The thin line between love & hate + burning bridges and breaking NC

[giveittofate]

I'll tell ya, coming on here is very comforting knowing that so many dudes just like me are going through and struggling with the same thing. I had one of the best weekends this past weekend since my break up (over 4 months ago), but today i feel a little bummed. I was getting horrible thoughts of maybe fishing around on FB to see what she was up to? does she have a new bf? what new pictures does she have? who's she been hanging with? etc....but then after rereading this thread I remembered just how bad and toxic that would be on me...and since im close to 2 months on not looking at anything related to her, why throw that work away?

 

Moving on,

 

your post was really positive and hit home with me...I do believe my gf was unique and different than most girls that I've met, that's why I had such a commitment, but you're right people change and the the new person my ex became isn't the kind, big hearted girl she once was...she's now a person I could care less to ever see, or speak to again...it's VERY hard accepting that people can change, but it happens, and there's nothing we can do...just means they weren't the one....like you, the thing I miss most is just that security and comfort of always having someone there that you know has your back through anything...since this was my first love and it's been so harshly stripped away, I feel a sense of lonliness for the first time in my 24 years, and like silver said you get the feeling that it will be a huge struggle to love and trust like that again....but then I read what you said about us only being in our young 20's and the fact that their are billions of girls out there to meet...sh*t if 2% of the girls in this world are wonderfully compatible with us then we got a HUGE selection...it just sucks because my brain understands that another girl can make me just as happy or happier than my ex, yet my heart still has those weak moments and is still recovering.

 

and then I remember what ccfan said about him having very deep, madly in love relationships before your most recent one, and how you were devastated and so badly hurt by them in the past, yet you went out and found love again (and even more powerful one) ..so I know I'll love again and feel that connection and passion with a new girl, I'm just a little impatient I guess, because I got a taste of love for the first time, and MAN IT FELT GREAT!...Hope those pills work for you ccfan, and good job not sending that email, letting go completely is so F*CKING hard, but us showing any begging, mean, or weak attempts of contact with our exes will just solidify not being with us and all....leave as big and proud of a man as we can, so one day they'll realize what they lost and we'll be on to a new love : ) KARMA guys...remember that

 

anyways I'm off to the gym, the good weathers right around the corner, and I'm ready for the beach, boating and just being outside....like moving on said were all young dudes with so much more to experience, even you ccfan, you're only what 33?...that's prime time man, so lets conquer this rollercoaster ride were on while it lasts.

 

Thanks for the support of all you for contributing and giving your wisdom and sharing your experiences...it's a pick me up I needed today for sure...keep on the right path and use this as a learning experience to better ourselves and our future...I know i will

[ccfan]

@silver. Thanks for the info on the anti depressants bro, yes, they do work exactly as you said, unfortunatelly i´m kind of familiar with them as i was kindnapped and almost, really almost killed in the place they took me (but thats another story) 2 years ago, so i had to take them for a while... funny thing is that one week after that event i was back in the horse facing life, and with this girl it´s 7 months and still hurting... ridiculous...

 

I´ll definetelly will go back to working out big time, just have to be careful not to want to contact her after i´m tired from exercise like it happenend last time i broke NC

 

You need to keep remembering that you never got any appreciation for many good things that you did for her, and also as painful as it may sound keep in mind that she wanted to break up one time before the actual break up, i say this because we can´t afford to alter our perception of reality and start missing a person that really doesn´t exist because the real person is someone that does not deserve unconditional love. Yes, the mornings are for me the most vulnerable time of the day... but in reality anytime i hear from her i fall apart, it just seems that the mornings are the worse. You are not alone in that, just dont look into your phone when you are going to work in the mornings...

