 

Did you direct your questions at those you stated it was taboo? Though I haven't to my recollection any state, suggest, or imply it's taboo I have seen gross/etc.

 

To me it's probably the same reason why so many guys have an issue if a gal wants a tall guy especially if she's short. Or have issues if a gal doesn't want to date a guy who is only 3 inches taller than her but wants a guy 5 inches taller.

[Els]

I think everyone has the right to want what they want, but IMO the guys specifically going for younger women are just shooting themselves in the foot. Which is, again, entirely their right.

 

I'm in my mid 20s, and I would most definitely not date a guy in his 30s who specifically went for women my age, even, not to mention a guy in his 40s. No, I would not exclude them based on their age - I would exclude them based on the mentality that comes with excluding women of their own age. For the most part (I'm sure there are exceptions), men who do so tend to prize physical appearances over a mental and emotional connection, and I'm staying away from those guys like the plague.

 

Then again, sheesh, OP, it IS a dating site! Those things are just the worst where it comes to numbers and superficiality. The same applies for anything - height, weight, age, wages, whatever. Take those things with a huge, huge rock of salt.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

UdolipixieThe quantity begins to decline the quality already began declining at 23.

Many people are under the false impression that reproduction declines in the 30s but in both genders on average it begins at 23. These impressions can be listed with some Reproductive Biology and Endocrinology studies and statistics or reading some research by fertility doctors specifically fertility preservation.

 

I have never heard 23 being the number but it very well could be that young. Although I doubt it.

 

In a sense. Generally women lose quantity then quality & men lose quality then quantity.

 

That's pretty interesting.

 

I think the impression that men can have kids at such old ages has many automatically assuming the children will be healthy. I don't think many tend to think about unhealthy children. Plus many guys tend to counterbalance their defective sperm with healthy eggs from a young woman.

 

I also don't think the research has really been there to see how fathers nad their fertility affects the process. It's only been more accepted to talk about and researched in the past 10 years. Where it use to be all about focusing on the ills of the woman in question.

 

I read an article recently that said that statistically women receive less good health care then men do. Because the majority of doctors are men and often a man will take another man more seriously while writing women off as just being "emotional" or silly. While we have made great advancements in medicine, I think it's wise to realize that this stuff still happens and sometimes there is an imbalance in the medical world about what is researched and why it's researched.

 

And I do agree that older men try to counterbalance their aging sperm with healthy young women. However, since relationships have change so dramatically and women now sustain themselves, also for the fact that age doesn't really seem to be a great indicator of maturity anymore, women have more options to pick men based on attraction over fiancial stewardship. I think we are currently living in a culture where women are probably picking more men their own age or even younger men then once before. There is less incentive to be with older men then in previous generations.

 

The more talk we have about male fertility and age, the more honest we can be about how men affect their children and women will not only be more aware of their own fertility, but of their man's as well. So if men are going to use the "best biological" partner bit, women will in turn, begin to also use that more and more.

[Els]

[quote=Disenchantedly Yours;3902061

 

I also don't think the research has really been there to see how fathers nad their fertility affects the process. It's only been more accepted to talk about and researched in the past 10 years. Where it use to be all about focusing on the ills of the woman in question.

 

Research has been there - the publicity has not. I agree that it's sad that many men are automatically assuming that they can have healthy children at the age of 50. This misconception benefits no one - not men, not women, and certainly not the children that they get. Men's age does affect conditions like Down Syndrome less than a woman's does, but it affects certain other genetic disorders equally much, if not more.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Many may have ignored however some have answered with they don't find it wrong or taboo but would prefer if guys not be disrespectful, insulting, or degrading to older women as if when she ages she's of less value as a human being.

But that's the whole point of the OP and other female posters: the fact that older men prefer much younger women is the main insult. As stillafool pointed out, there isn't any mystery why men prefer much younger women. Women here are mainly insulted by men acting on their preferences, not the disrespectful comments by a few male posters, mainly trolls at that.

 

Did you direct your questions at those you stated it was taboo? Though I haven't to my recollection any state, suggest, or imply it's taboo I have seen gross/etc.

I directed my question to all women who had a problem with it. Many of these women saw my post, ignored it, and went to another post.

To me it's probably the same reason why so many guys have an issue if a gal wants a tall guy especially if she's short. Or have issues if a gal doesn't want to date a guy who is only 3 inches taller than her but wants a guy 5 inches taller.

I'm 5'9". If a woman says she wants to date a guy with a minimum height of 6", I don't care, even if she's less than 5 feet tall. There's not shortage of women who will date guys my height.

[make me believe]

I'm 28 and have been back in school for a couple of years and it's definitely shown me that 18 or 19 yrs old does NOT automatically = hot & sexy.

