Patterns of Women Cheating

[flying]

What do you mean, "REMEMBER"? We can certainly all remember that you say so. This does not make it true.

 

And don't bother citing websites that offer statistics to prove it. We all know that we can find a website to "prove" any darn thing we would like to prove.

 

What's amusing about this stat is that it's more than 20 years old. Back in the 1970s, apparently, about 75% of the initiators of divorce were women. In 1988, it was about 65%.

 

For fun, I went to the National Center for Health Statistics - the origin of those often-quoted stats - to see if they had anything since 1988. Nope. In fact, they stopped collecting detailed data on marriages and divorces in general in 1996.

 

And yet, fathers' rights sites still quote this stat as though nothing has changed in the last 25 years. Um, ok.

 

I wonder if, in 20 more years, we'll still be hearing this stat. My guess: yep.

 

I also think it's amusing that UF said these two things, with a complete lack of irony:

 

1. 70-75% of divorces are initiated by women (as I already noted, this stat no longer holds water, but whatevs)

2. a good chunk of those initiated by men is caused by their wives cheating

 

Hm. So could one surmise that for the divorces initiated by women...a good chunk is caused by their husbands cheating??!?

 

Is...it...possible??? Gasp.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Damn, threads like this really put a crusher on my spirit. I dont cheat, never have, doubt I ever will, because I choose meaning, and reason over cheap thrills... ohh the thrill of the forbidden woopdifrickindoo.

 

If I want the thrill of the forbidden I will do something noteworthy of the risk, like plant a field of pot plants and make 50,000 bucks at harvest... you know, REAL excitement and real danger of getting caught.

 

Ugh but I should probably leave this forum, because its so undeniably miserable, it makes it feel like the certainty of your SO cheating is like 50%, are there even numbers for how many people cheat on their SO?

 

Things like that just crush me, and make me feel an undeniable rage and hatred for the human species how we are so ****ing selfish and animal and bereft of divinity, deserving of neither love of the cosmos or other humans.

 

Billy_Boy, I promise you ... keep your great attitude and you will attract someone with an equally great one. I truly believe that like attracts like.

 

Sure, there are cheaters of both genders. Many of us have experienced being cheated on. Only a few of us, however, have chosen to project our own bad experience (and maybe bad judgement) on an entire population of people. Don't be one of them, please. It's pathetic and cowardly.

[Untouchable_Fire]

What do you mean, "REMEMBER"? We can certainly all remember that you say so. This does not make it true.

 

And don't bother citing websites that offer statistics to prove it. We all know that we can find a website to "prove" any darn thing we would like to prove.

 

I quoted that statistic because I have seen it used often and believe it to be accurate. If that is not the case, I would actually appreciate you providing me with something that is more correct.

[paddington bear]

Men cheat and women cheat. It's not a competition. Both sexes do it. Some people are hard-wired to sleep with others. Other people have a drunken one night stand and are guilt-ridden for years afterwards.

 

Personally, and I am female, I think the obsession of some women (some, not all) with 'the wedding' 'the man' makes them lose all sense. They don't think of what happens after their perfect day, with their perfect dress and then what happens after that. Real life. Work, kids, money problems, you name it.

 

I also think we are all living much longer than ever before. To rush into a committed relationship in your early 20's and expect that to last forever, is a sweet concept, but probably in no way sustainable.

 

So, I think some of the list of points in the OP are probably true. I know lots of women who have cheated on their partners. I also know lots of men who have done it too. So what?

 

We all want the idea of monogamy and true love forever. Only the rare few actually get that. Real life is way more messy and complicated than that.

[Imajerk17]

You do need to cite the book, UF.

 

I'd say this is a good discussion!

[Mme. Chaucer]

Perhaps the title should have been The Patterns of Cheating Women instead since not all women cheat. Those who do may very well fit the pattern.

 

Well, regardless of the title, the subject matter our dear OP chose to copy and paste does not refer to "the patterns of cheating women" or the "patterns of women cheating." It refers to WOMEN IN RELATIONSHIPS:

"Women's relationships today follow

a very predictable pattern:

 

etc...

