Cheating Wife (twice) Plus Bastard Kid

[Owl]

Being in a motel room with another man is undeniable. That, plus all of the other intel you've gathered is more than incriminating enough.

 

She knows what she's doing...you know what she's doing...what more info do you need to act?!?!?!

Edited September 26, 2011 by Owl

[country_gurl]

The OM paid for the room. I'm not sure if she paid him back with cash...I think she one time when i prevented them from meeting, and he end up taking the room in vain...she told him she would pay for it...

But if i was to walk in on them in the room, she will deny???

What would she say? That she played checkers or monopoly with him...

 

But on the other hand, you already KNOW they were in that motel room and you KNOW they weren't playing checkers/monopoly....so why do you need to endure the pain of them doing this again for you to act? You already know what she's done and is doing. Why isn't that enough?

 

Why can't you sit her down, tell her that you're aware of what she's been up to, you're aware of their phone calls/emails (or whatever form of communication they've had); that you're aware they were in a hotel room because you were there......you're aware that he pays for the room but she once offered to pay him back when she wasn't able to go. It doesn't matter if she denies all of this (she likely will, plus twist it all around), YOU KNOW THE TRUTH. Why do you need "more truth"?

[Owl]

I wanted to add...who do you think you're going to "prove" all of this to?

 

Her? Her family? Your family?

 

You're way beyond her being able to deny and weasel out. She'll try...they ALWAYS try...but at the end of the day...what does it matter?

 

Even if she denies it with her last breath...what does her denial change?

 

You know. She knows.

 

At this point...you still have to figure out what outcome you want from confronting her. Divorce? Reconciliation?

 

I'm sorry...but you're stuck in the intel gathering mode...and you really don't seem to want to put an end to the situation.

 

If you want change...then make it happen.

 

Getting more evidence, waiting until the next time...these are just delaying tactics you're using to avoid that conflict.

 

Step up. Stop avoiding what you know is coming...instead, have a plan to manage it to the outcome you want.

 

Seriously...there's nothing else anyone can tell you to help you now. Get off your behind and act...or choose not to. That's up to you.

[Nickster1]

2long. I'm not a violent person. Granted I have huge rage inside of me that needs to be vented out. I would not attack him physically, maybe verbally.

He is a scumbag for doing that to a woman with kids and family. But then again, she did it with other ma(e)n too. So if it wasn't him, it could be someone else. We all know that he didn't rape her...so she willingly did what she did. Looking at the communication between them, it is clear that she is the one who chases him and not the other way around...

I will stay within the law...I know he is not worth it to get in trouble. She is also not worth it.

 

country_gurl, I don't need more proof. I agree with you all. I have more than needed. I just want to get the final result to know "where all my cards are". Then waiting for the right moment.

If i was to sit her down...and started telling her that i know the OM...she will start with her acknowledgement and denial tactics. she will not admit, unless i prove it...she will demand to know HOW I FOUND OUT...Although this part could also be "fun"...I think catching them together is better. I understand the importance of backup.

 

Owl, in a way, you are correct... I'm stuck in the intel gathering mode... and I'm using that as delaying tactics to avoid that conflict....

[country_gurl]

He is a scumbag for doing that to a woman with kids and family. But then again, she did it with other ma(e)n too. So if it wasn't him, it could be someone else. We all know that he didn't rape her...so she willingly did what she did. Looking at the communication between them, it is clear that she is the one who chases him and not the other way around...

I will stay within the law...I know he is not worth it to get in trouble. She is also not worth it.

 

This guy is not doing anything to your wife or family; SHE is the one who is married, she is the one who is supposed to be faithful to you......he owes you and your family nothing. And you admit that she's the one who's instigating their "meetings" so I don't see how you can really blame him.

 

Again, what if he goes ape-sh*t on you? You may claim that he has no reason to but it's just natural human instinct, I would think, that if a man is busted in a motel room/bed with a man's wife, that he's going to become defensive, possibly physically defensive. He may see you and fear what you might try to do to him so he might freak out and go nuts to proactively "stop" what you "might" do to him. If you think about it logically/realistically, it doesn't really make sense that if an 'other man' is busted in a hotel room with some guy's wife that he's going to see you and NOT think you're going to kick his a$$; I think he'll naturally assume that's what you're there to do....and if he's the type to normally carry a weapon (knife, gun), you could be in for way more than you've bargained for. What if you end up shot or dead? Then who will be looking out for the best interests of you children?

