Cheating Wife (twice) Plus Bastard Kid

[Osiris1234]

I have to agree with soulstorm, I think your just scared.

 

Also remember that your protecting your KID, not KIDS, that other child isn't yours.

 

Why don't you just Expose her at the end of the week? Get it done, call up everyone and tell them what has gone down, ruin her ****.

 

Stop making excuses to wait, it wont matter when you expose it, itll still be a different day.

[In Like Flynn]

You know that the OM has to know that the kid is his!!! They have talked about it and even seen/played with his kid. He is more than happy using your wife as a sex toy for years and you paying for his kid. She has no respect for you and they are laughing behind your back as well as soiling the bed you lay in night after night. Time for waiting is over see a lawyer and confront her. She can't just take the kids and run legally but the OM's kid she can. STOP THE MADNESS!!!

[Avery]

Get your finances in order, consult an attorney, then dump her a**.

 

And, I don't understand why you are conflicted regarding whether or not to tell people the truth about your divorce.

 

My opinion has always been that I am under no obligation to keep my spouse's "dirty little secret". His reputation is not my problem. And frankly, don't you think that if they cared so much what other people thought, that they would govern their behaviour better?

 

"Character is defined by what you do when no one is watching." She lacks character.

[Nickster1]

2long, I was thinking about your comments and I think you are right. I don't need to keep it secret and need to expose just because it is the truth. I also don't need to give up my sources as I really don't need to prove it...SHE KNOWS THAT.

But as i said before, she is a special case about admitting her actions. She will only admit facts that i know, never give/confirm me even 1 bit of info that i don't know.

We talked today...and I basically ask her questions and stuff about the first cheating of 6 years ago...to justify my recent suspicions about her...This is my way to talk to her about cheating but not exposing that i know about her current cheating...

So anyways, She basically "swears" that she would do nothing to harm the kids, me, and our family. The next thing she says is that she has a crisis and she can do things and not care about no consequences or whatever anybody would say...and after that again repeats that she would not do anything to hurt us...

She also said that the cheating that she did was a mistake by her. I asked her how come she didn't think it would hurt me (her cheating). She would not answer that. I asked why? She said, "if i answer, it would make me admit that i hurt you"...So "if i don't answer, it is like i didn't hurt you..."

I then added that she thinks stealing is no problem at all. The only problem is when you're getting caught. She didn't answer...

Another interesting point that came today was that she said maybe we should take a timeout...so she can figure out what she wants/needs and maybe if she wants me, she would come back to me...

 

oh, and btw: I didn't mean to offend no one by my title of the topic. I just figured it is what it is. Sorry if i offended anybody. The baby is at no fault for sure, he is such a pure soul. Such a sweet, smart, and beautiful baby.

[Nickster1]

I have to add this;

On many occasions, she has being talking about not to air OUR dirty laundry outside...I mean on occasions that we had arguments or one time when we were in a social event and i had couple of drinks and according to the wife, i was talking to much...

Am i correct to say that this is mostly HER dirty laundry not mine. I know that at the end of the day it is ours....but it is only or mostly because she put her extremely dirty and filthy clothes together with my clothes in the same machine and ran it...

 

"Character is defined by what you do when no one is watching." - What a great sentence! WOW. Very strong and true. When people are watching... is just a plain show...

[Owl]

So the question is...what's your PLAN now?

 

What are you going to DO with all of the information you have? What's your goal, and what steps do you think you need to take in order to reach your goal?

 

It's always best to have these things clearly in mind as you're getting ready to take action.

[Nickster1]

Owl,

These are my exact questions that I'm don't have 100% answers to them.

Had I known the answers i would act already.

But these needs to be a sense of urgency...I guess i'm looking for a trigger to push me.

[Owl]

I don't think you need more of a trigger to act. I think you need to recognize that you need to make a decision, rather than sit there debating on what to do.

 

It's called "analysis paralysis". You spend all your time trying to analyze that you avoid making a decision until it's made for you.

 

I think it was Teddy Roosevelt who said something along the lines of "The best action to take is the right choice. The next best is to make the wrong choice. The worst thing to do is nothing at all.".

 

If you don't make a choice, if you don't take action...then it means that SHE will dictate what the outcome of all of this is.

 

Not doing something...not choosing...not taking action...is in itself a decision and action.

[2long]

2long, I was thinking about your comments and I think you are right. I don't need to keep it secret and need to expose just because it is the truth. I also don't need to give up my sources as I really don't need to prove it...SHE KNOWS THAT.