 

@giveit good to see you here man! thanks for your words, yes, when one feels love it really, i mean really hard to live without it... but like we said before it´s better to suffer now from our toxic girls than to literally be with them ... actually when you feel weak try the exersice of visualizing your life rigth now with her if the breakup didnt happen... would you really want to be with her and her "Kardashian" friends in clubs, or to hear her humiliating poor families that went to the hospital and so on...?? my gess is no. and your mind knows that, it´s just the heart giving us a hard time but the nightmare will come to and end.

 

Like i said, i loved this girl when i was 20 , i mean i REALLY loved her... i could not see my life without her, and today and for many years back she means nothing to me.. so lets keep that thought in mind that wheather we want it or not, we will get out of this nightmare for sure... not as quick as we would like, but it will happen if we keep this course of action of NC .....

 

Do not trow away your two months of NC, there´s nothing on facebook that will make you feel better, believe me nothing. Why don´t you block her totally so you don´t surrender to temptation?? like you said i´m better off not sending any tipe of email to my ex no matter how angry i might be... then again karma will do it´s work.

 

@moving great post , and i could not agree more.. there are billions of girls outthere and we miss the confort that our exes gave us and somewhat tend to forget the ugly, really ugly parts of the relationship.. i too wont show jelausy again as my ex was just killing me with it... next time i girl pulls that stunt with me i´ll just leave... a girl that is constantly trying to make you feel insecure its not worth it....

 

stay strong guys!!!

Edited April 6, 2011 by ccfan

[silvermane187]

Kidnapped and almost killed? Holy **** dude you should emigrate up here to Canada, south america is a mess. Back to the horse racing life? Are you a jockey or am I missing something?

 

One thing I spend a lot of time thinking about is do people really change? I remember having this conversation back in a high school philisophy class and it came down to your definition of change. From personal experience, I have 4 or 5 friends that I've known since we were kids, and none of them have changed their personality. Sure their lifestyle or outer shell may have changed but when I look them in the eye and have a conversation with them it's the exact same person that it was 10-15 years ago when we were just kids with a (mostly) clean slate. Now when my ex dumped she said she changed and wasn't the same person she was only a couple years before. I don't buy that. Sure she didn't drink or swear before she met me, and now she does, but that's just a part of growing up and doesn't mean you've changed who you are as a person. I spent more time with her than anybody else over those years, and while her lifestyle and outer shell changed I could always look in to her eyes and have a conversation with her and it was the same girl that I met years ago. Outside of a tramautic event or a drug addiction I don't think people ever really change. Feelings can change, values can change, relationships can change, but people never change. As you get older you just become a more complete version of yourself. When she claims she wasn't the same person anymore it was actually just BS trying to spare my feelings to ease her own guilt.

 

As for learning from my mistakes, she never told me ANY mistakes that I made. Her entire reasoning for the break up was she had been in a relationship her entire adult life and wanted to be single. That we were "different" and she had "changed". I asked her multiple times what I did wrong but she wouldn't tell me. How am I supposed to learn from my mistakes if I have to guess where I went wrong? One day I don't spend enough time with her, a few months later I spend too much time with her. Clearly I ****ed up a lot of things to have her cut me out of her life like that but I guess I will never know exactly what it was. Basicly I think she was just afraid of commitment. She said she felt trapped, didn't want to live with me, didn't want to marry me. The last time we went out she asked me if I would house sit for her while she went to france for a school/work trip in the summer. I told her I wouldn't want to live in her apartment without her. That was probably the trigger that caused her to freak out and dump me 2 days later.

 

 

Another subject I want to vent about is how ****ed up a brain can be. I can tell myself that missing her is just the wiring in my brain firing out of habit. I can tell myself that she was a ****ing coward and doesn't deserve my love for the way she hid her intentions for so long. I can tell myself that I'm young and chances are good I'll find somebody else one day. I can tell myself a billion other people have gone through the same thing and gotten over it. I can tell myself that the only reason I love her this much is because she was my first everything and my best friend. No matter how much logic I pound in to myself it doesn't seem to help at all. The only thing that has helped at all has been time and waiting for the "ex infection" to run it's course in me.