 

Do the guys on LS who constantly harp that younger is better really represent the average guy out in the world?? My husband is 33 so according to some guys in this thread he should be interested in 20 year olds. Knowing my H, I would be SHOCKED if he was interested in a girl that young. Sure, he might find a 20 year old attractive, just as I might find a 20 year old guy good looking. But for actual dating? I think most regular guys realize that looks and youth are not the most important thing. Plus, when did 30 become 60?! I will be 30 in a little over a year but I don't have saggy boobs, wrinkles, a body that "betrays me" as someone put it. I don't get it.

 

Geez. I shouldn't read threads like this. Why is everyone SO scared of aging? But I feel like it's mostly the perpetually single & dating around guys harping on the fact that "older" women are unattractive and "all" guys want a young chick. I can't see a guy in a happy relationship or marriage saying the same thing. Also, I'm with Kaylan, I don't see large age gaps in relationships NEARLY as much as old guys seem to wish for.

 

One of my friends has a bf who's 7 yrs older than her, but that's the largest age gap I've seen. 10+ years is not common. My friends & acquaintances have always been creeped out by older guys hitting on them.

[Oxy Moronovich]

I'm 28 and have been back in school for a couple of years and it's definitely shown me that 18 or 19 yrs old does NOT automatically = hot & sexy.

 

Do the guys on LS who constantly harp that younger is better really represent the average guy out in the world?? My husband is 33 so according to some guys in this thread he should be interested in 20 year olds. Knowing my H, I would be SHOCKED if he was interested in a girl that young. Sure, he might find a 20 year old attractive, just as I might find a 20 year old guy good looking. But for actual dating? I think most regular guys realize that looks and youth are not the most important thing. Plus, when did 30 become 60?! I will be 30 in a little over a year but I don't have saggy boobs, wrinkles, a body that "betrays me" as someone put it. I don't get it.

 

Geez. I shouldn't read threads like this. Why is everyone SO scared of aging? But I feel like it's mostly the perpetually single & dating around guys harping on the fact that "older" women are unattractive and "all" guys want a young chick. I can't see a guy in a happy relationship or marriage saying the same thing. Also, I'm with Kaylan, I don't see large age gaps in relationships NEARLY as much as old guys seem to wish for.

 

One of my friends has a bf who's 7 yrs older than her, but that's the largest age gap I've seen. 10+ years is not common. My friends & acquaintances have always been creeped out by older guys hitting on them.

I don't get it. Women here keep saying "10+ yrs age gap isn't common" (which I agree with), yet you continue to make a big deal out of this issue. Why?

[udolipixie]

Research has been there - the publicity has not.

 

It's so uncommon to find someone who has seen research decades ago about male fertility loss. Quite odd about how just now there's showings of aging male, defective sperm, and etc when there was research 20 years ago about male fertility loss.

[Els]

I don't get it. Women here keep saying "10+ yrs age gap isn't common" (which I agree with), yet you continue to make a big deal out of this issue. Why?

 

Because it's a forum. It really isn't common for a woman to be requiring a man who makes $200k/year either, but when a woman (or so she claims to be...) did start up such a thread on LS, she had probably 20 pages of men 'making a big deal out of it'. Why?

[udolipixie]

I directed my question to all women who had a problem with it.

Okay.

 

The "interesting how so many women" threw me off as to me it seem directed at women in general not specific women.

 

As stillafool pointed out, there isn't any mystery why men prefer much younger women. Women here are mainly insulted by men acting on their preferences,

Specific women are insulted by men acting on their preference.

 

Specific women are grossed out by men acting on their preference. They're not insulted just find it unappealing such as a gal I know who isn't insulted that some guys prefer obese women she's just grossed out by the idea of that kind of attraction.

 

The general view I got was that women were mainly insulted by men acting on their preference when they degrade/insult women their own age. Similar to

while some guys may take offense to a gal not wanting to date a short guy I think many guys would take offense to a gal acting on her preference while degrading short men.

 

Different experiences.

 

not the disrespectful comments by a few male posters, mainly trolls at that.

Always amused on it seems any negative behavior associated with males is a few and if on the internet it's trolls.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Because it's a forum. It really isn't common for a woman to be requiring a man who makes $200k/year either, but when a woman (or so she claims to be...) did start up such a thread on LS, she had probably 20 pages of men 'making a big deal out of it'. Why?

3 things:

 

1. I didn't see that thread. The reasons why those men were making a big deal out of it is because they are lame dudes with no confidence. Is the reason why women make a big deal out of this thread because they are lame women with no confidence?