But as i said before, she is a special case about admitting her actions. She will only admit facts that i know, never give/confirm me even 1 bit of info that i don't know.

 

Now's your chance 2 cure her of this selfish judgmental habit of hers. Make her GUESS how you know what you know, and don't answer her direct questions. You don't need 2 prove what she already knows, of course, but you also don't need 2 make excuses for knowing what you know.

 

We talked today...and I basically ask her questions and stuff about the first cheating of 6 years ago...to justify my recent suspicions about her...This is my way to talk to her about cheating but not exposing that i know about her current cheating...

 

I think you need 2 have these conversations about what she's currently doing. It's easier for her 2 make excuses and blameshift for things that happened 6 years ago, because we all remember things through our own selective filters. What's her excuse for her current behavior? And what's yours, for not calling her on the carpet for it and pissing in her cheerios?

 

So anyways, She basically "swears" that she would do nothing to harm the kids, me, and our family. The next thing she says is that she has a crisis and she can do things and not care about no consequences or whatever anybody would say...and after that again repeats that she would not do anything to hurt us...

 

...which you know is not true at all, because she's hurting you now. She just doesn't know that you know about it. So tell her.

 

She also said that the cheating that she did was a mistake by her.

 

Yes, but it was a consciously chosen mistake on her part.

 

I asked her how come she didn't think it would hurt me (her cheating). She would not answer that. I asked why? She said, "if i answer, it would make me admit that i hurt you"...So "if i don't answer, it is like i didn't hurt you..."

 

She's lived for years as though "what you don't know can't hurt you", and you seemed 2 want 2 believe that ignorance is bliss after all. Well, guess what? You're no longer ignorant.

 

I then added that she thinks stealing is no problem at all. The only problem is when you're getting caught. She didn't answer...

Another interesting point that came today was that she said maybe we should take a timeout...so she can figure out what she wants/needs and maybe if she wants me, she would come back to me...

 

I would agree 2 this, and soon. Think about it. While she's "figuring out what she wants" and scrooing her OM the whole time, you'll be the furthest thing from her mind. At the SAME TIME, you will know what you know, plus you are already contemplating life without her. My prediction is that, after a few months of missing her, you will find you enjoy her absence, like the song said "living with you is worse than without you, I won't spend a lifetime worrying about you". By the time she does "decide she wants/needs you" (e.g., the OM gets bored and dumps her for someone else's wife), you won't be interested.

 

You might be closer 2 that point than you think. Maybe you are afraid 2 admit that?

 

-ol' 2long

[Chi townD]

Nick, when the hell are you gonna pull the trigger on her lying? You're just side stepping and dancing around the facts, seeing what her reaction is!

 

I would say to her, " Remember when you said that you wouldn't do anything to harm me or the children?" Then I would had her the DNA results and walk away....

[Avery]

Nick, when the hell are you gonna pull the trigger on her lying? You're just side stepping and dancing around the facts, seeing what her reaction is!

 

I would say to her, " Remember when you said that you wouldn't do anything to harm me or the children?" Then I would had her the DNA results and walk away....

 

Yeah. What Chi said.

[2011aug]

Maybe she has read you correctly.

 

If she doesnt tell you more or admit her fault, you wont pull the trigger.

 

But, please dont live your life that way (unless that's what you really want).

[Nickster1]

Chi townD, Slamming the DNA results up her face would be a one shot nuke bomb.

I think maybe stretch it a little by first telling her that i know about her communication with the Guy B. Then she would probably answer by saying she's just friends with him. Then i can say that I know they were meeting each other. She would probably respond by saying they only met with friends. I can then say that i knew they were together alone been intimate. She would probably admit to be kissing with him and hugging but nothing further than that...similar to her admitting her actions with Guy A.

And so on...Maybe she would get the direction and break. And if not, then i can slam her with the worst finding of the DNA results.

 

2011aug, the last thing i want to do is to live my life this way. Even not considering the humiliation, the idea of me sharing her with someone else is disgusting beyond any reasonable thought. I'm a very "possession oriented" person. If i have some tool, object, or whatever that i don't want to share for whatever reason, I would keep it like that. So sharing the wife does not exist in any dictionary that i have ever dream about in my worst nightmares.