 

Anyway that's my morning rant. Happy 6 month break up anniversery to me...hopefully I'll be 90% over this by next april.

Edited April 6, 2011 by silvermane187

[silvermane187]

PS. I just want to say I appriciate all the responses from you fine folks. I wish I had found this forum sooner, maybe I would have handled the whole thing better.

[ccfan]

Believe me by next april 2012 we ALL be totally healed... i´m sure of that and today it´s not precisely my finest hour, but i can tell you we will be ok. did she end it in october isn´t it? mine in september...

 

Yes, my kidnaping experience was just horrible and i´m alive by a miracle , but anyways... change of subject! no, i´m not a jockey, i´m a proffesional musician and lucky enough to play with a really famous band here and doing the whole nine yards music thing (appearing on mtv, radios, magazines, having endorsement deals and so on) ... so i guess in that regard i´ve been lucky... in other matters not so much for sure..

 

I´m not sure if people change, in my experience they do if one of two things happen: 1. they suffer a life changing experience or 2. they are really analitical people an do a lot of thinking about them and life ... other than that most people remain more or less the same thru the years. As far as our exes and given their behaviour, i really doubt that they will change out of an introspection...if they do it´s because they were hit by reality in the face, and saldy i won´t trust for the most part that that change, if it did happen, would last much. That´s why there´s no way i´ll forgive infidelity because i believe if someone does it they will very likely do it again.. so again the best move with our exes is to realize that they are going to remain the same and we should move on and away from them.

 

Yes, we have an "ex infection" running heavily.. and like anyother virus we need to let it do it´s thing and then dissapear. I too tried the self reinforcement of how mundane my "life drama" is.. when there are people in the world with so many real problems, but no logic has made me feel better,, the only thing that seems to work for me is to dismiss her in my head quickly and pretending that i don´t care.. so if i´m driving or whatever and her thought come to mind i say to myself..."nahh get the hell out of here" and try to think of something else ...

 

And as far as the mistakes we did, i´m sure we did a few of them... but like a friend of mine says, there are different levels of mistakes: it´s not the same that i forgot to open the door of my car one time for her, that her flirting with other guys... its not the same that you helped her moved landed her money among so many other things and then she gets mad and maybe broke up because you wouldnt sleep alone in her place....i know that in my case being too much and too soon into her was my doom, as soon as she knew i was madly in love she started treating me like garbage and that never ended until she dumped me...

 

I still have my 2am rage session were i feel really mad about what she did to me... but like you said, it an infection and i will pass in a couple of months.

 

Remember: do not look into your cell in the mornings... dont do it

Edited April 6, 2011 by ccfan

[MovingOn13]

Silver,

 

As we say in spanish "tenemos que darle tiempo al tiempo", we must give time, time.

 

It's never too late to start picking yourself up bro so take it a day at a time and stay with no contact and no fb or any other social site. Don't worry that is been 6 months we all heal at different rates but you must be proactive and work to better yourself in the three areas of life: health, wealth, and relationships. These complete you.

 

Sometimes you just have to accept that at this moment in time, you two are not meant to be or are just not as compatible as you imagine yourself to be. And that is NOT your fault. It is better you realize this now then 8 years down the road when you are married and have kids.

 

I would argue that a person is defined by their character and values...and since those change over time i would say people do change. Not everyone changes in ways that favor compatibility and you just have to come to grips with that and accept it. You can try to make things work but if you have to change so much about yourself to please the other person then its not worth it.

 

I am hurting so bad inside man it was 5 years...i grew up with her she is girl i have cared for the most. It has been hard to see her change and live her life with out me but at the end of the day she dictates her life and she entirely has the right to do so. I lost my first love and best friend at the same time. They say first love rarely lasts but it never dies. Scabs will scar but they will also make you learn about life and serve as instruction for the next relationship you find yourself in.