 

2. Women don't make a big deal out of it on this forum. It's all over the net and real life.

 

3. When I say women are making a big deal out of this thread, I'm talking about posts by women who say stuff like this:

 

Sorry for the rant but I am so sick and tired of hearing men tell us how worthless women are. Like women don't deserve to be loved or have sex or want a relationship with a good guy after a certain age. I am so sick and tired of men pretending they are better or that they age better or that they look better.. It's such bullcrap. And it's really boarders on misogonisitic.

 

So, because a few male posters have said negative things regarding the subject of women aging, she's coming to the conclusion that ALL men think women are worthless and think they are better than women.

 

Yes, she is definitely making a way too big deal out of this.

[ThaWholigan]

This is the most ridiculous thread I've been on since I got here .

[Els]

Wait.

 

You're accusing 'women' of coming to the conclusion that 'men etc' because of a few male posters.

 

But you arrived at this accusation because of... one female poster. Or so you quoted.

 

Am I missing something here?

[Oxy Moronovich]

Specific women are insulted by men acting on their preference.

 

Specific women are grossed out by men acting on their preference. They're not insulted just find it unappealing such as a gal I know who isn't insulted that some guys prefer obese women she's just grossed out by the idea of that kind of attraction.

 

The general view I got was that women were mainly insulted by men acting on their preference when they degrade/insult women their own age. Similar to

while some guys may take offense to a gal not wanting to date a short guy I think many guys would take offense to a gal acting on her preference while degrading short men.

 

Different experiences.

So do you think it should be illegal for men to date much younger women?

 

Always amused on it seems any negative behavior associated with males is a few and if on the internet it's trolls.

I don't know about other instances. But here women have been bantering with the same men for pages. Most of them obvious trolls. I do not think this can be denied.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Wait.

 

You're accusing 'women' of coming to the conclusion that 'men etc' because of a few male posters.

 

But you arrived at this accusation because of... one female poster. Or so you quoted.

 

Am I missing something here?

My bad. I meant to say many women. It's a hot topic on the internet alone. Just google "older men younger women." You'll get pretty much the same responses though. Younger woman: "I'm grossed out by a guy old enough to be my father flirting with me." Older woman: "I find it insulting men my age only prefer women in their 20s."

 

I only quoted one woman to emphasize my point. It would have been redundant to post more. Besides, the mod has edited my posts in the past for redundancy like that.

 

By the way, do you think older men/much younger women relationships should be outlawed?

[stillafool]

 

It's interesting how so many women keep ignoring my question: You think it should be legal for men to date much younger women, but you don't want them to do it anyway. Why is do you think it should be legal but taboo?

 

I personally don't care and can't speak for others as I am a happily married woman and have been out of the dating pool for what seems like centuries to me. However, we all know it is legal for men to date women 18 and up and dating young girls isn't so taboo because men have chosen young women over older ones for centuries. It isn't anything new. I do think it is wrong to make women (or men for that matter) feel worthless because they have reached a certain age. Even if you really feel they are worthless must you hurt their feelings by telling them this? Again, I say date who you want to just be respectful of others feelings.

[FitChick]

Just because men prefer much younger women doesn't mean they will get them.

[Oxy Moronovich]

I personally don't care and can't speak for others as I am a happily married woman and have been out of the dating pool for what seems like centuries to me. However, we all know it is legal for men to date women 18 and up and dating young girls isn't so taboo because men have chosen young women over older ones for centuries. It isn't anything new. I do think it is wrong to make women (or men for that matter) feel worthless because they have reached a certain age. Even if you really feel they are worthless must you hurt their feelings by telling them this? Again, I say date who you want to just be respectful of others feelings.

Ah, but the women who have a problem with it hate it because these men prefer younger women. The reasons why men prefer younger women is not the big issue here.

 

If an older guy says, "I prefer women in their 20s", many women his age will feel insulted and worthless. But that's what he prefers. He cannot express his preferences without many women feeling insulted. So he's in a bind, isn't he?

[brokenTom]

So he's in a bind, isn't he?

I find it hard to sympathize with men who feel that way. It's pretty much given that women struggle more in life then men, in general, so some guy crying because he isn't accepted by everyone is kinda... well... lame?

[udolipixie]

Ah, but the women who have a problem with it hate it because these men prefer younger women. The reasons why men prefer younger women is not the big issue here.

 

If an older guy says, "I prefer women in their 20s", many women his age will feel insulted and worthless. But that's what he prefers. He cannot express his preferences without many women feeling insulted. So he's in a bind, isn't he?

He's not in a bind if he learns not to care about insulting others with his preferences.

 

Just like the many gals I know who won't date a guy who is not 6' aren't in a bind if guys shorter than that feel insulted and worthless because they didn't make insults or degrade the men for their height.