 

Offensive, and ignorant.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I quoted that statistic because I have seen it used often and believe it to be accurate. If that is not the case, I would actually appreciate you providing me with something that is more correct.

 

Just Google from the opposite bias to your own.

[flying]

I quoted that statistic because I have seen it used often and believe it to be accurate. If that is not the case, I would actually appreciate you providing me with something that is more correct.

 

See my post.

[Mme. Chaucer]

These links would belie that statement:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253093/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t256308/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t247339/

 

Here is a stunning example:

 

Nobody is afraid of American women. I don't like slugs... that doesn't mean I'm afraid of them... I just don't like the slime they produce. Get the difference?

 

Okay, I'm out. Why do I engage ... I don't know. I wonder why gender bashing threads are even tolerated here. I don't know that, either.

[Untouchable_Fire]

What's amusing about this stat is that it's more than 20 years old. Back in the 1970s, apparently, about 75% of the initiators of divorce were women. In 1988, it was about 65%.

For fun, I went to the National Center for Health Statistics - the origin of those often-quoted stats - to see if they had anything since 1988. Nope. In fact, they stopped collecting detailed data on marriages and divorces in general in 1996.

And yet, fathers' rights sites still quote this stat as though nothing has changed in the last 25 years. Um, ok.

I wonder if, in 20 more years, we'll still be hearing this stat. My guess: yep.

I also think it's amusing that UF said these two things, with a complete lack of irony:

1. 70-75% of divorces are initiated by women (as I already noted, this stat no longer holds water, but whatevs)

2. a good chunk of those initiated by men is caused by their wives cheating

Hm. So could one surmise that for the divorces initiated by women...a good chunk is caused by their husbands cheating??!?

Is...it...possible??? Gasp.

 

Hey can you provide a link to that? I've never really questioned that particular statistic, but on a quick search I think you may be correct and it's outdated.

 

So, if some men cheat... does that make it Ok for women to do the same? It doesn't seem to be the guys who cheat that are the ones being cheated on.

[donnamaybe]

Hey can you provide a link to that? I've never really questioned that particular statistic, but on a quick search I think you may be correct and it's outdated.

 

So, if some men cheat... does that make it Ok for women to do the same? It doesn't seem to be the guys who cheat that are the ones being cheated on.

And it's probably not the WOMEN who cheat who are being cheated on either!

 

Look - YOU are the one who started this, yet again, nasty thread villifying women. So why are you posing the question that if some men cheat does it make it okay for women to cheat? NOBODY STARTED A THREAD THAT SAYS SINCE MEN CHEAT IT'S OKAY FOR WOMEN TO DO SO!!!

 

Please - STOP with the anti-woman anti-American woman BS. It is disgusting and sickens me.

 

Now if you want to start a thread about PEOPLE who do thus and such and discuss that, fine. I'm all about PEOPLE not doing bad things to OTHER PEOPLE.

 

Whew. That felt good.

[flying]

And it's probably not the WOMEN who cheat who are being cheated on either!

 

Exactly, UF. Why is this hard to understand?

 

My statistic of one is this: My exH cheated on me. I filed for divorce. I never cheated on him.

 

I suspect I'm not the only woman in the U.S. with that story.

 

Anyway, here's a link to the National Center for Health Statistics, with links to detailed reports on divorce/marriage/etc.:

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/mardiv.htm

 

It's on this page that they note that collecting detailed data on this was suspended in 1996. You can still get rates of divorce broken down by state, but I don't think they record who filed anymore, haven't done so for a while.

[paddington bear]

Hey can you provide a link to that? I've never really questioned that particular statistic, but on a quick search I think you may be correct and it's outdated.

 

So, if some men cheat... does that make it Ok for women to do the same? It doesn't seem to be the guys who cheat that are the ones being cheated on.

 

Untouchable, were you cheated on personally, is this is what this is all about? Or is it a general issue that women are portrayed like angels and men are portrayed as dirty cheaters?

 

I'm in Europe. Women here cheat too, so it is not just American women, if that is what you want to believe.

 

I went out with a Muslim guy for a few months (strict Muslim with the praying 6 times a day and no drinking etc.) and he told me about all the Mulslim men and women acquaintances of his cheating on each other too...even though you think of that particular religion as being immune (through punishment by stoning etc.)