 

What i am learning to do right now is to just let go and relieve myself of the guilt i feel sometimes...the "what if i had done it more like this" type stuff. Sometimes, however, one's actions are not at fault its just simply that the other person's needs and wants changed and you can't do anything about that.

[silvermane187]

ccfan...You sir, are awesome. A rock star is probably the only thing that is cooler than being a jockey. What kind of music do you play? Once you get over your girl you should have ample oppertunity to reel in the poontang. Unless you play the bass.

 

@movingon - you make it sound like i haven't already picked myself up:p. Compared to where I was 4-5 months ago...psshh let's just say it was really ugly...While I'll never be rich I'm well on my way to be finacially stable, my health is better than it's been since I was 15, and the relationships will eventually happen. As for being compatable, i know what you mean. The truth is i would've be perfectly fine with the break up if i knew she wasn't compatable with me. I'm sure we were perfectly compatable enough to make it, she just wanted to be single as an adult and see if there was someone better for her out there. The fact that didn't even TRY to work it out is what still bothers me. Oh well, like the french say "c'est la vie".

 

When it comes to people changing we'll just have to disagree. I remember when we had this discussion in philiosiphy class it was an even 50/50 and nobody ended up changing their minds.

 

Anyway I'm going to dinner with some coworkers to a restaurant I used to go to with my ex. Sure it will trigger some sadness at first but hopefully the night out will overwrite some of the memories. Then I'm going out to another baseball game with a buddy, which again will trigger some sadness, but the more games I go to the easier it will be.

Edited April 6, 2011 by silvermane187

[silvermane187]

Good news first. I had a surprisingly good time yesterday. I barely thought about the ex at all once we got to the restaurant and only a few times during the game. A co worker who assumed I had a GF asked me where my GF was before we got there and I played it off pretty well. The only time she really came in my mind and bummed me out was when my co worker was talking about all the trips to europe she took with her husband. Reminded me of all the plans me and my ex had that will never come to fruition. The game was good, the seats were great, my buddy kept me entertained and distracted, the beer was good (albeit expensive). All around one of the better nights I've had

 

Bad news. I had such a good time that when I was half way home I noticed that I forgot my bag at the stadium. Now I have to call the lost & found and hope someone didn't steal it. Luckily I only had about $70 worth of stuff in it. A couple cables for chargin my ipod/phone, a book that I just statred and was loving, my keys, a shirt, my gym lock. Nothing that can't be replaced but it did a 180 to my mood. Instead of going home in a good mood reading a book I went home pissed off telling myself how ****ing stupid I am. Of course this also brought up memories of the ex. Today is 6 months since the last time I saw her. I'll never forget the cold stare she gave me as she walked away for that last time. I wish I had a switch I could flip to be that heartless. It's also her birthday today. Last year I spent 2-3 hours on the transit just to buy her an ipod and dinner. Pretty depressed today but overall I think I'm handling it pretty well...

[ccfan]

Hey silver, thanks for your words brother! in times likes these one tends to forget the good things life has given to us... oh and no bass player here hehe.. drummer

 

Sounds like today its an emotional day regaring your ex, first with the 6 month mark and then with her birthday... whatever you do DO NOT call her for her birthday nor give her any tipe of contact, this is just another day.. i´m sure you´ll feel like reaching to say happy birthday one way or another but please don´t do it.

 

Again it really sounds like you are improving more and more and having a great time with minors setbacks when you see or hear some triggers, thats good news... the travel thing for me its also a trigger as mine was also really into travel and last time i did the stupidity of checking her twitter if found out that she is going to Dubai to a girl friends place... if she is going alone or with somebody, i don´t know and i dont plan to find out.

 

Did you see the movie 500 days of summer? if not you need to rent it today...!! you´ll see what i´m talking about.

 

Well in starting to feel the weirdness from the anti depressants, it definetely feels like something not natural in the body.. we´ll see if this will make the pain easier, also today i got two books on dealing with a breakup from amazon.. if they are any good i´ll recommend it to you...