 

So do you think it should be illegal for men to date much younger women?

What impact would my answer have on your life?

 

Are you in the need of validation that others especially women don't dislike to that extent such an attraction?

 

By the way, do you think older men/much younger women relationships should be outlawed?

This was to Elswyth but that you had to ask it says a lot as she had already posted something that would answer this question a page back.

[Els]

My bad. I meant to say many women. It's a hot topic on the internet alone. Just google "older men younger women." You'll get pretty much the same responses though. Younger woman: "I'm grossed out by a guy old enough to be my father flirting with me." Older woman: "I find it insulting men my age only prefer women in their 20s."

 

I only quoted one woman to emphasize my point. It would have been redundant to post more. Besides, the mod has edited my posts in the past for redundancy like that.

 

By the way, do you think older men/much younger women relationships should be outlawed?

 

Well, see, the thing about forums is that people make 'big issues' out of anything. I've gotten flak for wanting a guy taller than me, even though at 5'1", that pretty much includes 99% of the adult male population. Plenty of other threads have way more responses than this, and angrier ones. Just business as usual for LS.

 

I fail to see how a woman being 'grossed out by a man older than her asking her out' is making a big deal out of anything, by the way. Just as some men prefer younger women, so also do some younger women prefer men who are not like that. It's really the same thing.

 

As to my opinion on whether they should be 'outlawed', I expressed it quite clearly a page back, as udolipixie said.

[dasein]

Yet none of that applies to or negates that men as a whole or in general don't protect women but specifc people who function int he government, police, and army protect men & women.

 

Not interested in further unreasonable hair splitting with you. Not interested in hearing or debating any further rationalizations of yours with respect to the plain historical FACT that men generally care for the lives and welfare of women, to the extent of putting women's lives, health and welfare ahead of their own. I've given more than ample examples, and I don't think any of them included the police and government. That's completely dishonest distortion on your part.

 

And especially won't respond to any further claims that the general care for women's well-being can be split into separate categories of caring for them merely as an ends to reproduction and caring for them as "people" (whatever the hell that means). If such were the case, we would keep women in pods somewhere and turn them "on and off" for intercourse and childbirth. Men generally care about the lives, health and welfare of women, and by putting women ahead of ourselves in many ways, we prove this every day.

 

Will admit though, that the bratty, entitled attitudes experienced on LS are making me reconsider my own behavior in this respect going forward.

 

Speaking in terms of specific government jobs, police, and army I have yet to see a stat/study state a very large percentage of men are in those fields.

 

The above is exactly why discussions with you are an annoying exercise in futility. Arguendo, that we are even in sound reasoning land here (and I spot at least two ways in which we are not in the above quote), would it make one iota of difference if I provided any of the statistics you unreasonably demand? Or would you simply ignore them and proceed to hair split and distort something else?

[Oxy Moronovich]

I find it hard to sympathize with men who feel that way. It's pretty much given that women struggle more in life then men, in general, so some guy crying because he isn't accepted by everyone is kinda... well... lame?

If a woman cries because she isn't accepted by men her age...is she lame as well?

What impact would my answer have on your life?

Wow. We're having a simple discussion and you jumped to my life. Why? it's a yes or no question yet you keep avoiding it. Why?

Are you in the need of validation that others especially women don't dislike to that extent such an attraction?

 

What? How can one yes or no question bring this out?

Well, see, the thing about forums is that people make 'big issues' out of anything. I've gotten flak for wanting a guy taller than me, even though at 5'1", that pretty much includes 99% of the adult male population. Plenty of other threads have way more responses than this, and angrier ones. Just business as usual for LS.

I do not understand why you people keep bringing up the tall issue. I do not care if you want tall men. I've never been in any of those "women prefer tall men" threads. Guys who whine about it are lame. I guess women who whine about men wanting younger are lame as well, no?

I fail to see how a woman being 'grossed out by a man older than her asking her out' is making a big deal out of anything, by the way. Just as some men prefer younger women, so also do some younger women prefer men who are not like that. It's really the same thing.

The big deal comes from the fact that it is a huge issue all over the world.

As to my opinion on whether they should be 'outlawed', I expressed it quite clearly a page back, as udolipixie said.

Is it your response in number #183? If so, it's actually a vague response:

I think everyone has the right to want what they want...

 

Everyone has the right to want what they want? That doesn't answer anything. You could ask me, "Do you think it should be legal for a 60 yr old man to date a 15 yr old girl?" and I could say, "Everyone has the right to want what they want". But that does not answer the question.

 

I find it strange how so many women cannot answer a yes or no question. Do you think it should be illegal for an older man to get into a relationship with a much younger woman?