 

World-wide, religious beliefs notwithstanding phenomenon.

 

I think humans WANT to be monogamous. I think it is absolutely possible. But I also think that we are wired not to be in a lot of ways.

 

I read another survey about the careers where people were most likely to have affairs. One was university lecturer. Apparently, the more 'hot' members of the opposite sex you see every day, converse with every day, the harder it is to be faithful. Emotional connections build up, fantasies, etc.

 

There are a number of factors at play I would say.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Here is a stunning example:

Okay, I'm out. Why do I engage ... I don't know. I wonder why gender bashing threads are even tolerated here. I don't know that, either.

 

If I remember the actual context of that analogy correctly, it was in response to one of your blatant personal insults.

 

You never have anything but personal attacks to add. Why do you respond at all?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Okay, one more thing.

 

I just Googled "marital cheating statistics." That is not biased, right?

 

EVERY SINGLE link on the first page of results cited higher statistics for men cheating than women.

 

I'm not saying this is true. I am not saying it matters either way. I am just giving you an example.

 

Try it for yourselves.

 

Okay, I promise, I swear, I assure you all that I won't make another appearance on this abysmal thread.

[donnamaybe]

What is the aim of this thread, anyway?

 

To convince anyone who stumbles upon it of the nastiness of women?

 

Why?

 

Folks who want to study "patterns of women cheating," or any other random subject matter, can explore away on their own. Why is this posted on a dating forum?

Interesting, this claim that all MC does is personally attack you, UF. I see no personal attacks in this, her very first post on this insulting thread.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Sure, there are cheaters of both genders. Many of us have experienced being cheated on. Only a few of us, however, have chosen to project our own bad experience (and maybe bad judgement) on an entire population of people. Don't be one of them, please. It's pathetic and cowardly.

 

Interesting, this claim that all MC does is personally attack you, UF. I see no personal attacks in this, her very first post on this insulting thread.

 

Yeah... I get it. It's Ok for her to insult me... but not Ok to call her out on it.

 

Just like it was all my fault when my GF cheated.

[donnamaybe]

Just like it was all my fault when my GF cheated.

And HERE'S yer problem! You can't let this go. WE ARE NOT YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND. EVERY WOMAN IN THE U.S. IS NOT YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND.

 

You insulted every woman when you started this thread as well as those I provided links to.

 

And, for the record, in that post you quoted of hers, MC insulted a behavior that she was pleading with you to not employ. A behavior. Not you.

[Untouchable_Fire]

And HERE'S yer problem! You can't let this go. WE ARE NOT YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND. EVERY WOMAN IN THE U.S. IS NOT YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND.

You insulted every woman when you started this thread as well as those I provided links to. No, only those who cheat. So stop identifying with them.

And, for the record, in that post you quoted of hers, MC insulted a behavior that she was pleading with you to not employ. A behavior. Not you.

 

Go back and read it. She was talking to another poster and used it as an opportunity to make a personal insult to me. That's fine... I have come to expect that from her. That you believe it's acceptable is disheartening. Surely you can see the difference between "some red haired people are mean" as a statement and "(insert username here) is a pathetic coward".

 

My xGF wasn't born to cheat, it isn't in her DNA... it is an action that went against her nature. So you tell me why? I believe it's because of our culture.

[donnamaybe]

She was talking about a behavior, which is why she said "IT is pathetic and cowardly" not "YOU ARE..."

 

Anyway - your girlfriend cheated because she has free will, just as we all do. Some people make the good choice, others the bad. I like to refer to an example of a man I used to work with; a probation officer. He and his wife were absolutely wonderful, warm, and friendly people. One of their sons was a state trooper. The other was a meth user who wound up in prison after predating on their family friends by breaking into their cabin and stealing for drug money. So why did he do it? Obviously, if it was their "culture," i.e. their growing environment, they would have BOTH been meth heads. Right?

[sumdude]

 

My xGF wasn't born to cheat, it isn't in her DNA... it is an action that went against her nature. So you tell me why? I believe it's because of our culture.