[Nickster1]

country_gurl,

I understand your way of looking at this as a woman. Preferring to dealing with issues smart way and avoid violence if that is possible. You might be right all together. What if i have enough backup to provide me the confidence that nothing stupid will happen?

[2long]

I give up!

 

You don't even really seem 2 know what you want, unless all you really want is high drama.

 

You'll get that, in spades, I guarantee it. And that may be what you think you want, but it's not what you need. and it's definitely not what your kids need.

 

Bye.

 

-ol' 2long

[Nickster1]

Update: I just got my 2nd DNA results. They confirm the first results. There was no mistake, and the young 2.5 year old baby is not mine. 0%.

 

2long, please don't give up on me. Not yet. F the drama, the situation is not easy on me. The visit of the brother is not helping either...if i blow it now...where would he go? We are the only relatives here 2,500 miles away.

I don't see how i can throw her out and he will stay at the house with me. The more likely is that all will stay and it would be 1000 times worse as i will be looking at a whore all day long, and she will know that game is over. She might even decide to go and see him...hack, if i already know, so what the hell...

Best time to blow it without busting them together will be the day before he leaves...I could take her out...and the brother will watch the kids...

[2long]

One of the most effective ways 2 end the affair is 2 expose it 2 everybody who might be able 2 persuade her that it's in her own best interest 2 end it.

 

Expose now, and while the brother is there. Maybe he can talk sense in2 her.

 

I don't think that, even if you intend 2 divorce her, you can kick her out. She will need 2 get a lawyer and you'll need 2 divvy up your stuff and decide on custody. I'd go for full custody if it were me, but at least 50/50 so you don't pay her any child support.

 

You can use the DNA results 2 prove 2 the court that she is a serial cheater, but in most states this won't matter at all. If you're in a no-fault state, this will be the case.

 

Again, it doesn't matter who the bio dad is 2 your son. You are legally the father, and the courts will treat you as such.

 

You need 2 put a stop 2 the affair, or at least make it no fun for her 2 want 2 cheat while you and both your families know about it.

 

Remember, it won't be you who's destroying her image. She did that years ago. If anything, you're giving her the oppor2nity 2 build a new image, but she's going 2 have 2 change her ways first.

 

-ol' 2long

[2011aug]

Update: I just got my 2nd DNA results. They confirm the first results. There was no mistake, and the young 2.5 year old baby is not mine. 0%.

 

 

Since you didnt know till now that the 2.5 year old child is not yours biologically, I would think you have reasonable grounds to do something legally now to make sure you're not financially responsible for her for the next 16 plus years.

 

If you dont do something about your financial responsibility of the child, you could be deemed to have accept the responsibility by default.

 

You'll need a good lawyer for this issue and for your divorce.

[2011aug]

 

Again, it doesn't matter who the bio dad is 2 your son. You are legally the father, and the courts will treat you as such.

 

 

I dont know about this. Nickster have a pretty good case that he never knew, and his wife tricked him.

 

But, now that he knows, and he doesnt dispute this legally, he would be responsible for raising some OM's child. And that would suck for sure.

 

Lawyer, lawyer for sure. Get a good one.

[Nickster1]

One of the most effective ways 2 end the affair is 2 expose it 2 everybody who might be able 2 persuade her that it's in her own best interest 2 end it.

 

Expose now, and while the brother is there. Maybe he can talk sense in2 her....You need 2 put a stop 2 the affair, or at least make it no fun for her 2 want 2 cheat while you and both your families know about it.

-ol' 2long

2long, I didn't understand that. What do you mean by others that will persuade her to stop the affair...If I expose her she will either stop it or simply leave the house and go to him permanently...(at least until he kicks her out)

Or are you saying that the friends and family will try to persuade her to stop the affair and rebuild our relationship...?

There's nothing that can rebuild my trust to her. Do i have to stick a GPS tracking device down her vagina and track her movements on minute to minute basis? for the rest of my life?

 

btw: she is trying to "see" him tomorrow...maybe i can end this thing right then.

[Chi townD]

Or are you saying that the friends and family will try to persuade her to stop the affair and rebuild our relationship...?