[Nickster1]

I would agree 2 this, and soon. Think about it. While she's "figuring out what she wants" and scrooing her OM the whole time, you'll be the furthest thing from her mind. At the SAME TIME, you will know what you know, plus you are already contemplating life without her. My prediction is that, after a few months of missing her, you will find you enjoy her absence, like the song said "living with you is worse than without you, I won't spend a lifetime worrying about you". By the time she does "decide she wants/needs you" (e.g., the OM gets bored and dumps her for someone else's wife), you won't be interested.

You might be closer 2 that point than you think. Maybe you are afraid 2 admit that?

-ol' 2long

If there were no kids, I would do that thing last month in a heart beat - easy. However it is way more complicated as we have kids (kid) that are linking us together for at least the next 12-15 year if we want it or not.

[2long]

Are you saying that you're willing 2 live like this until the kids get older?

 

I'd talk 2 a lawyer and see what your rights are with regard 2 the younger son. Legally, he's yours. So, if you're not the bio dad and the bio dad knows he is and has been in his kid's life the whole time without your knowledge, I'd sue him for child support. If he doesn't know about your son and you want 2 keep your family 2gether, then do what you need 2 do 2 keep him out of your lives.

 

The onlly option whereby you stay married 2 this woman is if she can give up her cheating and prove 2 you that you can trust her at some point in the distant fu2re. How likely do you think that is?

 

-ol' 2long

[Osiris1234]

Nick all I have to say is stop pussy footing around and get it done already. You will have all the time in the world to figure out what happens after.

 

Sit her ass down, slam her with all the evidence and **** youve gathered and tell her you know everything and that she cant talk her ass out of it.

 

Why are you acting like a such a doormat? Why don't you drop your balls, be a man for once in your life, or are you too chicken **** to do anything because your afraid? Maybe you like be cuckholded and letting your wife win this battle youve started.

 

STAND UP AND BE A MAN, YOUR EMBARRASSING YOURSELF

[Chi townD]

Okay, so the DNA results are the "nuke"...so what. My question is, what is your next move? I mean, you're sitting on a pile of evidence that she can't dispute....and you're going to do what with it?

 

I mean, it seems like you invested a lot of time and money into finding out the truth and now that you have it....well, YOU know what the truth is, so now we can go back to the status quo. However, if you were happy with the status quo, you wouldn't have posted here to being with.

[2011aug]

take baby steps.

 

what have you done to separate yourself financially? Remove yourself from any joint bank accounts and credit cards. Can you remove yourself from joint debts/loans? Start/Have your own secret/private bank account. And so on...

[Nickster1]

2long, you didn't understand me correctly. I just wanted to say that since we have a son together, in some capacity we would still be in contact with each other (me and wife). That's all.

I don't know how she can prove to me that she can be trusted...She cannot be trusted. I think she would never change. And most likely if i was to stay in this relationship. She would probably cheat again at some point in time...

 

Osiris1234, I agree with you that there is some element of being afraid. Not from her or something but more like from the situation and the issues that will happen after i blow it up. But still there's no way in hell that i would keep it like this for too long. I'm going to blow it up and i just looking for the right moment. I'm not looking for more evidence as i have more than i need.

 

Chi townD, no status quo. I hate where i am now, and i hate my life. I hate her for what she did to me. I didn't deserve that. I also couldn't handle all this inside me so i had to share the info. I got great pointers and support from great people like you guys and gals on this forum. You're awesome.

 

2011aug, I'm not really sure why, but currently we don't have joint bank accounts or debts. She only has a credit card that she is authorized user on my sole account. No joint accounts.

[Chi townD]

But still there's no way in hell that i would keep it like this for too long. I'm going to blow it up and i just looking for the right moment. I'm not looking for more evidence as i have more than i need.

 

 

There is no right time for something like this. I mean, come on, when is there EVER a right time for something like this. All I'm saying is you're letting all of this information fester up inside you and it's gonna slowly eat away at you.

 

You need to tell her that you know and don't believe in her BS, because she's going to deny until the cows come home. THEN, I'll guarantee you, she's gonna get pissed that you snooped. NOT because she hurt you, but because you found her out.

[Nickster1]

There is no right time for something like this. I mean, come on, when is there EVER a right time for something like this..... THEN, I'll guarantee you, she's gonna get pissed that you snooped. NOT because she hurt you, but because you found her out.

Chi townD, You're kind of amazing in the way you "know" my wife using the limited info that I have been sharing here.

This is exactly what she'll do. She would get extremely pissed at the fact that I found out...that is where she will try and respond by attacking me with any weapon that she can find. I don't think she would break and simply cry out and lay on the floor surrendering to me and admitting EVERYTHING.

