Calif_hope Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Nick, why in God green earth didn't you clearly tell your wife you knew what she did the day before - God are you such a sap that you sit back and take it, do you enjoy the drama, the pain of it all. Man the f#%* up......fight for your dignity. And, what kind of friends do you have, are they as light footed as you, mine would have showed up to the hotel and backed me up, two would bring cameras to document the event to give to the cops if need be (evidence of our behavior and actions) maybe later posting on UTube. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 I still would have knocked on the door!! Just hide from the area seen by the door scope. It anything it would have interupted their F@#% fest. Stop being afraid and start standing up to her!!! Yes...now after the fact, I feel that I should have knocked on the door...At least i would save myself from the pain that I have now... I just pushed the inevitable...i will blow it out...so in sense it was stupid not to blow them at that time. All i got from it, is more pain for me for more days... I can tell you this, This scene at the hotel was the worst moment so far since i found out about this fiasco. Yes, i have a lot of evidence. But that scene seeing my wife's car actually parked at the hotel parking lot... seeing the room, hearing.. That is excatly the difference between knowing it..and seeing it. It is extremly tough now. I should have ended that back then. You see yesterday night, i drank myself out and fell asleep. This night, i didn't drink, and she is just next to me in the bed...It is so painful. Does it make me less of a man to feel pain...tears in my eyes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 Nick, why in God green earth didn't you clearly tell your wife you knew what she did the day before - God are you such a sap that you sit back and take it, do you enjoy the drama, the pain of it all. Man the f#%* up......fight for your dignity. And, what kind of friends do you have, are they as light footed as you, mine would have showed up to the hotel and backed me up, two would bring cameras to document the event to give to the cops if need be (evidence of our behavior and actions) maybe later posting on UTube. Calif_hope, thank you. i think the fact that i didn't have the paperwork ready prevented me from busting them. My friends convinced me that i should have the paperwork ready before i bust her...otherwise I will be in a disadvantaged position. I like the camera idea...any decent cell phone can be used to make a nice video.. And I love the youtube idea...:+) Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Your friends are wrong. What difference does it make when you finish your parperwork? As for the pain you're feeling now - half of it is due 2 her continuing her affair. Half of it is self-inflicted because you're enabling the affair. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Osiris1234 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Does it make me less of a man to feel pain...tears in my eyes? No what makes you less of a man is letting your wife walk all over you and you being to chicken **** to finally bust her ass Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 No what makes you less of a man is letting your wife walk all over you and you being to chicken **** to finally bust her ass Osiris1234, I no longer chicken **** to bust them (Maybe i was before). I give you (and myself) my word. Next opportunity that i can, i will do. That last time was perfect as i knew exactly where they are....I fill so sorry for not busting them at that time.... Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Osiris1234, I no longer chicken **** to bust them (Maybe i was before). I give you (and myself) my word. Next opportunity that i can, i will do. That last time was perfect as i knew exactly where they are....I fill so sorry for not busting them at that time.... So are you still having SEX with your wife, since finding out what she's really up to? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 So are you still having SEX with your wife, since finding out what she's really up to? Country_gurl, I had up until their last meeting. I think that broke me completly. Before that day, although i knew they were having sex for months...I tried couple of time to see if i can still get her to change her mind. I mean I was with her and really tried to make her happy and very busy. I wanted to see if it will at least slow her mind about seeing the OM. Again, the OM doesn't call to see her,. She is the one that begs him to "see" her. So "my activity" with her the day before and even the morning of the day they met...she still wanted to see him and made all plans to see him. Getting babysitter, leaving her sick daughter with high fever at home so she could sneak to the motel...(there was a sign in that morning that she was saving her strength for later, if you know what i mean.) The other reason that i kept having sex with her was that i was still attracted to her and she was initiating many of our encounters. Of course there was the thought about the OM being with her in all positions, her having unprotected sex with a stranger, that i have doubts that she is the only woman in his life...But hey, this is going on for a year. And if i caught some STD, it is already there, and if not, so it will probably not happen. But i understand there is risk. Bottom line, I'm trying my best now to avoid having sex with her as the disgust and disappointment parts are the leading factors. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 (edited) btw: Her brother is coming to visit in couple of days and is going to stay with us for a week. The wife was begging the OM to "see" her before the brother comes as she would not be able to see him during his visit (that's what she said). I wonder if they would plan a meeting during his visit... Maybe I should take her brother with me if/when i have the oportunity to bust them...What do you think? Edited September 25, 2011 by Nickster1 Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 btw: Her brother is coming to visit in couple of days and is going to stay with us for a week. The wife was begging the OM to "see" her before the brother comes as she would not be able to see him during his visit (that's what she said). I wonder if they would plan a meeting during his visit... Maybe I should take her brother with me if/when i have the oportunity to bust them...What do you think? Do you really think her brother is going to want to be a party to you busting his sister? Why are you willing to bust her now but not when they were previously at the hotel? What has changed? How do you know this guy isn't some nutcase who carries a gun? I believe you previously wrote that he's afraid of you. What if he packs a weapon with him for these little hotel room romps out of fear you might show up? What if you busted them and he went ape-sh*t on you and in defending yourself he accused you of assaulting him? I thought you saw a lawyer......what did the lawyer advise? Am I thinking of someone else or wasn't it you who hired an investigator? If it was you, why don't you have the PI take pictures of them coming/going from the hotel room....to use as part of your divorce proceedings? If you feel like you must "bust them" then I would seriously suggest taking someone with you, as a witness and back-up should the guy go nuts on you. Do you think deep down that you're just stalling on kicking her dirty a$$ out and that's why you continue to need so much more proof when you already have more than enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 country_gurl, you are a smart girl. You're asking if something has changed...Maybe part of me is kindof afraid of the situation because i don't know the OM that well. He did say that "he doesn't want to kill nobody" when she asked him again to come to our house...and then we she called his hotel room, he answered with a fake number and accent...was he afraid I'm calling him? I like the idea of the backup. Last time i was alone...I should have taken someone, but there was not time, and i got out quick as soon as i heard. I was late to arrive by about 40 minutes from her arrival... The PI enabled me to get access to phone calls. I don't have the budget to hire a full time PI to follow the wife's steps...That's where you have a GPS tracking device... About the stalling...At the begining I was shocked. Then i said to myself, let's find out what is going on, by getting more phone calls and really learning their relation and details. At that time I said to myself that as long as i can keep her from seeing him, I would be able to minimize my pain. However, every meeting between them is escalating my pain level dramatically. Especially the last one, as i was pretty much a witness and had the ability to interrupt it. Again, I think if there was a backup with me, I would have busted them. The OM might have a gun, but you really think he will shoot me over this woman? He doesn't even love her, he simply uses her for sex, and even that, not that often. There is some (little) satisfaction in busting them and let him **** in his pants when he hears a door knock... I think it would be much easier to bust them in my house. I can easily get in, and no need to knock... Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Some FATAL stds can take years 2 show symptoms. And you said yourself you have no idea whether the OM has multiple partners, and those partners may have multiple partners... Don't wait for another encounter. Confront your W NOW. RIGHT NOW!! -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 (edited) 2long, that is probably a topic for diferrent discussion. But do you think a blood test can find out about that? Today, she told me that she "involved her brother...."I asked her why do you mean? She said I told him that we fight, that you got drunk, etc. I said really? You want to involve your brother??. She said yes, i want you to talk to somebody...Then she added: but i didn't tell him about my cheating...(refers to her cheating 6 years ago which i "forgave her for"). She said: I can't tell him that as it would destroy my image infront of him and my family... I'm like exploding inside hearing this. So she tells me that if her family finds out about her cheating on me (6 years ago, she didn't have sex with him....) it would be very bad for her and her family.. hmm....I'm just saying to myself, so what happens if her family finds out that she cheated on me 6 years ago and on. Had sex. I forgave her and gave her my true love and trust, and then she cheated on me again at least once more for a year...And to top this off, she had a baby from one of her lovers and lied to me that it is mine. And was ready for me to raise it thinking it is my kid... OMG, once this **** hits the fan...that is going to be a scene better than hollywood. Edited September 25, 2011 by Nickster1 Link to post Share on other sites
Osiris1234 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 So why don't you expose her already? Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 So why don't you expose her already? Yeah, what on earth are you waiting for? I don't get it. You know your 2nd child isn't your bio child, you know she cheated in the past, you know she's carrying on with this guy, she's leaving your sick child with a babysitter so she can roll around in the sheets at the no-tell motel with this guy.........what more proof do you need to kick her out? How can you even look at her without wanting to puke. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I highly doubt this situation actually exists....except on an unused script for "All My Children". Don't feed the troll........... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Yeah, what on earth are you waiting for? I don't get it. You know your 2nd child isn't your bio child, you know she cheated in the past, you know she's carrying on with this guy, she's leaving your sick child with a babysitter so she can roll around in the sheets at the no-tell motel with this guy.........what more proof do you need to kick her out? How can you even look at her without wanting to puke. 1) I want to bust them in the act. 2) I'm waiting for the 2nd DNA test that i did. (should be Monday or Tuesday) 3) I was able to set my mind on my actions Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Nickster: You didn't answer the question. I thought you saw a lawyer...what did he/she advise? What's prompted you to have another DNA test done; was there something about the first one (confirming your 2nd child wasn't really yours) that caused you to question the result and if so, what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Nickster: You didn't answer the question. I thought you saw a lawyer...what did he/she advise? What's prompted you to have another DNA test done; was there something about the first one (confirming your 2nd child wasn't really yours) that caused you to question the result and if so, what? country_gurl, I believe the lawyer didn't tell me if it was good or not good to bust them together. Don't remember if i asked him specifically. The 2nd DNA test...After the first result, i kind of felt distance for the baby. Couple of days later, when i was holding it, it felt like maybe it is mine...Sort of a feeling that I can't let go of him. Not that easy. So some part in me started to think that maybe there was a mixup with the test. I felt that, by running another test at totally different lab would solidify this issue for good. It is huge deal for me, and if there was a mistake, and i would run yelling that it is not my kid and it actually was...it would be mind crushing. I mean sometime I see my face in that baby's face...or maybe i just "want" to see it... Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 1) I want to bust them in the act. If you had a counselor, they would probably tell you that this is a bad idea. Your lawyer will probably tell you that this is a bad idea. The reason it's a bad idea is that you have no idea whether the OM is prone 2 violence, and you are already at risk of becoming violent. You need 2 think clearly and plan from a position of calm determination, not one of reactionary drama. Hence, there is no reason not 2 confront your W with what you know right now. 2) I'm waiting for the 2nd DNA test that i did. (should be Monday or Tuesday) Like I said, you are legally the father. If you're human and you've developed an attachment 2 your son by now, then there's no reason that the DNA results would change that. The only reason for doing another DNA test is if you find that the bio dad is involved in his son's life, you could sue for child support. Ask the lawyer what 2 do about this. In any case, it has no bearing on what you should be doing about the current affair. At all. 3) I was able to set my mind on my actions What actions? -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 2long, 1) You are correct, I will try to do that with a backup. (maybe also a pepper spray) . Why does he have to attack me? what did i do to him? gave him my wife to use for free? 2) The DNA results would not change how i fill about the kid, but I will not keep my knowledge about it secret from her. She might say, "hey it is not yours so F off, you will not see it again!" And if things turn out ugly in court... 3) Actions: filing court papers. Busting them on my next opportunity. Packing her **** and kicking her out... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 There's no need at all to wait until "the next opportunity". You've got far more "evidence" than the vast majority of people have before they confront. You KNOW where they met last, and who paid, etc...she can't deny any of that. And you know what? She'll deny even if you walk in the room on them...IT HAPPENS. You're not going to get a willing, cheerful confession, no matter when/how you confront. With that in mind...what does waiting get you vs what does taking action now get you? Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 You absolutely, thoroughly, completely misunders2d my post: 2long, 1) You are correct, I will try to do that with a backup. (maybe also a pepper spray) . Why does he have to attack me? what did i do to him? gave him my wife to use for free? Don't do it at all. That is what I was trying 2 tell you. Having an affair isn't illegal, but assaulting an OM is. This simple fact will piss you off and increase your chances of getting physical. Who knows about the OM? Who cares? He's not your problem right now, your wife is. Your goal should be 2 get him out of your life (and maybe your wife with him). 2) The DNA results would not change how i fill about the kid, but I will not keep my knowledge about it secret from her. She might say, "hey it is not yours so F off, you will not see it again!" And if things turn out ugly in court... When did you start referring 2 your son as "it?" The courts will treat your kids as yours and your wife's. I suppose they might side with her as the more "stable parent" though, if you are in jail on assault charges. 3) Actions: filing court papers. Busting them on my next opportunity. Packing her **** and kicking her out... Stay within the law. I think you'll find you can't kick her out without a separation agreement. And if you do assault the OM, or even if your wife thinks you're threatening her in any way, she can file a protection order against you and have YOU thrown out. Document everything, and stay on the moral high ground. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 So...AGAIN...what are you going to DO about this? You've known for a MONTH...but you've made not a single change, not enforced a single boundary. That's acceptance of her behavior. Frankly...I don't see any advice anyone can offer until you decide you're ready to change the situation. This thread is starting to remind me of Vanhandle. How much would you guys bet this doesn't end in a breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 There's no need at all to wait until "the next opportunity"....You've got far more "evidence" than the vast majority of people have before they confront.... You KNOW where they met last, and who paid, And you know what? She'll deny even if you walk in the room on them...IT HAPPENS. The OM paid for the room. I'm not sure if she paid him back with cash...I think she one time when i prevented them from meeting, and he end up taking the room in vain...she told him she would pay for it... But if i was to walk in on them in the room, she will deny??? What would she say? That she played checkers or monopoly with him... Link to post Share on other sites
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