 

It happens, it's part of the human condition. Art and literature going back as far as we know in every culture is full of broken hearts and betrayal. Why ask why. At some point you either accept what happens and move on or hold on to anger and bitterness.

 

My ex wife cheated and left for another man she married as soon as we we're divorced. It's been a challenge to let go of that bitterness but to me a necessity.

[Woggle]

This book is a must read for any man about to get married. It will seriously open your eyes. If you think this is bad that website used to have a forum where cheating women would high five each other about their exploits and it will seriously make a man's blood boil. I nearly dumped my wife on more than a few occasions after reading it.

[Untouchable_Fire]

She was talking about a behavior, which is why she said "IT is pathetic and cowardly" not "YOU ARE..."

 

Anyway - your girlfriend cheated because she has free will, just as we all do. Some people make the good choice, others the bad. I like to refer to an example of a man I used to work with; a probation officer. He and his wife were absolutely wonderful, warm, and friendly people. One of their sons was a state trooper. The other was a meth user who wound up in prison after predating on their family friends by breaking into their cabin and stealing for drug money. So why did he do it? Obviously, if it was their "culture," i.e. their growing environment, they would have BOTH been meth heads. Right?

 

Look, try as you might to distance that insult... It was clearly aimed at me. She picked something that she perceives I do and then insulted ALL those who do that. The insult is neither true nor warranted.

 

Regarding your friend. No everyone has a different starting place. Some of us are more influenced by culture and the events in our life than others. We all have different personalities and these factors do not influence us in the same ways.

 

Also... No I'm not ready to forgive the people here who told me that the cheating was my fault. I came here really hurt, and I was really honest. I have no interest in really trusting these people anymore.

[paddington bear]

This book is a must read for any man about to get married. It will seriously open your eyes. If you think this is bad that website used to have a forum where cheating women would high five each other about their exploits and it will seriously make a man's blood boil. I nearly dumped my wife on more than a few occasions after reading it.

 

Then I would say that it is NOT a must-read. There is opening your eyes to reality and then giving you such a false sense of the opposite sex that you would nearly dump your wife. I'm sure your wife hasn't been sleeping around and high-fiving her friends about getting away with it.

 

Seems like Untouchable's ex did this to him. And while this has not happened to me yet (not to my knowledge...although I think my last ex slept with one of my best friends while I went on holiday...when we split up, they ended up together within a week...)

 

Anyway, my point is, I think Untouchable is obviously trying to somehow come to terms with this horrible thing that happened to him, and the attendant bitterness over it. Or find a way to rationalise how someone he thought would never do that could, through the use of statistics. (am I right Untouchable...sorry, correct me if I'm wrong).

 

However...I don't like these sensasionalist books which foster an atmosphere of mistrust between the sexes. I've been screwed over by men so many times you wouldn't believe. However, despite that, I'm trying (very hard right now) to not become some man-hating harridan and to tar all of mankind with the same brush.

 

Untouchable, it can be that you never find an explanation as to why your girlfriend did what she did. This is what I find the hardest. To simply think "I have no idea why this person I loved and trusted did this to me" and leave it at that. Finding out the exact reason doesn't help either. You think it will help, think it will give you closure, but in fact, it doesn't.

 

Acceptance is the key in this instance. You were betrayed by someone you trusted. It hurt like hell. Still does. Accept that you may never know why this happened and why such a girl, who seemed not the type would do this. And move on.

 

My best female friend is married to a man whose last girlfriend cheated on him. He was SO devastated from it that she said to me "if our marriage was to break up, no matter how bad things were, I would never ever cheat on him because that is what his last girlfriend did".

 

New women don't want to be 'the bad guy' like the last girlfriend, they want to be the special one who is going to treat you right. So, tell the next one you get close to your fears and allow her to prove that she's not going to behave like that.

[Woggle]

If new women don't want to be the bad guy then how come my friend was cheated on by three women in a row? Right now he pretty much hates women and enjoys being a player.

 

My wife does not cheat on me and I am finally trusting her but experiencing this thing and hearing what a good portion of women really think about men really makes a man untrusting towards the female gender.