Sometimes, this is the case. Affairs love the darkness. They've built themselves in a fantasy world with the OM. But, once the affair comes into light and they start seeing disapproval from other people, the fantasy starts to crack and the affair isn't so fun anymore.

[2long]

All kinds of things could happen upon exposure of the affair. She could run off with the OM (that might be a good thing, ac2ally). She could want you 2 forgive her (that's up 2 you, and it will take years if it's possible at all). What you DON'T want is the status quo.

 

If you're going 2 confront her at the hotel with the OM, find a way 2 document it as thoroughly as possible for the lawyer. And don't so much as raise your voice, lest you get slapped with a restraining order and thrown out of your own house (I've seen it happen, so don't think it can't). I still think it would be better 2 confront her before she leaves, maybe tell her that you know where she's going and why when she leaves.

 

Also, if you're going 2 do any more intel gathering, find out who the OM is and whether he's married or has a girlfriend. Find out who his family is and expose the affair 2 them as well.

 

You may not want your wife back, but the affair still needs 2 end anyway (though if they just go further underground with it you'll be more resolved 2 divorce).

 

-ol' 2long

[Nickster1]

2long. The OM is not married. But he might have a GF. That is likely as he seems to be very busy on weekends and almost never answers the W's phone calls. But i never investigated that as i thought he is not important to me. I think most of his family is out of this country. I think he has an uncle or something like that. I could probably send them some evidence if i want to.

 

Chi townD, you might be correct about the idea of the affair to be in the darkness and once exposed, it will not be fun anymore. I kept her cheating/affair of 6 years ago quite from everybody...maybe that was a mistake. Maybe if i had exposed that to her relatives, that exposure might have actually healed her from cheating again on me...but who knows...

[RobD70]

Nick, you are still in a fog yourself (shock and denial) and really just as irrational as she is. What advice would you give to someone in your position?

 

You really need to try to stop analyzing everything and blinding take the advice you are giving. Trust that everyone here knows what they are talking about and as hard as it is to do, just go on autopilot and do it.

 

You need to get angry, at her. She is the enemy and is lying and manipulating you for her own gain. She got knocked up by someone else and tagged you to raise the child KNOWING it’s not yours. There’s a tendency for women to have children with alphas and get betas to raise them. I’m actually in that situation now as I have 2 stepsons that have a-hole fathers while I have no children of my own.

 

Anyway, I’d have all her clothes out the door and screaming at her to get out. I wouldn’t care if she confessed or not, I would just want her out of my life asap. I’d also send copied of the DNA report to everyone in her family just for laughs.

 

Something like this happened to me almost 20 years ago. I was dating a girl that was already pregnant (I didn’t know) and she claimed it was mine, even though it was born a couple of months early and yet was full term. I was young and dumb.

 

I eventually did a blood test after about a year and got the truth. When I confronted her she first blew up and accusing me of not trusting her. Once I threw down the paperwork she shut up and confessed. That was the last time I saw or heard from her. I heard a couple of years after that she was still telling people I was the father. As far as I know there’s some girl out there looking for me thinking I’m her bio-dad.

 

I hope you find the strength to just bulldozer right over her and give her the shock of her life. She has no respect for you so there’s no point in respecting her. She has been using you as a tool all this time and you have to defend yourself from her.

[Osiris1234]

I still say he is scared.

 

What kind of moron waits after he has this much evidence to bust them. I suggest you bust them when she leaves to see him. If you don't do it then, then I officially declare you a pussy, your no man.

 

Big whoop, her brother is coming down, its none of his business.

 

Also the OM, if he tries anything you can sue him for assault.

[Nickster1]

I still say he is scared.

What kind of moron waits after he has this much evidence to bust them. I suggest you bust them when she leaves to see him. If you don't do it then, then I officially declare you a pussy, your no man.

Big whoop, her brother is coming down, its none of his business.

Also the OM, if he tries anything you can sue him for assault.

So you're saying to give up my idea of busting them together, and simply put her down and say that i know everything?

[Chi townD]

dude, you have photo's, DNA tests, PI reports, times and places....what else do you need? As I said in an earlier post. Yeah, you THINK you'll be able to keep it together when you bust them, but you never know HOW you'll react until it actually happens. I don't think that they're worth going to jail over.