 

You're also correct that this issue is eating me away. But the damage has already been done. Everytime she's planning to meet him, I get that feeling of sharp (but heavily rusted) knife through my heart....

Luckily I'm able to prevent all their meetings now with 1 exception so far.

[Nickster1]

Update from last night: I was able to prevent a meeting between them yesterday evening. It might still happen this afternoon, but we'll see...

The wife approached me yesterday pretty pissed. She said that while in a store in front of people, my kid had asked her a question. The kid said to her: "Mommy, are you kissing other men?...Because Daddy asked me if I ever seen that and also wanted me to watch after you..."

She attacked me for involving our 7 year old kid with our problems and plus getting the humiliation of him saying that out laud in front of people...

I did talk to him about this, he turned this a little out of context, but i guess i should have assumed that he would not be keep this a secret between us...

What do you think?

[yessy21]

okay im not sure how to say this....... SHe is using you. to maintain her. she clearly doesnt give a **** about your feelings or about her childrens feelings. you sit there and let her walk all over you! how dare you! DONT YOU LOVE YOURSELF?! what if she gives you aids? your sticking your " " were other men are unloading! Thats supposed to be your wife! these men have no respect! and Dude A knows thats his kid. trust me he knows.

since u signed the birth certificate and just found out hes not your child... you dont have to be responsible for him. let her pay for her mistakes. you can love him he will be in your life after you divorce this monster. and get custody of your child. he doesnt deserve to see women behave like this.

[Nickster1]

kristismiles, So far the kid (being 7 year old) provided me with a protection plan. As long as the kid was with the mom, she would not be or be capable of being with the guy. So it kind of provided me with a guarding angel. I know i should keep the kids out of it...and it's a shame that they are bother by this and not enjoying just being kids...

This nightmare can damage the kids such that they would have similar issued with their spouses when the time comes. I'm a great believer in that. I think that kids that see and experience their parents divorcing will probably do that too.

[yessy21]

Wow...So many responses so quick. You people are great, thank you so much from the bottom of my (broken) heart.

 

Yesterday night we had a late bed talk. Since i was teasing her on her going out alone and all that, she said yesterday that maybe she should go out and find someone...so that my imaginary story (as she calls it) would be correct.

She also said that our relationship is rotten but she still loves me a lot.

She sent me an email saying that our sex life is great and always been great and that my problem with her is our "togetherness". She claims we are distant from each other, but that she loves me more than ever. And also she thinks we are going to be together forever and nothing will split us apart.

 

I love the kid so much and I can't let go. I'm going to do another test to make sure my 1st test was OK.

Bryanp: It is true that it's very hard to be in the same room with her, look into her lying eyes, sleep in the same bed...

2011aug: I'm ready, I just need to find the best path. Should i throw her out of the house? with/out the kids? who's going to take the kids to/from school. I can't with my work schedule...

Osiris1234: Are you sure that everybody needs to know...on one hand, it will destroy her and her image in front of everybody that she knows inc. her own family...on the other hand, i will lose all my best poker cards. Maybe by keeping this information somewhat between us, i could separate from her with my own terms, and really call the shots...you know by getting access to the kids at my will, money issues, etc... I'm pretty sure she would do anything for me to keep my mouth shut.

2long: I know that. I'm trying to gather all the advice i can from great people like you guys and decide...

TrunkPaired: I'll do that, but there are so many other issues that i need to figure out...

kristismiles: Yes, it is a huge mess. My life turned upside down. I'm double checking about the kid to be "super sure". I know the kid is the last to blame here...but I'm quite torn.

 

 

I just read this post.

 

kick her out. tell everyone who she really is. keep the kids.

Im 24 and i take care of a 5 year old by myself i have an 830 to 5 oclock job and now i added a little member to my family... my cousins little baby that noone can take care of because her parents are too young. if I can do it so can you. your making excuses. dont tease dont play. Lets put it this way. If Dude B and you with the kids were falling off a cliff and hanging on to dear life... she would save Dude B. Dude B is just getting his by the way. he doesnt love her or anything hes just banging her until hes bored. Get yourself a lawyer because shes going to try to keep it all. she doesnt deserve none of it. My fathers daughter cheated on me the same way. said the same things. and the person he is with now.... hes cheating on her tooo! she wont end it and the guy she wants is the one that is treating her like garbage. pfft. -_-