londonmummy Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 Wow you have been through a lot. I do think however now is the time to end this horrid cycle for your sake, for your childrens sake. DIVORCE this woman already and I hope in time you can find happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 Again...what's your PLAN????? Why bother preventing her from meeting up with him? Seriously...what's the point? Either take action to end the affair...or end the marriage...or accept that you're not truly willing to create change. STOP BEING AFRAID OF LOSING HER. Step up. Figure out what needs to happen...what outcome you want, and what steps you need to take to make that outcome occur....then DO IT. Stop thinking about it. Stop playing games preventing her from hooking up with him if you intend to divorce. This is all just a cat and mouse game. Make a choice, and take action. Sitting there watching what's going on between them, and 'intervening' where you can is NOT a plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Avery Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 I am stunned. Absolutely STUNNED that you involved your 7 year old child in this mess. That was incredibly irresponsible. Children should in no way be involved in such adult issues. They should not be asked to spy or "tell on" the other parent. They should NEVER feel like they have to *choose* one parent over the other... To this day, my children have no idea about their father's infidelity. It didn't concern them. This really saddens me. Link to post Share on other sites
Osiris1234 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) I agree with you that there is some element of being afraid. Not from her or something but more like from the situation and the issues that will happen after i blow it up. THERE IS NOTHING THAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU AFTER YOU BLOW IT UP, THE BALL IS LITERALLY IN YOUR COURT FROM HERE ON IN,AND EVEN AFTER YOU SHOW HER THE EVIDENCE AND ****, SHE CAN GET PISSED AT YOU ALL SHE WANTS AND CAN BREAK DOWN CRYING AND CAN ATTACK YOU ALL SHE WANTS, THE POINT IS SHE CANT HIDE IT ANY LONGER AND LET HER ADMIT EVERYTHING! YOU MAY THINK IM ATTACKING YOU BUT IM NOT, IM PISSED BECAUSE YOUR NOT DOING ANYTHING AT ALL TO STOP THIS ****!!! IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES RIGHT ****ING NOW I WOULD HAVE TOLD HER I KNOW EVERYTHING!!! EXPOSE HER TO THE CHEATING PIECE OF LYING **** SHE IS, SHOW EVERYONE WHO SHE REALLY IS, RUIN HER LIFE!!!!! STOP BEING SUCH A DOORMAT/PUSSY/FAG AND TAKE CONTKROL OF YOUR GOD DAMN WIFE!!!!!! BE A MAN!!!! ACT LIKE ONE!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD I am raging right now at your stupidity by waiting.....:mad::mad::mad: Edited September 22, 2011 by Osiris1234 Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 This is sooo stupid!!!!!!!!!!!! I say this is a troll!!!!!!!!! Stop posting in this thread!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Share Posted September 22, 2011 ...IM PISSED BECAUSE YOUR NOT DOING ANYTHING AT ALL TO STOP THIS ****!!! IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES RIGHT ****ING NOW I WOULD HAVE TOLD HER I KNOW EVERYTHING!!! EXPOSE HER TO THE CHEATING PIECE OF LYING **** SHE IS, SHOW EVERYONE WHO SHE REALLY IS, RUIN HER LIFE!!!!! ...STOP BEING SUCH A DOORMAT/PUSSY/FAG AND TAKE CONTKROL OF YOUR GOD DAMN WIFE!!!!!! BE A MAN!!!! ACT LIKE ONE!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD I am raging right now at your stupidity by waiting.....:mad::mad::mad: Osiris1234, Your words are so correct and priceless! Ok, so I just finished talking to a lawyer and I will file papers tomorrow. I decided to take control over my life because i deserve it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 22, 2011 Author Share Posted September 22, 2011 OK here is an Update. So I found out about their planned meeting this afternoon at a hotel. I got the exact address and f#$x room number. I left work and got there! I'm saw the wife's car at the parking lot of the hotel, I got there...about to knock on the door. I called two of my friends and they convince me to work with my head. I decided to leave and go talk to a lawyer and get my paperwork ready. Then, I pretty much could serve her at any time that they would decide to meet... It was very tough experience being there and knowing that behind that door the wife is getting f#$%# by this stranger after she was with me just couple of hours ago...Now i have to go home, and she would expect me to kiss her and sleep with her tonight at the same bed... Guys (and gals) I don't know what some of you went through, but this is the most painful feeling of my life. I'm not wishing that to nobody... Tough tough day. ;-( Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 I am so sorry. Where are your kids during her outing? You did the right thing. You do not know how far it could have escalated if you confronted then. Honestly. I would call her parents if they are near and ask them to come to the house to take her home when she gets home. Have her stuff in trash bags on the front porch. The kids were home with a babysitter, 7 year old sick (not in school) the other is a 2.5 year at home. She called a baby sitter as she told me she needed to do some grocery shopping... Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 She is an unfit mother---you have proof---why is she still in your home Pack her clothes, and her toiletries, and tell her to get out, and stay out---do not come back ---also tell her D. is on the table now You can prove she is unfit, so nail her---also keep this for court, it will help with custody Any mother who leaves a sick kid with a babysitter, to go and screw her lover at a hotel, deserves criminal charges filed agst her. Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I say troll, too, because I can't honestly imagine any man being this passive and stupid in such an ongoing situation, plus going so far as to involve his children. It's not even remotely believable that the OP was really standing outside the hotel door yet didn't act further, total BS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) I say troll,.... It's not even remotely believable that the OP was really standing outside the hotel door yet didn't act further, total BS. I wish i was a troll... as you say. I wanted to act, my heart was exploding to f#$%$# break the door and kill both of them. All i needed was probably some alcohol in my blood...but i was totally sober, and I was convinced by my friends over the phone that it would be much better if i first file for custody in court and then serve her, even maybe in their next planned meeting... I guess you are a woman (gurl) so I'm not sure if you can really understand my feelings...I loved that woman so much that i pretty much forgave her for her 1st cheating...that was very painfull. I'm coming from a family that doesn't have any divorces or anything close to that...this is new to me. When i found out about the current cheating (2nd or maybe more) it blew me away and took all my air out of me. She broke my heart in such a way....As i said, i probably don't wish that feeling to my enemies... I'm not a troll and it is true story....actually it is NOT a story. It is my life! my fr$#% broken and destroyed life! Edited September 23, 2011 by Nickster1 Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I wish i was a troll... as you say. I wanted to act, my heart was exploding to f#$%$# break the door and kill both of them. All i needed was probably some alcohol in my blood...but i was totally sober, and I was convinced by my friends over the phone that it would be much better if i first file for custody in court and then serve her, even maybe in their next planned meeting... I guess you are a woman (gurl) so I'm not sure if you can really understand my feelings...I loved that woman so much that i pretty much forgave her for her 1st cheating...that was very painfull. I'm coming from a family that doesn't have any divorces or anything close to that...this is new to me. When i found out about the current cheating (2nd or maybe more) it blew me away and took all my air out of me. She broke my heart in such a way....As i said, i probably don't wish that feeling to my enemies... I'm not a troll and it is true story....actually it is NOT a story. It is my life! my fr$#% broken and destroyed life! Sorry but I'm not personally buying it. There seems to be a sudden influx of newbies posting in this particular forum lately, much like yours, providing heartbreaking tales of their spouse being a repeat cheater yet the spouse being cheated on has no clue what to do. It would be a no-brainer to 99% of people. Your "story" is even more questionable because you have supposed "proof" that your 2nd child isn't even yours yet you're still playing detective but doing nothing with it.....5 pages later....now involving your child. You should find some other outlet to practice your writing skills, seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 Sorry but I'm not personally buying it. There seems to be a sudden influx of newbies posting in this particular forum lately, much like yours, providing heartbreaking tales of their spouse being a repeat cheater yet the spouse being cheated on has no clue what to do. It would be a no-brainer to 99% of people. Your "story" is even more questionable because you have supposed "proof" that your 2nd child isn't even yours yet you're still playing detective but doing nothing with it.....5 pages later....now involving your child. You should find some other outlet to practice your writing skills, seriously. country_gurl, The only reason why i didn't blow it up on the first day i found out about this was that i was totally not ready. Let me be honest, I was scared...So? I had so much love and so much trust in that woman...When she broke all out family down. I realize that it is already too long and i should have stopped it sooner. But I wasn't sure what to do and was in sort of shock. I'm kind of a slow person I have to admit that. But eventually I alway find out about everything. And it is not that this affair was going on for 1 month...It was going for about a year now...so another week would not make such a difference. You can't understand my feelings! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 So how long have you actually known about the affair and aware of her activities at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
Jack35 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I mean, it seems like you invested a lot of time and money into finding out the truth and now that you have it....well, YOU know what the truth is, so now we can go back to the status quo. I believe that when he hired the investigator and did all the investiment, it was not to get the truth. Nick already knew the truth, but he wanted to prove himself that he was wrong, hence why he can't accept it and take action. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulStorm Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 That's how people kill or be killed. He did the right thing not going in that hotl room. He avoided a crime of passion. I find that interesting kristismiles, if you knew your husband was in the very hotel room you are standing outside of...being intimate with another woman..would you just leave too? Would you think, after your husband found out you were there and didn't come in..that he would think you cared? Violence doesn't have to happen..it does in some cases, however sometimes the companion just leaves and the other spouse is left knowing that they are found out. I can tell you that I wouldn't just walk away. She and he would know I was there. He could have left a note on her car. "I know where you were and I know who you were with" Custody has nothing to do with him physically catching his wife cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Bugz Bunny Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 I read this and I'm not pissed at your W... I'm pissed at you because you say you need evidence...you allready have the DNA test , (and you have the evidence from PI),what more evidence do you need...??? You say that you are waiting for the right moment...what is the right moment...??? maybe a 2nd or 3rd child by OM... You say you don't wanna ruin her by exposing her to everyone ... seriously!!! ...you are not ruining her,she allready ruined herself and she ruined you too... If you are not a troll then be a man for once in your life and end this **** allready... P.S. sorry for rude comment but you need to wake up allready and take control of your life... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 So how long have you actually known about the affair and aware of her activities at this point? I think it is about 1 month. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 I believe that when he hired the investigator and did all the investiment, it was not to get the truth. Nick already knew the truth, but he wanted to prove himself that he was wrong, hence why he can't accept it and take action. You hit the nail! That is why i wanted to be there yesterday. Someone already said that here that there is a difference between knowing she is cheating and actually seeing that... Same way i did the 2nd DNA test. No because i needed more evidence but because i didn't want to believe in the results of the 1st test. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Nick, why do I get the feeling that you want to WAIT until they're being imtimate again to have her served at THAT point? How much more punishment can you put yourself through? The next interaction could be WEEKS from now! Okay, so you were scared to find anything out; afraid she may leave you. Here's the rub, she's already LEFT YOU!! To her, you're nothing more than a security blanket and she's playing you for a clueless idiot. Remember," I won't do anything to hurt you or the kids."? That's what you should have taped to her stearing wheel at the hotel in the form of a note with a little Post scriptum, "P.S. don't bother coming home, I've already informed your parents and they're awaiting your arrival." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 I can tell you that I wouldn't just walk away. She and he would know I was there. He could have left a note on her car. Yeah, but that would blow everything up at that time, and I wasn't ready (legally). If i was ready, at that moment, I wouldn't leave any notes, but simply be waiting behind the door for them to open it. If i knock, they would not open it...especially if they would see me. The OM is f#$# scared. Just before she got there, She called his room to ask him for the room#, and he answer the phone with a fake name...Either he is afraid of me, being caught, or maybe he has a girl friend himself and afraid she might catch him doing other lady. And Bugz Bunny, don't need to be sorry for being rude. I see what you're saying...I agree with you. I'm torn because of the kids. Chi townD, part of me wants to bust them together...and it's true that it can take weeks...but it is funny but I think can pretty much make it happen sooner. All i will need to do is to give her (allow her) a night to actually go out... Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 First, don't EVER use your kids like that again!!! It will be a factor in any custody hearings!! 2nd, STOP HAVING SEX WITH YOUR WIFE! I can't believe you're taking this risk. Not just for STDs, but for pregnancy. If she gets knocked up now, she can plausibly claim that you're the father until a DNA test can be done. Also, if you do divorce, the waiting period will start after you file, and maybe after you separate. If you're still scrooing, you're not separated. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nickster1 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 I'll try to avoid her somehow. She will figure out that something is wrong. Yesterday evening, the wife was arguing with me and started cursing me infront of the kids... Then my kid came to me and put his head on my shoulders. Later he cried in his room and told his mom that daddy was very sad...I was pretty upset and took couple of shots of alcohol...(I never drink, only sometimes in social events). She figured that something is very wrong with me. I told her that I'm upset at her a lot. Today she promised to treat me better and give me more time. She said she would do anything that i ask for the sake of our family. I told her don't do what you did yesterday again...She probably understood this as :don't talk dirty words on my in front of the kids...I meant this AND the the screwing with the OM. Not that we getting back together. I deleted her. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 So...AGAIN...what are you going to DO about this? You've known for a MONTH...but you've made not a single change, not enforced a single boundary. That's acceptance of her behavior. Frankly...I don't see any advice anyone can offer until you decide you're ready to change the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
In Like Flynn Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 I still would have knocked on the door!! Just hide from the area seen by the door scope. It anything it would have interupted their F@#% fest. Stop being afraid and start standing up to her!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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