 

another day ahead man...

[silvermane187]

A drummer? Damn dude that is 2nd only to the guitar player when it comes to sex appeal:laugh:

 

As for her birthday, I really have no urge at all to reach out to her. I've never made a big deal out of my own birthday, so I've never really cared about other peoples, even my ex's when we were together. I sent her a christmas card and never got a response back when I thought we were on good terms. Now that the last contact we had was bad I don't see any point of sending so much as a 2 word text. I'm sure she has enough people giving her the attention she so desperatly desires. I imagine her getting sloshed at her party saturday night and bringing some guy home with her.

 

500 days of summer was a pretty good movie. Another good one I saw on netflix was 'Adam'. Also 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' would be a really good movie to me if I didn't see it with my ex and spend months making dracula puppet jokes.

 

Just another day...

[silvermane187]

God I hate my life. I have my manager giving me trouble for leaving 2 minutes early after I had all my work done. Two ****ing minutes where I was expected to sit at my desk and do nothing. Normally I would have shruged this off as nothing but considering the ****ty mood I've been in lately the whole thing is really pissing me off.

 

I keep thinking about my ex's stupid ****ing party tomorrow night. I wish my dumbass friend wasn't stupid enough to have brought it up. There is going to be some heavy drinking going on for me this weekend.

[ccfan]

Stay strong man, the party tomorrow it´s a realy stressing event, and just the thought of it when my time comes stresses the hell out of me as well .. try not to drink too much as it can do more harm than good. You also need to tell your friends to stop giving you updates of her activities.. seriously.

 

I know that you are picturing her going home with a guy etc... but remember that most of the time (or all of the time) our mind is our worst enemy... she will probably go out, dance or whatever and get back home a little tipsy... nothing more. I tell you this because i´m a master in imagining the worst possible scenarios, and those ussually don´t happen.

 

Yes, Sarah Marshall is a terrific movie, i too saw it with my ex, and believe it or not she told me how mean can woman be and how bad Sarah Marshall was.... she does not realize she IS Sarah Marshall....

 

stay strong brother

[silvermane187]

Thanks buddy...Nobody has brought her up since my friend first told me about it around a month ago. Afterwards I made it very clear that I didn't want to hear anything about her again. For whatever reason I can't stop thinking about it today where as yesterday I barely thought about it at all... If someone else brings her up in a converstion I'll probably ****ing snap at whoever it is. At least after this weekend I'll be able to say I have no idea what she is doing.

 

You're right about imagination being our worst enemy. Sure I could be right, but there is no way for me to know either way, even if I wanted to. I'll try not to go overboard with the drinking. Hopefully this is the last hard weekend I have to deal with.

[silvermane187]

Well yesterday wasn't too bad. Other than some waves of depression I didn't think about it too much. I actually dreamed about my ex ex again last night. I guess my brain is going in to defensive mode and trying to think about anything else. One more ****ty night to go before I have no idea what she's doing with her life...

[WiseOne1]

I think you did great in the way you handled this situation.

 

For 1 : You tried time and time again, the last thing that you want to do is have regrets or (what ifs) and at this point you can look back and say that I tried, and it wasn't meant to be.

 

For 2 : Your correct, I had to do the same thing with my ex, as long as me and her were friendly, talking all day, all it did was keep me in love with her. So while she was moving on, I was still stuck in place. I also allowed the hate to destroy the love, it got to a point, that she would do so many things to hurt me, after awhile I started to take them really personal, and I used that as a way to make the love fade, until I no longer was in love with her.

[MovingOn13]

Having a weak moment. It almost been three months been in NC ever since and she has never bothered to contact me.

 

No contact on her side is obviously better than some false hope feed my ego bread crumbs but it does leave me with the sense that she has forgotten about me. We are over and i realize i owe nothing to her and she owes nothing to me.

 

I am doing much better but i still feel that woman shaped hole!