 

I think you have it in your head that she'll go white as a sheet, scream and cry and beg and be a total mess. Well.....what if she isn't. What if she's like, "oh well...I'm busted! Since, I'm busted I there's nothing I can do about it, do you mind leaving so we can finish up here?" That would throw a monkey wrench in the mind movie you've created for yourself.

[Nickster1]

I think you have it in your head that she'll go white as a sheet, scream and cry and beg and be a total mess. Well.....what if she isn't. What if she's like, "oh well...I'm busted! Since, I'm busted I there's nothing I can do about it, do you mind leaving so we can finish up here?" That would throw a monkey wrench in the mind movie you've created for yourself.

That would be a very bad scenario/outcome.

[country_gurl]

Maybe instead of "busting them" like you plan to, why don't you just leave her a note on the windshield of her car (parked there at the motel), letting her now that you're well aware of what she's been up to, you know absolutely everything, you are done with her and she doesn't need to bother coming home unless it's to retrieve her belongings on the doorstep, and signed the letter.......or something like that. You can still let her know that you "know" without having to risk a face to face confrontation with her and this goon that could turn very ugly very quickly.

[Nickster1]

Maybe instead of "busting them" like you plan to, why don't you just leave her a note on the windshield of her car (parked there at the motel), letting her now that you're well aware of what she's been up to, you know absolutely everything, you are done with her and she doesn't need to bother coming home unless it's to retrieve her belongings on the doorstep, and signed the letter.......or something like that. You can still let her know that you "know" without having to risk a face to face confrontation with her and this goon that could turn very ugly very quickly.

I know you mean well and i appreciate that, but some part in me want still to do that. I might break and simply tell her that i know everything...

btw: Although she tried, she didn't "see" the OM today. He was avoiding her all day long...

[country_gurl]

I know you mean well and i appreciate that, but some part in me want still to do that. I might break and simply tell her that i know everything...

btw: Although she tried, she didn't "see" the OM today. He was avoiding her all day long...

 

The way he avoids her seems like he's a guy who's married. I know you posted that he's not married. How do you know that for sure? The fact that he previously answered the hotel phone w/ a fake name plus him avoiding your lovely wife like he does/not being very available, says to me that he's married.

[Nickster1]

The way he avoids her seems like he's a guy who's married. I know you posted that he's not married. How do you know that for sure? The fact that he previously answered the hotel phone w/ a fake name plus him avoiding your lovely wife like he does/not being very available, says to me that he's married.

Hmmm...Of course i don't know that...Only guess. You see when i back track in time a year ago, they spend a lot of time on the phone. If he was married wouldn't he be careful? she also went out once or twice a week, was coming back at 1-2AM. I doubt he is married. But It is very likely that he has a GF. Still why didn't he dump my W completely...

Back a year ago, my W was telling me that she was going out with his friends and she also became very close friend with (imaginary) girl friend of the OM...She was telling me they go to play poker with friends...which i think was somewhat true (the poker games) as i got that from the phone calls too. When i break this issue, we could easily tell if this OM has a GF or wife...by seeing if my W goes to live with him or not...

[country_gurl]

Hmmm...Of course i don't know that...Only guess. You see when i back track in time a year ago, they spend a lot of time on the phone. If he was married wouldn't he be careful? she also went out once or twice a week, was coming back at 1-2AM. I doubt he is married. But It is very likely that he has a GF. Still why didn't he dump my W completely...

Back a year ago, my W was telling me that she was going out with his friends and she also became very close friend with (imaginary) girl friend of the OM...She was telling me they go to play poker with friends...which i think was somewhat true (the poker games) as i got that from the phone calls too. When i break this issue, we could easily tell if this OM has a GF or wife...by seeing if my W goes to live with him or not...

 

I think it's rather doubtful that once all of this is exposed that you'll be able to tell if OM is married/involved by whether your wife goes to live with him. Based on what you've written about how she chases him/initiates their rolls in the sack, it's possible he's single but is simply using her for sex and has other hunnies the go as well and is not looking for any kind of commitment or relationship.

 

Any possibility this guy deals drugs? Is your wife into drugs? Perhaps the reason he answered that phone that one time w/ a fake name is because he's a dealer and is being careful.