 

Wish time moved faster at the moment.

[silvermane187]

I think you did great in the way you handled this situation.

 

For 1 : You tried time and time again, the last thing that you want to do is have regrets or (what ifs) and at this point you can look back and say that I tried, and it wasn't meant to be.

 

For 2 : Your correct, I had to do the same thing with my ex, as long as me and her were friendly, talking all day, all it did was keep me in love with her. So while she was moving on, I was still stuck in place. I also allowed the hate to destroy the love, it got to a point, that she would do so many things to hurt me, after awhile I started to take them really personal, and I used that as a way to make the love fade, until I no longer was in love with her.

 

Thanks. While we only had very limited contact during the first few months at least I can say I tried. That was my thought process for the first 3-4 months. I would rather try to get her back and suffer a little longer than just give up hope and regret that I never tried.

 

It feels good to have no idea what she's doing with her life now that the weekend is over. I drunkenly checked her twitter (i know i know...) and saw she started a blog. I figured I might as well check one last time now that I'll never know what she's doing with her life again. Her blog was all about how a smell triggered memories of heartbreak and how she confronted her fear and replaced the memory with something new. I can only think she was writing about me, even though it doesn't really make sense that she's heart broken from being the dumper. Either way my resolve of never e-stalking her again is back in full force.

 

The weekend wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I thought about her a lot but only felt like breaking down once which passed after 10 minutes. Hopefully this is the beginning of the end. It would be nice to wake up not thinking about her. It would be even better to go a full day without having random memories pop up in my head. I don't want to associate so many simple things with her anymore. I'm sick of having a warm breeze or a sunny day make me think of her.

 

I joined a random dating site out of boredom the other night. I'm no where near ready to date but i thought 'what the hell' it's a decent distraction. And jesus, there are SO many fat and/or ugly girls on this site. I must have gone through 100 profiles and only saw 2 good looking girls. I'm going to have a hard time lowering my standards after being with my ex for 3 years once I'm ready to start dating.

 

Anyway that's my morning rant. Feeling like a 6/10 today.

[silvermane187]

Having a weak moment. It almost been three months been in NC ever since and she has never bothered to contact me.

 

No contact on her side is obviously better than some false hope feed my ego bread crumbs but it does leave me with the sense that she has forgotten about me. We are over and i realize i owe nothing to her and she owes nothing to me.

 

I am doing much better but i still feel that woman shaped hole!

 

Wish time moved faster at the moment.

 

It happens. Trust me she will never forget you. Whether she likes it or not you shaped the person she is today and nothing she can do will change that. I've got that hole too. Like Winston Churchill said "if you're going through hell, keep going."

[giveittofate]

silver,

 

hahah, that's soo funny and also so true about the dating site...I'm getting close to hitting up the dating scene (by summer hopefully I'll be completely ready) and I also checked a few dating sites...and not to be a shallow jerk, but damn THERE ARE SOOO MANY unattractive chicks on those sites....like 95% that I've seen were quite bad...I wouldn't say we have to lower our standards, just hold out til something good comes around...when opportunity knocks we just have to be there...but I feel ya on the whole dating site thing, not too promising.

[silvermane187]

Yea man, it's REALLY bad. I can only hope that out in the real world the ratio of fugly/good looking girls is better than 100:1. Although from my observations over the past 6 months 100:1 sounds about right. You're right we shouldn't lower our standards. Even if I tried I doubt I could even casually date someone I thought was ugly. Don't even get me started on fat girls. I have a feeling I'm going to be holding out for a LOOONNGGG time.

[ccfan]

Good morning guys,

 

Silver, i´m glad that you went thru this weekend and survived it... like i said sometimes we overthink things and our mind becomes our worst enemy, we need to try to put a stop to that... wow that Churchill quote it´s amazing!!

 

I know you know, but stop looking -even drunk- at her twitter and blog, like i said before it sounds like you are healing and you should continue doing the healing. As for what she blogged about a scent triggering memories and so on.. well... remember that dumpers want to feel like they had a terrible time dumping you, my girl did the victim im-suffering-a-lot thing as well, it´s mostly to feel good about themselves because i really believe that despite all the justifications they found to dump a decent person and even though their friends reinforced that decision they feel uneasy inside, they know something is not right in doing that, and like to play the victim role for a while... don´t fall for it, they dumped us, they never looked back, and they treated us like garbage during the relationship. thats´all that matters.

 

You know, although im 98% sure i won´t do it, during my sleepless nights i even thought in getting revenge as i´m constantly remembering all the bad things my ex did to me, and they were SO many... anyways she had an affair with a married man one year prior to meeting me, and this guy is really close to her family, she told me that this was her deepest secret and if her family ever found out that she did that, they would cut all ties with her... well i felt like sending an anonimous email to everyone telling them that, once again i´m not going to do it, but for a sec or two i though about it as she was sooooo mean with me, but maybe i´ll let life and karma get her, and keep on taking the higher road.

 

In here ready to date, trying to find a girl that seems nice... like you guys said, it´s not easy, my friends are kind of weird in the sense that they are not introducing me to new people because they think because of my line of work i have access to lots of girls, so i´ll do that work (a ussual) alone... one thing is for sure i rather spend ten years alone that go back with a specimen like the ex.

 

Stay strong guys!!!

Edited April 11, 2011 by ccfan

[silvermane187]

ccfan,

 

I totally agree. That last twitter check was just that, the last. Like I said it was just to give myself some closure now that I have no idea what shes doing with her life. Regarding her victim act, you don't have to tell me. I called her out on it multiple times. I compare it to a soldier who stabbed him self in the leg to get out of a war laying in a hospital bed complaining to his buddy next to hmi that got his leg blown off. Frankly her acting like a victim has always pissed me off. During our first 12 hour "break up" we were talking on the phone and she said "why are you making this so hard on me?". I responded with pure anger for the first time and said "hard on you?! **** you!" and hung up. I should have known better than to take her back so easily when she showed up at my door later that day.

 

I keep trying to think about all the bad things my ex did. The one that sticks out in my head today is one of our first stupid fights. I had bought us a couple burritos and she wanted to sit in the restaurant and eat them there because she was hungry. The place was packed so I said no we can wait 20 minutes until we get home to eat them. After 5 minutes of her bitching at me I got annoyed and walked away from her towards our bus stop telling her to buy her own ****ing food next time. It was a stupid arguement that I wish wouldnt have happened. Once we got home and finished eating I wanted to haev sex. She decided to take a nap instead. While she was napping I sat at the foot of the bed and sang an annoying song to try and wake her up. She kept telling me to shut up cause she was tired. Eventually she got so pissed off that she kicked me in the side of the head, pretty hard. Now I'm a tough guy and didn't let it faze me, but just she fact she would do that should have been a red flag to me. Imagine if the tables were turned and I hit her 1/10th as hard as she hit me?

 

It's funny because during the breakup she said she was scared I was going to hit her. I never laid a finger on her in anger during the 3 years we were together. Hell I haven't even been in a fight since I was 12. I guess she has some real ****ed up issues from her step dad hitting her mom when they broke up when she was a kid.

 

Anyway it's lunch time. woo.

[giveittofate]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLWwtp7rUYA

^this is the only guideline we should use for dating...ha, he really speaks the truth...enjoy

[silvermane187]

That guy is hilarious.

 

Today was the first time I didn't wake up thinking of my ex. I watched a polish war crime movie before I fell asleep and thought about that when I woke up. It took me about a minute before I realized of my success.

 

So much work to do today BLAH. I'm giving today a 6.5/10

[silvermane187]

I just thought I would mention that 50% of the advertising I see on this site is the same company my ex has worked at for the past year and a half. Can't believe I never mentioned that before. FML